JPHiP Radio (18/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: hitomi - yume hakonda randoseru

Author Topic: Black and Blue (Ch 34 6/4 The End!)  (Read 175865 times)

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4824
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #220 on: January 01, 2010, 04:21:43 AM »
Quote
(Is Miyoshi in this chapter Erika from v-u-den?)
That, is completely up to you. :twisted:

Offline amEthystx

  • The Bishop NI
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 350
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #221 on: January 01, 2010, 08:24:30 AM »
Happy New Year! Caught some fireworks? XD

Oh dear... 30 pages!! Just a little joke i wanna share~ LOL~

Quote
In the confusion, the group scaled the f
- I was back from all the celebration at around 5am.. I read the story even i was just a little tipsy~ Then when i got to this part.. I was like...

The group scaled the f?  "F"?! What "F"?!

After minor panic attack (You really can't blame me... a little alcohol + it's almost morning....) then i realize it might be the post limit XD but i went to bed after that i continued the rest this morning ~

So i went to bed still thinking what "F" was...but i was really too tired~ LOL~


Back to the story~!

GREAT! Other than all the fluffs~ we have action scenes too!

Quote
“I want to help also. I’m not saying I condone it, nor am I changing my beliefs, so don’t worry about that, but I know that it’s something we need to do. I’m not scared for you anymore, because I know you can handle this with our help. So let us.”
- Risa is the Bean-Shaped Kite.. Ai-chan is the flyer.. Tightening and releasing....soaring in the unknown..but all in all... the bean is still connected to the ground through her.. *Whoop! I such a good sweet talker!*  XD

Quote
Down the block, eight girls in high spirits crowded in a van to watch the fireworks.
- Yay! New Year Fireworks for them too!

Quote
The gunner gave a wolf whistle, playfully nudging the younger girl, “Oh, trying to look sexy for Tanakacchi?”
- Reina is getting jealous too!  :mon olympics: <- Probably Sayu is reaching the finishing line soon too.. LOL~ Anyway.. I'm trying to learn wolf whistle recently..for what uses? I don't know~ LOL~

Quote
“Has anyone ever told you you’re scary?” Risa said
- Me!

AIKA almost got Raped!  :OMG:

But i can see the point Risa is getting~ Get over it and do the job now or you can spend the rest of your life behind the bars.. It's not only her..but the rest too~


*WOLF Whistle at Ai-chan and Risa!*
The waking up part was cute~  :wub: Never thought the bloody part could be so cute as well XD

The wake up call from the two cuties is soooo hilarious!

Quote
“In fact it was so great, we’re going to do it again. Bye.”
 
- Oh~ and Gaki-san is all cool with the reply! XD


EDIT: I forgot about this!

Quote
Someone began to play a techno beat on their phone and Sayumi perked up from her embarrassment, turning to Reina with a wicked grin. Immediately, the yankii scrambled to hide behind her partner, “Don’t you dare!”
- LOL~ super funny! and Reina is getting jealous~~~ it's definitely a good thing! XD


 :mon bat:
« Last Edit: January 01, 2010, 10:03:09 AM by amEthystx »

Offline lil_hamz

  • Sapphire and Nouveau... like it should've been
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2569
  • She makes every summer sweet, every moment happy
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #222 on: January 01, 2010, 09:02:15 AM »
OMG MY FREAKING PANCAKES WITH BLUEBERRY JAM AND MAPLE SYRUP!!!!! <-- Yes it doesn't make sense.

You updated! Like finally :P

Gawd I'm telling you I couldn't wait to read this chapter. I was all excited and practically leaning forwards on the seat. Then when I got to the last line you ended with "In the confusion, the group scaled the f.." :huhuh

I was like F? :shocked Field? Floor? Fred? Fried? Fries? WHAT?!?!? I could NOT believe you ended like that. Then after calming down, and breathing deeply for some time I realized you must have hit the word limit. So I began grumbling that why the forum had such a tiny limit XD

I had to go through like ten over pages to read the first part. Blame the mini screen on my phone. Man I'll hate to see my bill for this month XD

So anyway, I just had to tell you how much I appreciate you posting on New Years. It took a lot of willpower to not dive into the 2nd half of your chapter which I see you have posted.

Gah, I'm not making much sense now right? A more coherent comment will come later. For now, I read :D

Oh yeah and to show my appreciation, I have a Midnight trailer up in my thread and its dedicated to you. Yes, the awesome you :twothumbs

HAPPY NEW YEAR gal! :thumbup

Offline kRisZ

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1325
  • ...shiawasekai...
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #223 on: January 01, 2010, 09:40:17 AM »
I was  :on_hot:  :luvluv1:  :on bleed:  and almost  :imdead:  and then this below quoted
Quote
Just as Ai reached for the hem of the other shirt, a knock sounded heavily at the door.


Bad timing  :smhid


Quote
“There’s no need, I’ve already thought of some.” Ai spoke up, surprising the rest. “Hey, I’m leader, right? I gotta come up with something.”

Yay!   :rockon:


Quote
Down the block, eight girls in high spirits crowded in a van to watch the fireworks. They knew they were successful when they could see the explosion wipe his large house off the map

Whoa! Ai's first. I don't know if I should be happy or what


Quote
she giggled vapidly, her black pigtails bouncing.

The Devil Sayu  :twisted:


Quote
a half eaten bagel shoved in his mouth as a gag

 XD


Quote
Over Miyoshi’s shoulder, she saw Ai and Risa across the room. They seemed to be kissing passionately, but Ai caught her gaze over the gunner’s shoulder and Aika knew they were keeping an eye on her.

Two in one go :twisted:  :mon trannie:


Quote
Looking down at herself in confusion, Aika saw what appeared to be blood oozing sluggishly from a puncture on her arm. She was drugged, she realized belatedly as the older woman nearly carried her into the apartment building, and the thief felt fear.

 :shocked


Aika calling Jun's name was heartbreaking


Quote
“Well I’m still leader aren’t I? And I’m pulling rank on you, sub-leader. I’m not going to let you go through with any plan until Aika is one hundred percent again!” Ai stood up swiftly and the gunner followed.


Very cute  XD


I find their verbal war cute  :lol: but my heart cringed at this part  *points below*
Quote
“Fine, I will! And I’m not coming back! I’ll take care of this on my own. I don’t need you or anybody else!” Risa snagged her coat, wallet and keys on her way out, slamming the door almost hard enough to drown out Ai’s parting words, but not the thud of something heavy colliding against the thick wood.

Quote
Quote
“What have I done?”
Quote
“I just want to get away before I do something I’ll regret later. More than I already do.”

Quoted quotes  :D  :heart:


Quote
“Yes, a drive sounds good. Here, I’ll drive.” And without so much as a warning, Risa reached out and smashed in the back window of the nearest car, not even flinching when her knuckles started to bleed. In no time, she was in the driver’s seat, hot wiring the little coup and Eri was staring at her wide eyed. The car suddenly purred and the gunner let out a grim cry of triumph. “Well, get in.” she ordered the stunned cop.

OMG  :rofl:  :rofl:


Quote
Grabbing onto her left ear tightly, the cop began to do something she’d never done willingly before now. She prayed.

 :rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl:


Quote
“Mind over heart. Mind over heart. It was drilled into me. And now the only thing I want to do is listen to my heart. I want to listen to my Ai. And I’m afraid to die.” Her shoulders sank low in defeat,

Damn  :cry:


Quote
“How am I supposed to find happiness if I don’t take the chance the heart has given me? If we were to die tomorrow, I would forever regret not being with you like this and not showing you how much I love you. Let’s make love, Ai. Now.” Not needing to be told twice, the older woman wrapped her arms around Risa’s shoulders and tugged her down to meet her lips.

Continue please  :drool:  :twisted:


Quote
“Risa!”

Blood boiler already  :twisted:


Quote
Awkwardly, they changed into sleeping clothes and climbed into bed, for once, not cuddling together. Neither could get their minds off what they’d just heard and what it implied.

 :lol:


Quote
The con’s loud moan resounded in the room and both girls froze when the forgotten occupant of the other bed stirred.

 :lol:


Quote
“Oi! Stop having sex and open up!”

 :lol:


Quote
“In fact it was so great, we’re going to do it again. Bye.”

Quote
inally, the lovers left their room, Risa, with her head held high and a smirk on her face, and Ai, blushing and clutching the gunner’s hand. When they entered the war room, they were greeted with cat calls and wolf whistles from the rowdy group. Risa seemed to ignore them and shamelessly pushed the reluctant Ai down into a chair before she climbed possessively onto her lap.

I gave up looking for the right emoticon for this  XD

.
.
.
.
.


Quote
a grim smile coming over Risa’s face. “Jun?” she called, placing one hand to her ear. Static crackled on the other end for a moment before the older girl’s voice answered back quietly. “Are you hiding?”

“Yeah, Lin’s up and hacked into the security measures so that she could help me. Is it done?”

“Yes, it’s done.” And with that, Risa fell to the floor, unconscious, blood trickling from her ears.

A very fine leader   :heart:

She's just unconscious right?




AND THAT TOOK MY WHOLE HALF DAY  :heart:

Offline badsaints

  • in love with Love
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 781
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #224 on: January 01, 2010, 04:16:53 PM »
OH...MAH...GAWD... :mon inluv: No words that describe how fantastic this chapter is. Btw, congrats for breaking the forum :mon thumb:


It was very touching to see everyone standing behind Risa and telling her that she's not alone. And I literally held my breath when Aika was almost raped (:shocked: <-- this is how I looked then, i think). Jun had her first kill for Aika and I like the small detail you put in like how Jun was looking at Aika when she kill that b****.


TakaGaki's fight :OMG: I was so scared when Risa said that she's not coming back. But they made up and ehem, make out after that :on bleed: TanaShige overhearing the love session was a slam dunk :luvluv1: Heehee too bad Eri was sleeping in the same room :wahaha: Why do I get the feeling that you are "torturing" us Tanashige lovers on purpose? :lol:


Cool fighting scene :knee: The girls totally owned the fight. And they now owned the group too, it could just make things easier for the girls in terms of manpower...or maybe not. But poor Risa, she must have pushed her body to the limit. Hope nothing will happen to her. We still need more TakaGaki!


:kneelbow: Can't wait for next arc. Bet it will be as good, no...better, than this one, if it's even possible. It will truly be test for the girls, especially Reina (but she can always turn to Sayu to take her mind off things XD)

Offline lil_hamz

  • Sapphire and Nouveau... like it should've been
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2569
  • She makes every summer sweet, every moment happy
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #225 on: January 02, 2010, 11:41:01 AM »
OK, I'm done reading this chapter in full. AND rereading. And I'm still not sure how Risa got hurt. At first I thought she was too near an explosion but nope, it wasn't the case. Was it cuz she took the butt of that gun for Ai? I NEED TO KNOW!!! I NEED TO KNOW HOW YOU PLAN ON TORTURING THE BEAN XD

GAH!!! I was hoping you wouldn't cut off the chapter at any crucial moments but you did!!! :banghead:

On the bright side, I thoroughly enjoyed the TanaShige and JunAika :P Reina should just confess already. It's obvious she was boiling when she saw that JunSayu moment.

The TakaGaki argument crushed me for a while but the joyride featuring the turtle was a nice distraction.

Now that the first arc is over, I can't wait to see what you have planned for the next few arcs. Koharu's appearance, Eri gaining importance and TanaShige finally making some headway? So many questions I wanna know but I can't do anything but wait. Oh you really know how to torture your readers. :smhid

How many days so I have to countdown till your new epic chapter? I need to go mark out the date on my calender :lol:

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4824
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #226 on: January 02, 2010, 02:30:50 PM »
@Stop. Hammer Time! - Yes it was that innocuous little bump on the head that did her in. Oh, that's a bad expression, sorry, but it also didn't help that she pushed herself through the injury and she was stressed to boot.
Quote
GAH!!! I was hoping you wouldn't cut off the chapter at any crucial moments but you did!!!
Haha, sorry, it was too tempting not to.
Quote
Reina should just confess already. It's obvious she was boiling when she saw that JunSayu moment.
Hmm, maybe next arc. Or I could extend the tension indefinitely. :twisted:
Quote
Koharu's appearance,
I'm surprised someone remembered her. I promise, she won't show up in the second arc, either.
Quote
Eri gaining importance
You don't think Eri's important enough? Good, good. :pimp:
Quote
TanaShige finally making some headway?
Maybe, we'll see.
Quote
Oh you really know how to torture your readers.
I do try, thank you. :lol:
Quote
I need to go mark out the date on my calender
I will update sometime in January 2010, so just write over the whole month. XD
Quote from: Reply to Hammerschien's First Post
Quote
I was like F?  Field? Floor? Fred? Fried? Fries? WHAT?!?!? I could NOT believe you ended like that.
Yes, I know I freaked some people out, but it makes me laugh when I see it and think of all ya'll's reactions.
Quote
I had to go through like ten over pages to read the first part. Blame the mini screen on my phone. Man I'll hate to see my bill for this month
Geez, don't spend more money on my part. :lol:
Quote
So anyway, I just had to tell you how much I appreciate you posting on New Years.
Believe it or not, it was the most fun I had. :sweatdrop:
Quote
Oh yeah and to show my appreciation, I have a Midnight trailer up in my thread and its dedicated to you. Yes, the awesome you
:heart: :heart: :heart:
Quote
OMG MY FREAKING PANCAKES WITH BLUEBERRY JAM AND MAPLE SYRUP!!!!! <-- Yes it doesn't make sense.
I love it, though! :lol:

@baddie babe -
Quote
No words that describe how fantastic this chapter is. Btw, congrats for breaking the forum
Haha thanks. :oops:
Quote
Jun had her first kill for Aika and I like the small detail you put in like how Jun was looking at Aika when she kill that b****.
Thank you again, I really had a good image in my mind about that scene. Like, "It's personal, because it's you who's in danger."

Expect some more Takagaki headbutting. I just like writing out there arguments and just because they're lovers now doesn't mean they always get along. It just means making up is more fun. :twisted:
Quote
Why do I get the feeling that you are "torturing" us Tanashige lovers on purpose?
Probably because it's true. XD
Quote
And they now owned the group too,
There will be more on that later.
Quote
especially Reina (but she can always turn to Sayu to take her mind off things
  :yep:

@kZ -
Quote
Yay!  :rockon:
Leader Ai is finally taking some charge. We all know she's got it in her.
Quote
Whoa! Ai's first. I don't know if I should be happy or what
You should probably worry, but I haven't decided yet.
Quote
The Devil Sayu  :twisted:
Everytime I think of this Sayu, I always see her about ten years down the road, married to an overbearing husband and then poisoning when he least expects it. :twisted:
Quote
XD
Like a boss!
Quote
Two in one go
Well, they needed to blend in, after all. :lol:
Quote
Aika calling Jun's name was heartbreaking
Thank you *bows*
Quote
Very cute  XD


I find their verbal war cute  :lol: but my heart cringed at this part
I toyed with the idea of a car accident,(just for some angst after their harsh parting words) but I changed my mind at the last minute.
Quote
Damn  :cry:
Apparently this worked just as well.
Quote
She's just unconscious right?
Maaaaybeee....~
Quote
AND THAT TOOK MY WHOLE HALF DAY
Haha, hope it was worth it.


@Baby Sticky -
Quote
Caught some fireworks?
Ha, I wish. but some neighbors had some going off.
Quote
I was back from all the celebration at around 5am.. I read the story even i was just a little tipsy~ Then when i got to this part.. I was like...

The group scaled the f?  "F"?! What "F"?!
Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't even notice until later. :sweatdrop: Then I just decided to keep that as it was because it amused me.
Quote
- Risa is the Bean-Shaped Kite.. Ai-chan is the flyer.. Tightening and releasing....soaring in the unknown..but all in all... the bean is still connected to the ground through her.. *Whoop! I such a good sweet talker!*
Again, nice metaphor. :yep:
Quote
- Yay! New Year Fireworks for them too!
:lol: I didn't realize until you said that, but it's true!
Quote
AIKA almost got Raped!
I just like torturing that one. Sorry~ :P
Quote
Never thought the bloody part could be so cute as well
Yeah, real life is gross. XD
Quote
- Oh~ and Gaki-san is all cool with the reply!
Gaki-->  :pimp:
Quote
- LOL~ super funny! and Reina is getting jealous~~~ it's definitely a good thing!
I admit, I had fun with it!


Lolli - Thank you for reading and commenting.
Quote
What's happened to Risa??? Please don't kill her. Please... *begs*
Ah, it's okay, it's okay. I won't kill her.

@Hart - Glad you liked it. :D
Quote
I mean literally for an Estrea-level chapter.
No, no ,no, not at all. I could never be that good. Thank you very much.

@kawaii-chan - Your comment made me :lol: Thank you so much for your support. :D
Quote
WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME LIKE THID RNDY?!?!?!
You know you love it. XD

@kuro-kun -
Quote
TakaGaki argument got me, that was pretty intense
Ah, thank you. I promise, more killing in the future!

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4824
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15 12/31)
« Reply #227 on: January 02, 2010, 02:33:55 PM »
Chapter 15.5: Down and Out


“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Eri!” The group sang in all different keys as they presented the cake to the birthday girl. Sayu chimed in late with an ‘Eririn!’ causing Eri to laugh. “Happy birthday to you~~!”

“And many more~!” Jun sang deeply into the silence that followed, eliciting more laughter.

With a grin, Eri blew out her candles. “What did you wish for?” Reina asked her partner curiously.

“I wished for some singing lessons for you guys. Ai-chan’s the only one that can carry a tune at all!” Eri exclaimed, receiving bops on the head from the others.

Presents were distributed and happiness was shared in the following celebration. After a while, though, Ai excused herself back to her room, trying to sneak out quietly.

“Where are you going?” Though she wasn’t quite successful as the birthday girl caught up to her.

“I’m heading back up to the manor. I need to go now, as it’s a long drive.” Ai turned her back to Eri as she spoke, making a show of gathering her things.

“Stay, please. Gaki-san will be alright without you there for one night.” the cop countered, “You need to rest, too. You need to take your mind off her for a little while.”

“How can you say that? What if she wakes up? What if she needs me and I’m not there?” Ai frantically asked, turning and waving her arms around, brows knit in distress.

“What if she wakes up and finds that you’ve worried yourself to the brink like this. You look terrible, Ai-chan. I know you haven’t been eating or sleeping since she went into her coma.” The demo expert flinched at the word, but Eri paid it no mind, “You need to rest, you need to have some fun. And no drinking! Don’t think I don’t know about you doing that a lot more lately, too.”

“You don’t understand, I need to be there. I need to see her.” Ai held out her hands pleadingly.

“I understand more than you think. You are afraid that she won’t wake up at all.” Eri crossed her arms, “Well shame on you! You know Gaki-san won’t let a little bump on the head keep her down for long! She just needs some time to heal and she’ll be back to her old self in no time. What would she say if she knew you were losing faith in her?”

Ai chuckled, slightly tickled at the thought, “It would probably be something annoyingly cocky, but she might be hurt, too.” The smile dropped off her face, “I miss her, Eri. It’s been seven days since then and I miss her smile, her laugh, her voice. I just want her back already.”

“I know, Ai-chan, I know., but Gaki-san will be up and running around the city like crazy again in no time. Don’t worry so much.” The cop laid a comforting hand on the older girl’s shoulder as Ai pressed her knuckles against her eyes, looking every inch the sad little girl she felt like.

“You think she’ll be up by Christmas?” she asked, needing to be reassured.

“Maybe. I know she’ll want to be up by then. Who wants to miss Christmas, after all. And if she’s not, we’ll just have to go decorate her like a tree.” Eri joked, trying to cheer the demo expert up.

Ai laughed a little and let herself be lead back to the party. Eri was right, Risa would pull through this with all the vigor that she used to fight anything else.


()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Come Christmas night, Ai found herself hovering over Risa’s still form, continually searching her face for any signs of awakening. She’d spent the day with the girls, exchanging presents and stories of Christmas past and now she was here again. Ai found it very odd, still, how the occupants of the manor catered to her, doing everything she asked without question. She supposed the last master hadn’t been very well liked if there was no opposition to her and Risa taking over.

Ai shook her head, reliving the memory again of the aftermath of Risa’s collapse.

The room fell into stunned silence as Risa hit the floor, before Ai exploded forward, crying out her lover’s name. She pulled the gunner out of the arms of the still kneeling man in front of her and glared harshly at him, “Go find a doctor!” she ordered and he complied immediately.

With shaking hands, Ai checked Risa’s vital signs, sighing in relief as she felt a strong pulse at her throat and the steady rise and fall of her chest. After that, Ai felt lost, what was she supposed to do now? She never had to deal with this kind of situation before. She looked up with teary eyes and realized that all eyes were on her, looking for instruction.

Pausing in her frantically running thoughts, the demo expert took a look at the state of the room. Twenty people lay about in various forms of unconsciousness and injury, some clutching their chests, others rolling around in pain. Takashi lay dead on his back, a neat hole in between his eyes and blood and brain matter staining the carpet around him.

After assessing the situation quickly, Ai took another look down at her lover, eyes closed peacefully and blood no longer flowing from her nose and ears. ‘If it were me in her place, what would Risa do?’ She would take charge, she would deal with the bigger problem before worrying about one person.

With that thought in mind, Ai stood with renewed strength, eyes drying and hefting the gunner in her arms. “You!” she nodded at the closest suited man, “Do you know any first aid?”  He shook his head, no, and no one spoke up indicating that they knew any either, “Well go find someone who does!” she ordered and he scrambled to do as she said. “The rest of you.” she directed this not only to the suited men, but also to the girls, “Pick a person and make them comfortable until he gets back.” her tone brooked no arguments and the surprised group complied quickly. “Jun!” Ai struggled to hit the comm in her ear as she headed to what she thought might be the master bedroom, “Get upstairs. We’re regrouping.”

As gently as she could, Ai opened the door and set Risa down on the large, four poster bed. The room was fairly bare, as if no one spent much time in it, and the decorations were practically Spartan, but it was functional. The demo expert took off her lover’s shoes and tucked her in as if she were merely sleeping. With one last affectionate stroke to her head, Ai turned resolutely and left the room.


It had been so hard to focus on the task at hand, making sure everyone who was injured was cared for and dealing with damages and finally informing the entire gang of the leadership change. Technically Risa, who had killed the old leader, was in charge, but seeing as she was unable to deal with anything at the moment and no one had argued with her yet, Ai had been taking care of the paperwork, of which there was a surprising amount.

So far she’d had transferred ownership of his many investments, cars, and houses to her and Risa’s names. All of his money went to them, as well, and Ai’s mind still boggled at the amount. And that only covered his legal investments, the income of which she’d routed as much as she could into paying his many legal workers. Ai was no lawyer, though, and there was a lot about the books that she didn’t understand. She in no way trusted Takashi’s chosen lawyer, so everything else would have to wait until Risa woke up to help her.

With a sigh, she pushed away some hanging tinsel and grabbed her lover‘s hand; as promised, Eri had come over with her partner and Sayu to decorate Risa like a tree and the ornaments hung from every  available space on the bed. It made the room quite cheerful, but nothing could seem to make Ai any happier.

A knock on the door startled her and she called out a croaky welcome to the intruder. Reina opened the door and poked her head in, “You have some visitors, Ai. Those two agents are here.” Her voice showed her obvious displeasure.

“Let them in.” Ai commanded lightly and the two cheerful guests entered with well wishes.

“I see that you’ve been doing well, considering the circumstances.” Yossui said, moving closer to examine the prone girl on the bed. Rika simply wandered around the room, carelessly examining anything that caught her eye.

“Yes, since you’ve taken over, the gang has been very quiet, but we’ve noticed that you don’t seem to have any intention of disbanding them.” Rika followed up eerily from somewhere behind Ai.

“No, we don’t have any intentions of disbanding them. At least not yet. We can still get some use out them yet. Until such time as they become more trouble than they’re worth, we will keep this gang together.” Ai replied firmly, unflinching in the hard gaze Yossui was giving her across the bed.

“And you really think you’ll be able to control these thugs?” the woman asked seriously, face never dropping her slight smile.

“Yes.” the demo expert nodded severely. Two hands settled themselves on her shoulders and it took all her willpower not to jump. As it was, Ai flinched and watched the two agents exchange a look.

“As long as you’re sure, Ai-chan.” Rika’s amused voice floated softly into her ear, “We’ll leave this to you. Merry Christmas and remember, Big Brother is watching you..” A slim box was dropped in her lap and the two agents left.

Ai looked down at the object and snorted, “Final Fantasy Tactics.” Reina poked her head in again.

“Ai-chan? You okay?” the younger girl asked, sauntering over to her. Ai looked up at her fondly, Reina had been such a big help to her this past week and a half. She really didn’t know what she would have done without her support.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Rei.” The cop gave her a searching look and Ai chuckled, “Really, I’m alright. How about you? Have you called your father yet?” Reina looked down guiltily and Ai had her answer, “Take out your cell and dial it, now. That’s an order.” For a second, the younger girl looked shocked, but when Ai continued to give her a hard stare, she reluctant did as she was told.

“Okay, alright.” Slowly, Reina dialed the familiar number and held the device up to her ear. She paused for a long second, swallowed once and cleared her throat, “H-Hello? Daddy? M-Merry Christmas.” She gave Ai a wide eyed look, but the demo expert just waved her on encouragingly and the cop left the room hurriedly.

Ai was hardly alone for a minute, before Lin Lin scampered through the door quickly, scrambling over to sit at her feet and rest her head on Ai’s knee. Obligingly, Ai began to stroke her hair; the hacker, too, had been a great support system, seeming to instinctively know when the demo expert wanted to be left alone and when she wanted company. As she pet Lin, her free hand reached out to wrap comfortingly around Risa’s own cool appendage.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()


Hearing fireworks going off outside the window behind her, the blitzed Ai gave a half hearted blow on her noise maker, “Happy New Year, Risa.” she mumbled, draped across the side of the bed, an empty bottle dangling from her hand.

The pressures of running the gang with no idea what she was doing and Risa’s predicament had sent Ai back to the cold comfort of intoxication and the older woman had spent the last few days trying her damnedest to hide her habit from the younglings, as she affectionately referred to the other girls in her head.

“I wish you were awake.” Not for the first time did her voice flood with tears as she spoke to her lover’s prone form, “How could a simple blow to the head keep you out for so long? You’re stronger than this!” Ai clutched Risa’s hand in both of hers desperately, sobbing hopelessly into her shoulder. “Come back to me! I’m lonely here without you and I need your guidance. And your love.”

Her tiny body shuddering with the force of her emotions, Ai cried, pleading with her lover and to God and to anyone who was listening. Eventually, exhaustion and the alcohol caught up to her and Ai fell into a fitful sleep, still clutching Risa’s hand. She never noticed the younger girl return the grip slightly, fingers flexing weakly in her grasp.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Okay, for serious, I'm taking a break now! Though, the more I say that, the more I want to start on the second arc...
« Last Edit: February 16, 2010, 09:38:35 PM by rndmnwierd »

Offline kRisZ

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 1325
  • ...shiawasekai...
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #228 on: January 02, 2010, 02:53:53 PM »
Quote
I know you haven’t been eating or sleeping since she went into her coma.

WHAT!!!!    :OMG:


Quote
“You think she’ll be up by Christmas?” she asked, needing to be reassured.

“Maybe.

Oh no, she should   :scolding:


Quote
And if she’s not, we’ll just have to go decorate her like a tree.”

Damn  :lol:


Quote
“Final Fantasy Tactics.”

lol


Quote
She never noticed the younger girl return the grip slightly, fingers flexing weakly in her grasp.

 :w00t:   :mon dance: :mon money: :gmon twirl:



Next chapter please  :D



Offline DO Me DO Me

  • °Erien Godmother
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 915
  • K-M-E-I Kamei! K-A-M-E Kyamei!
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #229 on: January 02, 2010, 03:06:30 PM »
*standing ovation*

XD I know it's not over yet but that chapter deserves an award or something, I can't even begin to comment about it (partly because it's 9am and I still haven't gone to bed. LoLz XD) But that was awesome. So much action and drama. Aika's incident freaked me out and made me sad at the same time. Poor thing. Then Tanashige starting to get close, I think I'm starting to like them. hehe Then the big showdown. I knew it wasn't going to go smoothly. Things better look up soon, that's an order! hehe

Ok, I'm going to bed. LoL

Offline badsaints

  • in love with Love
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 781
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #230 on: January 02, 2010, 03:54:34 PM »
So heartwrenching :cry: Poor Ai. She has to be strong even though she badly wants to break down :( But Risa's gonna be alright right? Please say yes, or I'll haunt you in your dreams :twisted:

I'm torn between wanting you to take a well-deserve break and wanting you to start the second arc already :P

Offline amEthystx

  • The Bishop NI
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 350
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #231 on: January 02, 2010, 03:59:31 PM »
Quote
Sayu chimed in late with an ‘Eririn!’ causing Eri to laugh
“And many more~!” Jun sang deeply into the silence that followed
- Ohh~ this is soooo cute  :wub: Very Sayu-thing to do~ And a very Jun thing too~ XD

Quote
I wished for some singing lessons for you guys
- and more lol~

Quote
“H-Hello? Daddy? M-Merry Christmas.” 
-Reina finally finally called her daddy! I can imaging her speaking this in a few tone higher than usual ~

Quote
Ai back to the cold comfort of intoxication
- :(


Sob....sob  :mon hanky:

At last when Ai-chan is able to be with Risa.. calling her hers...Probably spending so much of those times alone when she was unable to locate Risa...i'm sure she did wish she was there by her side on so many occasions... thinking she can finally finally spend Christmas, doing gift exchange as a couple..watching fireworks as a couple.....(It's so heartbreaking to watch firework alone)..  but yet they are so near yet so far.... *Runs off to cry*  :mon runcry:

But~ since there are signs of Gaki-san waking up soon :) Hang on Ai-chan!

Quote
I'm taking a break now!
- Rest well!  :)


EDIT: Speaking of her .... Koharu! I saw her name somewhere in the comment and i was like.. "OH YA! What happened to her???" LOL~ Where is she? XD

 :mon bat:






« Last Edit: January 02, 2010, 04:36:02 PM by amEthystx »

Offline kuro808

  • Konkon + HKT + JPH!P= <3 and Happiness
  • Global Moderator
  • Member+
  • *
  • Posts: 23734
  • Natsu Oshi DESU!
    • Kurosawa87
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #232 on: January 02, 2010, 05:01:39 PM »
Well hope she will be alright, just too bad it happened  :(

well Ai being drunk still has some sentimental value to it :lol: (weird thought)  :smhid
Random Thought:

tumblr

R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline kawaii beam

  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2142
  • Taka+Gaki=EPIC X3
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #233 on: January 03, 2010, 02:03:52 AM »
eri's birthday~! yay~ :gmon bang:

poor ai-chan.. she's missing her smexy gun weilding mame :gmon tears: dont worry! i miss her too! >.< and with ai-chan having to be incontrol of everything while worring over risa can be pretty stressful,hence why she went back to her crutch.. or however u spell that which is the alchohol >.< poor thing.

and at the end with risa just slightly responding made me :gmon tears: but it gives me hope!! X3 :mon lovelaff:

and now.. with great regret... i say to u GO TAKE A REST WOMAN!(lol u know u desrve it XD) i can totaly imagine u like this after writing this: resting:on roll: playing games :mon gamer: reading ofther fics :on study: and then having writing withdrals from ur own story :on freeze: :on voodoo: :mon wind: :mon whine: and then finaly writing again XD :mon cigar: :mon fyeah:

lol so take a good rest and get back on that horse or pheonx wright monkey will object you! :mon geek:

 :mon inluv: :monk gboy: :mon loveflower: :mon kissy:

sorry for somany emoticons again^^;


please visit kawaii-chan's avie's and siggies!

Offline FaqU

  • Member+
  • Posts: 307
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #234 on: January 03, 2010, 08:02:41 AM »
 :OMG: I haven't been commenting here in a while nee??? But I'm all caught up now.

First and foremost,  :mon firecrack: for breaking the forum limit, (I actually didn't know there was a limit to begin with  :sweat:)

Wow a lot has happened since I last commented like the multiple  :onionwhip: scenes and  :on beatup that come with them.  Of course we can't forget Ai's first major involvement where she blows up a friggin mansion since her first injury.

Aika almost getting raped  :on redcard: how could you????? But I am conflicted because if Aika wasn't almost raped then the development of JunAika   :luvluv1: wouldn't happen but damn Aika almost getting raped?????? I almost felt like  :gyaaah: when Aika was screaming for her saviour and she was getting  :scolding: and beat up for not saying the proper name.  I almost did believe that her companions won't get there in time

Risa and Ai's argument - What can I say, nothing ever really goes well when 1) there are different opinions and 2) when neither party is willing to let up their own choice of action.  I feel like rooting for Ai for taking Aika's condition into consideration but Risa does make a point, all of them except Ai and the cops are bound together because of a task, and in exchange they are given freedom.  I don't think they remember this point, the criminals have totally forgotten that the quicker they finish this task the faster they can live their lives again without living in fear or running away all the time.  They can go out in the open as they are once more.  If the targets are gone from the country, your task in not complete and you go back to where you were, so in that sense Jun would be back in that cellar away from freedom and definitely away from Aika.  Sayu would be locked up as well away from the fun she is having now and destroying anymore chances she gets from Reina because Reina will snap back into reality as her character is portrayed.  She may be a jealous one but she also decided to be a cop for a reason, if Reina wasn't stuck with these criminals, these TanaShige moments will never occur and might not continue.  Question would be if Reina is willing to throw her positive background that she has slowly developed away for a criminal.  Ai would have never met Risa again if they weren't bound by this assignment, if they fail Risa will go back to jail for god knows how long and Ai would have to wait and communicate through a glass wall.  Risa has been fighting for so long and so hard to finish the task and has done a lot in helping everyone achieve a certain goal has she not??? Yes she is on the unemotional side but logically speaking emotions can wait, your targets won't.  Because of these reasons I can't say I am not rooting for Risa's argument, heck I might have done the same she did, minus the coming back to Ai's side part that is.

Props to Aika for standing up against her fears and facing life as she should be instead of running away.   :on woohoo: and to JunJun "Kill that m*tha f*cker!!!!!" You sure made JunJun one cool, manly person in her rescuing mission, the image is still in my mind and I can totally image the scene.  NICE~~~~  :on GJ:

The latest fight scene was all over the place just like a movie scene, where something is happening on the side so the audience takes a look at whats going on for a few seconds over there, while something else is happening at the other side in which we all zoom in to the happenings there.  My mind was all over the place  :dizzy: at how many different positions and actions you were placing in the same place.

What killed me though is that Risa was put into a coma, that totally sucked because she has really been the one that they all trusted to guide them through and make the plans.  For the others this could be a good thing because they can finally relax hence celebrating Eri's birthday  :on BDay:, Christmas  :mon santa4: and new years  :mon santa2: whereas if Risa was awake god knows how that was going to happen.  But really did you have to put Risa in such a long coma???? Look at how Ai turned out??? She's in the worst condition ever...what will her reputation be like???? How do you expect others to trust her leadership skills when she is dwelling and not doing anything with a newly acquired gang??? She barely has the focus to finish what Risa started!!!! I mean seriously, Ai crying over a Risa that is not awake does not really help her in any way, you should realize by now what Risa's intentions are and fulfill them in case Risa does decide to leave this world.  Make the woman proud...WOMAN!!!! MAKE HER PROUD!!!!!  :farofflook:

Reina calling her father...will she finally tell her father to give up everything he has used his life to develop??? Will it really be the clash of father and daughter??? Reina's determination was softened before, will she soften up at the very last moment??? My personal guess, she will because everyone knows that at the end of the day, blood is thicker than water, there is no way Reina can pull through her own guilty conscience seeing upfront her father being killed by the ties she has created with this lot.  It'll hurt her even more wouldn't it??? Your friends being the killer of your father??? However, because Risa says the Reina's father loves her alot will he be willing to give up everything just to regain a daughter??? That would also mean the Risa wouldn't have to kill someone that she once respected right???  :prayers: :prayers: :prayers: :prayers: :prayers:

I wonder where Eri will fall in because every relationship that I saw prospects such as Gakikame and Tanakame, Eri seemed like she would be a third party in the relationship but yet not.  Maybe I am overthinking it because at the moment the relationships that are seem to be developing or developed and still not clear: Takagaki, TanaShige and JunAika but then I wonder if TanaShige will ever be because of Sayu's past???? Reina was always comfortable with Eri and although Eri doesn't show signs that she minds Sayu coming on to Reina, at one point in time I wonder if Reina felt anything for Eri??? Same with the JunAika situation, I mean at one standpoint it seems like Aika just trusts Jun as a companion, an older sibling but she also admires Reina and maybe hopes for more????  Takagaki may be official but Eri's close relationship with Risa in which they like to talk and understand each other must not be overlooked...Eri seems like she knows for a fact that Risa loves Ai and vice versa but can it be at one point in time because Eri understands Risa more than Ai, that feelings start to develop???  We must not leave out TanaJunShige either, because Sayu seems to be the playful character and is fully aware of the impact her actions have on Reina, does she really have feelings for Reina or is this all just for fun and games??? I sense that she doesn't have many friends in life, so her uneasiness about losing Reina could be that she doesn't want to lose a friend, a friend where she can mess with her mind  ;) Sayu's concern for Jun can be misleading of course because Sayu's con ways in the past is where she uses her assets to get what she wants isn't it??? But even more so, is Sayu just making sure her skills are as sharp as ever??? Will Reina finally know the truth or just let her jealousy be her final flaw??? Don't diddle-doddle anymore Reina, you obviously are affected by Sayu so just get up to her and  :ondick: her already!!!!! By the way, after Reina does Sayu she should find out if Sayu is only playing onegai  :kneelbow:

I wonder what is hidden behind Rika's attitude...I mean she seems so sarcastic that I'd be upset if I were in Ai's shoes, like "WTF do you want??? Stop beating around the bush and just talk to me!!!!" You know??? Yossie's character I wouldn't mind, all serious and skeptical about Ai's choice of action but Rika's slight smile might piss me off in a situation where I am worrying about my companion and here you are showing no remorse for those that are helping you out and giving me this bull crap about what I should be doing and who is watching me

Could it be??? Risa might be showing signs of waking up from her  :sleep:??? Or are you trying to trick us??? Giving us false hope that she will be waking up but in reality she falls back into a coma or a dream perhaps????  :on study: desperately trying to read in between to see if there are any traps for us readers

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4824
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #235 on: January 03, 2010, 01:09:12 PM »
@kZ -  :yep: Coma, yes. But, really, this story wouldn't be very interesting if I just offed the main character.

@DO me-san - Sweet dreams! I'm glad you enjoyed my hard work and took the time to comment on it. Makes me :grin:

@baddie - *puts up dreamcatcher*  :twisted:

@Baby Sticky - Yeah, I just can't leave Takagaki alone, can I? And I probably won't later, either.

@kuro-kun -
Quote
weird thought
No, I kinda see what you mean.

@kawaii-chan - Yup, that's pretty much what I'll be like, I've really been holding myself back from the keyboard, here, but I wonder how long it will last? BTW, love emotes!

@FaqU - Holy crap, are you okay? That's the longest, most thought out comment yet!
:OMG: I haven't been commenting here in a while nee??? But I'm all caught up now.

First and foremost,  :mon firecrack: for breaking the forum limit, (I actually didn't know there was a limit to begin with  :sweat:)
Thank you, I'm quite pleased with myself.
Quote

Wow a lot has happened since I last commented like the multiple  :onionwhip: scenes and  :on beatup that come with them.  Of course we can't forget Ai's first major involvement where she blows up a friggin mansion since her first injury.
Yup, Ai killed someone. It gets easier the more you do it...
Quote

Aika almost getting raped  :on redcard: how could you????? But I am conflicted because if Aika wasn't almost raped then the development of JunAika   :luvluv1: wouldn't happen but damn Aika almost getting raped?????? I almost felt like  :gyaaah: when Aika was screaming for her saviour and she was getting  :scolding: and beat up for not saying the proper name.  I almost did believe that her companions won't get there in time
I needed to bring her and Jun closer and get rid of the sub-boss at the same time. For some reason, I got it in my head to take down Aika's confidence in herself a little. I think I might do something with that later. Or just use it to torture her some more.... Bad me, bad!
Quote

Risa and Ai's argument - What can I say, nothing ever really goes well when 1) there are different opinions and 2) when neither party is willing to let up their own choice of action.
Which describes Takagaki pretty well.
Quote
  I feel like rooting for Ai for taking Aika's condition into consideration but Risa does make a point, all of them except Ai and the cops are bound together because of a task, and in exchange they are given freedom.  I don't think they remember this point, the criminals have totally forgotten that the quicker they finish this task the faster they can live their lives again without living in fear or running away all the time.  They can go out in the open as they are once more.  If the targets are gone from the country, your task in not complete and you go back to where you were, so in that sense Jun would be back in that cellar away from freedom and definitely away from Aika.  Sayu would be locked up as well away from the fun she is having now and destroying anymore chances she gets from Reina because Reina will snap back into reality as her character is portrayed.  She may be a jealous one but she also decided to be a cop for a reason, if Reina wasn't stuck with these criminals, these TanaShige moments will never occur and might not continue.  Question would be if Reina is willing to throw her positive background that she has slowly developed away for a criminal.  Ai would have never met Risa again if they weren't bound by this assignment, if they fail Risa will go back to jail for god knows how long and Ai would have to wait and communicate through a glass wall.  Risa has been fighting for so long and so hard to finish the task and has done a lot in helping everyone achieve a certain goal has she not??? Yes she is on the unemotional side but logically speaking emotions can wait, your targets won't.  Because of these reasons I can't say I am not rooting for Risa's argument, heck I might have done the same she did, minus the coming back to Ai's side part that is.
Ah, you see the connections, "If" and "Then" again and again. Everything has a reason.
Quote

Props to Aika for standing up against her fears and facing life as she should be instead of running away.   :on woohoo: and to JunJun "Kill that m*tha f*cker!!!!!" You sure made JunJun one cool, manly person in her rescuing mission, the image is still in my mind and I can totally image the scene.  NICE~~~~  :on GJ:
Perhaps Aika's brush with violation will make her stronger instead of weaker...With a little help, of course.
Quote

The latest fight scene was all over the place just like a movie scene, where something is happening on the side so the audience takes a look at whats going on for a few seconds over there, while something else is happening at the other side in which we all zoom in to the happenings there.  My mind was all over the place  :dizzy: at how many different positions and actions you were placing in the same place.
See, the thing about that scene, is that it takes forever to write and describe, but happens in a matter of seconds. It played in my head again and again until I wrote it out in slow motion. Sorry if it was a little complicated.
Quote

What killed me though is that Risa was put into a coma, that totally sucked because she has really been the one that they all trusted to guide them through and make the plans.  For the others this could be a good thing because they can finally relax hence celebrating Eri's birthday  :on BDay:, Christmas  :mon santa4: and new years  :mon santa2: whereas if Risa was awake god knows how that was going to happen.  But really did you have to put Risa in such a long coma???? Look at how Ai turned out??? She's in the worst condition ever...what will her reputation be like???? How do you expect others to trust her leadership skills when she is dwelling and not doing anything with a newly acquired gang??? She barely has the focus to finish what Risa started!!!! I mean seriously, Ai crying over a Risa that is not awake does not really help her in any way, you should realize by now what Risa's intentions are and fulfill them in case Risa does decide to leave this world.  Make the woman proud...WOMAN!!!! MAKE HER PROUD!!!!!  :farofflook:
Well, maybe if the group had all mutinied, Risa might have gone along with the celebrations willingly. I mean, they do deserve a break, after all, and Risa needed the time to get the gang in order. Also, don't be so hard on Ai, she's doing her best for being thrust into a completely unfamiliar situation and then having such a blow to her heart like Risa falling into a coma. I like to think Ai's a bit of a pessimist, so she truly worries that Risa won't wake up. So I gave her this great support system in the form of Reina and Lin Lin. They'll hopefully be able to nudge her out of her depression long enough to finish getting the illegal affairs in order and then start the hunt for Tanaka-dono. Ai is perfectly capable of being just as ruthless as Risa, she just hasn't really shown it yet. I mean, no one really blames her for being sad, but they won't forgive her if she wallows in it.
Quote

Reina calling her father...will she finally tell her father to give up everything he has used his life to develop??? Will it really be the clash of father and daughter??? Reina's determination was softened before, will she soften up at the very last moment??? My personal guess, she will because everyone knows that at the end of the day, blood is thicker than water, there is no way Reina can pull through her own guilty conscience seeing upfront her father being killed by the ties she has created with this lot.  It'll hurt her even more wouldn't it??? Your friends being the killer of your father??? However, because Risa says the Reina's father loves her alot will he be willing to give up everything just to regain a daughter??? That would also mean the Risa wouldn't have to kill someone that she once respected right???  :prayers: :prayers: :prayers: :prayers: :prayers:
All in good time.
Quote

I wonder where Eri will fall in because every relationship that I saw prospects such as Gakikame and Tanakame, Eri seemed like she would be a third party in the relationship but yet not.  Maybe I am overthinking it because at the moment the relationships that are seem to be developing or developed and still not clear: Takagaki, TanaShige and JunAika but then I wonder if TanaShige will ever be because of Sayu's past???? Reina was always comfortable with Eri and although Eri doesn't show signs that she minds Sayu coming on to Reina, at one point in time I wonder if Reina felt anything for Eri??? Same with the JunAika situation, I mean at one standpoint it seems like Aika just trusts Jun as a companion, an older sibling but she also admires Reina and maybe hopes for more????  Takagaki may be official but Eri's close relationship with Risa in which they like to talk and understand each other must not be overlooked...Eri seems like she knows for a fact that Risa loves Ai and vice versa but can it be at one point in time because Eri understands Risa more than Ai, that feelings start to develop???  We must not leave out TanaJunShige either, because Sayu seems to be the playful character and is fully aware of the impact her actions have on Reina, does she really have feelings for Reina or is this all just for fun and games??? I sense that she doesn't have many friends in life, so her uneasiness about losing Reina could be that she doesn't want to lose a friend, a friend where she can mess with her mind  ;) Sayu's concern for Jun can be misleading of course because Sayu's con ways in the past is where she uses her assets to get what she wants isn't it??? But even more so, is Sayu just making sure her skills are as sharp as ever??? Will Reina finally know the truth or just let her jealousy be her final flaw??? Don't diddle-doddle anymore Reina, you obviously are affected by Sayu so just get up to her and  :ondick: her already!!!!! By the way, after Reina does Sayu she should find out if Sayu is only playing onegai  :kneelbow:
Again, all in good time. I think the relationships will really start to play out in the next arc, at least, that's the plan. I mean, most of the girls have only known each other for a few months. The really only have the kind of bond that pops up between soldiers who are in war together and dealing with attraction is tough enough, but love doesn't even begin to factor in for anyone other than Takagaki. And Eri and Reina were only partners for three months before they got this assignment, I can't remember if I mentioned that somewhere before.
Quote

I wonder what is hidden behind Rika's attitude...I mean she seems so sarcastic that I'd be upset if I were in Ai's shoes, like "WTF do you want??? Stop beating around the bush and just talk to me!!!!" You know??? Yossie's character I wouldn't mind, all serious and skeptical about Ai's choice of action but Rika's slight smile might piss me off in a situation where I am worrying about my companion and here you are showing no remorse for those that are helping you out and giving me this bull crap about what I should be doing and who is watching me
I don't want them to be likeable at all. I want them to scream "Bad People! Corrupt Agents!" and I want it to seem like they only consider the girls playthings.
Quote

Could it be??? Risa might be showing signs of waking up from her  :sleep:??? Or are you trying to trick us??? Giving us false hope that she will be waking up but in reality she falls back into a coma or a dream perhaps????  :on study: desperately trying to read in between to see if there are any traps for us readers
Oh I set some traps, but I hope you can't find them. :twisted:

Offline FaqU

  • Member+
  • Posts: 307
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #236 on: January 03, 2010, 09:45:02 PM »

@FaqU - Holy crap, are you okay? That's the longest most thought out comment yet!

I am definitely alright, as I have mentioned I haven't been commenting in a while due to external reasons such as the holidays, work, school you know the usual and since I haven't commented in a while, all comments get bunched up.  :bigdeal: Hope you don't mind  :kneelbow:

Do you mean the longest most thought out comment coming from me  :dunno: Gomen gomen  :sweat:

Yup, Ai killed someone. It gets easier the more you do it...

Totally agree with you there, lots of things get easier the more you do it...hint hint Takagaki love making hint hint  :hiakhiakhiak:

I needed to bring her and Jun closer and get rid of the sub-boss at the same time. For some reason, I got it in my head to take down Aika's confidence in herself a little. I think I might do something with that later. Or just use it to torture her some more.... Bad me, bad!

You wouldn't  :grr: But why Aika's confidence??? Why not someone elses??? I recall each person has their own sad story no? JunJun and Aika shared their stories between each other and it's not like they haven't suffered enough in their lives.  Also I don't think Aika has the biggest ego in her own capabilities, if anything I feel like she only took the assignment because she wanted to prove to herself and others that she can do more than just climb walls and steal things. 

Bad you!!! Bad, bad you *shaking my finger at you*  :on thumbb:

Perhaps Aika's brush with violation will make her stronger instead of weaker...With a little help, of course.

I'll be waiting for it that's for sure...er...just to make sure we're on the same page, who's help were you thinking about  :hee:

See, the thing about that scene, is that it takes forever to write and describe, but happens in a matter of seconds. It played in my head again and again until I wrote it out in slow motion. Sorry if it was a little complicated.

I don't see a problem with it, it made me anxious as to who is where, doing what and when, like it made my head turn but in a good way

Well, maybe if the group had all mutinied, Risa might have gone along with the celebrations willingly. I mean, they do deserve a break, after all, and Risa needed the time to get the gang in order.

But that's the thing, they will be celebrating except Risa because she would be too darn focused on what their next moves will be that she really wouldn't be enjoying herself.  It would be like her body is there at the party but her mind isn't.

Also, don't be so hard on Ai, she's doing her best for being thrust into a completely unfamiliar situation and then having such a blow to her heart like Risa falling into a coma.

I'm not trying to be hard on her, in fact I wanted her to pick herself up and be the leader that they all trusted her to be, the solid ground that Risa had seen in her, for her to be that guide that she has been for Risa to be transfered to the others.  Like Eri was concerned and I doubt that it was just her, most likely all of them are concerned about her personal welfare and it hurts to see that but even more so I wish for her to stand up and shine through this darkened time. Sorry if I am portraying myself as being hard on Ai  :kneelbow:

I don't want them to be likeable at all. I want them to scream "Bad People! Corrupt Agents!" and I want it to seem like they only consider the girls playthings.

I think you've done just that in my books with Rika's character, not so much with Yossie maybe because I am still seeing Yossie as the reliable leader she use to be.  So her reactions and facial expressions seem pretty normal and don't really give off the "the girls are only playthings" in my eyes.  But that could just be me....

Oh I set some traps, but I hope you can't find them. :twisted:

Even more so, I find this to be a better game to find those "traps", I'll be on my toes for these traps and hope I get to them before they shock me  :cool1: Game on???  :wahaha: Just joking though I doubt I can find them because my mind doesn't function well in these situations, more like they are set for physical fights

Offline lil_hamz

  • Sapphire and Nouveau... like it should've been
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 2569
  • She makes every summer sweet, every moment happy
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #237 on: January 05, 2010, 11:42:43 AM »
OMG, the comments in this thread are just as long as a chapter of a fic :D I'm gonna need time to slowly read and digest.

But now I shall comment on the fic. I read it before today but only got the chance to reply now. GOMENE! :bow:

I seriously did not expect a .5 chapter. Surprising but still satisfying nonetheless :twothumbs

I remember what I wanted to say for the previous chapter but forgot. The answer to that question was answered in this chapter so there's no need for me to mention it again.

Isn't Risa out for too long a time? Especially since that knock to the head shouldn't be too serious. Are you just trying to make Ai feel that her girlfriend is too important and that she should think twice before arguing with her again next time?

Ai going back to the bottle. This was expected. Without the one person who could support her through the uncertain times and with the stress of being the one everyone looked to for instructions, Ai needed to find some way to release all that emotion.

The call between Reina and her dad wasn't too detailed. Are you going to tell us more about what happened later?

And nope, I don't think Eri is important as of now. She would be getting a bigger role in the next arc? :?

Awww, I would have wanted to read a car accident after TakaGaki's big fight. Although you decided against it, how about writing a short piece as an extra side plot? It could be a standalone of sorts. :grin:

You want a break right? If I send you a box of Kit Kat chocs, would that do the trick? :D

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4824
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #238 on: January 05, 2010, 02:16:04 PM »
@Hahahammermusume -
Quote
I remember what I wanted to say for the previous chapter but forgot. The answer to that question was answered in this chapter so there's no need for me to mention it again.
  :thumbup Alrighty then!
Quote
Isn't Risa out for too long a time? Especially since that knock to the head shouldn't be too serious. Are you just trying to make Ai feel that her girlfriend is too important and that she should think twice before arguing with her again next time?
Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to touch on it later, so I'll just say it now: Risa took a hard blow to the head and suffered a concussion. Now, normally, if you rest and take it easy, there shouldn't be any problems, as long as you don't sleep, but Risa ignored the warning signs of headaches until it got so bad that it actually distracted her, but no one could tell.
Quote
Quote
Risa repeated for the third time, cringing in pain when her head throbbed.
Quote
The gunner held a hand to her head for a moment, eyes closed
Quote
Nodding, the gunner holstered her pistol, shaking her head as blood began to sluggishly flow from her nose.
Just three little innocuous instances that could be easily seen as something else. Maybe I was a little too subtle with it, but it's too late to change it now. Anyway, then she charged into battle like a maniac an pushed herself jaringly, making her injury worse. She's lucky she didn't suffer brain hemorrhage and die.

Quote
Ai going back to the bottle. This was expected. Without the one person who could support her through the uncertain times and with the stress of being the one everyone looked to for instructions, Ai needed to find some way to release all that emotion.
Exactly!

Quote
The call between Reina and her dad wasn't too detailed. Are you going to tell us more about what happened later?
Probably.
Quote
And nope, I don't think Eri is important as of now. She would be getting a bigger role in the next arc?
Maybe, I might leave her as pretty unassuming, just for the hell of it.

Quote
Awww, I would have wanted to read a car accident after TakaGaki's big fight. Although you decided against it, how about writing a short piece as an extra side plot? It could be a standalone of sorts.
Sure, I'll start that right after the Takagaki perv.

Quote
You want a break right? If I send you a box of Kit Kat chocs, would that do the trick?
I like Reese's, please! :grin:





@Fork-san - I don't know why, but I wanna call you this...
Quote
Hope you don't mind 
Not at all, it's rather stimulating to read.

Quote
hint hint Takagaki love making hint hint
Haha, no kidding.

Quote
You wouldn't  grr But why Aika's confidence??? Why not someone elses??? I recall each person has their own sad story no? JunJun and Aika shared their stories between each other and it's not like they haven't suffered enough in their lives.  Also I don't think Aika has the biggest ego in her own capabilities, if anything I feel like she only took the assignment because she wanted to prove to herself and others that she can do more than just climb walls and steal things.
Oh, no, Aika's very quiet and it would seem as if she doesn't have a big ego, but that's totally far from the truth. I touched on it in her introduction that the reason she got caught was because she got too comfortable with her skills. She started thinking that she was invincible and that nothing could touch her when they gave her this chance because they needed her expertise. She's just good at hiding it.

Quote
Bad you!!! Bad, bad you *shaking my finger at you* 
*whimpers* :mon baby:

Quote
I'll be waiting for it that's for sure...er...just to make sure we're on the same page, who's help were you thinking about
Jun of course and Reina, too.

Quote
I don't see a problem with it, it made me anxious as to who is where, doing what and when, like it made my head turn but in a good way
Thank you.

Quote
But that's the thing, they will be celebrating except Risa because she would be too darn focused on what their next moves will be that she really wouldn't be enjoying herself.  It would be like her body is there at the party but her mind isn't.
But maybe she would have seen how much fun everyone else was having a been drug along into it as well.

Quote
I'm not trying to be hard on her, in fact I wanted her to pick herself up and be the leader that they all trusted her to be, the solid ground that Risa had seen in her, for her to be that guide that she has been for Risa to be transfered to the others.  Like Eri was concerned and I doubt that it was just her, most likely all of them are concerned about her personal welfare and it hurts to see that but even more so I wish for her to stand up and shine through this darkened time. Sorry if I am portraying myself as being hard on Ai
No, I see your point, but Ai doesn't think of herself as that capable. I mean, she'll get the job done, but later, when she looks back on it, she will always see where it could have been better. But isn't that why we love her so much?

Quote
I think you've done just that in my books with Rika's character, not so much with Yossie maybe because I am still seeing Yossie as the reliable leader she use to be.  So her reactions and facial expressions seem pretty normal and don't really give off the "the girls are only playthings" in my eyes.  But that could just be me....
Actually, Yossui was the one who was smiling, I reread your last comment and it seemed as though you thought Rika was the smiling one. Which she was, but Ai couldn't see that behind her...

Quote
Game on???
:lol: We'll see.

Offline rndmnwierd

  • Subleader of Tsunku's Army
  • ecchi
  • Member+
  • Posts: 4824
  • What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Re: Black and Blue (Chapter 15.5 1/02)
« Reply #239 on: January 05, 2010, 11:44:33 PM »
you know, i went back and reread the whole story again. And I noticed something I didn't before. Jun's closest people (pre-story) were her boss and boss' daughter. Are they going to be important characters? or just a detail in the story?

Wakey wakey Gakisan!!

JPHiP Radio (18/200 @ 128 kbs)     Now playing: hitomi - yume hakonda randoseru