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Author Topic: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]  (Read 5049 times)

Offline okamisilva

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The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« on: October 07, 2010, 01:08:35 AM »
 The legend of the whites knights


A kingdom that hides a big secret, where the power of powerfuls mens is a challenge.
Two sisters will challenge everything and everyone to discover the truth about this secret that will change their lives forever and six other girls who go join their adventures by the desire for revenge, truth and love.[/left]



 Niigaki Risa: It will challenge everyone and everything to discover the past about his father's death.
Having to change your life and your name to Niigaki Ryo to get into the cavalry of the kingdom where her father was former captain.
She had been trained since childhood to be a knight by his father.


Tanaka Reina: The adoptive sister Risa she will follow in the footsteps of his sister.
It will also change its name to Tanaka Rino to get into the cavalry. She was trained by Risa in order to accept all challenges.
But her biggest challenge will be a certain princess.


Takahashi Ai: The daughter of the prime minister.
 Her best friend`s princess Kamei Eri.
She will be put to the test when he meets the young knight Niigaki.
 She will have to choose between her family and her true love


Kamei Eri: The princess.
The only heir to be a woman cannot inherit the kingdom without being married, so her father and prime minister have agreed to marry her older brother of Ai, but a small Knight will make her heart beat so strong.
She will be challenge for her heart and the good of his kingdom.


Michishige Sayumi, Reina's childhood friend she will follow the sisters on their adventures until they meet a beautiful thief to change his life.


JunJun: Leader of a group of thieves. She along with her group will join Risa and Reina, but her real challenge will be to win the heart of a certain bunny.
 

Mistui Aika: The newest member of the group of thieves JunJun.
She and very mature for her age she will also be joining the sisters in their adventures.
One of his biggest desires to give peace to her suffering people.

Linlin: Another member of the group of thieves.
After she know sisters, she'll want to be strong as they claim to Risa to train enough to protect those he loves.
 



Hi this is my first fanfiction that I do so I'll post here hope you all enjoy

 Excuse my English is not my language  :oops:
« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 01:37:03 AM by okamisilva »

Offline kuro808

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #1 on: October 07, 2010, 09:27:15 AM »
I like the concept, I feel this might be a good story, the synopsis of the characters are quite interesting, I'll be there to read it
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Offline oddball

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2010, 01:14:06 PM »
intresting looking story, eargerly awaiting the first chapter!

Offline fallenxangel24952

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2010, 04:34:54 PM »
yeah it looks nice :twothumbs
nice concept too

yeah i would like to read it :D

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2010, 04:49:51 PM »
Sounds interesting, hope the first chapter will be up soon!

Offline okamisilva

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2010, 10:39:56 PM »
thanks all for the comments
i will try to put the first chapter today but I have to translate into English because it was written in Portuguese
I hope all enjoy it because the beginning and still a bit boring :bow:

Offline meeiu

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #6 on: October 07, 2010, 10:43:04 PM »
interesting concept!!!
i will be waiting ^-^

Offline Haruka

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2010, 12:33:28 AM »
o_O Knight and princess concept =D

cOOL xD


God!! She knows she's HOT!

Offline okamisilva

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Re: The legend of the white knights
« Reply #8 on: October 08, 2010, 01:34:57 AM »
1º Chapter   

Hear the beating of swords in the middle of a dark forest.
 "Hey Reina! you are very slow today." said Risa smiled when he defended herself from attacks.
"Mou, Gakisan." Reina would react angrily stopped attacking herr opponent and continued to speak "we are doing for hours. We can stop it? Also is getting dark now." Said, when she dropped herself on the cool grass to recover her strength.
"Well you can stop" said Risa continued to train alone manager heavy sword with a thunderous speed, like she was dancing with the moves she did.
"Hey Gakisan tomorrow is the day of the throne what you going to do about our identities? * Yannn*" Reina asked in a tired voice waiting for the answer
"It's easy" Risa stopped her workout and turned to look to Reina who had fallen asleep, smiling innocence of her sister, Risa picks up a blanket to cover for the long cold night and lies down beside her  whisperer good night in her ear .

The next morning with the smell of freshly prepared food, Reina stretch the muscles because training of the last night.

"*Yann*- Hello Gakisan."
"Good morning Reina , eat before it gets cold we have to prepare to go to town." Risa said in a tone as a loving mother send her child to eat.
When Reina is eaten Risa prepared the horses for a long journey that awaited them.

Reina had a big black horse that had called Wind, he is the faster horse she had riding. Risa give to her because she said that is because they were much the same level of personality it was a gentle horse and Risa knew he would protect Reina in her adventures.

Risa had a huge white horse which she called Rock, because this horse with great physical strength and is stubborn, Risa has win a race where all the strong men of their village, tried to ride but they fail. Risa accepted the challenge. Upon entering the arena Risa study everything about the horse. She did the same things during two days they looking at each other until he gives up and left Risa ride. Now they are inseparable.

"Ah! It is true." said Risa to Reina left confused by her sentence "I already know what we're going to do about our issues. We have two steps to do." Said Risa lifted a finger continued to speak " the first we have to do this."
Picked up a knife and cut her long black hair that was tied in pony tail and left Reina scared.
"EH! I DO NOT WANT. " Reina cried. Tears began to run form their cat's eyes. Risa don’t reply and continued cut her hair. Reina dropped her head to Risa not repair the tears were streaming down her face. When she looked at the ground saw the black hair falling in front of her.
Reina felt two pair hands warm, she knew very well, going by her face she wiped the tears running, one hand reached the chin raised her head to look in gentle sister brown eyes.
"Sorry"  Risa whispered in the ear of the Reina when grabbed her hand to be able to pass the knife for her to do the same to her hair. Reina not grabbed the knife and let it fall to the ground, with that her sister stayed confused with that behavior.
"Reina But…." before she can finish her sentence Reina  speak
"* sob*.. .. Please *sobs*... you can cut it for me ...*sob * "
Risa nods and pick up the knife to cut hair from Reina. Taken one of their little pig tails and cut in a simple cut and dropped her hair on the floor. Reina knew everything would change after that she would have to become strong and change is no longer a child had to be rescued by his sister who always saved her for messes.
Dropping on the floor last pig tail. Reina embraced Risa with all the strength she had and started to cry as there was no tomorrow for her. Risa the only thing she could do was to comfort the little person who was in her arms.

"So what was the second part of your plan?"  Asked Reina to Risa when they already headed towards the main city of the kingdom.
"Our names of course ..." stopped to think "hope you like the name of Tanaka Rino because now you're going to be your and my name will be Niigaki Ryo."
Risa looks to Reina who made multiples faces on the names she had chose
" Do you have better names?" Ask Reina
"These are the names that my father had given me to hide my identity when we live in the castle." say Risa in sad voice.
"Oh! Sorry" say Reina when eventually realized the significance of those names.
Risa look back to Reina and give a sad smile
"Is time" say Risa when they reached the front gate of the city



Sorry the bad english
I'll try to improve for the next chapter
Hope everbody enjoy the story :)
« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 02:57:45 AM by okamisilva »

Offline kano-chan

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Re: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2010, 01:42:33 AM »
Hmmm... Quite interesting!  :twothumbs

lol....Reina with short hair? XD So they're pretending to be guys... :w00t: I can't wait to see how they would meet up with the others. :D

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2010, 02:37:28 AM »
Reina XD , I could so see her bawling about cutting her hair. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Maybe a little something that might help your English, females are always she and her instead of he and his, respectively. Also instead of using -dialogue- you should use "dialogue" If you don't mind my saying.

Offline okamisilva

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Re: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2010, 03:03:27 AM »
kano-chan: you will see
rndmnwierd: thanks for the advice, and I had not noticed the "he" and "his" thanks

Offline kuro808

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Re: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2010, 04:37:49 AM »
I like the story so far, they have to establish their identities and cutting their hair to be more or less men, good job can't wait for the next chapter
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Offline fallenxangel24952

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Re: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2010, 04:51:53 AM »
interesting story so far! i like it :twothumbs

and reina with short hair!?!?!
something like this?

Offline rndmnwierd

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Re: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2010, 11:22:59 AM »
^ Gah! :shocked: That's crazy looking! But, oddly, I like it. It's badass.

Offline oddball

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Re: The legend of the white knights [1 Chapter]
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2010, 04:04:43 PM »
Intrestin start to the story okg forward to more!

Poor Rea really didn't want to cut her hair did she?  :lol:

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