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Author Topic: Wonderful Tonight Chapter 7 1/5  (Read 2696 times)

Offline kuro_808

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Wonderful Tonight Chapter 7 1/5
« on: December 20, 2009, 07:48:40 AM »
I wrote this a while back and I was in my revolting mode, so I don't think too highly of it but hope you guys appreciate it as well.


Chapter 1

My name is Saki Shimizu.

I am a seventeen year old girl, who had her heart broken and realized the importance of life.

I have six wonderful friends and they knew of my suffering.

They had their individual doubts of him.

Six doubts, six shot down.

He gave me the most wonderful three months ever.

On the three-month anniversary, it happened.

It was sudden; I felt his hand slip and he went away.

My friends started to yell at him, but I told them to stop and let him go on his way.

This is my story.

One summer afternoon, Momo and I wanted to have a picnic at the park.

She and Yurina had been a serious couple, and to get her from away Yurina, that took a while, but she knew I would not steal her princess.

Momo decided to wear pink clothing and it always annoyed me that she could wear something so bright and cute.

I always like plain clothing like long-sleeve shirts and jeans.

I decided to make some rice balls and meatballs for the picnic.

Momo always liked my food and she would never complain, because she could not cook and barely cleaned around the house with Yurina.

We both sat on the hill, where we met 6 years ago, she was a lonely girl, because she was bullied by the other kids and I decided to make her my friend.

Ever since then, she has become the firecracker that I knew her to be.

I laid out the blanket and Momo put the basket on the blanket and started to eat.

She would always go for the food, before even asking me if I wanted any, but I was okay about that.

I got my food and ate, she would always talk about our friends and their relationships with each other, and she always looked at me and gave me a pout.

“Saki, you should find a person you like, because you will not stay this pretty forever.”

I always laughed because she would always joke that my age compared to them.

That day, after all that talking, we were watching the sunset.

A guy walked up to me, a slim build man, went up to me, and asked, “You seem to be enjoying the sunset.”

I looked up and saw him, my heart started to beat faster, then Momo walked up to him and pinched his cheek.

He looked uncomfortable but he did it right back to her, and saw her face blush.

“I was watching the sunset by that bench over there.” He pointed about ten feet away.

“Then I saw two ladies by the hill and wanted to ask you,” pointing at me, “Would you like to have a bite one day?”

I started to think about it and saw him being a taller, slim man, and said yes

My name is Ogata Takeshi.

My name is Shimizu Saki.

Then, Momo, comes in with “My name is Tsugunaga Momoko and I will not let you hurt her.”

He started to laugh and said ,”Don’t worry, I cannot hurt anyone”

Both of us backed up, and he gave me his cell number and I gave him mines.

“We will keep in contact.” He started to walk away.

“Saki, you are perfect for him”

I wanted to be happy but I had to hold back my emotions.
« Last Edit: January 05, 2010, 06:42:42 PM by kurosawa87 »
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Offline Shipyon

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2009, 08:41:38 AM »
Not watching this. This story make me cry  :cry:
But I recommend this to everyone

Offline kuro_808

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2009, 10:33:45 AM »
Well a rough start with this one, although I know the issue but I am too stubborn to change it :lol:

Chapter 2

Momo and I went our separate ways.

I stared at the number and heard my phone vibrate.

It was him.

“Hey, you want to meet up at the café tomorrow?” He sent me a text.

I replied back, “Sure, is it okay to bring my friends?”

“How many of them?”

“Six of them and they have hearty appetites.”

“Okay, please bring them.”

My heart started to beat faster and decided to send a text to my friends.

“You sure he will have enough money?” Miyabi texted me back minute later.

She is my closest friend and we went out together once but we felt uncomfortable being a couple, so we decided to stay friends.

At the same time, I met Momo, Miyabi was the bully of the school, and she bullied all the kids around the playground.

One day, I stood up to her and gave her a push backwards.

She broke her arm on the fall backwards.

I felt sorry for pushing her that I went to the hospital to say I was sorry for the push, she came up and hugged me.

“You are a strong kid and I underestimated your strength, what if we become friends?”

Momo and I turned to each other; I asked one question, “Can you stop bullying the kids?”

She started to laugh, “I cannot do anything until my arm is healed and since you are stronger than me, I will stop for your sake.”

We all came to an agreement that we will become friends no matter the circumstances.

I replied, “I don’t know but he is willing to meet with all you guys.”

“Okay, I will bring my appetite tomorrow”

The others did not ask questions about him and they gladly accepted.

I started to wonder what clothes to wear for tomorrow.

Maybe a dress, nah its too fancy

Maybe a sleeved shirt and a skirt, nah I don’t want to be too girled up.

So it took me an hour to get to the only conclusion, long-sleeve shirt and jeans.

I started to wonder about what school he goes to, how old is he, how is his grades, and finally why ask me out and bring my friends too.

I took a shower and got ready for bed.

Hopefully, there would be some good weather tomorrow.
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Offline Sancho

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2009, 06:37:49 AM »
I'm not a Saki Fan but I kind of like this. hmmm I wonder what happen next?  :P

Offline kuro_808

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2009, 08:54:49 PM »
^ Thank you, I'll be honest I know I won't get too many comments but I like enough readers to read something other than the usual  XD

Chapter 3

The next day it was overcast and drizzled quite a bit.

I had my umbrella ready and went out of the house to meet the rest of them on the way to school.

First, I picked up Momo, who is not a morning person and always miss the alarm.

Her mother has to yell always at her to get ready on time.

“Is it a date?” She asked after zooming out of the house.

“Obviously, he would not date seven of us at the same time, I figured if he saw all of us, I wouldn’t be son nervous.” I wanted to make a good impression towards him

“Oh, it is get together; I hope he has a lot of money to take care of us.” I became concerned about money but I didn’t want to text him in the morning.

Next, it was Maasa’s house, she was the neutral person, she was not good in athletics and she had average marks across the boards.

Everything she does seem to be par to everybody else.

Even, when I met her, she was a B-average person; she would never get A’s or be the first or the last in races.

“I brought some extra money to cover what he cannot cover.” She looked at me and told her thank you because I did not have enough for myself.

Then, came Risako and Yurina, they were the most popular in school, because both were the brains in the school.

I met both in study hall, and I realize they would help me in anything except for relationships.

They both never been in a serious relationship, they ended up joining up with my group and hooked up with Momo and Miyabi.

Therefore, they would always stay together as couple while I just chilled in the library.

Finally, Miyabi and Chinami came, Chinami had the best smile in the class.

Her smile was so powerful, that the teacher feared she would blind her with her teeth.

Although, Maasa and Chinami were off and on, but they were more closer to each other than I was with them.

The chatter started to escalate about my new “boyfriend.”

Momo just continued on with her “He was so cute” stories and I just drifted back to think what to say to him.

We had many different classes and it showed how good I was in math with Yurina and Risako, but bad in English with Miyabi.

The classes were boring yet time flew and we met up for lunch.

“Does he look like he has a lot of money?” Chinami asked.

I gave her a look and told her, “I could not tell about his situation, he had nice clothes on, so I guess so.”

“Can he make you his princess?” Risako asked.

I started to think about it and said, “Maybe, I don’t know maybe he will treat me like a queen.”

Everybody went gave an ooh and aah.

“I guess you cannot wait to meet him,” Maasa asked before her next bite of her lunch.

I nodded and told her, “I was nervous, because it was the first time with a guy.”

Lunch was over and we went to our final two classes.

Then, time slowed down and I could not wait to get out and meet him.

After class, we all met outside the school and started to go to the café.

The chatter escalated again until we got to the café and see if there was any reservation under his name and then we all saw him.

“He’s cute, Saki.” Chinami gasped.

“I agree” Yurina and Risako went in shock.

“He looks like he has a lot of money.” Miyabi checking out the ambiance.

We all rushed to the table and the couples sat next to each other, and I sat next to him.

I introduced all my friends to him and he did the same in return.

“Order what you want, my uncle runs the place.” His uncle came behind him and slapped him in the head.

“For you ladies, my nephew will pay for everything.” He turned around and his uncle gave him the eye and turned back in fear.

“He got you there, Takeshi-kun” Risako pointed at him.

He giggled and started to take the order for all of us.

They started to give him the third degree.

“Okay, first off, I am home schooled, I am eighteen years old, and I am studying English at a local university”

Everybody started to be impressed by his speech.

Chinami and Risako started to talk to everybody else and I was scared stiff because I did not what they could be skimming for him.

Miyabi started, “Okay, we six have a test for you before you can go steady with Saki.” He nodded.

“For the next week, you will have to pass by our six tests to get a chance to kiss her.” He nodded with a serious face.

“What if we want to go pass that?” He asked lightheartedly.

“Well whatever you want to do after is up to you and her.”

My head got light and looked at him.

He flashed back a smile.

After that conversation, the meals came out, and we started to eat and I noticed that he was having a good time with my friends.

My heart started to warm up to him.

“Saki, your friends are wonderful to be with.” He smiled.

I smiled back, but I knew that they would test him out with this meal.

After we ate, we started to talk about today and the bill came.

I managed to take a peek and I was nervous, so I took out my purse.

$150.69

My heart skipped and looked at him.

He turned and paid the waitress in cash.

$200.00 and the change was her tip.

They looked at him and turned their heads.

“I work part time at the convenient store.” He laughed.

Miyabi whispered to me, “He passed the first test.”

I was glad he could pay for all of us but they were not going to give up that easily.

We got up and went out the café.

He decided to take all of us home.

My friends were talking and then he grabbed my hand and looked at him.

They were talking louder when they saw his hand in mines.

“Your friends are your time line; they determine how you will be in future.”

I looked at him and understood what he was saying.

We got to my house and dropped me off and they all scattered to their houses.

“Maybe tomorrow, we can decide on something.” He gave me a big smile.

I replied, maybe you will give me a call right?

He nodded, and he walked passed all the houses.

I felt so proud of him today.
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Offline badsaints

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2009, 11:34:40 AM »
Hmm I don't normally read non-MM fics since I don't know the kids well enough to appreciate the stories. But since you are the writer, I'll read this one for sure :D


Quote
For the next week, you will have to pass by our six tests to get a chance to kiss her.”
6 tests just to kiss a girl? Woah :shocked


Quote
$200.00 and the change was her tip.
Wow $200.00 is a lot for a part-timer. Saki better appreciate this gesture :lol:

Offline kuro_808

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #6 on: December 25, 2009, 11:42:34 AM »
^ thank you for reading it lol many don't read it too much so it'll just go to the depths and I just appreciate anything

Well the whole thing is that her friends want to protect her in any way  :lol:

Chapter 4

After I took my shower, Miyabi texted me, “He’s really cute and gentlemen-like, hopefully you’ll have a good time with him.”

I started to giggle, and got a text from him, “I hope today was good for you and your friends, I will always be here for you, Laterz.”

Couple minutes later, Risako texted me about going clothes shopping this weekend, I replied, “if I could bring Takeshi along”.

She texted me back, “We need a strong man for our shopping, and that is his next test anyways, so good night.”

I texted him about clothes shopping and he replied, “Sure, shall I pick you guys up?”

I texted him back and said, “Yes.”

I let my phone go and landed on the bed, I started to think about him, he was so manly despite his frame, a skinny Japanese male with no muscle tone.

He looks like a dork, but an attractive dork, so I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

The next day, they all started to talk about him and what should be his next move on me.

Since, it was Friday, we got to chill at the mall after school, we just went window shopping and saw him across the mall with a bag.

Chinami asked, “You working today?”

He replied, “No, today is my day off, I went to get some manga.”

Momo grabbed his bag and saw all the romantic novels.

“You are a sucker for them aren’t you?” Risako started to smile in a weird manner, having thoughts about what he might do to Saki.

“Yeah, I am, the characters are like puppets and if you change one part of them, they will expose their flaws.”

Everybody started to scratch their heads and turned their heads to the side in confusion.

“What? A guy cannot read romance manga”

Everybody started to shake their head in defense, then Maasa asked him, “Is there anything in there you are willing to do with Saki?”

I punched her in the arm and he started to laugh.

“Well, are you considering that we start moving on in the relationship?”

Everybody just shook their heads again, and started to move away from him like a bad scene.

“Saki, tomorrow I pick up every body right?”

I nodded and he went on his way.

Yurina began whispering to me about her experiences with Momo and I started to laugh.

Momo started to climb on Yurina to catch what she was saying.

“Yurina, you told her we did stuff, didn’t you?” Momo gave a pout.

“No, Momo, I wanted her to catch his flaws.”

Obviously, Yurina knew how to change the subject.

She was telling me the plan to expose him and I just nodded because I knew he wouldn’t do it.

The whole afternoon, we planned out our route, and walked home.

“So, everybody got the plan right?” Miyabi yelled out.

I was in dreamland thinking about what he can do with me, and Chinami shook me.

“You are perverted, you know?” Everybody saw my reaction and started to laugh.

My face just went red, when I noticed the paper stuck on my shoe, and never bothered to rub it off.

“Your head was in the gutter for a while, Saki” Miyabi started to tease me.

I was so happy that he does all these things but one thing concerned me.

What is his flaws? Because no person is perfect and he seems too perfect.

Then, I figured that he will tell me before we get really serious.

I walked into my house and went into my room.

I wonder if he will be alright tomorrow.
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Offline badsaints

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #7 on: December 25, 2009, 12:34:20 PM »
Quote
What is his flaws? Because no person is perfect and he seems too perfect.
Hmm I don't trust things (or people) that are too perfect :huhuh Wonder if Saki's gonna be alright :(

Offline kuro_808

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Re: Wonderful Tonight
« Reply #8 on: December 26, 2009, 09:27:41 PM »
^ We'll see

Chapter 5

Saturday came and woke up to a phone call reminding me about meeting everyone.

Takeshi had his car, an Audi A6, brand new in my driveway.

I looked outside and saw them all around his car.

“You better get ready for some major shopping, Saki.” Miyabi yelled.

I quickly got myself ready and got to jump into the front seat of his car, while my friends were being squished in the backseat.

“Saki, you are lucky he is your boyfriend or I wouldn’t take this from you.” Massa threatened with her words of strength.

I started to laugh and turn to him, his smile was infectious, and he impressed me by finding a parking spot next to the store.

“Okay, where ever you guys have to go, I’ll be your helper today.” He never saw seven pairs of evil eyes in his life.

We ran around the mall and went through every store possible

We bought clothes and more clothes.

Until we got to the lingerie store, all of us were nervous but Risako wanted something sexier for her collection at home.

Risako ran in and we followed her to get her out of the store.

She was looking at all of the style and started to look at Takeshi.

“You would like to Saki in one of these.” She showed him high cut underwear.

I started to blush and tried to hide the underwear from him.

“Well it is up to her choosing, right?” He was serious and he started to crack a smile.

“See Saki, he is a pervert.” Risako pointed out.

“Well, Saki, would you like that?” He asked me with his arm around me.

I was so nervous and shook my head saying no.

“Saki, you need to service to him.” Chinami elbowed me.

He started to shake his head and laughed.

Risako got her underwear and went out of the store.

I looked back and he was still smiling.

“He is a strong person, Saki.” Chinami started to be concerned. “He passed my test.”

I nodded and guided him to the elevator.

“Thank you, Saki, I enjoy being with your friends.” He still was smiling and I could not help but smile back.

We spent nine hours at the mall.

He drove all of us back to my house and took out our bags.

He said bye to each of us and we were left in my driveway.

“Saki, don’t worry about me, I am only here to make you happy.” He stroked my hair.

I started to tear up because I never felt this way about a person before.

“Don’t cry, like I said. I will always be there for you.” He hugged and kissed me on my forehead.

“I got to go home, my parents is going to kill me when I get home.” He laughed and drove away.

He is such a prince and I hope he can pass my friend’s next test.

Just at the moment, Risako texted me, “His third test is the most attractive girl in our school, Maimi.”

My heart just sank, she would be a hard one to pass, but I have confidence in him.

Monday, he will prove all my friends wrong on this one.
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Offline badsaints

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Re: Wonderful Tonight Chapter 5 12/26
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2009, 04:36:47 AM »
Oh Maimi? Haha that will be a very hard test :lol:

Offline kuro_808

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Re: Wonderful Tonight Chapter 5 12/26
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2009, 11:41:42 AM »
I think this seems to be hard enough to post because I know the story so well that I could answer it but I rather let people read it

Chapter 6

Monday came too soon, I did tell him about the next test because they know he has to go through all of these tests for my sake and happiness.

I met up with all of them, and Maimi joined us today.

I met her at the school, during my first year.

She was quite a beauty and would like to have all the guys to be around her.

She was not a slut but a man magnet; she would try to control their prowess.

“You have a new boyfriend, Saki, so I heard.” Maimi in her snotty voice.

I nodded and knew she was a challenge for him.

“After school, I want to meet him in person, if he can pass me, you will have a great boyfriend, if not, better break it off.” Maimi knew she was the best at what she does.

The school day went by fast and gave him a call to meet me at the park.

He was there promptly, was sitting at the bench, and the place where we were watching the sunset together.

“Hey Saki, what’s up?” He was laid back on the bench.

Hey Takeshi, I have a new friend you have not met, Maimi.

“Well, Maimi is such a nice name.” He shook her hand and invited her to sit next to him.

She went closer to him and he just laughed.

“What’s wrong?” Maimi asked.

“You are a good girl at heart, because you know I am going out with Saki” He replied with his confidence.

“Well, you are not what she is saying you are perfect, you do have a flaw.” She stood up.

“Of course, I have a flaw, but it is here.” He pointed to his heart.

“My flaw is to love everybody, and that will be my downfall of my life.” He patted her on the shoulder and gave her a handshake.

“Wait, don’t you like me instead of her?” She started to get jealous of me.

“Well, you may be a beauty but you are a beast inside.” He pointed at her forehead.

She fell onto her knees.

“You are just wonderful, you never crumbled, and you truly cared for her.” She started to see the light right in front of us.

She ran up to me, “You never let him out of your sight, I never seen a person like this before.” She hugged me and cried on my shoulder.

Everybody saw that and turned around, they gave him a smile, and he smiled back.

“He passed my test.” Maimi whispered whipping tears from her eyes.

I gave Risako the thumbs up and she gave me the thumbs up back.

He grabbed me and told me, “I never cheat on you and I will never be jealous of anyone you will be with.”

I kissed him and told him, “I would never cheat on you either.”

He walked me home, hand in hand with my boyfriend.

“You know she gave a good fight.” He was looking at the auburn sky

“Maimi?”

“Yeah, she is very attractive but it’s a shell of her true self.”

“I always thought she would woo anybody her way, but I had confidence in you that you wouldn’t go under her spell.” I was looking at him and noticed his hair was brittle.

“I know, you were hesitant to introduce her, and being nervous is fine with me.” He started to smile.

My mind was stuck in time.

He was too charming for the best girl at the school.

He was just the rock wall to anything coming his way.

“Well, I hope tomorrow, we can meet up again for some fun.”

I nodded and went into the house.

My heart fluttered and saw every thing in me fly away.

I took a shower and got a text from Maasa.

“Can he help me with my homework tomorrow?”

I texted her back and told her to meet us in the library tomorrow for his services.

I sent him a text about going to the library and he gladly said he‘d be there.

That whole night, my head had every thing from meeting me to now.

I felt loved by my boyfriend.
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Offline badsaints

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Re: Wonderful Tonight Chapter 6 12/30
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2009, 05:27:54 PM »
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“Well, you may be a beauty but you are a beast inside.”
I don't think the perfect gentleman will say that :)


Quote
I took a shower and got a text from Maasa.
“Can he help me with my homework tomorrow?”
A test from Maasa? :lol:

Offline kuro_808

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Re: Wonderful Tonight Chapter 6 12/30
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2010, 10:55:48 AM »
^ all of them gets to test him

and he may not be a perfect gentlemen but he can avoid situations

Chapter 7

The next day, I felt much more comfortable with him.

He passed my three friends’ tests

Today, it is the fourth test.

Maasa is good at determining a personality type by her lack of study skills.

She can confuse and frustrate the best tutors in the school.

I know she will give him challenge, and he will succeed for her test.

After school, we went to the library and found reading a book about Issac Newton.

“Hey Maasa, are you ready to start your homework?” He put his arm around me and gave me his jacket.

“I have to do some algebra problems and I am not good at math.” She was putting up her act.

“Okay, let’s have a look.” He took a glance and started to think about his strategy.

“I have an idea, do you have some small candy?”

“Yeah, I do.” She took out her bag of small candies.

“Okay, first off we’ll do the easy one, 2X-14=50.” He was looking at Maasa with a concentrated face.

“Sure, I’ll take out fifty candies.” She started to count each candy. “Okay, I have fifty candies out.”

“Now, the first thing is to add the number without the variable to both sides.” He wrote it out and asked for fourteen more pieces.

“Sixty-four pieces of candy?” He nodded and continued to the next step.

“Divide the stack to the number next to the variable.” She pointed at the two and split the stack into two.

“Now, count the one stack and make sure the other stack has the same amount.” She started to count the first stack and then the second stack.

“Thirty-two?” He nodded and she silently cheered.

“Okay I will do one more problem with you and we’ll see with the other problems.” He point out 3X+5=20.

“Okay, twenty pieces of candy.”

“Now, we are going to subtract five from each side, so every time we are going to do opposite signs.” She started to smile and gave me the thumbs up.

“So, we have fifteen pieces of candy.” He nodded and told her to split the fifteen pieces into three stacks.

“Five piece each.”

“Now, you got it, just continue it that way.” She was was extremely happy.

They continued this check and do process for the next two hours.

She was pushing his limits at times but he kept his smile and tried to point out what she did wrong and if she missed a step.

She was exhausted from the work and she told us, “I’ll get the rest when I get home.”

We walked her home and he dropped me off next.

“Saki, she is learning it slowly but I feel she can get everything down sooner or later.”

That made me smile and hugged him for going through all the trouble.

He gave me a kiss on the forehead and walk out to the street.

I waved him goodbye and went back into the house.

I felt great that he was able to handle Maasa’s acting.

I took a shower and got a text from Maasa.

“He’s good, he passed my expectations.”

I laughed and text her back, “He’s smart enough and has a lot of patience.”

An hour later, Momo sent a text, “We have the final two tests, we all meet at my house tomorrow afternoon.”

I replied that we’ll be there.

Then, I sent him a text about going to my friend’s house and he said he’ll be waiting for me after school.

One more day of this and I get my freedom with him.
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R.I.P. Jab!  Dad/friend

Offline badsaints

  • in love with Love
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Re: Wonderful Tonight Chapter 6 12/30
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2010, 12:46:13 PM »
Using candies to teach math :lol: Smart move :D

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