---CIRCLE--- (♥KohaSayu♥) chapter 44 (1/1)

[lil_hamz]

Woooo yeah! New manga to dl But I have to wait till mon to do it though I can't dl
it now since well....it's a long story ^^; I'm really looking forward to it!

Ehhh?!?! It's really due to the pics that Koha had to grad? *shocked*

Edit: oh yeah! New page gets *claps*

[Beecubed]

New reader here... 

I'm not exactly sure why I decided to read this fic amongst all the other fanfics with couples I like more. I mean, I don't really pay much attention to Koharu, or even Sayu (until recently though!). But I decided to download the first manga chapters and just from that, I knew I had to read the story from the start! 

For somebody whose English is not their native language, I think you've done a pretty damn good job with your writing!!! (I'm also Vietnamese, but I was born here in Australia xD I'm not very good at speaking Viet, but I can understand and read perfectly well. So if you ever end up giving up on this story - hopefully NOT! - I'll be able to read the rest of it, hehehe...).

Anyways, this is a really interesting story. It's a bit all over the place (with the relationships) and I felt that it was moving way too fast, especially at the beginning, but I can see that it actually lends the story a lot of pace. It's easier to read that way. ^___^

But yeah, the problem with these girls is that there's just too much doubt and uncertainty.. such things will eat away at you if you let it. If Koharu and Sayu could just leave the past behind and look towards a bright future without regret or ill feelings, there would be problems at all... but then, there mightn't be a story either 

I really like how you end off your chapters with those little thoughts in italics - they're really sweet... and deep. <3

I'm not quite sure what to make of Koharu. She's really scary, and you know that possessive people are more likely to be abusive, as we have already seen, and that it's not something that they can easily change about themselves. The KohaSayu relationship at one point reminded me instantly of a Japanese drama called Last Friends, I'm sure some of you guys have seen it. Sousuke loved Michiru... but because he was so possessive and easily jealous, he became abusive... he'd cry and apologise later, and she'd always found it so hard to leave him.

It seems that KohaSayu might be heading down the same path, although the latest chapters have been more happy, with the members getting together and having a laugh. I hope it stays this way. But what's a story without all the drama and angst? So if there's not going to be anymore drama after this, I'm assuming it's because the story is on its way to a finish...

With all that said, I can't overlook all the fluffy sweetness between this couple!  Koharu seems to want to bed Sayu every waking second ( ) but the things they do and say can be very cute. I especially loved when Koharu rescued Sayu from the freezing snow that night and all the really cute flashbacks which showed Koharu's secretive love for Sayu. So adorable.

Oh, and Eri too. I love Eri. This moment cracked me up:

"Don’t… touch… my Sayu… Don’t touch my Sayu…”
Eri walks around Koharu and mumbles.

I can totally imagine Eri doing that with an idiot face plastered on 

Must mention that your story gave me some  moments too... like when Koharu went nuts after seeing Junjun kiss Sayu... when Koharu spat those awfully nasty words out at Reina... it's all to do with crazy, psychotic Koharu 

Lastly, you're an awesome drawer. I've always sucked at drawing, so anybody who can achieve a bit more than a stick figure is admirable in my eyes 

Thank you for all your hard work, and thank you for sharing this story.

Count me as a regular reader. Looking forward to the next chapter, and whatever else you have in store for us!!! 

[LiLith]

@Beecubed:
Thank you for spending time reading my fic and commenting. I was really happy!
You're Vietnamese too?  I knew some H!P fans who are Vietnamese but most of them live abroad too. And They can't speak Vietnamese, so we had to talk in English although both are Vietnamese, lol. wow, I really feel lucky now when I know a little English. If not, I won't be able to talk to anyone here Thanks God.
I'm very glad that you read my fic although you're not a KohaShige-ist... I hope my stuff here can grow your love for KohaShige a little...
And I won't giving up on the fic when there's still someone read it. Any reader and comment here is the motivation for me. And more important, this fic has already finished in my... mind so there's no reason for me to give up on it.
The fic hasn't come to the end yet... There'll be still a lot of chapters I have to write, lol. But it also means I can stay here more and talk to you guys
Really thank you for giving me such a long comment I was very happy when I read it! please keep reading the story and support KohaShige :X

@Hammy-san:
^^! Yeah. Please read this chapter to get it
What Hammy-san guess is always true 
I admire you 


Chapter 29



"SEEK?”
“Yes, it is a weekly Sunday magazine.” Tsunku-san sits on the sofa with a worried face. “That means these photos won’t be published until Sunday.”
“Did they contact us, Tsunku-san?”
“Yes, they said we can go to meet them for exchanges if we want.”
“What do they want? Money?” Ai-chan raises her eyebrows.
“If they ask for money, that will be a big deal... Who knows how much money they will ask. And more importantly, we can’t pay that much money at this moment.”
I bow my head in silence.
“We have to do something...” Gaki-san sighs. “If these photos get published, there’ll be a big scandal...”
“But... We can tell them that this is just friend kiss... Even me and Michishige-san kissed a lot of times in concerts...” Mitssi interrupts.
“This is different, Mittsi. Even a kid can realize that this isn’t a friend kiss.”
Both Koharu and me keep quiet. Since it’s all our fault, we have nothing to say but bowing our head and gazing at our feet.
“It’s not like that there’s no way to cover it up...”
All members turn to look at Tsunku-san.
“We can use some information to exchange with them.”
“But right now we don’t have any information which is as shock as this one... If the information isn’t valuable enough, they won’t agree to exchange...”
“We don’t have, but we can create.”
He looks at Koharu.
“Kusumi-san, is it ok if I let you graduate?”
My heart seems to stop beating. I can’t believe in what I’ve heard. I turn to Koharu. She looks shocked, too.
“Tsunku-san, what are you saying? Why does she have to graduate?”
“We’ll let them interview and write about the graduation, as long as they don’t publish the photos. This is the only way we can do for now.”
“Wait...” I can’t stay calm anymore. “You can’t force her to graduate just because we kissed! What’s wrong with it? Because we’re both girls?”
“No, because you two are idols.”
I bite my bottom lip.
“We’re idols and we can’t love? How stupid! The fans will support us if they really love us!”
“Are you sure all of them will support?” He knits his brows. “Maybe some will. But some will not.”
“We don’t need that kind of fans.”
“Michishige-san. You’re an idol. You need fans. The fans can choose the idols they like, but the idols can’t choose fans. Without fans, an idol is worthless.”
I feel like crying. Eri comes near to me and gives me an embrace.
“What will they think if two members of Morning Musume are in love? This will definitely a big scandal. But if Kusumi-san graduates, she’s no longer an idol. Then the public will not notice her anymore. And thanks to that, these photos will be less valuable. SEEK is wise enough to understand, they’ll agree with the exchange. A graduation is more valuable to write than a love scandal, after all.”
I stand up and stare at him.
“Ok. If it comes to graduation, let me graduate.”
“Sayu!”
“She’s still young! She has only been in Morning Musume for 4 years. Why do you kick her out, not me?” I point at Koharu. “Tsunku-san, it’s not like that you don’t know my ability...” My tears run down on my cheeks. “I can’t sing well, I can’t dance also. And I’ve been here for such a long time. But she... she’s trying very hard you know? She’s improving a lot these days. Why do you reject her? You called her “miracle” and then you treat her like this? You’re so cruel!”
“Sayu-chan!”
Koharu comes to me. She holds my shoulders and looks into my wet eyes.
“Please, calm down...”
I start crying.
“Tsunku-san. I’ll do as you told. I’ll graduate. Please try to exchange with them... please don’t let these photos get published.” She bows her head. “I’m counting on you!”
“No!” I cry out.
“I got it.” Tsunku-san stands up. “I’ll do my best. He comes open the door and leaves the room.”
“No... please don’t...”
“Sayu-chan...”
“Why do you accept this?” I scream out.
“It can’t be helped... it was my fault...”
“No, it was our fault! Why do you agree with him?”
I push her away and run out of the room.
“Sayu-chan!”
I run into my room when she’s following behind me.
My tears can’t stop dropping. She closes the door and pulls me back to hold me tightly.
“Let go!”
“No...” She holds me more tightly.
“I told you to let go!” I push her away.
“If you don’t want me to hug you, then stop crying in front of me!” She stares at me.
I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. I kneel down on the floor and cry.
“Why do you agree? We have just made up... It wasn’t easy for us to have each other... Now you leave me alone again?”
“What the hell are you saying? You mean our love will end after my graduation huh?” She glares at me angrily.
“No... I don’t...”
“So what’s wrong with our love if I graduate? Sayu-chan, I don’t intend to live on singing all my life.”
I keep quiet. She kneels down and holds me again.
“Do you know why I stay here for 4 years? Not because I love singing. Not because I want to be famous... I’m terrible at both singing and dancing at the first place. But I tried my best to be able to stay here...”
“...”
“Because I wanted to be by your side...”
I hold her back and cry on her shoulder.
“Now I should go on my own way... Graduation is not a big deal... It doesn’t matter anything, as long as we’re still in love...”
“But I can’t see you everyday anymore... I can’t stand it...”
“Who says that you can’t see me everyday?”
“But you’ll leave...”
“I won’t go anywhere. I’ll stay in Tokyo.” She gently brushes my tears with her thumb.
“Sayu-chan... I’ll try to find a room... I’ll try my best to find a job too... At least I want to be able to take care of you by myself...”
She looks deeply into my eyes.
“Then... let’s live together...”
I lean to hold her tightly.
“Do you want to live with me?” She strokes my back.
“Yes...”
I cried all the night, like a child in her arms.
Once again, her words save me when I’m in despair.

“I’ll never leave you...”
“No matter what happens, I’ll always be by your side and take care of your.”
“Please never forget that.”

*

“Everyone, Tsunku-san said that the photos won’t be published!” Ai-chan shouts to us.
“Really? How lucky... Thanks God...”
Koharu grasps my hands and smiles.
“It’s ok now... everything is ok now...”
“Yeah...”
“And, setlist has been changed.”
“What?” I look at Ai-chan in surprise.
“Rainbow pink is added.”
I cover my mouth.
“R... Really?”
“Yes... Tsunku-san said tat this is the only thing he can do for you two.”
I’m a bit like crying. “After all the rude things I have said to him...”
Koharu gently holds me and smiles.
“Please tell him that we’re very thankful.”

A few days before the last night of our Spring concert tour “Nine smile”
Setlist was changed.
Thanks to the last favor of Tsunku-san
At least we can sing together on the stage at her last concert.
I promised to her and to myself
I wouldn’t cry that night.
Because I want to see her smile
And I want her to see my smile too.

[LiLith]

Chapter 30

Even though we promised not to cry,
Finally all of us ended up crying on the stage.
Human’s heart is really frail.
However, please never forget
The miracle the nine of us created that incredible night.

Ah~ I’m exhausted!”
“Me too...”
“But this was a successful concert right?”
“Everyone, please go to my room.” Ai-chan shouts to us.
“What’s the matter?”
“Let’s hold a party for Koharu-chan.”
All of us gather together in Ai-chan’s room. A lot of drinks, foods and even a big cream cake have already been on the table. Ai-chan and Gaki-san must have prepared this party secretly before the concert. They’re so thoughtful.
“Thank you very much...” Koharu sobs.
“Hey this’s not time to cry! We’ve cried enough at the concert!” Reina shouts. “Let’s start the party!”
“Cheer!”
Again, Ai-can takes the mic and starts singing loudly. I burst into laughs. She still can sing now, after a whole concert huh?
“Um... Everyone, tomorrow morning I’ll leave...”
“What? That’s fast...” Reina raises her eyebrows.
“I’ll return to Niigata...” She smiles. “But I’ll be back to Tokyo soon. I’ll find a room here.”
“Really?” Mittsi screams out. “That’s great! We can meet again easily right?”
“Yes. Let’s meet again soon.”

After drinking, singing, cheering for more than an hour, all of us got tired. Ai-chan got drunk and she started singing some weird songs. We smiled, and laughed together, and when Ai-chan began to sing Furusato, Mittsi suddenly cried. Reina yelled at her and tried to cheer her up, but Reina ended up crying too. Koharu said to them that we would meet again soon, and she would keep in touch with everyone, but it couldn’t be helped. Eri, Gaki-san, LinLin and JunJun joined crying. That made drunken Ai-chan, who didn’t know what the hell was happening here and why everyone was crying, stopped singing and burst into tears too. (Although I’m sure she didn’t know what she was crying for.)
I didn’t cry at all. Seeing everyone crying in front of my eyes like that, I couldn’t cry. Because if I cried, Koharu would definitely cry too. And I don’t want to see her crying. That will be a painful scene to see.
“Everyone is already tired... We should return to our room to rest now.” I take a piece of tissue and brush Mittsi’s tears.
“Ah, Koha, take this cake to your room. It’s yours anyway.”
Gaki-san says to Koharu.
“Thanks.”

I stand up and say goodbye to everyone. As soon as we get into my room, Koha lays the cake on the table and throw herself on the bed.
“How... exhausted...”
I smile and come sit next to her on the bed. I take a piece of the cake to a dish.
“Wanna eat?”
“I’ve eaten enough...”
“Oh, is that so?”
“But if you feed me, I’ll eat anyway.”
I burst out laughing.
“Say ah~”
“Ah~... Um...”
“How’s it?”
“A little sweet...”
“Really? I’ll try too.”
I cover my mouth.
“God! That’s TOO sweet!”
She puts both hands on her stomach and laughs. I quickly run to the kitchen to take some water.
“Oh... I’m sure that this is made by Ai-chan...”
My waist is suddenly wrapped with both her arms before I can pour the water into the cup.
“Koharu-chan?”
She gently embraces me from behind and rests her head on my shoulder.
“Let me hold you like this... Just a little...”
I smile and link her hands with mine.
“Sayu-chan...”
“Huh?”
“Let’s take a bath together~” She bursts into laughs.
“Ah~ no way! Pervert!”
She laughs and pulls me to the bathroom. The heat on my cheeks is rising. Surely my face is red now.

“Why did you kiss her?” She unbuttons my shirt.
“Who?”
“Mittsi. At the concert.” She slowly takes off my shirt, and then my bra.
“I...”
“You promise not to kiss anyone else right?” She glares at me. “Why didn’t you keep your promise?”
I feel so scared. That question makes me recall some memories that I don’t want to recall.
“I...”
Suddenly she puts her head on my shoulder and laughs.
“Haha~ I’m just joking. Why are you so scared?”
I stare at her. I push her away and get into the tub.
“Sayu-chan got angry~~” She slowly takes off her clothes. I don’t say anything. I just gaze at the surface of the water without looking at her.
She gets into the tub and gently holds me from behind.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t joke about that...”
“It’s nothing. I shouldn’t kiss Mittsi too.”
“I didn’t mean to...”
“Yeah I know. Forget it.”
I turn back and smile. I lean to embrace her and bury my face to her chest.
“When will you... return to Tokyo...”
“Don’t worry... I’ll try to find a room as soon as possible. And a job too...”
“What kind of job?”
“Sorry... Even now I still don’t know...”
I say nothing at all. I feel so sad, and empty. We’ll meet again, but when?
“Sayu-chan.”
“Yeah.”
“I love you very much.”
She looks deeply into my eyes. No smile on her face. Even though I should be happy to hear that, I really don’t know why I’m feeling so sad.
“Do you love me too?”
I nod. She smiles and leans to kiss me softly on my lips. We hold each other and kiss again and again passionately. I lean against the wall of the tub and wrap my arms around her neck.
She breaks the kiss and gazes at my eyes.
She leans to kiss my neck. Her hand travels around my body, then stop at my thigh.
“Um, Koharu-chan, not here...”
But she continues to kiss my neck, and my shoulders. I close my eyes and hold her tightly. My hands gently wander on her back.
“Baka. We’ll both get a cold.”

*

“Thanks everyone for seeing me to the station.”
Ai-chan starts crying.
“Oh Ai-chan! You always cry at the first place!” Koharu laughs at the leader.
Then it’s Mittsi turn to cry. She hugs Koharu tightly and cries on her shoulders.
“Let’s meet again, soon...”
“Promise.”
Everyone, stop crying. Don’t make people here notice us.” Gaki-san tries to hold on her tears. “Mittsi, don’t take off your glass...”
But I have to brush my tears...”
Everyone laughs.
“Thank you very much, everybody!” Koharu shouts. “I’ll return soon! Let’s keep in touch!”
“Ok, let’s keep in touch.”
Finally, the train’s coming. She holds my hands and looks into my eyes.
“Take care.”
“Yeah.” I smile.
“I’ll call you everyday.”
Then she lets go of my hands.
“SAYOONARA EVERYONE!!!
“SAYOONARA!!!”

She smiles brightly and gets into the train. Everyone keeps waving their hands.
I don’t know why, but my body can’t move.
I can’t see her through the windows of the train anymore.
The train starts running. Without thinking, I come near to the train and keep running alongside it.
“SAYU!”
“SAYU, THAT’S DANGEROUS!”
My ears can’t hear anything. Even the noise of the train doesn’t get into my mind.


“Do you love singing, Koharu-chan?”
“Of course I do!”
“Really?”
“I love singing, I love Morning Musume. And how about Shige-san?”
“Ah. Me too...”
“Let’s both sing together forever!”
“Promise.”


I run and run, trying to look through the windows to see her face.
However, the scene in front of my eyes only cuts me like a knife.
Bowing her head, she’s covering her eyes with her hand and crying.
My body can’t move anymore.
I stop running, and stand in silence, looking the train going farther and farther.
“Sayu! Are you ok?”
“That was too dangerous!”
I kneel down to the ground. My tears start to drop.
“Is that true?”
Everyone holds my shoulders and calls my name.
“Is that true... That she’s no longer in Morning Musume anymore?”
“Sayu...”
“We’ll never sing together on the stage anymore?”

Please, someone, tell me that’s not the truth.


There has been something missing between us that we would never be able to find again.
The moment I saw the train leaving farther and farther in front of my eyes
I felt like I was left behind in a strange world where there was no one but me.

[kuro808]

I finally caught up good job Lilith

This last chapter was quite bittersweet, 

[lil_hamz]

NOOOOOOOOOO...this is not the end right? 

Somehow I think the tabloid won't give up a story of romance between the members over Koha's grad. I can't help but wonder will such a piece of news be that bad? I mean at least it's KohaShige with no boy involved

PS: I'm downloading your manga now

You admire me? Oh no, I don't deserve it. I admire you! For being able to write and draw so well Keep up the good work ne~

[Beecubed]

@Beecubed:
Thank you for spending time reading my fic and commenting. I was really happy!
You're Vietnamese too?  I knew some H!P fans who are Vietnamese but most of them live abroad too. And They can't speak Vietnamese, so we had to talk in English although both are Vietnamese, lol. wow, I really feel lucky now when I know a little English. If not, I won't be able to talk to anyone here Thanks God.

You're welcome, Lilith!
Yes, I am Viet (though honestly I don't like our language. I would prefer Japanese any day!). You know more than a little English. I teach ESL kids who've been in Australia for quite a while (a year or so?) and their English is still really messy. You can express yourself very well... I'd definitely say that you're fluent!

I'm very glad that you read my fic although you're not a KohaShige-ist... I hope my stuff here can grow your love for KohaShige a little...
And I won't giving up on the fic when there's still someone read it. Any reader and comment here is the motivation for me. And more important, this fic has already finished in my... mind so there's no reason for me to give up on it.

Hehhee... they already started to grow on me after watching Sayu give her message to Koharu during her grad concert.
I'm glad you have the willpower a writer should have! <3

The fic hasn't come to the end yet... There'll be still a lot of chapters I have to write, lol. But it also means I can stay here more and talk to you guys
Really thank you for giving me such a long comment I was very happy when I read it! please keep reading the story and support KohaShige :X

No problems!
I think it's really important to give more than just a one sentence comment... when I'm really into something, I'll comment more (I remember when my friend wrote a 12,000 word short story on my favourite pairing and my comment ended up being 4,000 words... LOL).
I know how much effort some writers put into their writing, and it's only fair that readers who get to enjoy the story give something in return too. So I put effort into my comments as well. ^___^

OK, now for your two updates.. sorry I couldn't get a response in early enough. Been a bit busy with uni.

@Chapter29:
I really liked the way you let the whole scene with Tsunku play out.

Poor Sayu and Koha, I felt for the both of them >.< Such new love, and to receive news this devastating at such short notice.

So that's why Tsunku let them sing together on stage... so bittersweet.

Though during this chapter, I couldn't quite take my mind off that really long KohaSayu hug after Sayu's message... 

A really heartbreaking chapter, this one.

I wonder if after this, their happiness can be restored to the way it once was? But hey, if IshiYoshi managed it perfectly well, I'm sure KohaSayu can too xD they can have projects together in the future. Why should Koharu be kicked out of H!P and left to wilt? She has much more to offer, I'm sure!

@Chapter30:
LOL @ drunk Ai and all the crying musumes. Sayu was very sweet trying to be strong for Koharu's sake here... but the 'celebration' probably didn't feel like one for them, ne?

Some more domestic KohaSayu moments  did Koharu really have to spoil the sweet atmosphere with an offer for a potentially perverted activity? 

I was actually tricked by her too, thinking for a moment that she was mad at Sayu for kissing somebody else o.o I have a feeling that these feelings in Koharu are just bubbling at the surface, and that something might happen if they do end up living together as they had discussed before. She's still young, and more used to acting on instinct than mature judgement. LOL. I guess I'm being a bit paranoid. I'm always waiting for Koharu to go psycho crazy again. 

That last part was bordering on depressing! 

How lonely the both of them must feel now... the image of Koharu letting all her tears go once away from their eyes is heart-wrenching. >.<

I wonder how things are going to play out now? How much time is going to pass before they're going to see each other again? For some reason, I get the impression that Koharu won't be coming back any time soon. Because if she really had the intention of going to see Sayu again after a few days, why does the image of her crying on the train seem so helpless? Or maybe it's because reality is finally sinking in for the both of them...

Want to find out what's going to happen now! Update soon please. <3

[LiLith]

@Hammy-san: Haha, Hammy-san is always modest <3
@Beecubed:

I know how much effort some writers put into their writing, and it's only fair that readers who get to enjoy the story give something in return too. So I put effort into my comments as well. ^___^

Really, it's very kind of you... I better feel lucky to have you as a reader LOL.

Yes, I am Viet (though honestly I don't like our language. I would prefer Japanese any day!).

LOL, me too I can never write even an one shot in Vietnamese

I guess I'm being a bit paranoid. I'm always waiting for Koharu to go psycho crazy again. 

She WILL



Chapter 31

Even if we sent to each other hundreds of messages
Or talked together on the phone for hours everyday,
The distance between us wasn’t shortened, even a centimeter.
The text on the messages
The sound on the phone
Is not enough to make my loneliness and emptiness disappear.
Because they’re not her, after all.

“Hello.”
“What’re you doing, honey?”
I open the bathroom’s door and get out.
“Taking a bath. Wanna see?”
“Ah~ I do...”
“No way. Pervert.” I laugh and come take the towel to dry my hair.
“How’s things going on? How’s everyone today?”
“Um... Not good.” I sigh. “Everyone misses you a lot. Feel like no one wants to work, without you here.”
“Haha. Am I really that important?”
“You ARE that important, Koharu-chan.”
She keeps quiet.
“Mittsi even cried today... She said she missed you very much... Perhaps she’s the person to miss you the most. I feel bad for her...”
“Liar.”
“Huh? That’s the truth. She did cry...”
“Is she really the person to miss me most?”
“...”
“Sayu-chan. It’s ok to say you miss me. It’s ok to tell me how lonely you feel... I won’t be sad, I’ll feel happy instead.”
My tears start to drop.
“I... miss you...” I cry out. “I want to see you...”
“Baka. Don’t cry. I can’t embrace you through the phone.”
I burst into laughs.
“How... about you?” I brush my tears. “How’s things going on?”
“Um... I talked to my parents today. About living on myself, in Tokyo. But they didn’t agree with it. Um... My father said he wanted me to study here... He said if I still intended to go to Tokyo, they wouldn’t give me any money...”
My heart tightens. I feel so scared. If she decided to stay in Niigata and study at a university as her father told, we wouldn’t be able to live together.
“Haha. Don’t worry, baka. I’ll go to Tokyo anyway.”
“...Really?”
“I never intend to live on their money though. I want to live on myself, um, with my lover. I want to take care of her everyday.”
I smile happily.
“Ah, by the way, I’ve already found a room. A friend of mine in Tokyo helped me to do. She said it cost only 70000¥ per month.”
“R...really?” I scream out. “That’s cheap!”
“Yeah. But, a little far from UFA bulding. I’m sorry...”
“That doesn’t matter. So when will you return to Tokyo, Koharu-chan?” I say with an eager voice.
“Um, sorry, but you know, I need money to do that...”
“Money?”
“Well, who know how long it will take to find a job in Tokyo... I need money to live during this time.”
“That’s not a big deal, I can...”
“Not a big deal?”
Her voice suddenly becomes scary.
“You mean during that time you will pay for everything? I have to depend on you?”
“But it can’t be helped... Your parents won’t give you any money right...?”
“I don’t intend to ask them for money too. I’ll do some works here and try to earn money by myself. I won’t go to Tokyo before I have enough money.”
“No! I can’t wait that long! I want to see you...”
“I want to live with you in order to take care of you, not to depend on you or bother you. Sayu-chan, I have my pride too. Stop throwing my feeling away.”
“But...”
She hangs up, before I can say anything else.
Why are people so cold-blooded, when it comes to their pride?
I only want us to live with each other soon. I only want to see her soon. Why didn’t she understand that?

*

“Sayu.”
“Sayu?”
I suddenly realize that Ai-chan is calling me.
“It’s your turn already, Sayu.”
“Well, I’m sorry...” I stand up and come to the recording room where Tsunku-san is sitting inside.
“Ok, music, start.”
Today we’re recording the new single, “Onna ga medatte naze ikenai”. It’s the first single after Koharu’s graduation. I feel so weird without her here. Something has been missing. Something very important to me.
“Michishige-san?”
“Ah, I’m sorry...”
“Please focus on the recording.”
I bow my head and apologize him.
The instrument restart and I begin singing.
“No, that’s wrong.”
I stop to listen to him. He tells me how to sing that part, but I really don’t get what he is saying, or what he is saying doesn’t get into my mind. He sings it again and tells me to sing as he did.
“Yeah... I got it...”
I try to sing again.
But I can’t do, because my eyes are full of tears. I brush them and sing, but it can’t be helped. My tears can’t stop dropping, no matter how I try to hold them on.
“Ok, that’s enough for today. We’ll continue on tomorrow.”
He stands up and leaves the room.

“Sayu, what’s wrong?” All members run into the room.
“Nothing... I’m ok... sorry everyone. I cause you all troubles...”
“Stop saying that. What’s wrong with you? If it’s nothing, why are you crying?” Eri comes to me and gives me a concern look.
I keep quiet. I bow my head and keep crying.
“What can I do... I can’t sing...”
“Huh?”
“I miss her...” I cry out. “Without her here, I totally wasn’t in the mood to sing anymore...”
Eri pulls me close to her and embraces me tightly. I don’t know what to do but cry on her shoulder.
“She said she wouldn’t return to Tokyo soon... I don’t know when I will see her... I really... wasn’t in the mood to sing...”
“Sayu...”
“Sayu...” Eri gently strokes my back.
“Do you really love her that much?” Reina suddenly gazes at me.
“What do you mean?”
“If you want to see her, why don’t you go to her side instead of staying here and waiting for her to come to you?”
“Reina, you know we have to record this whole week...”
“So singing is more important? You’re afraid of losing your work here, right?”
“What the...”
“You acted like you loved her that much, in fact, you only blamed on her for causing you not be able to sing.”
“Reina!” Eri yells at Reina, but it’s like that Reina totally ignores her.
“No matter who you love, you still don’t want to lose the position of being a Morning Musume’s member...”
“I don’t understand what you are saying...”
“...Because you love singing? Because you want to be popular?”
She stares at me.
“Or simply, because you don’t want to lose the position... of being by Eri’s side?”
I can’t put anything into words.
“What the hell are you saying Reina? Are you insane?” Eri screams out.
“In the end, the person you truly love is Eri, right?”
Reina bites her bottom lip and leaves the room.
“Sayu! Don’t let what that idiot said bother you! That’s not true at all!”
“I really... don’t love her?”
“Sayu!...” Eri holds my shoulders. “No one can understand you more than yourself. You have to believe in your feeling. Don’t think too much about what people say!”
I push her away.
“Stop treating me that gently if you don’t want Reina to get jealous!” I yell at her. “That you care for me too much only makes me rely on you!”
“Is there anything wrong if you rely on me?” She glares at me. “I don’t find anything wrong with it. I even think you should rely on me more. Why do you call someone “best friend” if you can’t rely on them?”
I don’t know what to do but cry.
“I don’t find anything wrong if you want to be in Morning Musume anyway. This is the position she saved for you, right?”
I look at her in surprise.
“Do you want to loose, the position your lover left behind?”
“No...”
“So stop acting like this!” She yells at me angrily. “A singer not singing is worthless. I don’t want you to be rejected too. I only don’t want to loose any one else. Koharu-chan’s graduation is enough...” She starts crying.
I burst into tears. I’m so useless. I really don’t know what to do.
“Only a person left... Why do we totally turn into another group...” Mittsi covers her mouth and cries. “Everyone is so scary...”
“Don’t cry, Mittsi.” Ai-chan holds Mittsi and strokes her back.
“I’m sorry... It’s all my fault...”
“It’s not your fault.”
Jun Jun comes near to me. She pulls me up and places me on the chair. I look at her in surprise.
“Can I borrow your cell phone? Just a little.”
“Yeah...” I open my bag and give it to her. “But... what do you intend to do...”
She doesn’t say anything. She stands up and leaves the room.
“Jun?”
I’m a bit worried. I open the door and follow her.
“What are you doing?”
She gets into the washing room. She locks the door so that I can’t open it.
“Jun! Open the door! What are you doing?” I bang at the door.
“Hey, Kusumi...”
My heart tightens. I’m totally in shock.
“DON’T CALL HER!” I scream out.
“What the heck are you doing there?”
“JUN! DON’T USE MY CELL PHONE TO CALL HER!” I cry out and bang at the door again. But she ignores me. I don’t know what to do but kneel down on the floor and cry.
“If you don’t want to loose your lover forever, return to her side now.”

No matter what happen when two people stay together
It’s still better than being alone.
Never will you have a right reason to be far from the person you love
If you don’t want to loose your lover forever,
Return to her side now.

[kuro808]

 

so sad for Sayu, although you just want to hug Sayu everytime she breaks down, good job on the story

[rndmnwierd]

Everyone's off balance, not just Sayu. So sad.

[kuro808]

Everyone's off balance, not just Sayu. So sad.

true but I feel more for Sayu in this fic

[Michi.Pinku]

I can't understand Reina's actions ... -w-  but, she really bothers me X'D .
Anyway, Poor Sayu and Koha  They have a lot of problems :S ...
Good Work LiLith 

PS: Michi is commenting  again X'D   

[Beecubed]

Wow... without Koha, Sayu is sure one hell of a mess 
Koha sure does have a huge pride to protect, doesn't she? She overreacted a bit too much - Sayu didn't really deserve to be hung up on like that. Her intentions are always for the best. Koharu needs to take a chill pill  I wonder if she's going through more at home than she let on in the phone conversation?

This is a really sad chapter indeed. I didn't feel much hope from it. Too much doubt, uncertainty, angst... and now, the tension between the musumes themselves is increasing by the moment.

Eri rocks as the best friend. She's very caring, and defensive of Sayu, and seems to understand (or at least wants to) Sayu and is willing to be there to comfort her 100%. Reina, on the other hand, certainly isn't helping. Though everything she said was a little overboard, I think Reina is just a bit jealous that Eri cares so much for Sayu. Or maybe Reina was simply trying to toughen Sayu up? She might come across as a crybaby, and Reina has little patience left for it... hmmm...

And Jun you have to feel sorry for her too!  She's also in love with Sayu, and have to see her go through all that pain, she couldn't bear it any longer, and decided to take things into her own hands... I hope this phone call doesn't make Koha even more furious 

Interesting to see how things will unfold from here!
Please update soon! I'll be waiting.. 

[lil_hamz]

I liked what Jun did in this chapter e most. Someone should tell Koha already that she should think more for Sayu and not just herself. The pride thing might be important but I feel being with Sayu should take precedence. Maybe because she is still so young that's why her thinking is not as mature? I'm sure as the story progresses she will great Sayu well ^^

Eri is so nice and sweet. It's really hard to not fall in love with her Im guessing Reina is insecure about the possibility that KameShige might hook up that's why she behaved so callously towards the bunny.

Poor Aika. She must be so traumatized.

[LiLith]

Grr, I was to busy to do an update...
It's ok now, I'm free from today on 

This chapter was quite a mess... Arg.
But it's more happy than everyone thought  LOL.
Don't fall asleep right away when reading, since this is quite long, and boring, LOL.

Ok. I won't say anything else. 
 

Chapter 32

During that night, I tried to call her hundreds of time, but her cell phone seemed to be turned off.
Sitting on the bed, I didn’t know what to do but cry. The feeling of not being able to see her face, hear her voice, hold her body was so scary.
I have to talk to her. But my body can’t move from this place. When I recall what Reina said yesterday, I suddenly realize that she’s not totally wrong. I could never do anything for Koharu. I said I love her, but the only thing I did was just receiving her love.

“Michishige-san, it’s your turn.” Mittsi interrupts my thoughts.
This time I put more effort on the recording and finally I can finish it. But it’s not very good, I know.
“Thanks for your hard work.”
I leave the room and breathe out. I was the last person to record. Everyone had already done with it perfectly. Feel like I only cause them troubles. I’m just so useless.
I make my way to my room. I need to rest. I’m too exhausted right now.

“Welcome back, honey. ♥”
I’m totally in shock. I keep standing in silence for a while. Wait, am I dreaming? Maybe. I was so exhausted and this can be happen, right?
“What... the...” I stutter.
She’s sitting on the sofa and reading a magazine with a cup of coffee on the table.
“What are you doing here?” Finally I can put something into words.
“Taking care of the room.” She smiles. “You were so careless. The room was unlocked. What if a bad guy come in...” She knits her brows and turns to look at the magazine again.
“No! That’s not what I mean! Why can you be here?” I quickly close the door.
“Oh. By train.” She replies, still locking her eyes on the magazine. Ok. That’s enough. I need to say something serious.
“We need to...”
“Talk?” She puts the magazine on the table and looks at me.
“Yes...”
She stands up and comes near to the window. I can’t see her face anymore but her back. Both of us stand in silence and don’t look at each other. This atmosphere is so scary.
“I’m sorry.” Finally she breaks the silence. “For what I said on the phone the other day.”
“Huh? You don’t have to apologize... You were not wrong...”
“I talked to my sister about us yesterday... Well, everything about us. And she lent me some money... It’s not enough I guess. So... before I can find a job, please help me...”
Tears run down on my cheeks.
“My pride... If it makes you sad, then I’ll throw it away.” She still doesn’t look back at me. “Let’s live together... from now on...”
I run to her and hug her tightly from behind.
I put my face on her back and start crying.
“Thank you...”
“Why are you crying again?” She turns back to look at me and smiles. “I couldn’t do anything for you... Even me find myself so useless...”
I don’t know what to say. I just shake my head and hug her again. Wrapping my arms around her neck, I hold her as tightly as possible. I keep holding her like that for a while, don’t know when I will let go.
“Ah... That’s too tight, honey.” She smirks. “Your nails are hurting my neck...”
She gently strokes my hair. I continue to hug her and cry.
“I can’t kiss you if you keep hugging tightly like that...” She lets out a sigh. I can’t help but burst out laughing. I let go of her and brush my tears.

“Well, Sayu-chan, what happened yesterday?”
“It’s... nothing.” I’m a little embarrassed.
“Why did Jun call me?”
I put my head on her shoulder and wrap my arms around her waist.
“Yesterday... I failed at recording... Everyone even had to stop the recording because of me...”
“...”
“Then I cried in front of them. I didn’t know what to do... Everyone can sing so well... But I can’t...”
“Don’t say that...”
“No matter how much I try, I still can’t sing well... I’m so bad at it.”
“I see. So that’s why Jun called me... Well, if I were her, I wouldn’t be able to do that... I’m too selfish for it.”
“No, that’s not true...”
“The person I am right now... can’t sacrifice that much for the sake of you... I really think Jun is great.”
“Kusumi Koharu is great too, no matter what people say.”
She looks at me in surprise.
“Hey, Sayu-chan.”
“Huh?”
“Is it ok if I kiss you now?”
My face turns red.
“Well, um... You don’t have to ask... But it’s ok...”
Pulling me close to her, she places a kiss on my lips. I close my eyes and kiss her back. Being in her arms makes me calm down, little by little. All troubles don’t matter anymore. The warmth from her body warms up my heart slowly. This moment, I suddenly realize how much I really need her. Even if everyone abandons me, or everything goes wrong for me, as long as she’s still by my side, I’ll be fine. I promise to myself, from now on I won’t let go of her anymore. I have to love her even more. If I can’t do that, then I’ll have to get out of these arms surrounding me.
I have to love her, even more.
Because in these arms, I can find the destiny I desire.

I break the kiss and rest my head on her shoulder to catch my breath.
“I miss you very much.” She whispers softly to my ears.
I press her against the wall. She seems to be surprised. I hold her face with my hand and gaze at her eyes.
“Sayu-chan?”
Feel like my whole body is on fire now. I want her so badly. I lean to kiss her hungrily, passionately.
All of sudden, my cell phone rings.
I don’t intend to stop the kiss. I decide to ignore it. But she lightly pushes me away.
“That may be an important call...”
I sigh and open the bag to take the phone.
“Hello?”
“Sayu do you see Koha? Someone saw her at the building!” Ai-chan screams out.
“Um, yeah. She’s here...”
“OMG. Come to my room, you two. Everyone is waiting here!!”
“Yeah...”

“Who’s that? Ai-chan?” She gently embraces me from behind and whispers to my ears.
“Yes. She told us to come to her room...”
“Um...”
She kisses around my neck and pulls up my shirt. Her hand goes inside the shirt and touches my bare skin.
“We have to go to see everyone...”
“It’s ok. They can wait.” She leads me to the bed and goes on top of me.
“Oh, I don’t think Mittsi can wait though...”
“Mittsi?” She slowly takes off my shirt.
“Yes, she seems to miss you very much. I’m sure she will run to you and hug and cry and so on... as soon as she sees you.” I look away and smirk.
“Haha. Then someone will be jealous.” She unbuttons my pants and pulls down the zipper.
“Jealous? No way.” I pout out.
She laughs and leans to nuzzle and kiss my neck. I hold her and stroke her soft hair. I feel so comfortable now. However, I didn’t tell her everything having happened yesterday. It feels like I lied her. If I tell her what Reina and Eri said, I’m afraid that she will get angry or jealous. But I know I don’t lie for her sake. I’m only afraid that she will leave me. I’m only scared that I’ll be lonely again.
In the end, I only think for myself.
I’m the worst.

*

“Hm. I’m wondering why we have to wait for so long?” Ai-chan stares at me as soon as we open the door.
“Sorry.” I put my tongue out and smile.
“It can’t be helped, Ai-chan. They haven’t met for a whole week.” Eri looks at me and giggles.
“Hi everyone! Long time no see!!!”” Koharu comes in and shouts loudly.
“Your high voice doesn’t change at all!” Everyone bursts into laughs. Mittsi runs to Koha and hugs her. As I thought, she starts crying on Koharu’s shoulder. Wow, I was great at guessing.
“Mittsi, let go of her already. Sayu is giving you a black look.” Eri teases.
“I’m not!!”
“Wait, where’s Tanaka-san and Jun?” Koha looks around.
“Well, I think they’re just a little busy.” Gaki-san replies.
“Ah~ Is Tanaka-san still mad at me?”
“Of course not, baka.” I sit down on the sofa and pat on the seat next to me.
“Um, everyone... We’ve decided to live together from today...” She sits down and looks down the floor.
“What?” Ai-chan screams out.
“We’ve almost found a room and...”
“What the hell you two are thinking? You didn’t learn anything from your lesson?”
I keep quiet and look down on the floor too.
“Although the article wasn’t published, the paparazzi DID know about your relationship. They’ll keep track of and wait for another chance! If they take some photos again, there’s no way to cover it up once more!!”
“We’ll be careful...”
“Careful? It won’t help...”
“We should ask Tsunku-san about this.” Gaki-san interrupts her girlfriend. Everyone nods their head.
“OF COURSE HE’LL NEVER AGREE WITH THIS IDIOT THINGS!!!”    Ai-chan screams out.

*

“It’s ok.”
All the members look at Tsunku-san in shock.
“W...wait, are you serious, Tsunku-san?” Ai-chan stutters.
“Well, as long as they’re careful, it’s ok.”
“Tsunku-san, Sayu is still an idol! What if the fans find out that she loves a girl? And Koha has just graduated for more than a week. OMG.”
“Haha,” He laughs. “It’s because they’re both girl so it’s ok if they live together.” Then he turns to look at me. “As long as you two are careful in public places. Remember that the paparazzi may be watching over you everytime, everywhere.”
“Thank you so much!!!” I bow my head.
“Oh, don’t be that nice to this troublesome girl, Tsunku-san...” Ai-chan sighs.
“Haha.” He’s laughing again. “If something happens, the next member to have to graduate is Michishige-san, right? So, be careful.”
OMG. Don’t say that cruel things with such a smile!!! That’s so scary!!
 
*

“It’s really hard to find such a great apartment with that price. You two were really lucky.” Said Suzuki-san, the 50-year-old estate agent. “Ah, look, that’s the place. That building in yellow.”
I look at the building he pointed. That place was probably built before I was born. The building has a western flavor that makes me fall in love with it at the first sight. For someone like me, who always love romantic dreams and stories, having an apartment with a river flowing nearby is just so great.
“Wow, this view from the window is really gorgeous!” Koharu screams out. “Does it really cost only 70000¥?”
Idiot. That’s not something a client should say.
“Wah~ The kitchen is beautiful! The bedroom is spacious too!”
I wonder when she will stop. The old man smiles and nods his head.
“This apartment has two bedrooms... You two can ensure your own privacy... Isn’t it great?”
“Yeah.” I nod and smile back. “We don’t need two bedrooms though...” I look away from him and mumble.
“Woa~~ Sayu-chan! The bathtub has carved table legs! How cute!”
OMG stop it already.
“Ok, Suzuki-san. We decided to take it.”
“Thank you. This is the application form...”
“Is it ok if we want to move in right now?”
“Oh, of course. But you’ll have to call the gas company and request a gas connection. You also have to fill in this form and send it to the electric power company...” He gives me a paper. “As for the water supply, it will be automatically debited from your monthly rent...”
“I got it.”
“So, I’m leaving. If you have any problem, please call the number on the paper.”
“Thanks.”

As soon as he leaves, the puppy runs to me.
“Sayu-chan this is great!! I can’t believe it costs only 70000¥.”
“Well, I see. Thanks to your friend, after all.”
“YAY! From now on, this will be our home!!” she screams out and jumps. I smile and pull her back to hold her in my arms.
“There’s a bed in the bedroom. We should rest now. You’re tired after being on the train for hours, right?” I stroke her back. “Some furniture will be moved to here in the afternoon... Then we’ll go out to buy some stuffs...”
“Yeah...” She sounds so happy. “But, come look at this!” She grasps my hand and pulls me to the window.
“Isn’t it great?”
The river flows slowly, gorgeously and peacefully. I can’t believe there’s still a place like that in Tokyo. This is not in the centre, after all. But I do like this place.
“Let’s sing rainbow pink, Sayu-chan!”
“W...what?” I laugh. “How can you sing that song at such a romantic moment?”
She bursts out laughing too. I smile and gently link her hand with mine.
“Ok, let’s sing.”

Koharu-chan,
Do you still remember us standing side by side, holding hands and gazing at the surface of the water?
The warmth from your hand, touched my heart deeply, made me feel a bit like crying.
At that moment, we slowly sang our song from our lips.
Please comeback here and sing for me once more.

[kuro808]

SayuKoha 

Incredible chapter and more intimate scenes FTW

[badsaints]

Woot! Koha's back! And they're gonna live together She better treat Sayu well this time or else...

[rndmnwierd]

Yay! Koharu! Lol @ Ai-chan freaking out.

“Haha.” He’s laughing again. “If something happens, the next member to have to graduate is Michishige-san, right? So, be careful.”
OMG. Don’t say that cruel things with such a smile!!! That’s so scary!!

Favorite line in the chapter.

Koha really seems to love Rainbow Pink, I could totally see her just randomly bursting into it.

Please comeback here and sing for me once more.

What? Why is this so ominous?!

[Shiawase_Honoo]

hi! i'm the new of here!
i love your fiction so much!!!
i can't explain how i love it >w<

[LiLith]

^
Ah~~ new reader <3
You're welcome!
LOL, I still HOPE that you can explain that though

@rndm:

What? Why is this so ominous?!

Why?
Please wait for the next chapter, lol.

@badsaints:
Or else someone will yell at me Ok, got it.

@kurosawa87:
<3 SayuKoha <3
I'm just happy that you love the chapter