mangobanana15: First of all, thank you for commenting my fanfic so much ^^ You're like the first one commenting most of the time
Let me just say that... well I will never give a break to poor Takamina
I feel seriously bad when I think about it since she's my oshi... but I guess I can't help it. Writing happy scenarios would not be enough credible
We'll see what will happen with all this mess
crazywota: It's been a week! Sorry, I'm not able to be faster than that and it's thank to two days off that I managed to finish this chapter!
Arakawa: LoL thank! Again, I'm sorry, I can't do faster than one week minimum before the next update, but I'll try my best to not make you wait too long...
TakahashiJ: Haha thank you! I'm glad to know your reactions when you're reading
But there won't be any lemon scenes in this fic, coz I actually can't write it AT ALL
I don't have enough vocabulary... and it's not really what I want to write about
kahem: Hiroko killed by Kenji? Wait... you're giving me ideas
No, don't worry, I created an idea way before... I just don't know how I can introduce it... And yes, I did update fast, but I think it will never happen again -.-'
Keichan ^_^: I've been inspired by you and put a Sherlock Holmes inside in this chapter
Me? A ninja? I think you're dreaming. Right now I'm fast, but I doubt I will be able to update as soon later... Coz I can feel work coming....
hott3stson3: Yeah... all the things... but I decided to make it in a credible way... I think
Well, two days off helped me to finish this chapter ^^ And tomorrow I have one last, but unfortunately won't have time to write a lot, so don't expect anything until a few days...
silllythings: Thank you!
I totally found the nickname thing randomly when I was out of ideas
Everyone reading: Thank you
Okay guys, I managed to finish this chapter! In order to finish it... I stayed over 1am Friday and Saturday night!
It's been exactly a week since my latest update, so I don't think I'm late this time!
But... I can feel work coming.... running toward me with a knife, ready to kill me... So I don't know how long it will take for my next update
I will try my best, but can't promise you anything. At least... I don't think it will take over a month
No, don't worry, I'm joking
Um.... yeah, I have nothing else to say for now! Enjoy!
Sorry for the mistakes
Chapter 21“Where is Acchan?” Takamina asked after two hours, hours she had spent half absent because of her recent alcohol ingestion.
Her birthday party was not done yet, but almost. They had all stopped eating and were just talking, enjoying the fact that they could all be together. It was supposed to be a conversation with Takamina, since it was her birthday… but the small girl’s mind had kind of left for another world where only she could go. She had heard what they were saying, she had heard about Acchan having to call back her agency… but she had not understood what those words meant. It was like… hearing a song without listening to the lyrics. So when she had suddenly come back to earth, the first thing she had noticed was that her best friend was no longer with them.
“And Takamina is back with us!” Yukirin laughed. “It was about time!”
Takamina rolled her eyes, not really understanding what she meant. She looked at the clock and blinked.
“It’s already that late?!”
“You’ve been absent for awhile…” Mariko said. “I think… you drank too much.”
“Me?” Takamina exclaimed, staring at everyone. “I did?”
They all laughed as Yuko showed her a picture of her staring at nothing, a stupid look on her face. She looked like she was about to fall asleep. Takamina immediately tried to take the phone from Yuko, but failed.
“Even if you managed to delete it from her phone… She already sent it to us.” Sasshi said, enjoying the fact that the so-serious Takamina had been seen this way.
“Who gave me alcohol?” She said, not believing she had been prank again, even if she was not in AKB48 anymore.
Takamina perfectly knew she couldn’t support alcohol. It was usual for her to get drunken after only two glasses of beer. But now, she had only taken one glass… of strong alcohol, which kind of had the same effect. At least, she had not been completely drunken… she had just been… somewhere else in her head. And strangely… she couldn’t exactly remember what had happened before now.
“We didn’t…” Mariko said innocently. “You took it by yourself.”
It wasn’t completely a lie. Takamina did drink it by herself… but it was Mariko the responsible for this glass’s presence on the table at this specific time. Takamina looked around her, not believing she had been in such an embarrassing state in front of the others… the day of her birthday. She couldn’t even remember her own birthday party now! She hadn’t enjoyed it like she was supposed to! And she knew that something must have happened… since Acchan was not there anymore.
“You didn’t answer my question, where is Acchan?” She repeated, beginning to worry about the fact that her… “best friend” was not by her side.
The last thing she remembered about it was that she hated Miichan for being with Acchan all the time. She looked around and, seeing Miichan was still here, sighed. At least, Acchan was not elsewhere making out with her. But… where was she?
“She left after you two went to do suspicious things in the bathroom.” Tomochin smirked.
“What?” Takamina answered quickly. “W-What do you mean?!”
“Ah, she doesn’t even remember!” Tomomi said. “I wanted to know about it!”
“Wait… what?” Takamina frowned, not really liking the situation she was into.
The… bathroom? She couldn’t remember well… had she been in the bathroom recently? With Acchan? What had they done?! What link did it have with the fact that Acchan was gone? WHAT EXACTLY HAD HAPPENED?! Was it good or bad? Was it positive, negative, nothing important? Had they… oh, she didn’t want to think about it…
“You called her Atsuko!” Miichan said. “And after, Acchan and you went in the bathroom… and when you came back later, well… you were absent.”
Oh no… this was bad… really bad… Did they… do it? And she couldn’t remember?! How come she had called her “Atsuko” so suddenly?! Damn alcohol for ruining her life.
“And?” Takamina said, afraid.
“And she left after you came back.” Mariko said, laughing in her head.
They would tell her about the strange call later… for now, it was too funny to make her believing it was because of what they had done in the bathroom Acchan had left. Takamina really hoped Acchan had not left because of her. Because right now, in her mind, there were two scenarios, and both of them sounded horrible.
First… Acchan had left because they had done something in the bathroom… something she couldn’t even imagine… something she was definitely not ready for. And second… Acchan had left because… they had broken up in the bathroom. Though Takamina had no idea why it would happen, it was the only thing she could think about and it scared her to death. Maybe… she had called Acchan “Atsuko” and it was the reason why they had broken up? No… it couldn’t be that. But at the opposite, the first scenario seemed impossible too! Wait… if she really was drunk… then anything could have happened.
“R-Really?!” Takamina stammered, ready to run outside to find her.
Her birthday… was not the same without Acchan. Even if the actress had spent most of the time speaking with Miichan, just to feel her presence was fine for Takamina… Well, not “fine”, but it was tolerable. Of course, she’d rather have her by her side, but… what had happened? Acchan had been so distant since the beginning of the party that Takamina would not even be surprised to learn they had fight.
Seeing how the singer looked afraid, Haruna decided to stop joking and said:
“Takamina, stop looking so pale! She didn’t left only because of you…”
Okay, she just had to mention Acchan may have left because of her, it was stronger than herself. But in fact, since Acchan seemed to be now the only one knowing about what had happened between them… maybe she really had left partly because of it, who knew?
Takamina wasn’t feeling a lot better. Ah, okay… because there was something else too?!
“She had something to do at her agency.” Mariko said seriously. “Something about her manager I think…”
It didn’t help a lot to calm the singer. They all didn’t know about Hiroko and her… and now they were telling her Acchan had left because of something related to her? And can somebody just told her about what had happened in the damn bathroom so she would stop panicking like crazy?!
“Takamina?” Mayuyu asked. “Are you alright? You seemed… sick.”
“Do you know… why she had to left?” She asked.
Her friends didn’t answer anything.
“We only know it has to do with her manager…” Yuko sighed.
But Takamina was already not listening to them, trying to contact Acchan. But no one answered to the three phone calls she did. Was it really so important? Was Acchan trying to avoid her at the same time?
“I see…” Takamina said.
“Come on, change your mind!” Miichan encouraged her. “And why don’t you tell us why you called her Atsuko? Now that you’re back to reality, there’s no way I’m going to ignore it!”
Takamina blushed. She didn’t remember well… but she knew she would hear about it for a long time.
***
She woke up the next morning with a slight headache. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid yesterday, drinking and staying awake until one in the morning. Today was an important day of her life. The one that would show her if she really had the skills to be a singer. Today… was the release of her first single. She was nervous for her live performance at MUSIC JAPAN. She couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if ever she failed, or if her voice wasn’t good enough, or if she didn’t sell at least a hundred copy of her single. And like it wasn’t enough… she would have to see AKB48 members too since they too had a performance the same day.
She opened her phone just to see if Acchan had answered to her calls, but there was nothing… nothing except the strange mail she had received from the private number. She deleted it, thinking she would never know the real identity of this mysterious person. And what gift could it be? In any case, she just wanted to concentrate on her main goal today: survive to the release.
She knew she would have the chance to talk to Acchan today anyway, so at least she hoped she could make things clearer between them. First, she would ask her about yesterday, mostly about the bathroom part she couldn’t remember anything about… and after she would ask her the reason of her sudden departure. Strangely, this morning, she had woke up with one sentence in mind, one she couldn’t remember having heard, and she wondered if it had a link to anything that had happened.
“Takamina is not Takahashi Minami.”What was the link between this sentence… and her current situation? What was its significance?! She sighed and left her house, trying to remember the lyrics of her song, even though she knew them very well. She waited for the car to come and bring her to the studio. On her way, she saw much publicity announcing her single. She smiled, still nervous. Would she even be able to sing today?
***
“Where is Acchan?” Takamina thought as she entered the studio, spotting immediately some AKB48 girls that were participating to the performance today, aka the senbatsu members.
The actress was nowhere to be seen and somehow, Takamina felt bad about it. She wanted to talk to her before the show, so at least she would feel relieved about one thing in her life. But not seeing her was only putting more pressure on her shoulders.
“Ah, you already stopped calling her Atsuko?” Mariko laughed as Takamina just rolled her eyes.
“She couldn’t be here today finally.” Miichan answered.
Takamina frowned.
“Don’t worry,” Sasshi added, “She’s not sick. I heard she had problems to solve instead of coming here.”
Takamina frowned even more, not understanding what kind of problem it could be. It increased her doubts about her birthday celebration. Was it related to the only event she couldn’t remember properly? Why was her life so complicated lately?! She felt like her mind was running a hundred miles/hour as she swallowed and asked:
“What kind of problems?”
“How are we supposed to know?” Miichan asked. “Acchan haven’t told us anything since she left yesterday. We only learned this morning that she couldn’t be there today.”
Takamina couldn’t tell exactly what was going on, but she felt Miichan wasn’t telling her the entire truth. In fact, she was sure she knew something more. But was it really so important that she had to hide it from her? The singer sighed, knowing she should be concentrating on her performance right now, but knowing Acchan wasn’t there to support her drowned her energy. Acchan had participated to the PV… she should have been there. The performance Takamina was going to do today… was supposed to be only to Acchan.
She thanked her friends and left them to go practicing her choreography. She wasn’t entirely concentrated, and she knew it. She was also nervous for her first release, so it didn’t help her at all. She hated herself for being so emotional right now when she needed to focus on her work as much as possible. She hated herself… because she knew her performance today would not be as perfect as she wished it was. She also couldn’t help but feel guilty about Acchan’s sudden absence. She was literally stuck in a whirlpool of different emotions, and it was becoming a huge nuisance. She perfectly knew she would blame herself forever if ever she didn’t do a great performance… Pressure was at the max level.
“Come on Takamina… you can do it…” She told herself, even though she wasn’t convinced at all.
It was soon the start of the recording. She knew she was not ready, and for the first time of her life, was about to give up. She definitely couldn’t do it when there were so many things going on around her. She was even about to cry because she felt so useless right now. She knew she had to do it, she knew she still had the skills to do it. In fact, it was now or never… it was now the moment when everything would start, when she would reach her dream… but without Acchan by her side, it seemed like she was forever diving into a black hole.
She went to sit at her place, knowing she couldn’t move back now. She had to look forward… there were so many fans supporting her, she couldn’t suddenly quit everything. She sighed loudly as the recording started and as the soundtrack was starting to play. She stared at the AKB48 members sitting near, all excited to promote their single again at this popular show. She smiled slightly, missing the old days where she would be amongst them, laughing and anticipating the talk with the MC. They had always a lot of fun during TV show, Takamina the first one, even if she was humiliated most of the time. People usually saw her as the whole group’s captain, to which she had finally agreed near the end of her idol career. She didn’t want to be pretentious, her role was important, but there were others members too. It was just that… it was becoming impossible to deny this fact since most of Japanese people thought she was the leader.
But right now… where was her group?
She was alone. The AKB48 members were apart from her. She suddenly realized it was the first time she really was by herself during a performance or during a TV show. During MuJack, she had been with another MC. Same with Domoto Kyoudai… even during her solo performance, she had still had the members encouraging her backstage. But right now… there was her… and the world. Literally.
She did a forced smile at the camera when the MC introduced her, making a lot of girls screaming at her. She bowed to them, knowing most of her fans were female. It wasn’t actually a bad thing… she liked being supported by anyone, but women seemed to encourage her anytime anywhere.
She was relieved to know that she would be interviewed after AKB48. At least, she had some time to try to calm a little… That was what she thought. But since it was Music Japan with her AND AKB48… of course there would be question involving her, even if she was not performing with them. So after a couple of questions about the group only, the MC asked to Yuko:
“Okay, we have Takahashi Minami with us too, here to perform her first solo out of AKB48. How do you guys feel about it, to see a graduated member coming back with so much fierce?”
“We’re really happy for her!” Yuko smiled. “We had a similar situation when Oshima Mai released her first single as well. It’s always nice to see others reaching their dreams. We know that everyday we spend in AKB48 is to prepare us better to what will happen later. We know it cannot last forever, so we enjoy each moment as much as we can, and when someone is leaving, even though it’s painful, we can finally understand that this person is ready to walk by herself toward her dream.”
“So you guys are not sad to see her leaving the group?”
“No, we are sad to see her apart from us!” Mariko said. “But somehow… Once you’ve been to all those experiences, doing TV show, performing live, singing and dancing all together, dealing with a busy schedule… then you are ready for everything else that will happen. Takamina was ready since a very long time, she just decided to stay in AKB48 because she knew she could still learn something else by being with us. That’s very mature from her. The group lost a very important member… but her work is done. She brought us everything she could, and we all helped her to learn and know herself better. A member cannot rely on AKB48 forever if it means she will not reach her dream. We are sad and we know the fans are too, but it was something that needed to happen. She can learn a lot more things out of the group now.”
Takamina was really touched by Mariko’s words, because she knew the tall girl, instead of laughing at her like she was always doing, was really talking honestly about her being able to reach her dream.
“So… according to you, she’s ready? Takahashi told us before she was still unsure, what do you want to answer to this?”
The senbatsu members exchanged glances. It was a difficult question… especially since Takamina was there, listening to them.
“Honestly, I think nobody can really be 100% ready to whatever is going to happen.” Mariko answered maturely. “Takamina, like each of us, still has things to learn from experiences, it is just that it is not by being in AKB48 that she will learn them. Takamina has the right to be unsure, because it’s her first release. We are proud of her, and we know she can do it perfectly and rock the place, but we also know she has to get more experience too. And this experience, she will find it by working and singing more than ever. If she doesn’t start now, she will be afraid for the rest of her life, so it’s already awesome for us to assist to her first release. We just hope she will not underestimate her, because she has everything it takes to be a singer.”
Takamina smiled and nodded. Mariko was right. She still had things to learn, but right now she was doing her best with the experience she had already. She will learn a lot more later, right now she just had to perform like she did before, and it will go well. It was only her first release, so she couldn’t expect it to be perfect. She would make mistakes, but she would eventually learn how to surpass them to make her performance better.
“What do you have to answer to this, Takahashi?” The MC asked.
“I’m happy they trust me.” She said, trying to hold her tears. “I was unsure since I had left AKB48 because I knew now I was going to be alone each time I would perform. But I’ve come to realize that, even if they are not with me anymore, they still support me and it makes me thankful. I miss them a lot and others members too. I will do the best to show them that when you graduate from the group, it’s not the end. It’s only the beginning of something else. I hope AKB48 will still be the same group later… even though some members will graduate, even though we will be walking on different paths, I believe that, if AKB remains the same, then nothing bad can happen.”
“That’s a very mature answer from the ex captain of the group!” Miichan screamed, not taking care if she was being impolite.
She would miss Takamina for sure. NO3B would never be the same without her…
“So do you have something to add?” The MC asked them.
“Do your best, Takamina!” Sasshi said, soon followed by everyone.
“Don’t make a fool of yourself!” Tomochin laughed.
“Make us proud!” Sae added.
“And don’t forget about us too.” Mariko said, smirking ironically, knowing Takamina would never EVER forget about them.
“Okay, so now AKB48 will perform their new song, and right after we will have more talk with Takahashi Minami who releases her first single today to start her solo career!” The MC completed while the members were going on the stage.
Takamina stared at them, stars in her eyes. She was really proud of them and couldn’t wait to see their performance. She was still nervous and sad because Acchan was not with them, but somehow, the conversation she had had just now was enough to encourage her. Today… she would perform not for Acchan… but for AKB48.
***
Right after her performance, she had an hour free before her next interview, this time for a popular magazine. She wasn’t really proud of herself since she thought her voice had been too automatic during the performance, like if there weren’t enough emotions. She knew she could have done way better and it frustrated her. She could feel the pressure on her back and for the first time, didn’t know how to make it disappear. She was even more nervous for her interview, afraid she might say the wrong thing or that she would not be understood by the reporter. Sure… it was her first release and it was normal she didn’t know what do to… but she felt like she couldn’t even make effort to do her best. She felt like she wasn’t doing her best at all, like she couldn’t wake up.
She knew the words she had heard from the AKB48 were sincere, she just couldn’t act in consequence. She couldn’t… take these words to make them hers. She was even starting to wonder if she really had nothing more to learn from AKB48. She hadn’t exactly left because she had nothing more to learn… she had left because of Acchan over everything else. But now, to the point where her relationship with the actress was heading to… had it been a great thing?
She saw Miichan eating by herself in an empty room, so she went to talk to her. Not only was it a nice way to see her friend for the second time in two days, but Takamina felt like she could learn something more about Acchan by talking to her.
“Hey!” She said as she sat by her side.
“Takamina! Your performance was great, congratulation for your release.” Miichan smiled.
The ex captain nodded, even though she wasn’t exactly really proud about her performance.
“Um… Miichan, I don’t want to disturb you, but do you know what happened with Acchan? I mean, really?” Takamina asked, knowing her friend hadn’t told her everything before the recording.
Miichan shook her head, suddenly very concentrated on her food, like it was the deal of the year.
“Miichan?” Takamina said, frowning. “I just want to know… Acchan is not sick, right? You weren’t lying about it, were you?”
“Oh, you’re so cute wondering about her like this! And you still tell me you two aren’t dating?! I can’t believe it!” Miichan answered, sizing the opportunity to bring another subject.
This time, it was Takamina’s turn to not answer anything. They were dating… weren’t they? What about the huge supposed problem about the bathroom? What about the fact that Acchan was probably avoiding her? Were they… dating now? Seeing that her friend was blushing and looking elsewhere, Miichan opened her mouth wide open and almost screamed:
“NOOOO! REALLY?!”
“Shhh, I haven’t said anything!” Takamina said, hoping nobody was listening to them.
“That’s the point!” Miichan said, really excited. “You haven’t denied it for the first time ever! So it must mean that…”
She didn’t finish her sentence, grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice’s adventures in Wonderland.
“I didn’t say we were together either…” Takamina tried to argue, but Miichan strongly believed they were now officially dating.
And tomorrow… each member of AKB48 would know it too, Takamina had no doubt about it.
“You two are really dat-”
“Shh, shut up!” Takamina said. “Someone might hear!”
“Oh, afraid?” Miichan smirked. “But this is pure love! The whole world needs to know about it! So that’s why you two left AKB$8, to be together?!”
Takamina shook her head, asking:
“So… why isn’t she here today?”
Miichan, even though she now knew about her two friends’ close relationship, didn’t know what to answer. She didn’t want to mess up with anything, but she also wanted to tell Takamina what she knew. Now at least she knew why Takamina was so taking care of what had happened to Acchan, she was obviously scared about it!
“Um… since when are you… together?” Miichan asked, making Takamina understood she HAD to answer if she wanted to get an answer to her question.
“Well… I-I can’t remember exactly…” She started before being cut by an indignant Miichan.
“WHAT? What are you going to do to know when your birthday is?! You know, the date must not be forgotten at any price! It’s like… the most important date of a relationship… except if you two already did something more, but I’m not sure if I really want to know about this last point…”
Takamina didn’t answer, knowing Miichan had an important point. She HAD to remember this date or else Acchan would not be really happy… She knew around which week it was… she just didn’t know the exact day…
“Anyways, was it before yesterday’s celebration?” Miichan asked, adding, after seeing Takamina nodding. “Okay… I’m not sure about the entire reason why she’s not here today, or wasn’t there when you finally came back with us yesterday. But… I think I might know a part of the answer.”
Takamina smiled, relieved to know that she wasn’t wrong thinking Miichan always knew everything. But she also noticed the serious look on her friend’s face and knew she had to listen carefully.
“First…” Miichan started. “Do you remember anything from yesterday…?”
“If you’re talking about the bathroom thing, I can only remember one thing… and even so I’m not sure if it really has a link.”
Miichan, as a real Sherlock Holmes, kept quiet and waited for the singer to continue.
“Well… this morning I had one sentence suddenly in mind, even though I have no idea where it comes from.” Takamina hesitated.
Miichan nodded, waiting for more. She was feeling really good in her Sherlock Holmes character. To solve the problem, she had to get more clues… she had to find each little piece of the puzzle. Unfortunately for her, Takamina was giving clues at a turtle’s speed.
“I thought “Takamina is not Takahashi Minami”, but I have no idea why…” Takamina finally said.
Miichan was now sure she knew at least one element from the answer.
“Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it doesn’t have any link, but… Takamina, maybe Acchan left yesterday because of what happened in the bathroom. Well, not only because of it, but I think it somehow has a role.”
Takamina waited for more explanations as she already felt bad because of something they might have done. Did they… break up? Or did they go farther in their relationship?
“Acchan looked trouble about your meeting. I don’t know why, she hasn’t told me anything, but she looked sad… and somehow perturbed. She seemed to be hurt… yet to be diving into happiness. I’m not sure exactly what happened between you two… but if ever something happened, it has to be in the bathroom. Right after you drank the alcohol glass, you started calling her Atsuko and you brought her to the bathroom. What you did is none of my business, but… maybe you might have hurt her.”
Her? Hurt Acchan? If ever it did happen… she would apologize for the rest of her life.
“Also,” Miichan, aka Sherlock Holmes Jr, continued, “maybe what happened in the bathroom has a link with what she told me before your secret meeting… and a link with the sentence you had in mind. When she saw you arriving into the place, I already knew something was up. Acchan looked not comfortable with you by her side, which was really not usual. So I had a talk with her and she told me exactly the words “I don’t think I really know Minami”. She then added that she thought she only knew the “Takamina” part of you and that it made her wondering about your relationship. At first I didn’t understand, but now that you’re telling me you were already dating… I can see sense behind these words.”
Takamina frowned, not really getting what was happening, and what had Acchan said to Miichan. Did Acchan have doubt about their relationship? Did she want to break up already?!
“She clearly said she wasn’t sure to know you… and that it might affect your relationship. I don’t know what you did to make her feel like she doesn’t know you, but make sure to prove the opposite if you don’t want her to leave you.”
“But… she knows me! I mean, I’ve never lied to her so…”
“It’s not about lying.” Miichan said wisely, seeing things deeper than Takamina did. “Acchan may have the feeling that she, like she told me, only knows the Takamina part of you. This means that since she only knows you through AKB48, she can’t think of you as Minami, the girl behind this nickname. I mean, I’ve known people living together for ten years and they still learn things about each other everyday.”
“To her, you might be “Takamina” before being “Minami”, and thinking this way, she can’t really get farther into this love relationship because, in fact, you’re not Takamina anymore. You’re Minami now, since you’re not in AKB48, but Acchan identifies you as Takamina. She may feel like she’s dating someone that doesn’t exist now, because she has difficulty to see the real Minami. Do you understand? It means that… everything you do, she identifies it as something you did in AKB48.” Miichan finished.
“So… she’s… what?” Takamina said, confused.
“She was right. Takamina is not Takahashi Minami. Takamina was being created after Minami, so it’s not the entire person you are. She probably wants to see you without this AKB48 shadow being around you. She wants you to consider her… like a friend you would have had out of the group. Like someone… even closer than now. She wants to forget about the fact that you were Takamina… so she can know you better.”
“She wants to know me as Minami before being Takamina?” Takamina thought about she suddenly felt her head hurt. How could she ever find logic behind those words?!
“So… You think she left us because of me? Because I did something that frustrated her related to this nickname thing in the bathroom?” Takamina asked. “She was angry at me?”
“Yeah…” The female version of Sherlock Holmes nodded. “But actually, we can’t know without asking Acchan. That was what she told me, and my theories about it, but maybe I’m wrong. The only thing I’m sure is that you have to be careful… You two are not dating since a very long time and there are already such complicated and deep problems. You should… be careful about what you say to her. Maybe she’s right to be confused, you know? Have you ever thought about it?”
“She can’t be right to be confused… “ Takamina sighed. “She knows me more than anyon…”
But she didn’t finish her sentence. Miichan raised an eyebrow at Takamina sudden silent. The singer was thinking deeply about something. Acchan thinking she didn’t know the real her… was totally justified. Thinking about it, Takamina had never told anything to Acchan about her past. The actress had always learned it from someone else… and it must have affected her.
“I’m stupid.” Takamina said, hitting her head on the table.
“I’m glad you finally admit it.” Miichan laughed. “But seriously, is Acchan right to act this way? To be afraid or unsure about her feelings?”
Takamina didn’t answer, but nodded slightly. Acchan was right to be scared… because it was true she had hidden a lot of things from her. She had acted like she hadn’t trusted Acchan at all… like even if they were dating, their relationship had not become deeper at all…
She had acted like if “dating” was just a word without any significance.
If she wanted to have a great relationship with Acchan… there was one thing necessary. The two of them needed to see beyond Takamina and Acchan. They had to see beyond the fact that they had been together in AKB48. They had to see the real person in front of them, not only the ex AKB member. In fact, they had to free themselves from their AKB48 image.
“So… this is the reason why she’s not here? She’s avoiding me?” Takamina asked, hurt.
“Well…” Miichan hesitated.
“What?”
If there was something else, the singer needed to know about it.
“It’s not sure… but yesterday…”
What else with yesterday?! With what she had just heard about Acchan, she was scared to death that they really had broken up, and now Miichan was saying her there was something more?! What could be worst?! Acchan had left the bathroom crying or what?!
“The reason why I interrupted you was because Acchan had had a phone call from her agency.”
So what? There was a problem with her agency? She couldn’t be an actress anymore?! She was victim of a gay scandal? OH.MY.GOD. They had been discovered by someone! Takamina was already thinking of many scenarios, each worse than the precedent one.
“She called them back. I don’t know what kind of answer she got, but she excused herself and left. The only thing we knew about was that it had a link with her manager.”
Takamina didn’t answer. The only word she had in mind was “manager”. And Acchan’s manager, she knew her better than anyone else. Hiroko Sato… what had happened? What had she done AGAIN? She thought about the mysterious mail she had received yesterday… was it from Hiroko? The mysterious gift… was it linked to all this?
“Thank you, Miichan…” Takamina whispered, already trying to find places where she could find Acchan. “Is there something else?”
“Nothing we know.” Miichan answered. “I don’t know what happened, but it sounded really important to her. She just suddenly ran outside without telling us anything and I thought we might know more today, but she’s not here.”
Takamina nodded and left the piece after having talking a bit more with Miichan. It wasn’t Acchan to leave suddenly and not giving more information. What if it as a trap? What if there was something even worst behind this call? But the small girl shook her head. There was no way anything wrong could happen, they were in Japan, one of the most protected country in the world… right?
***
Takamina was running everywhere today. She had just finished her interview and already had a second one in thirty minutes. So far, she was really proud of herself. She had heard her single three times at the radio and had seen many posters promoting her release. It still hurt her to not share this important moment with her co-worker and girlfriend, but she couldn’t do anything else than her job. After, she would look for Acchan for sure and find out everything.
She was currently half asleep, tired of being so busy today when she had woken up so early this morning. Her first release… and yet she just couldn’t be happy at all. She had thought life would be easier now… but it seemed that she was, once again, totally wrong.
She tried to call Acchan, but of course, the actress didn’t answer. This put doubts into Takamina’s head. Was she really avoiding her? If so, what should she do? Should she wait until Acchan came back to her or should she go and talk to her first? But what if Acchan didn’t want to talk to her? Where would she go then?
She tried to join Hiroko, even though she wasn’t sure exactly why she was doing so. Maybe it really was her the responsible for the strange mail she had gotten… but then again, no answer. She called her twice, but it seemed that Acchan’s manager was busy as well. Maybe Acchan really had a problem with her… if so, what was it?
She then decided to call her death, meant she tried to reach Kenji. She knew AKB48 members didn’t know where Acchan was, neither did Hiroko. So at least, he was the very last solution she had. Of course, she would rather destroy her cell phone than hear her voice… but she would do anything to know what had happened with Acchan… even talking to her worst enemy. But it seemed that fate was once against her since she could not get an answer.
She was really troubled right now, not knowing what else she could do, so she tried to call directly at Acchan’s agency. And, she couldn’t believe it, the only answer she got was “Maeda-san is busy and so is her manager, sorry.” Would she ever get an answer? She didn’t know, but she hoped she would get one before next year. She sighed, knowing she had not much time before coming back to work again.
Why, for God’s sake, couldn’t she reach anyone?! Not Acchan, not Hiroko… and not even Kenji! It was the first time ever she wanted to call to Kenji but he wasn’t answering! Did he have something to do about it? No, it couldn’t be. After the shooting of her PV, he had left.
It was like if her past, Hiroko and Kenji, and her present, Acchan, were inaccessible. And so was her future since she didn’t know what was going to happen later. If her past, present and future could not be reached… where was she? What was she doing? How could she find her way back to reality?
Thinking that… she couldn’t help thinking:
“Is love leaving us already...?”***
After the end of her latest interview and one last record for another TV show, she could finally have more than two hours left. Releasing a single was way more difficult than she had thought. She had already heard many positives and negatives reviews of her main song. She was glad people liked it and would do the best to make the next one even better. But right now, she was exhausted. She was heading toward anywhere but a studio. She wanted to relax before her last job of the day: a radio show.
She had once tried to contact the trio, but then again, nobody had answered. She was starting to wonder if… love was still there. As strange as it might sound, she felt like… something was missing. She had known love because of Acchan… and now she couldn’t even reach her. Did that mean that… she didn’t have the right to love anymore? It sounded stupid and she definitely didn’t want to think about it, but she couldn’t help. Love was not something easy to understand.
She was about to enter into a café when she saw someone walking at the opposite of her and stopped. There was Acchan… walking… right there… she started to run.
Takamina was about to call her when she saw Acchan starting to run suddenly. WHAT? She saw Acchan running, running… elsewhere… but there was no way she would let her go this way. She started to chase her too. Acchan must have noticed this too because she ran even faster, trying to loose her stalker. Unfortunately for her, Takamina knew the place very well and managed to catch her.
“Wait!” She screamed as she placed her hand on Acchan’s shoulder.
Takamina felt like she had finally done something great today: finding Acchan. But… if the actress was just walking around, why hadn’t she answered her calls?
“Ah, Takamina?” Acchan said innocently, smiling. “I haven’t seen you.”
LIAR. That was the only words popping in Takamina’s mind as she frowned, knowing it was totally impossible Acchan had not seen her.
“Um… you’re doing well with your release?” Acchan asked, trying to avoid the look of her friend.
Takamina nodded, not really liking that Acchan was totally unaware of the pain growing in her chest as she realized that… the actress had really been avoiding her all day.
“What about you?” Takamina frowned. “What did you do today?”
“I… had problems to take care.” Acchan answered.
The singer sighed. There was something wrong with the way Acchan was talking to her. It was even worst than yesterday! Now she felt like… Acchan was being distant… and mad at her for a reason she couldn’t understand. Well… maybe she had an idea about it.
“I called you. Four times.” Takamina said.
“Really?” Acchan asked, surprised.
She opened her phone, but the screen remained black, except for an empty battery icon. Takamina seemed relieved to know that, at least, Acchan had a great reason for not answering her calls.
“Sorry…” Acchan said. “I wouldn’t have the chance to answer you even if I still had battery.”
“I even tried to contact your manager and… even Kenji!” Takamina sighed.
Acchan seemed surprised, but didn’t answer. She had a look saying that she knew why these two couldn’t answer, but didn’t want to add anything.
“What did you do? Seriously…”
“I had a meeting at my agency and couldn’t attempt to anything else. That’s why I wasn’t there at Music Japan. And since I couldn’t leave until now… well I couldn’t answer to anything else.”
Acchan seemed to tell her the truth, but it was not enough to Takamina. She wanted to know more, because she actually didn’t want… love to disappear now. She tried to reach for Acchan’s hand… but her doubts were confirmed as the actress moved back.
“Acchan…” Takamina whispered. “Why did you leave yesterday?”
“I had to go at my agency. I told you, there was a problem I had to resolve.” Acchan said, taking note that Takamina was not calling her Atsuko.
“But… there is something else, isn’t it?” Takamina insisted, trying to stay strong. “Tell me… what happened in the bathroom?”
Acchan flinched. What had Takamina just said?
“You don’t remember?”
“Should I?”
“Well…” Acchan frowned. “We… kind of… had a fight. I told you I wasn’t sure if… I really love you… and we had a fight.”
Takamina felt her heart skipping a beat as she asked with a little voice:
“And…?”
“I… I’m not sure of the rest.” Acchan stammered, still shivering at the thought of them making out in the bathroom of this restaurant. “It’s just… confused. But… you told me you didn’t want me to be involved in anything from now on…”
Takamina couldn’t believe what she was hearing right now. She had been THAT harsh?!
“Well… you told me you were angry because I’ve brought him back in your life… and some others things too…” Acchan said, not finishing her sentence. “So… I thought I might leave you alone for a while.”
“Did we… Are we… Did you…” Takamina definitely couldn’t say it.
It was making her heart hurt so much just to think about it… how could she ask Acchan about it?! She had just learned they had had their first fight… She had just learned that Acchan had tried to talk to her about her problem… and all she had done was to reject the fault on her! She hated herself. She would kill herself right now if it wasn’t for the fact that Acchan was standing in front of her. Why had she been so stupid! Of course Acchan would act this way… if the fight had been THAT horrible…
“We… are still together, if that’s you’re question.” Acchan answered softly.
Takamina was about to bow forever at Acchan for not breaking up with her right now. She had been the most stupid person ever and she would sure find a way to be forgiven. Seriously… there was no way she would forgive herself, but she hoped she could bring a better tomorrow for them.
“Acchan… Whatever I did… I’m sorry.” Takamina apologized, feeling really bad about it.
“It’s alright… you weren’t yourself.” Acchan said. “You weren’t yourself at all…”
Takamina wasn’t sure to understand what she meant, but she didn’t add anything else, knowing they would probably talk about it more when they would be in private.
“I… I’ve been really stupid.” Takamina repeated. “I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to have this kind of fight with you… I… I’m bad with words. I just want you to know that I don’t want you to leave me alone. Whatever I might say…”
Acchan seemed touched by the mini speech, but said nothing. Sure, Takamina was being really nice right now, trying to make things clearer… but there must be a part of truth in what she had told her yesterday, right? The part about her involving Kenji in everything… whatever Takamina’s excuse would be, she couldn’t help feeling guilty about it. It was her entire fault if Takamina was still thinking about her past. First because her manager was Hiroko Sato… and second because she had brought him back. All she did… was not good at all for Takamina. There must be part of truth… Takamina must have been angry at her someday…
“Are you free tomorrow night?” Takamina asked.
Acchan nodded.
“Can you come at my place? I want us to talk…” Takamina finished. “I want… to prove you that… you know Minami.”
The actress flinched, not really getting how Takamina could prove her something like this. But the singer knew that tomorrow night, she would tell everything, without a single exception, to Acchan. She didn’t want to take any chance of loosing her. Tomorrow… she would tell her everything… and hoped that she could finally be free from her AKB image.
“I will.” Acchan just said
Takamina frowned, knowing there was still something troubling her. But she knew that… only Acchan could decide of the way this problem will end. If Acchan thought she didn’t know her better after tomorrow… then she would not know what else to do. There was not really a way to prove her that she knew the real Minami… so she had to hope. Hope that Acchan would forgive her for whatever she had done.
“I…” Takamina looked at the time, soon understanding that she only had a few minutes left before her radio show. “I… What did I do?”
She really wanted to know… how far she had been.
“I will tell you tomorrow… “ Acchan answered, looking in her eyes. “I don’t want to bother you with this since it is a really important day for you.”
She was about to leave, like this, without a word, proving to Takamina that Acchan was probably more hurt than what she had told her.
Guilt could ruin a life.
“Acchan… you’re angry at me?” Takamina asked.
“No… I’m angry at myself…” Acchan whispered. “I’m angry at myself… because I can’t surpass this detail… and it has become a huge problem for us.”
Time was missing. Takamina felt bad for not being able to comfort her better right now, but she had to know.
“You have to go, don’t you?” Acchan asked. “I don’t want you to be late at work…”
“Wait! I need to know one last thing.” Takamina said before leaving. “The problem with your manager… what is it?”
“I will tell you tomorrow as well… I don’t want to ruin the most important day of your life.” Acchan said.
Takamina soon felt that the situation was getting out of her control. The event of yesterday, the mysterious call, the problem about the nickname, Acchan being distant, her release, Kenji, Hiroko… and right now… she could only find one thing to answer:
“I know it sounds lame but… The most important day of my life is not today. It was when we finally started dating… So tell me…”
Acchan hesitated again. She didn’t know what to do anymore. She didn’t expect Takamina to know about it, but it seemed that the others girls must have told her something about it. She also had never expected her to suddenly pop out in the middle of the street.
After having a great talk with her agency, she still couldn’t believe what had happened. It was beyond everything she had thought about. She had thought she would have a bit more time to think about it and eventually to say it to Takamina, but it seemed that life had decided the opposite. But it was true that… she had never thought nothing could happen this way… but she had been wrong. What had happened was unexpected and out of control.
“Well…” Acchan said, knowing if she didn’t answer, Takamina would stay here and be late for her work. “Promise you will leave right after my next sentence.”
Takamina did and waited for Acchan’s answer. Whatever it will be, she would be ready. Anyway, right after she had to leave right after because she was already late. Being late the day of a release was not the ideal scenario, but she had no choice. Acchan sighed. Finally, she couldn’t say everything.
“Let’s just say that… Hiroko-san cannot be my manager anymore.”
TBCEND NOTE: So guys, what do you think will happen with Hiroko? It's not that she doesn't want to be Acchan manager, right? It's that she CANNOT... but WHY? And of course, what will happen between Takamina and Acchan? Can things even get worst than now?! Only time can tell us… and if you all comment maybe I will be nice and don’t break them apart
END NOTE 2:LOL while I was writing this chapter I finally told myself that I must be good in English because there were people reading my story. Like, for the first time I told myself “Hey, my English skills really increased since I started this fic!” Kind of did a comparison between the few first chapters and right now and I was actually proud of myself! When I started, I was sure I would stop after three chapters, but I’m already at the 21!
And it’s all thank to you guys! Thank to you, I’ve come to look way more in dictionaries, to enjoy writing in English and it even increased my results at school
Haha seriously, thank for reading!
Topic: Pink Vitriol (AtsuMina - COMPLETED) + Sequel - CHAPTER 4 (3/10/2012) (Read 123462 times)