TangoThe door was closed.
Ai slowed to a stop in front of the shut entrance, flustered but not really knowing why. Now that she was actually coming to a pause, she started to question her own panic.
Yes, she felt bad for not telling Reina about this new development, but it wasn't like she was
really going to go for it. In fact, she had been leaning towards
not accepting the offer, because of, ironically, Reina herself. In which case, she would never have had any reason to tell Reina about something that wasn't going to happen.
Yet, here she was, frantic and flustered, all because Reina had gotten the wrong idea. What was wrong with her? It was only just dawning on Ai that her reactions were not entirely normal for such a situation. Neither were Reina's, for that matter.
What have we gotten ourselves into?Ai hesitated. Should she knock, or just try the knob? Both? None?
She went with option three.
"Reina?" No answer. "Can I come in?"
It might have been her imagination, but she could almost hear Reina going "hmph!" at her. The thought would have made her smile, if she wasn't feeling so jittery to begin with. Screwing up her courage, Ai took a firm grip on the knob, and twisted.
Locked. Alright. So Reina was angry with her. The realization sent a pang through her, but also irritated her for some reason. It wasn't like she intended to keep it from Reina. It wasn't going to happen, and if she had really decided on going, it wasn't like she was going to disappear on Reina without a word. Why was the girl so upset?
It pissed her off.
Ai didn't even realize her knuckles were turning white on the knob. She probably didn't notice the hinges rattling a little (the door was a little loose). She was probably only half-aware of her petulant reaction of kicking the door.
She became quite fully aware of the consequences in a moment though.
The door caved in. Ai nearly fell into the room with the momentum, but managed to save herself with good balance, decent reflexes, and a great deal of luck. In other words, she managed to cling to the doorframe.
There was a long moment of silence.
"Oops?" Ai said sheepishly, running a hand through her hair nervously. Reina continued staring in disbelief, then recovered to scowl at Ai.
"Reina?" Ai started cautiously. Picking her way delicately past the shattered remains of the door, Ai skirted to the far side of the bed where Reina was currently perched on.
Reina turned away from her. In fact, she threw a blanket over her head, resolutely not wanting to deal with Ai. The older girl felt a familiar prick of irritation, along with the strong sense of being wronged. She didn't like the feeling. She really liked Reina, but this was pushing things.
"Reina." Her voice is firm now, and she sits by Reina's prone figure on the bed. "Listen to me."
"Go away." It was a bit muffled, and Reina shifted under the blankets, the material bunching as she curled into a tighter ball. Ai pressed her lips together in irritation.
"Fine." Ai took a deep breath. "I wasn't really going to go, but since Reina doesn't want me here, maybe I will after all."
A thin hand shot out from under the blanket, latching onto Ai's wrist in an almost painful grip. Reina poked her head out from under the covers, glaring.
Taking the opportunity, Ai reversed her wrist so that she could hold onto Reina's arm as well, locking the younger girl in place. Neither was willing to back down.
"Are you going to listen now?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" Reina looked at Ai accusingly, all wounded kitty in her tone.
"I..." Ai didn't like being put on the defensive. "I would have told you if I was going to go!"
"Only after you made a decision?" Reina said, a tinge of bitterness in her voice.
"I don't have to tell you everything!" Ai burst out, frustrated. She hated being backed into a corner. She wasn't wrong! She didn't have to report everything to anyone. Reina was being silly. It wasn't such a big issue, so why were they getting upset over something like this?
"You never tell me anything!" Reina felt like a broken record. They had been over this. If there was something Reina really hated, it was being treated like a child. She could never hate Ai, but this was really getting to her.
"This wasn't important! Besides, I wasn't going to go! I didn't want to leave..."
The 'you' died on Ai's lips, swallowed back into her throat uncertainly, where it left a huge lump that nearly cut off her breathing. It was one thing to admit to herself that she didn't want to leave Reina behind. It was quite another to admit to the person in question. As for why it would be a problem, Ai wasn't sure why either.
It felt too big a proclamation. Like...a line would be crossed if she had said it. As for what line that would be...well, Ai wasn't really thinking about that at the moment.
Reina misread her hesitation for something else. For all of her astute judgment, Reina was still only an adolescent with minimal experience regarding humans relationships. Her interactions with people were never this involved, and Ai was the first person with which she had really connected, but even that was a little skewed. Ai could be quite the enigma sometimes, and she was not helping with all the mixed signals she sent off.
"Don't tell me you still miss that bastard." Reina seethed a little (ok, more than a little) inside. She was jealous, damnit. The way Ai talked about, and did not talk about, the guy really illustrated how deeply he had gotten under her skin. Reina wasn't blind. Ai's eyes became clouded with a myriad of emotions whenever they got anywhere near the topic before. There had been love, regret, despair, sadness...
Many things. Reina felt insecure. It was so obvious that Ai had felt strongly about her ex-boyfriend. Reina only wanted Ai to look at her, and not even think about anyone else. She had felt more than a little desperate, trying to cheer Ai up after that debacle, trying to steer Ai away from focusing on the jerk. She had convinced herself that she was just trying to protect Ai from dwelling on the pain, but the truth was...she just hated the idea of Ai thinking of someone else that wasn't her.
"What are you talking about?" Ai was baffled. Her feelings toward Yamashita were...complicated, to say the least. She loved him once, that much she was willing to admit. She had been betrayed, and that had hurt her past the point of forgiveness. He would always get under her skin, because he had already been there before. It was difficult not to think of him whenever feelings were involved, because he had hurt her so deeply that she would never really forget it, short of amnesia. He was a bad first example to have when it came to relationships, but Ai figured that she would just have to deal with it. The consequences of bad choices.
Reina sat up, so that she was almost nose to nose with Ai. Their hands were still locked around each other's wrists, neither willing to let go. Stubborn mules, both of them.
"You don't trust me at all! Never telling me things, hiding stuff from me...I'm not a kid! I can help you! I
want to help you!" Reina's voice was getting agitated, almost on the verge of cracking.
Somehow Ai got the feeling they weren't just talking about the trip anymore.
"Look, I wasn't going to go so I didn't think I needed to tell anyone, ok? Can't you just accept that?" Ai pushed forward stubbornly, deliberately ignoring the tangent.
"You told my mom." Reina said quietly. That was true.
"We were on the subject." Which was also true. "I would have told you about it if the subject ever came up in conversation." Somewhat less true, but it would never be put to the test, not now.
"Why are you always so...argh!" Reina tried to let go, shake Ai's grip loose of her hand. Ai didn't let go, so she settled for turning her face away huffily. Ai twitched irritably.
Reina was more than a little surprised when Ai's other arm snaked around her waist, pulling her into a tight embrace. The grip on her arm loosened, but that was only to faciliate the act of hugging Reina with both arms instead of just one. Her back was still to Ai, but she could feel the older girl's breath on her neck. It sent an involuntary shiver up her spine.
"Reina, listen. I didn't tell you because, because I'm not used to telling people things, ok? I don't know how to talk about these things. I used to talk to my mother, but I don't really want to worry her with this..."
"You know, people are just going to get more worried because you don't tell them
anything." Reina interrupted, exasperated. Ai's grip didn't allow her to turn around to look at Ai, and having the older girl pressed into her back was kind of distracting. Not that it helped her temper. Ok, perhaps it did, but only a little!
"Will you stop it? I'm trying to apologize here!" Ai replied just a little snappishly. Her nerves were a little frayed. "I don't do this often!"
That was true. Most people usually gave in to her. Ai wasn't sure why. Probably because her pride had never allowed her to bow her head first. But here comes Reina, with a pride just as stubborn as her own.
Something had to give first, and Ai was already very uncomfortable having to concede first, if at all. The best, or worst part, was that she didn't feel like she was at fault.
But she wanted Reina to listen to her, and if apologizing would get her damn attention, then she would suck it up and just
do it.
Reina, for her part, wisely shut up. A part of her wanted to yell back. She didn't recall ever really having screaming matches with Ai. It just...never came to that. They had disagreements, but both of them chose to ignore it before. It was all sweetness and fluff before, but now? Now it felt real.
To be perfectly honest, Reina was terrified. It felt
too real. Too honest. Too close to...whatever it was brewing between them. It felt raw and ready to lash out.
Was she angry with Ai? Yes. Did she still care about Ai? Definitely yes. Did she want to move on from this? Hell yes, but not back to what it was before, where they simply danced around each other's problems. Except going forward suddenly seemed like such a terrifying prospect. Because it was totally unknown, and Reina had absolutely no idea where they would be heading with this.
"I'm no good at this." Ai grumbled under her breath, which only served to tickle Reina's neck. The younger girl shifted uncomfortably. Her room was cold, but being pressed against Ai like this made the temperature almost comfortable. Comfortable, but for the tense atmosphere between them.
"Just stop thinking so much and say what you want to say!" Shutting up and listening was never Reina's strong suit. Her blunt honesty was something that Ai both loved and hated sometimes. It cut too much into her comfort zone, and Ai envied the way Reina could just say the things on her mind without, well, over-thinking it.
"God, you're such a coward."
Alright, that was just pushing it. Ai's temper flared, her fists clenching. Her jaw tightened, and she wanted to just lash out at something, but she managed to restrain it. Just barely. She had to respond. Somehow.
"I was worried, I didn't want to go because I didn't want to leave you behind!" There, she said it. Before Reina could respond, Ai took advantage of her momentary courage and continued.
"But I was also thinking of going because it's hard, alright? I didn't want to stay here. It's just going to get worse, I just know it! He's not going to stop haunting me, I need to get away from him. And if I leave, maybe he will leave you alone. He can't use you to get to me."
Ai closed her eyes. "But if I leave, he might still try to do something to you. I'm scared, Reina. I don't want anything to happen to you."
There, the truth. Ai's determination wavered, and she withdrew into herself, her grip on Reina slackening. She had said it all on the spur of a moment, and now she couldn't just un-say them. Things didn't work that way, and Ai was new at this whole...being direct thing.
"Ai." Reina had managed to turn around. Ai's head was bowed, her shoulders turned inward like a defensive bulwark against the world. Reina returned the embrace Ai had given her earlier, burying her face into Ai's shoulder.
"You're such an idiot." Ai stiffened at this. "Reina can take care of herself." Before Ai could shrink further, Reina continued.
"But Reina wants you to take care of her too." There. She kind of liked it when Ai was fussing over her. She would probably never admit it to someone else. It was a little embarrassing to enjoy being babied in any way, after all.
Ai looked down at where Reina was nestled into her. The younger girl seemed kind of embarrassed by her own declaration.
So cute. How could I possibly leave?"Reina doesn't want Ai to go anywhere." Reina muttered, clinging on to Ai. "Reina wants you right here. Not somewhere else." Reina looked up, and their eyes met.
"Rei..." Ai felt a little overwhelmed by the devotion in Reina's eyes. It made her want to pull away. It made her want to hold Reina close and never let go again.
It was all so confusing. Ai licked her suddenly dry lips. She felt like she should do something.
Something. Reina looked so vulnerable in her eyes. They were too close. She wanted to kiss her.
Wait, what? Ai recoiled from her own train of thoughts.
What? Reina ended up making the first move. It was just a simple, innocent press of her lips on Ai's cheek, but the contact felt like a burning brand on her skin. Reina was blushing when she pulled back, and promptly hid her face in Ai's chest.
"Mou, Ai is the worst!" Reina grumbled, smacking Ai gently in the shoulder. "Making me say all these things..."
Still kind of stunned, Ai didn't react for a while. She was still trying to respond to her own impulses.
"I'm sorry, Rei..." It felt right to have Reina curled up in her arms. Felt good to have her there. She was trying to process where all those led.
I want her all to myself. Ai thought a bit guiltily, running her thumb down Reina's arm.
I don't want to leave, and I don't want to share.The realization made her flush hot in a moment. Friends didn't do that. They didn't think like that. If Reina was not just her friend...where did that leave them?
We're both girls! Ai panicked internally.
I can't do this to her! What if she doesn't like me back?But she does! A gleeful, giddy sort of voice reminded her. Images of Reina being overly affectionate to her, coupled with all the declarations of how much Ai meant to her flashed within her mind in an instant.
She could have just been trying to be a really good friend. That sounded lame even to herself. For that matter, why was she even having this argument with herself to begin with? It didn't make sense.
I can't possibly like someone like that, right? Not a girl...But it's Reina. Not just any other girl. She had never felt so comfortable cuddling with anyone else that wasn't family. With her other friends from her childhood, she used to do boisterous stuff like climb trees and do strange things on a dare. Almost like a boy. She was practically fearless back then. It was a different kind of closeness she was dealing with now, and it was absolutely scary.
Ai was pretty sure her brain was short-circuiting. It was too confusing! She needed some space. She was not getting any space, short of shoving Reina off her. That just wouldn't do.
"Ai, is something wrong?" Reina had sat up, and she reached out to cup Ai's cheek with one hand. Ai nearly choked, a strangled sound coming from her throat.
Reina was just too close. She should push her away, get some air. Get some space. She needed to think. Reina was not letting go. Damnations.
Oh, screw thinking!Ai had a wild sort of look in her eyes. Like that of a cornered animal. Reina was justifiably concerned. Leaning in close, she was totally not prepared for when Ai suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders. Reina barely had enough time for her eyes to start bulging when Ai kissed her.
The sound of the bedsprings bouncing was very loud when they hit the bed.
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Oh Ai. You so confused. So cute. Hurhur.
I leave evil cliffie and see if anyone responds. Fufu.
P.S. I didn't plan it to turn out like this. They just took matters into their own hands. Oh well, what can I say.
Topic: Destiny Love [16/02 - In My Own Time] (Read 78594 times)