OLD AUTHOR IS BACK
Maaaan so many people left the place
I feel like a ghost, and if it's wasn't for keichan, I would have... just... left... forever
Hello new readers, hope you enjoy the place.
Someday, I will seriously need to learn how to stop because this is getting ridiculous.
I was reading the whole story again (Took me the whole day non-stop) and seriously... SERIOUSLY.... I had totally forgot I had written that much
Man I was pretty cruel with you O_O Each time I ended a chapter, there was a cliffhanger... LoL... That made me mad at myself even if I knew what was coming next
I apologize
2 things, 2 ONLY DAMN THINGS: --> HOW DID I DO TO WRITE THAT MUCH
AND... For God's sake.... WHAT CAN I ADD
Pffffff..... No, I think I know what to do
If not, I wouldn't have re-opened this thread ^^
So hello guys
As you've seen well... vacations! time to come back here since well... I've totally stopped reading too
How have you been
Missed me?
Damn that was a really long fic I wrote there... I seriously wonder why I decide to add something when... actually it's quite fine.... (While reading it I totally fangirl about how some parts were just perfect to me
)
About Addiction, I don't know what is going to happen. I will write the next chapter.... And.... well... Actually, I don't know if I will continue it now. Because of SDN's sudden massive graduation, I don't feel like imagining the end of AKB anymore
About my One Shot: going to update one tomorrow
About Pink Vitriol... Figured out you'd be lost if I just started suddenly, so I did a short summary of each chapter, with a quote so that maybe you will want to re-read the whole thing (Though that would surprise me a lot since it's DAMN long). But you know you want to remember the story =D While I was reading it, I went like "Did I really write that?!" for like... over 30 times xD Seriously, this is long, but I think I manage to make you sad/happy/angry/depressed/everything =D That was my main goal, so I'm proud about it
Well well, summary time! Enjoy until I post the real "sequel".
PROLOGUE: We learn that Acchan officially graduated from AKB48.
CHAPTER 1: Takamina is still doing her best in AKB48. A short part of KojiYuu, to explain their complicity is there too. They are both worried for the little captain. Takamina remembers Acchan’s announcement of her graduation. They are both very sad and members can feel how strong their friendship was, is, and will be. At the end of the chapter, Takamina receives a “good night” message from her best friend, which she had been receiving each night since Acchan left the group.
Acchan thought it was cute to see the two Tomomi always together. Even if they weren’t in the same team, they were always spending time together. They were talking together, eating, going to shopping together, thinking about the same things… She wondered if all their friendship was only because of their names. She liked to call them TomoTomo. She thought it was cute. She had once surprised them kissing and since that day, she never looked at them like before. She was going to miss them.
“Um… Since everybody’s here, I’m going to start.” She said hesitantly. “My agency told me that they found a great job for me as a gravure Idol. They said it’s a big project with a famous company.”
Everybody started to talk. They thought it was nice for her, but didn’t understand why she was telling them something about herself. She looked more pretentious than something else.
“I will probably be more busy than usual. I have two news dramas too I have to work on. I probably won’t perform with Team A for a long time.” She added.
Takamina looked at her friend. What was going on? She was talking about her career and her life. Did she want them to congratulate her?
“My agency said it’s a great opportunity for me to become more famous in Japan. They told me I could begin a big career as a gravure Idol and as an actress.”
Takamina knew Acchan was trying to be nice with everyone, but she couldn’t help feeling bad for Yuko. It was Yuko’s dream she was talking about. Yuko always wanted to be a famous actress.
“What I am trying to say is that I will take this opportunity. I have to take this chance if I want to have a real job for the future. Not that AKB isn’t, but you know guys you probably won’t stay with AKB until your death.”
Everybody began to understand what she was saying. They stared at her without talking.
“I really like AKB48 and Team A, old one and new one. That’s why I wanted all you guys to be there. I wanted you to know that I decided to take this opportunity. I decided to work on it only.”
Acchan tried to be strong. She knew it wasn’t easy to tell them about her decision, but she had to do it. She didn’t want them to learn it by Akimoto-san.
“What I mean by this is that from now on, I will work only on my future career.”
She took a deep breathe.
“I decided to graduate from AKB48.”
CHAPTER 2: The chapter starts with AKBingo shooting, including some “Takamina teasing” about missing Acchan too much. Miichan, Haruna and Yuko also tease her about Miichan and Acchan wedding. They are worried for her, but Takamina just keep on denying everything, saying she’s fine and she doesn’t miss her friend too much. NO3B and Yuko have a photoshoot and they meet Acchan at this place. However, she has to leave before Takamina can meet her. At the end of the chapter, Acchan is exchanging mail with Miichan. Her manager is mentioned shortly.
“You know, it’s okay to miss Acchan.” Miichan said.
“I know. Everybody miss her anyway.” Takamina answered without even looking at her friend.
Miichan sighed. It wasn’t what she meant. She knew Takahashi had always been with Acchan. Her sudden leaving must had been a big shock. And she knew Takahashi was probably sadder than she looked. She didn’t really know what she could do for it. At the beginning, she thought Takamina would get better, but she hadn’t. There was still some moments were she was laughing with the others like before, but it wasn’t like when she was with Acchan. It was different. Even the way she laughed was different now.
“You know-”Miichan began.
“I know.” Takahashi replied.
CHAPTER 3: AKB48 goes to Paris for a special concert, for the famous Japan Expo. Another flash back shows the last meeting of Takamina and Acchan before she leaves the group. They cried together, remembering great times. At the end of this flash back, Takamina is crying, alone in her sadness. Right after, Acchan’s manager is introduced. We can start to understand what kind of woman she is as she tells Acchan to stop consulting AKB members’ blogs. It seems not that bad at the start, but as Acchan is trapped in her room with her manager, called Hiroko, Takamina worries because she didn’t receive any “good night” message for the first time EVER.
The captain wanted to scream to the world that she wanted Acchan to stay by her side. It would never be the same now. If Acchan left now… It would be the end. The end of her presence in AKB48, the end of their daily life together, the end of… If she left now, Takamina would stay behind, crying alone.
“My manager is waiting.” Acchan repeated.
She released Takamina’s hand.
“My manager is waiting.” She whispered.
“What if…”
Takamina wanted to say something else. She wanted to tell her how much she was going to miss her. How much things would never be the same. They hugged silently. Acchan could smell Takamina’s scent… And Takamina was breathing through Acchan’s hair. They both didn’t move. They wanted to stay like this forever. Takamina felt tears falling down on her shoulder. She was crying too. She was holding Acchan’s shirt and didn’t want to release it. She buried her face in her friend’s neck, trying to engrave this moment on her mind. She could hear Acchan crying. She could hear her whispered her name. She could feel how sad she was. But she couldn’t say anything. She could just hug her with all her might. She slowly opened her mouth, but Acchan was faster.
“Don’t talk. Please, don’t say anything else.”
“But…”
Acchan slowly moved apart from Takamina, taking deep breathe at the same time. Her eyes were red and she had difficulties to stay calm. It was too much. Her heart couldn’t take it. She would break into pieces and fall down on the floor if she stayed here. Her eyes got lost in Takamina’s, and for a moment, all she could see were Takamina’s feelings. It was so painful she had no choice but to avoid her eyes as she took a last deep breathe to remember her friend’s scent. She slowly walked away
Takamina was crying alone.
She heard Acchan closed the door as the lights turned off.
CHAPTER 4: AKB members are now in France. Takamina’s thoughts about her worries since Acchan hadn’t sent her a mail are all written there. She’s alone, sad, and she still wants to encourage her friend though. She feels like she should have told her to stay before. A bit later, Hiroko and Acchan are talking together when the manager becomes threatening. She tells Acchan to stop contacting AKB members, especially Takamina. She insists a lot. During a party to celebrate their trip, Takamina suddenly spies a conversation between Miichan and Haruna. They are talking about the fact that Acchan had called Miichan to talk about her problems, which Takamina gets a little bad about. At the end of the chapter, Acchan has her phone stolen by Hiroko, who decided to send a goodbye message to Takamina, pretending to be Acchan.
“I’m sorry,” Hiroko said, “You must think I’m crazy. But I want to talk to you seriously.”
“What do you mean?” Acchan finally said.
“I am the one who control your career. You must know that.”
So what… What did she mean by that? How was she supposed to take it? She started to breathe again as her manager moved apart.
“I don’t think you understand what it means. Why don’t you trust me more? I can see you’re afraid of me right now. I don’t want it to be like this. We should work together.”
Together? But Acchan was afraid something could happen. It wasn’t like the first time she had met the members of AKB48. That time, she had felt she could trust them, but with her manager… She didn’t feel at ease.
“I don’t like when you read the blog of the members of AKB48. They’re from your past now.”
“So what?”
“Past belongs to past. You have to realize that you can’t always think of AKB48. It will handicap you when you’ll work!”
“No! I mean… until now, I gained popularity, right? And I was thinking of my old group all the time! So it doesn’t matter!”
“You know you can trust me instead of thinking about them. It was just a little group where hopeless girls go when they believe it will help them to realize their dream.”
What? No! She couldn’t. She couldn’t accept it…
“In case you still haven’t realized it, I was in AKB48, and I wasn’t hopeless!”
She thought a little about Takamina before she added:
“AKB48 isn’t a group where “hopeless” girls go! It’s a real job where members work hard in order to realize their dream! They don’t believe it will help them, they know it!”
Her manager moved closer. Acchan didn’t know what was happening. She wanted to flee far away from here. She was breathing heavily. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t…
“Why did you leave your perfect group then?” Hiroko asked as she touched Acchan’s shoulder.
Acchan didn’t say anything.
CHAPTER 5: The goodbye message shocked Takamina to the point that she decided to come back to Japan, even though it is really bad understood by other members. A short meeting between Takamina and Acchan occurs, just for them to be a happy moment together. Acchan lies to Takamina about what happened to her cellphone, but Takamina is sure it is suspicious. They have fun together, though Hiroko is not happy to see Acchan’s blog updated with Takamina’s pictures. She threatens her again, but it doesn’t work. She keeps saying Takamina will surely betray her for sure. When Takamina joins Acchan for another meeting, she sees Hiroko for a bit of time and recognizes her, since Acchan’s manager had been famous before.
“Remember, we’re friends. It won’t ever change.” Acchan said seriously.
“Yeah…” Takamina said.
Somehow… She didn’t like the word “friend” to describe their relationship. But she didn’t know why. She was so happy to know Acchan didn’t hate her she couldn’t think properly.
“So… You came back from Paris to see me because you were THAT anxious?” Acchan asked, amusing.
“Don’t laugh!” Takamina blushed. “It’s normal to be anxious, right? If the same thing had happened to you, you would have just stayed there and did nothing?”
“No…” Acchan thought as she nodded. “I would have fled to Paris to see you… But you don’t need to know that.”
“You would?!” Takamina said as she saw her friend nodded.
“Who knows…” Acchan pretended as she looked at the roof.
“How cruel!” Takamina said as she threw her a cushion.
“Hey, don’t do that!” Acchan replied as she did the same.
“What the…?”
They began to run in the house, forgetting about the awkward conversation they just had. As they were jumping everywhere, Takamina accidently broke a vase in the living room.
“I’m sorry!” She said as she stopped to take the pieces.
She knew it was Acchan’s favourite vase. It was the one her grandmother had gave her before she died. Acchan was looking at her, pretending to be “really” mad. Well, she was, but not as much as she pretended to be.
“How could you?!” She screamed as Takamina finished cleaning.
She went in her room and slapped the door while a speechless Takamina was looking at her. Takamina had no idea why she looked so mad… She knew it was important but…
“Acchan?” She asked as she slowly opened the door.
At the moment her head was in Acchan’s bedroom… She received a pillow in her face. The time it took for her to stop being surprise, Acchan was already in the kitchen, hiding herself under the table.
“I’m gonna kill you!” Takamina said as she ran after her with the same pillow. “You are so dead!”
Really… She had missed Acchan a lot.
CHAPTER 6: Acchan is quite surprised, but she listens to Takamina’s story of what happened to Hiroko in her childhood. She was very close to her mother, and started hating the media very young. Hiroko’s mother died because she went to help a friend and had a car accident. Acchan learns, because of Takamina, that her manager actually hates this world of fame. However, with a picture, they discover that Hiroko’s mother looks very alike to Atsuko. Back to Japan, the other members, especially Mariko, are mad at Takamina, because she chose Acchan over her work, which is not good at all. During this time, Acchan is slapped by Hiroko, who can’t find any other way to threaten her even more. The actress decides it is enough and meets with her, only to find out that Hiroko and Takamina were friends years ago.
“… Takamina.”
The beautiful smile her manager had on her face suddenly vanished as she heard the name of Acchan’s friend. She didn’t say anything, letting Acchan going on.
“I want to know… the reason why you don’t want me to see her.”
As soon as she saw her manager’s reaction, she suddenly wanted to flee. Maybe it wasn’t the great time to ask about it… Maybe the best time was… never.
“I told you…”
“No!”
Acchan froze. Did she just interrupt her manager? Did she… want to die? Fortunately for her, Hiroko was patient today. She just sent her a cold look, but Acchan could still talk.
“I… I mean…” Acchan took a deep breathe again, trying to stop stammer. “She… She told me something about your past…”
“What?”
Acchan avoided her eyes as she said:
“She told me… about your mother being popular and then… the accident.”
Acchan eyes met Hiroko’s. The idol froze as she saw a mist of tears in Hiroko’s eyes. She looked really sad… She looked like a little child trying to keep her dignity.
“So what?” She answered with her usual cold voice, even though Acchan knew she must have affected her.
“She… told me about the accident… and the reason of it. She told me it was because of your mother’s best friend.”
“We can’t call this kind of person a “friend”. She killed her.”
Acchan wasn’t happy to make her manager so sad. She knew it must be hard for her to keep her cold voice. She knew she must hurt her by talking about it. She thought all her manager needed was love… Love from her family… But then again, she remembered the punch she had received and it brought her back to reality. Her manager wasn’t the nice woman she pretended to be.
“She told me that… So… I was wondering… If it had something to do with me… Since your mother… looked a lot like me when she was young…”
She stopped talking, waiting for an answer. It didn’t come. Her manager wanted her to keep talking.
“I was wondered if… You were worried the same thing might happen to me.” Acchan said. “Do you think I would help my friend instead of going to work? Do you think I’d have an accident if it happened? Do... Are you worried about me?”
Acchan had said the last sentence without really knowing if she could ask this question. The answer seemed obvious: Her manager would never care about her, she had hit her! Her manager wasn’t the kind of person that would care for someone else than herself.
“What is the most important to you?” Hiroko asked, trying to keep her “I’m not sad” expression.
“Well, it’s…”
Surprisingly, Acchan couldn’t answer. She couldn’t choose between…
“Then you have your answer.” Hiroko said..
Really? Acchan was surprised to learn her manager could be worried about her. She would have never thought it could have a link! She would not have an accident like Hiroko’s mother, of course, but… It was great her manager could worry about her. Maybe she wasn’t that bad. Acchan could understand her manager was sad about it. Loosing her mother that way and having to confront such consequences must had been so hard for her. And she had been so young when it happened.
“But it’s not the only reason.”
Acchan froze. What could be worst? She could understand her manager’s feeling… Her story was sad… What did she have to add? And plus, did it mean her manager was ready to have a real conversation with her? Thinking about it helped her to relax. Maybe she could finally know what was going on… She stared at Hiroko. Was her manager going to explain something or was she supposed to wait here for nothing? Wait a minute… Was her manager really going to talk to her about her past? Her painful past? It seemed… unreal. How could her manager even talk to her… without the angry voice she always had before? Was it THAT important?
“That Takamina…”
What was she going to say about Takamina? Acchan prayed for it to be something good, even if she had doubts about it. It couldn’t be something good, but she knew that if her manager said something bad about her friend again… She would never take it. This time, it was true, she was ready to protect her friend, no matter what.
“What? What about Takamina?” Acchan asked, hoping her manager would talk.
“She didn’t tell you everything…” Hiroko hesitantly said.
Acchan thought it was great to see her manager so unsure for once. For the first time, maybe she could just stop being afraid… Her manager didn’t look frightening at all. For the first time, she felt she was dominating her manager. And if felt great. She was ready for everything now. And then again… this feeling of invincibility disappeared as soon as she heard Hiroko.
“When I was young… We were… friends.” She whispered.
CHAPTER 7: The whole chapter is about Hiroko and Takamina’s common childhood. We learn why Hiroko hates Takamina, why she is so angry at her. In the middle of this hatred atmosphere, Acchan learns to see Takamina, an old victim of ijime (bullying) in a different way. She also thinks about her true feelings for her friend, since Hiroko herself says it is obvious she loves her. Hiroko talks about all the times she had protected and helped Takamina, until the time she entered AKB48. Then, at the worst time, Takamina totally forgot about her. When Acchan was about to ask her the real reasons behind this choice, their car crashed into a tree.
Takahashi began to sob. Even though she wanted to look strong, she just couldn’t. Her day had been horrible. The other children weren’t nice with her at all. She wasn’t as strong as she wanted to be. If she were a guy, she could totally kill them. Well, maybe not kill them, but take revenge.
“Takamina, look at me please.” Hiroko asked.
Takahashi raised her head.
“Takamina?” The child asked. “What is that?”
“It’s cute, isn’t it? It’s a nickname I created for you! So use it whenever you want!”
“A nickname?”
“Because we’re close friends, I didn’t want to call you “Takahashi” or “Minami”… Since you’re special, I wanted a special nickname too!”
Takahashi Minami looked at her while her eyes began to shine. A nickname! She had a nickname! Now, she wasn’t only Takahashi Minami, she was also Takamina! She was so glad… It meant someone really cared about her.
“Thank… you…” Takamina said. “Do you want me to find one for you?”
“Don’t’ worry about it, tell me what’s wrong.”
Takamina felt so good with Hiroko. She was like the sister she never had.
“I’m... ictim…me.”
“What?” Hiroko asked. “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand.”
At the same time, a group of children from Takamina’s class passed near them. A little girl pointed Takamina and said something as the others began to laugh. It didn’t seem to be nice. As they walked farther, Hiroko frowned and asked gently:
“Tell onee-chan what’s going on.”
“Ijime…” Takamina managed to say with a guilty voice, like if everything was her own fault.
Takamina closed her eyes, expecting Hiroko would stop being her friend… but she suddenly felt Hiroko’s arms around her shoulders. She hugged her while she said:
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. If you ever want to talk to someone about this, come to see me.”
Since this moment, Takamina had being supported by Hiroko a lot. She was still sad at school, but when she came back, she was smiling, because she knew her friend would be there, waiting for her. She was talking about it to Hiroko, crying a little, hoping things would get better. One day, it went farther as a boy hit her. But then again, Hiroko had protected her as her onee-chan. Seeing Hiroko cared so much for her made Takamina cry even more.
“I promise… when I’ll be older, I’ll be stronger and it will be my turn to protect you.” She once said to Hiroko.
From this day, Takamina had always wanted to be stronger… But she had no idea about what was going to happen…
CHAPTER 8: While Acchan turned out to be quite “fine”, Hiroko is in coma for an undetermined time. Still some mixed feelings between the two, as Mariko really starts to think they are just gay for each other. Acchan and Takamina are left talking alone, and the serious subject suddenly comes out from Acchan. Because she was to be honest to her friend, Takamina decided to tell her what truly happened. Hiroko confessed to her, but she rejected her. This is how they moved apart. Their strong friendship vanished. Takamina was afraid. Acchan, hearing this and Takamina’s reaction, decides she couldn’t tell how she feels about them, because she was too afraid the same thing might happen.
As soon as the door was closed, Acchan was looking at the sky, wondering why her heart hurt so much. Takamina had rejected her best friend because of a confession from her… She had also clearly said she thought it was weird for two girls to be together. She had clearly said she didn’t like girls… Acchan was afraid the same thing might happen to them if she ever did the same. Even if she wasn’t sure of her feelings yet, she knew a part of it wasn’t only friendship. And she was afraid of rejection… A lot… she was scared of it because she knew Takamina had put an end to a seven years old friendship because of it. Takamina and she were friends for almost six years… How could she ever hope not to be rejected if she told her she might like her more…? Of course, Takamina was older now… but still… Acchan couldn’t help but remember the question Takamina had asked before. “What would she do if it happened”… She wondered… If Takamina ever confessed to her… she could probably be the happiest person in the world. But she knew it would never happen. And she also knew that… now that she knew Takamina and Hiroko’s story, she must NOT tell Takamina she might love her... because she didn’t want to loose her.CHAPTER 9: The senbatsu members are out to the zoo and Acchan goes with them. They have a lot of fun, but Acchan suddenly feels bad after a meeting with a huge snake. Next a lame excuse by Yuko, Acchan and Takamina are left alone again. Acchan realizes how strong her feelings are, but she can’t tell her best friend. When she leaves, Miichan decides to tell Takamina about what she had heard from Acchan, about what Hiroko had done to Acchan. After, another project is up for AKB members. They will have to travel each around a specific part of Japan, to record a “kind of” documentary. Still shocked by what Miichan had told her, Takamina visits Acchan who decided to tell her everything. The chapter ends on their thoughts about their relationship.
Takamina POV
The scene went black.
All I can do is staring at the television, even though there is nothing more. The fan who made this video is really great… Acchan seems so touched by this… And when she’s happy, I can’t help but feel better too. I’m thankful for all those great moments we had together… I miss them…
I’m looking at her now. She’s smiling, but I can see there’s something’s troubling her. I wonder what it is… Is it the kiss scene we just saw? It can’t be, right? She kissed me that day… I was so surprised I reacted too late and she did it. I can’t help but smirked as I remember how huge her smile was when she finally did it. It looked like she just did a miracle… though maybe it was since I never kissed anybody. Acchan… gave me my first kiss… Oh wait, there was that actress from Mendol, right? But it doesn’t count since we were just acting…right? Well, I guess Acchan was acting too, right? It was just… fan service, right? It’s hard to know what is real when you’re working as an idol. You always have to look perfect and innocent, but at the same time, fans want to see a… dark side from you. They want fan service too… I wonder how the fans reacted when they saw this scene… They must have been as surprised as I was.
“Acchan, don’t make such a troubled face.” That’s what I want to say right now, but the words are stuck in my throat and don’t want to move from there. I can’t tell exactly how she looks… but it seems painful to her. If only she could tell me what’s going on… But I guess it’s too serious… Or maybe I should just wait. I’m always like this. I want to know what bother people as soon as possible so I can help them… But I need to give them time to resolve their problems themselves… I guess I can’t help Acchan all the time after all. I guess… Even if we’re best friends… there’s still something I can’t do to help her. Maybe I’m not strong enough… Maybe she doesn’t trust me… It would be normal since she knows the truth about what I did to her manager…
Acchan’s looking at me now… Her eyes are beautiful. I feel I can just stare at her forever and be happy. But I must not think like this. This is not a way to think about a friend, right? There’s pain in her eyes… I don’t know what the reasons to this sad look are, but it makes me feel useless… Soon… I’ll have to go back to work… I’ll have to leave Acchan for a week… probably more. I don’t want to leave her with Hiroko… I’m worried about her… But I guess I have no choice but to work… since AKB48 is only the first step to reach my dream. I’m sorry Acchan… If I could stay here, I’d do it. But I’m still with the group. I have to work… I’m not as far as you are.
But you know, even if I told you I’ve stayed with AKB48 because I was afraid I might not have time to share with you if I left the group at the same time… I think we’re slowly moving apart… Even if I try to act the same as before, I can see you’re not looking the same way at me. Why are you looking at me with such sad eyes? Aren’t you happy to see me? I guess if you weren’t, I would have already left, so it’s probably not the problem. I wish I could know your problem, so I could do something about it. I’d do anything… Why don’t you tell me what it is?
Maybe if you could read my mind, you’ll see how worried I am about you. Hey, Acchan, please, smile at me before I leave… Even with your manager threatening you, even if you look so sad… even if it’s my fault, I need to see you smile.CHAPTER 10: Takamina decides to confront her past and visits Hiroko at the hospital. They have a long talk in which Hiroko tells her why she is mad at her, and in which Takamina tries to protect Acchan. There is a short Flash Back about the day Takamina didn’t answer Hiroko’s call for help. There is also the short story of their last meeting, where Takamina turned away, afraid that Hiroko’s feelings might never change. They can’t be normal friends anymore. At the end, as Takamina comes back to the hospital a second time to listen to her old friend, Hiroko tells her something strange: Acchan is probably in love with her.
FLASH BACK
Takamina smiled awkwardly, hoping Miichan would not pay too much attention to her mistake. She was about to say something more about the future of AKB48 when Miichan frowned and said:
“Don’t turn back… But I think someone’s spying on us.”
Of course, Takamina wanted to turn back… And Miichan held her shoulder to stop her.
“Stop! It’s a girl… Older than us I think… She’s been looking at us for about ten minutes… She scared me. She has… angry eyes.”
Takamina froze. This description…
“Oh no, she saw me looking at her… She’s coming here…”
Takamina flinched. She had to leave… Now. She grabbed Miichan’s arm and began to walk away, but it was too late.
“Hi you two!” The older girl said. “Long time no see, Takamina.”
Ouch. Straight to the point. Miichan stared at Takamina.
“You know her?” She whispered.
“Yeah… Um… Go to the theatre.” Takamina said, seeing their break was almost done. “I’ll see you there.”
Miichan hesitated, but the glance Takamina sent her made her leave them alone. As soon as she was gone, Hiroko walked closer to Takamina.
“Hello.” Hiroko said with an emotionless voice.
“Hi…” Takamina said, avoiding her eyes.
Hiroko seemed to look away as she said:
“Can’t we ever be friends again?”
Takamina flinched. Her old friend was going straight to the main point, probably knowing it would unsettle her. She didn’t answer.
“You know… Even if you didn’t come to see me when… it happened…”
Takamina immediately knew what she was talking about.
“I’m sorry about your mother.” She said. “It must have been hard.”
She didn’t really know what else to say as Hiroko was standing in front of her.
“I can’t tell you I’m not mad at you… But… Can’t you forget about what I said?”
Seeing that Takamina was still avoiding her eyes, she answered:
“I’ll take this as a “no”… I thought…”
She didn’t finish her sentence. She waited a little, unsure of what to say and then:
“I thought you would have come to see me.”
Her voice was still emotionless, but Takamina knew Hiroko must be trying to hide her sadness. She was good at it.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to… but…”
“I know what you’re going to say.” Hiroko interrupted her. “And you know what? I really thought we could be friends again… I really did. I thought someone strong like you could forget about something like this…”
Takamina didn’t even look at her. She was still looking elsewhere, not answering too, feeling her heart beat faster.
“I hoped we could still be friends… even if I feel that way.”
That was too much for Takamina who realized her friend’s feelings toward her hadn’t change at all. She knew it had been only a month, but it was so awkward with her by her side that she turned around and, without saying a word, leave her. She heard Hiroko’s voice before she was far enough.
“So this is a “no” then…” CHAPTER 11: A short meeting between senbatsu members. Acchan and Takamina are still thinking about the last time they met. Takamina doesn’t know how to act, because she doesn’t know if she should believe Hiroko’s words or not. Meanwhile, Haruna is trying to get over Yuko, and Tomochin and Tomomi are crazy about Acchan’s kiss her new drama. Takamina is being teased again. Takamina and Acchan end up saying “I love you” to each other, but even if Acchan takes it seriously, she feels that Takamina is still joking and playing about it. Therefore, Acchan pretends to joke too, even if it breaks her heart secretly. Another day, during a phone call between Acchan and Takamina, we learn that Yuko finally confessed to Haruna. At the end of the chapter, Takamina leaves Tokyo for her work for AKB48, leaving Atsuko behind.
They kept talking about it for a moment until Miichan said:
“Leave it… She probably just wants to be more with Acchan, that’s all.”
“Let’s play Takamina!” Acchan said with a happy voice as she hugged her again.
Takamina wanted some attention? Well, no problem about it. She would give her a lot.
“Stop it! It’s embarrassing!” Takamina said in a very cute way.
“You two look so-”
“I’m not gay!” Takamina furiously interrupted Mariko’s voice.
It seemed that “you two look so gay” was becoming Mariko’s new favourite sentence. Miichan smirked as she realized that, for a long time, Takamina had ALWAYS repeated that she wasn’t gay… But as for Acchan…she never did.
“What about you, Acchan?” Miichan asked with an innocent voice.
Acchan, who was still hugging her friend, turned to her and said:
“I love Takamina!”
“See?” Mariko said loudly with an “it’s pure evidence” voice. “They are-”
But Takamina interrupted her as she smiled:
“What are you talking about, you two! We’re best friends, right, Acchan? It’s usual to say we love our best friends!”
The small captain hadn’t taken seriously … again. Well, she couldn’t help it since Acchan had told her exactly the same thing five minutes ago... And it did turned out to be a joke. But she didn’t know that, for the first time, even though she had said it with a funny voice, Acchan was serious. She just couldn’t say it with a serious voice, making everyone always thinking she was joking. Seeing Takamina smiling so nicely at her made Acchan answered:
“Of course!”
“See! It’s not because the fans saw us as a couple that we are one! Unlike two others I know…” Takamina said as she glanced at Tomochin and Tomomi.
Miichan sighed. She was sure that Acchan looked like she was telling the truth. How could she be wrong! She had a sixth sense when it comes to love! She had always thought these two would get together… Her “dream” had broken when Acchan had graduated and now she hoped that the two friends would get together when they would see each other and see how much they missed being together… But it seemed that she was wrong for the first time of her life. She couldn’t believe she was wrong… something must happen with these two… Something was wrong about it… but it wasn’t herself for sure.
“Best friends forever!” Acchan repeated even loudly as she was acting like a little child.
So Takamina kept smiling at her, unaware that, behind those smiles and laughs, pain and sadness was hidden deep inside Acchan’s heart. And Miichan couldn’t stop looking at the small captain. What was wrong was not herself… it was… someone else. CHAPTER 12: Two weeks later, NO3B is talking together. They still tease Takamina about her feelings for Acchan. The little captain also tells them she went to see Hiroko at the hospital and that she told her Acchan might love her. The conversation suddenly turns about this subject as Miichan tells Takamina to do the first step, which the little girl denies. Acchan suddenly calls them and hears about Takamina visiting Hiroko. Then, the girls go on All Night Nippon, where they learn that they will get to perform at Tokyo Dome twice. AKB’s dream is finally becoming reality. The end of the chapter is about Takamina and Acchan still thinking about their feelings. The captain is totally lost.
“It’s embarrassing because…” Takamina began before she stopped.
Why exactly was it so embarrassing?
“You know,” Miichan continued, “we do that with almost every member in the group, pairings and so on. And everyone always ended up laughing about it. You’re the only one who keep on denying everything and become mad about it. Why do you care so much? It’s just a joke, isn’t it? You said it yourself. Can’t we laugh about this joke too?”
Why exactly do you care so much about it?
“Anybody would forget about a joke. Anybody would laugh about it too. Anybody would… just played the game until it’s finished. And when it happens, we just leave it that way. We don’t insist anymore because we know it’s something we do just to play. But with you… it’s different.” Miichan was attacking her with words. “Because you refuse to pretend or to play the game too, because you keep on saying that it’s not true, because you think it’s so embarrassing without really giving us a reason… we are curious. We want to know… where that refusal comes from. We want to know… why you insist so much about it.”
Why are you so stubborn?
“Can’t you just pretend for once that it’s true? So maybe we will leave you alone… But no, you always have to say “it’s not true”. You always have to deny it by giving fake explanations. That’s what is so interesting with you. You are so stubborn that we want to know the reasons about it. We want to know why you think it is so embarrassing. After all, it can’t be embarrassing if you know it’s not true. We want to know… What is going on exactly with you? You’re not mad, you’re not crazy, you’re not sick… you’re only incredibly stubborn about something supposedly false.”
Why… can’t you answer to what Miichan is saying?
“I know you very well.” Miichan finished. “I’m sure you thought that I didn’t understand anything about your feelings, am I wrong? You were thinking I need to understand your feelings before talking this way to you, right? But you know, the reason why I insist so much is because I’m sure of what I’m saying. I wouldn’t talk so much about it if I weren’t sure of everything. So in fact, maybe it’s not me who doesn’t understand. Maybe you just don’t understand your own feelings... I don’t know if you’re afraid or anything… but sometimes, it’s not only the other’s fault… Sometimes… it’s more than that.”
Why can’t you just look deeper in your heart? CHAPTER 13: At NO3B’s event for their new single, they receive the surprising visit of Acchan. Takamina and Acchan talk together, only to realize they won’t have any time to see each other in the next few months. Acchan is really sad, and ask Takamina to stay in each other’s arm for a moment. She says she loves her, which Takamina answers by the same sentence. But to Acchan, it’s only another usual way of showing their strong friendship, so she is deeply hurt in her heart. Acchan then goes to visit Hiroko for the first time since the accident. She brought a tape with her, to record a part of the conversation. She learns that Hiroko told Takamina she (Acchan) loves her. She panics and decides she needs to talk to Takamina as soon as possible. However, because of the coming Tokyo Dome concert, it is impossible for her to join her close friend. While Acchan is worried for her friend, Takamina has a secret meeting with Akimoto before the first Tokyo Dome concert. At the show, she starts crying, aware that she is totally alone without Acchan, and that it was about time for her to realize it.
Takamina’s POV
“When everything I tried to reach for will be gone, what will I become? Will I still be able to smile? Because right now, I can’t smile anymore. I can’t thank the crowd properly anymore… I can’t tell them I have fun with them anymore… I stared everywhere. I feel surrounded by a tsunami of people. I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t leave the stage right now. But I am leaving the stage… I am slowly walking backstage since my song’s done. I am happy. I am backstage. I feel relieved to be somewhere where the fans cannot see me. I don’t know what I have… I can’t stop shaking. I can’t stop thinking it’s not normal to be sad in such an amazing situation… I’m shaking…”
“You will go back in ten minutes!” A staff member told her as he passed by, but she wasn’t listening to him.
“I’m living a dream… I’m living our dream… Not only mine… it was hers too. It was her dream to be on stage with me here, at Tokyo Dome. She always told me she couldn’t wait to be there with me… She always told me she will be here for sure when it will happen… And now, I know the answer why I can’t be truly happy. I’ve always thought I would be able to laugh with her on stage when it will come… But here it is… and she’s not here. She’s not by my side, talking to me about how happy she is that our dream finally comes true. She’s not here to enjoy the show like she was supposed to… I’m glancing everywhere again, trying to find rescue I could rely on… I can’t hold my tears now… since I know I will not be able to be happy until it’s done, even though the situation is perfect. I know it because… there’s something missing here to make me happy. There’s someone missing here… to make me having fun like I was supposed to… No matter how loud the crowd screams… No matter how much energy I have in my body… I can’t put my entire soul inside what I am doing right now… because she’s missing… because I can’t truly enjoy it without her by my side… She’s missing…”
“Thank you everyone for coming tonight!”
“I can hear Sayaka’s voice… I’m back on stage without even knowing it. I’m smiling, even if it’s fake. I’m laughing, even if it sounded false. I’m thanking all the fans, even I want them to stay so I would never be alone…”
Miichan turned her head and stared at the crying captain. Thank to her close friendship with the small girl, she could tell she was not crying like usual. Even the way she cried was different now… and she couldn’t help but think it was about time Takamina realized her feelings…
“My eyes are trying to find her between all those people… My ears are trying to hear her voice between all those voices… My mouth is trying to whisper her name while I’m talking about the group… My mind is despairingly thinking about her as we began to sing our final song. And while others think I’m crying because of happiness… I am the only one aware that my tears are falling down my cheeks only because she’s gone. ” CHAPTER 14: At the end of the show, everyone laughs because they think Takamina cried because of happiness, though the small captain knows it’s not the case. Because of her concert, she didn’t realize she had missed their “meeting anniversary” and called Acchan. They talked together, even though Acchan feels sick. Takamina can’t believe how much she changed in the latest year. She goes and visits Acchan. Because it was raining, she takes a bath and falls asleep in it, worrying Acchan to death. She promised her to always stay with her. As she is falling asleep, she silently asks Acchan to stay with her for the rest of the night. She then realizes that she totally lost herself when Acchan graduated. When they wake up, Takamina realizes she is late. She wants to leave, but Acchan is afraid AKB will never allow Takamina to come back. Takamina is now confronted to a dilemma: Between Acchan and her work, what would she choose? When she leaves, Acchan shows her a sad, true face. She tells her not to promise to stay with her forever if she is going to break her promise. Learning that Acchan has a six months South Korea trip planned, Takamina is more lost than ever. She thinks a lot about her feelings. In the end, she doesn’t know what to do and graduate from AKB48 at Tokyo Dome.
“Takamina…” Acchan said as her friend was leaving the piece.
“What?”
“I’m serious… I want you to come back. I want you to be by my side forever.”
The leader of team A turned around, smiling.
“There’s no way I’d leave you.” She pronounced, laughing a little, like she was joking again.
Takamina was smiling, but her face turned serious as she saw Acchan’s expression. Her friend was staring at her with an intense glance. She could felt her own gaze lost itself deeper than ever before into her friend’s beautiful eyes. It was like she was prisoner from her own body. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak, and she even had difficulty to breathe. It was… like if a strong and unbreakable bond was being created between them. Acchan was serious, more than ever. She was sending a message to Takamina by her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave me”, that was what Takamina could understand.
But there was something more. Something hid behind this first message. Something even stronger than their close relationship… it was an invisible call for help… a call to ask Takamina to free her from love’s cruel influence.
“I swear… I will never-”
But Takamina’s whisper was interrupted by Acchan as the actress moved her head.
“Don’t promise something you can’t be sure about.” She pronounced with difficulty.
She broke their eyes contact, closing her eyes, coming back to the world beyond reality, where dreams could never be broken. Takamina hardly left the room, wondering what this uncomfortable feeling that had taken over her heart was. Something strange was happening to her. Something… she thought would never happen was becoming to grow in her mind, erasing everything she had believed before. Something… was changing. And somehow… it wasn’t only positive. CHAPTER 15: Chapter mainly about Takamina’s graduation. Acchan learns it through her blog and newspaper, and is really surprised. At the same time Hiroko leaves the hospital. HUGE conversation between Acchan and Takamina. The ex captain is really sad about her graduation, and Acchan does her best to support her, though she knows how hard it is. She chooses Acchan over AKB48. When they talks together again, Acchan has a sad revelation to do. She will leave sooner in South Korea, the next day. They both don’t know what to do, and suddenly, Acchan kisses Takamina. When they moved apart, Takamina realizes she can’t really keep on ignoring everything that is happening to her.
“Acchan…” Takamina continued sadly, “I know you’re leaving soon and I’ll be the first one to miss your presence… I really hope everything will be fine with your manager… But, you know, we still have two weeks to-”
She was suddenly interrupted by something soft pressing on her lips. She felt her heart beating out of her chest as she realized the distance between them was vanished in less than a second. She shivered as Acchan’s hand passed through her hair. She almost closed her eyes as she felt Acchan’s tongue on her lips, but didn’t, just to make sure… she was not dreaming. She tried to breathe, but her friend had no intention of letting her go. Acchan was gentle. She didn’t try to do more than she could as she was finally listening to her sudden impulse. She needed to breathe too… she needed air soon… but she knew she could die just so she could feel her lips on hers. She couldn’t let her go… before being sure her taste was part of her memories.
They both slowly moved apart, one with shock in her eyes, the other with a look full of… love. Takamina didn’t know what to do except touching her lips with her finger. This strange feeling… had just been increasing thousand times. She had never felt this way before… She just couldn’t put a name on it… it was… like the sun was brighter, like the sky was bluer, like Acchan’s lips were calling hers to join them a second time…
“Why…” she difficultly managed to whisper.
The actress was avoiding her glance, afraid of what she might see through her friend’s eyes. She had done her best to hold herself… but hearing Takamina talking to her this way… her heart had exploded, letting her feelings controlling her mind. She didn’t care if she had surprised her… all she had in mind now was the crazy sensation she had felt when she had finally kissed her.
“I’m leaving tomorrow…” Acchan murmured as silence followed her words.
Their heads were still closed. They didn’t want to move. Takamina couldn’t accept what she had just heard.
Which name should she put on this feeling? Which description should she give herself about it? Which… excuse could she give herself to avoid reality once again?
Or maybe… she couldn’t find excuses anymore. CHAPTER 16: Acchan is now gone. Takamina is alone, yet she meets with AKB members and attempts a handshake event. There, she is welcomed like if she had never left the group, which made her very happy and sad at the same time. She is still considered as AKB’s captain. Small private talk with members after the meeting. Drama kept going as gossip magazine talks about Acchan being in love with a Korean guy. Takamina can barely believe it. As she is working on her PV for het debut as a singer, she learns that Acchan will be part of it. The chapter ends when Acchan comes back from Korea and Takamina finally accepts the fact that it’s love.
She was speechless. She couldn’t even say anything else. The fans… were cheering for her. They were thousand to scream and applause… They were thousand to… encourage her. They didn’t even stop a second just to let her keep talking…
“I…”
She stopped. She couldn’t talk. They were still applauding. She couldn’t… just announce the start of the event. It was a real… ovation! She started crying. She couldn’t hold her tears… It was too… intense. She was living a dream… She was… overwhelmed by hundred emotions…
“I…”
Ten minutes passed. The others members were looking at her. They weren’t mad at her. They were really glad she was so much loved by everyone. And it was true she was really an important member, as much as Acchan.
“Can we begin, please?” Takamina asked a staff member, covering the micro with her hand.
She was really thankful for everything but… they would never begin if she couldn’t talk.
“I am sorry, Takahashi-san, but Akimoto-san said we will begin only at your signal.”
They were kidding her, right?!? She would have to stop the fans by herself?! But… but they were screaming so loud! They were giving her so much love, she couldn’t… give tt back…
“But…!” Takamina said, almost praying the guy. “Don’t you see I can’t say anything without making everyone screams?”
She was REALLY feeling uncomfortable with the fact that… it was her fault if there was nothing happening except applauses.
“I can’t believe you already forgot how to do!” Miichan said, walking by her side. “Remember, at Tokyo Dome? We needed to stop all the screams too… You just need to raise your voice more and smile a little. You just need to act… as our captain again.”
As a captain… but she wasn’t captain anymore, was she?
“Of course you are!” Miichan said, knowing what she thought, pushing her a little. “I can’t believe two weeks made you think like an idiot so much!”
But Takamina REALLY couldn’t say anything… What could she do against so much… love?
“Say something or we’re going to die here waiting for you…” Miichan sighed, knowing her friend was too shocked to speak. “Listen, to all them… you were and still are AKB48’s captain. You are… as important as Acchan… You are a legend.”
And Miichan felt like she was not even exaggerating with the last statement. Takamina looked like she was going to die, but still… she took a deep breathe and said loudly:
“Thank you everyone! Now the event will begin! I’m really happy for everything you did for me until now! Let’s have fun one last time like before I leave!”
Finally, everything was beginning. But Takamina felt really nervous, thinking she had to say something at the end too… And just to think she had came here first because she wanted to see her friends… Now she was going to meet her fans… and talk to them… and talk about her graduation again… and probably… she would have to talk about Acchan.
“Are you ready, Takahashi-san?” The bodyguard asked her as the fans began to arrive.
No, she wasn’t. She was going to die. She could not talk to them. She could not face them. She was way too nervous and guilty… but she nodded at the guy. There were soon many people waiting to meet her. God… she was so nervous she was not even crying! It was unusual for her! She soon saw that she was really stressed for absolutely nothing. All the fans were here with smiles on their faces. They were encouraging her for her future career, telling her they were sad she was not with the group, that they would miss her…
Takamina felt her heart screaming for help each time a fan told her AKB48 would not be the same without her. Each time someone told her they would miss her… she was asking herself if she made the best choice to be happy later… Each time a crying fan was walking in front of her, her heart was bleeding. Each time… she saw sadness in a fan’s eyes, she couldn’t help thinking she would give everything just to come back to past and erase this graduation announcement.
She spent many hours, shaking hands with fans. She had more than ever. Some told her she was not their oshimen, but that they needed to wish her the best for the future. Some told her they were usually too shy to come to this kind of event, but that today was a special day. Some were sick and didn’t shake hand with her, but just smiled and congratulated her. Some couldn’t even say anything as they arrived in front of her!
Some were coming from overseas… She had been really surprised when a group of American and Canadian fans had arrived in front of her, their arms full of presents that she had accepted since it was an exception. Talking in English had been really fun. She had accepted with pleasure a book with many encouragement words written by overseas fans. She didn’t know she had so many and was really glad about this. She promised herself to visit all those forums they had talked about… Maybe she would understand something… even if it was all in English. Some were coming from France. Talking in French was much harder, but luckily, the fans talked to her in English too.
But still… seeing overseas fans coming all the way to Japan… made her feel even guiltier about everything. When all those fans would come back to their respective countries… would they all forget about her?
She spent all the day like this, not stopping a second. She even ate while meeting her fans. The others members couldn’t help but laugh at this. Even though Takamina had left the group, she was still acting like a real captain, putting the fans before everything else. CHAPTER 17: Acchan is back from her trip earlier than planned. As Takamina realizes she really is in love with her, they are both hesitant. The awkward “kiss” subject soon shows up and they both don’t know how to deal with it. Acchan takes the lead, saying it’s fine if they are friends, because she thinks Takamina sees her as a friend only. The next time they meet is at Takamina’s shooting for her PV. The scene is quite simple: they have to pretend they are going to kiss at the end. Hiroko is there, and we learn that it is because of her that there is this scene. She talks to Takamina, trying to find how she feels for Acchan, but the singer clearly tells her that they are friends. It hurts, and Acchan hears those words too. When the shooting ends, Hiroko had seen enough to tell Takamina was in love with Acchan though. Later, Acchan talks to the phone with Tomochin because she can’t support this situation anymore. Saying she loves Takamina, she doesn’t expect the little girl to listen her “secret” conversation. When Takamina finally confronts Acchan about love, they are interrupted by someone.
Takamina was trying to understand something from what Acchan said… but she didn’t get anything. She was a bad friend to the point of making it painful for Acchan to be by her side?! She didn’t know yet what she had done, but she wanted to kill herself to free Acchan from her pain. Seriously… making the person she loved hating her wasn’t the best idea she had had. But… how could Acchan hate her… when… Takamina loved her so much? Maybe… she should have never talk to Acchan now. Maybe… she should just disappear from her life. It would help her to stop loving her… and it would help Acchan too.
“I know, but it’s too late now. I heard her, she said we’re friends… I don’t think nothing will ever change her mind.”
Did Acchan sound… sad? Because they were friends? But they had been friend for such a long time… why would Acchan be sad now? Takamina shook her head. Did Acchan… want them to stop being friend?
“I can’t tell her! In the PV… we almost kissed… I’ve never felt this way before, not for a guy or even another girl. I’ve never felt so much happiness… yet so much pain in my heart. Just one centimetre, Tomochin, that was the distance that separated us… I could have made this distance disappear if I wanted… but I didn’t because I knew she wouldn’t like things to be like that!”
Takamina sighed. She knew… the kiss scene would be a problem.
Wait…
Disappear? Then… that meant they would have kissed for real, right? What?!
“I wanted to!” Acchan sobbed. “I really wanted to… when she closed her eyes, I don’t know how I managed to stay immobile… And at the same time… I’ve realized that… we would never be together… Tomochin… What should I do?”
Takamina couldn’t say anything. Hearing her friend sobbing because of her… she would do anything to bring her happiness. But the end troubled her. What did Acchan mean by “being together”? Didn’t she just say… that it was painful to be with her?
“I can’t… You should have heard her before… she really sees us as best friends. It won’t ever change… but I don’t think I will be able to hide it now… it’s too hard… Tomochin, why do people absolutely need to fall in love?”
Fall in love… Takamina was speechless. Acchan loved someone… and it was her fault if things were impossible? That was why she hated her? Acchan… loved someone… She could feel the tears coming.
“I love her, Tomochin… and I hate myself for that… I want to be with her… but she doesn’t feel the same…”
Takamina then realized how fool she was. Hiroko had been damn right when she had told her Acchan loved her… because right now, she was hearing the same thing… from Acchan herself. The actress… didn’t want to forget the kiss at all… because she loved her.
“Takahashi-san!” A staff member screamed, making the singer flinched.
She ran away toward somewhere else in the studio, not taking care of the random guy. At the same time, Acchan closed her phone quickly, opening the door.
“Takamina… was there?” CHAPTER 18: Flash back about Takamina’s childhood. We discover that the person who had interrupted them was no one else than the guy who had bullied Takamina when she was young. He is also Acchan’s friend, the guy she had been with in South Korea. Kenji (the guy) and she will have to work together on her single. Acchan suggested him, unaware of the impact of this decision. There is also a conversation between Hiroko and Takamina, about Takamina’s dangerous feelings for Acchan and about their common past. Takamina tells Hiroko about Kenji’s return. Hiroko feels bad about it. As their conversation is done and Takamina is now talking to Yuko, she is interrupted by Acchan’s visit and decides to confess to her. And….. CONFESSION TIME! You guys go read it back because while I was reading it again, I couldn’t find a way to describe it xD I’m proud for the first time ;_;
“ Acchan… I can understand she didn’t know it… but you… Is it because you hate me so much that you decided to bring him back in my life?” She asked, trying to control her sudden envy of killing someone.
“What?” Hiroko said, not understanding what Takamina meant by this.
“Is this your way to take revenge?” Takamina asked, really wanting to know the truth.
The meeting was quickly becoming a personal affair. It was more like a battle opposing two old friends, both upset about different things.
“Revenge? What are you talking about?” Hiroko said. “I’m not talking about revenge, I’m talking about your relationship with Atsuko!”
“I want you to answer my question, that’s all.”
“Why would I bring an unknown guy to take revenge? If I wanted to take revenge, I would have done it way sooner.” Hiroko just said.
And unknown guy? Hiroko didn’t know him? And it hit Takamina hard. Takamina… had never told Hiroko about the identity of her aggressor. Hiroko could not know who he was since… Takamina had never told her the name of the person she hated. She had never talked about the person she hated at school… the only thing she had done was to cry and look for comfort into Hiroko’s arms.
“Ah… you don’t know… who he is?” Takamina whispered, feeling guilty to have accused her so quickly.
“Am I supposed to know him? The only thing I am sure about is that he is Atsuko’s friend. Seriously… he should be Atsuko’s new boyfriend so there won’t be scandal with you or anything else… At least it’s a boy, it’s still the best thing to start.” Hiroko sighed, thinking this conversation was becoming really stupid.
“Sorry…” Takamina said against her will. “I thought… it was another of your ideas.”
“Thank for telling me I’m cruel and heartless and supposed to take revenge on you by sending you a guy I don’t even know.”
Takamina bowed to her ex friend. They had just had a fight about love… but Takamina knew that she had to apologize. She couldn’t just accuse Hiroko to have done something she didn’t.
“You’re apologizing about that but you never apologize for what you did before… I can hardly believe it.” Hiroko mumbled.
“Sorry…” Takamina repeated. “I thought you wanted him to… bully me again.”
“What?” Hiroko asked, suddenly getting everything. “It is… him?”
Their conflict was suddenly gone. All that mattered now… was the fact that Takamina was finally, after so many years, telling Hiroko who was responsible for all the pain she had been through when she was young. And, God… it was about time.
“Not only him… But he is responsible for a lot…” Takamina answered, thinking about how he had betrayed her by following the others students of her class. “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted him to be in my PV just so you could see me… being sad or anything like that…”
After so many years, Hiroko couldn’t believe she finally knew who the guy she wanted to kill when she was young was. So many times… she had wished his death so her best friend could smile… and now, knowing he was back… was kind of waking her. So… it was actually Takeo Kenji’s fault if Takamina had been so sad before? If only she could have known it before… like when they were still friends…
“It’s really him? The one who made you so sad…? The one who ruin your childhood?” Hiroko insisted.
“Yes… so? Why do you care?” Takamina asked with an angry voice. “All that matters for you now is for Acchan to stay on top of Japan. Well… Let me tell you one thing. I will prove you that… we can actually be together without risking our careers. Acchan and I… are not like you and I were.”
Takamina left Hiroko alone. At least, she knew Acchan’s manager had nothing to do with the fact that Takeo Kenji was back… At least… she knew Hiroko was not thinking about taking revenge… and now… she was ready to call Acchan.
“It’s not because we are not friends anymore that I can’t help you with that.” Hiroko whispered to the empty street. “Remember… I was the one supporting you when you were crying because of them… I was the one knowing everything you endured… nobody else did. You never told me who those assholes were… Now that I know who it was… I will at least help you like I should have done before.”
Hiroko couldn’t help feeling guilty for what had happened. She was the only person who knew how much Takamina had suffered when she was young because of some others classmates. Knowing that one of them was back now… was frustrating. At least… she wanted to help Takamina to definitely forget about her sad past… it was all she could do now. She didn’t want to help her too much… but somehow, remembering Takamina’s crying face broke her heart. CHAPTER 19: They spend time together to the point of making Takamina forgetting about her work <3 (LOL re-reading the comments totally get me out of the mood of doing the summary since I was laughing at all your mixed feelings xD) SO YEAH. Kenji and Acchan are talking, until Hiroko interrupted them, telling him he’s a jerk. She does not believe he had changed at all, because she still remembers Takamina’s pain from the past. She tells Atsuko who he truly was in the past, but she still tells Atsuko she doesn’t know Takamina as much as she does. There is a little thing about being “Takamina” and being “Takahashi Minami”, which I really like and can’t explain ^^’ Acchan is shocked by Hiroko’s words. She is not sure if she really knows Takamina. Also, Takamina meets Hiroko and her old friend helps her to totally get rid of this old and dark burden of Ijime.
And right now, in front of her [Hiroko], was standing the guy she had hated so much. She had the responsible for Takamina’s depression right in front of her, but couldn’t do anything about it. She hated herself for being so useless. She hated herself… for saving Takamina many years later, when it was probably too late. No matter what the singer said about her past, Hiroko knew her enough to tell that Takamina had still not forgotten about it.
“Do you really think everything will go like you want?” She asked harshly. “I thought Atsuko was right to help you having this job… so I helped her. I’m such a fool sometimes. It took me while to realize that in fact, I have just helped Atsuko bringing the devil here.”
Acchan was stupefied to hear this. Was Hiroko so mad at him? Why?
“What happened?” The actress frowned, staring at them.
It concerned Takamina, she had the right to know it.
“Atsuko… Remember when I told you about Takahashi’s past?” Hiroko asked as the actress nodded. “This guy is responsible for a lot. This guy is the one who threatened Takahashi. He’s the one participating in the “ijime” treatment. He’s the one who betrayed Takahashi for his own sake!”
Seeing that Acchan couldn’t say a thing, her manager added:
“It surprised me Takahashi never told you about it either. She never told me who it was. I only found out a while ago when she told me about his identity. I thought you would have known it before me since you two have a… special relationship, but maybe finally it’s better this way. I told you, even though it’s painful to hear, you do not know Takahashi Minami like I do. At least… you don’t know the person who’s suffering right now.”
Acchan didn’t know if it was because of Kenji, but her manager had suddenly started to talk to her in a heartless way. And what was worst was that… there was a part of truth.
“Can you leave please?” Hiroko added, looking at her. “I want to talk with him about something that doesn’t concern you.”
“Takamina is my friend, I have the right to stay here.” Acchan protested.
“Maybe it’s your friend, but still, you better ask her about it. Until the time when you’ll know the whole story, don’t even think that you know her.”
“I know her!” Acchan said as she remembered really well each previous times she had shared with the small girl.
“You know Takamina, the girl she became.” Hiroko just answered. “You don’t know Takahashi Minami.” CHAPTER 20: Takamina will never forgive Kenji, but at least, she forgives herself for everything she had been through. Though she is kind of sad about it, everything is soon forgotten as AKB members have a surprise party for her birthday. She gets the chance to talk with everyone again. And yeah… just a bunch of girls partying and having fun, teasing Takamina as they used to do before. In the middle of it, Takamina receives a mysterious message about a gift for her birthday, coming from an unknown person. No one knows who it is, but it is enough to get Acchan a bit jealous. As Takamina was about to tell everyone about her relationship with Acchan, the actress asks to talk to her alone. Hot and cold fight occurs are Acchan tries to explain that she doesn’t feel like she truly knows the one she loves. In the end, they come back only to find a worried look on everyone’s faces because something happened to Acchan’s manager.
“Do… I really know Minami?” Acchan asked, unsure of what else to say.
Takamina frowned, not really understanding what she meant by this.
“I mean… I, too, call you by your nickname and there is nothing wrong with that, right?” Acchan explained. “I… don’t know if I know you enough to call you by your real name…”
Takamina sighed, beginning to wonder if she should have take another glass of this drink… which finally didn’t taste bad at all.
“You know me.” She said, trying to reassure Acchan by holding her hand, but the actress moved back.
“How can I know you… if you don’t even tell me about you?” She said sadly. “I’m afraid that… you don’t trust me as much as I do. I asked Miichan about it… but she doesn’t know either.”
Takamina immediately understood what the actress meant and answered:
“There are some things you don’t need to know. There are some things that-”
“That’s what I’m talking about. You don’t want me to know about you. You don’t want me to know the real you. How can I be sure that… it’s you I love then?”
“What?”
There was an awkward silence in which Takamina blinked many times, not feeling at her best.
“I’m not sure… if it’s you I love… or if it is Takamina.”
The singer laughed stupidly as she said:
“Isn’t it the same person, me? Takahashi Minami is Takamina.”
“But Takamina isn’t Takahashi Minami.” Acchan answered seriously.
Takamina was immediately lost.
“What do you mean?” She frowned.
“Takamina… isn’t Takahashi Minami.” Acchan murmured. “When you know Minami, you automatically know Takamina because “Takamina” is a part of “Minami”.”
“So what?”
“When you know Takamina… you don’t truly know Minami, because you only know a part of whom “Minami” is. I don’t know everything about you… I know the character you created when you were in AKB48. So… how can I be sure it’s you I love? You don’t even want to tell me about your true self… You’d rather tell someone you hate about it.”
Takamina wasn’t really sure to completely understood what Acchan meant by “not knowing if she loved” her. The only thing she was sure about… was that she was already loosing Acchan.
Was a great relationship supposed to start with so much confusion?
“Wait… “Character”? I wasn’t playing a role when I was in AKB48. I was myself… I just changed my name! I was myself… You know me! My past isn’t important anymore…”
“I still want you to tell me about it… because right now I feel like… my manager is more important to you than me.”
“I can’t.” Takamina answered, unaware of how much it meant to Acchan. “I can’t tell you about it… it’s not important.”
“I... You’d rather tell my manager about it? You’d rather talk about it… with someone you hate?”
Takamina didn’t answer. She didn’t know how to explain to Acchan that… past belonged to past, and that only Hiroko could help her with this problem. Anyway, it seemed that the actress would not believe her. She didn’t know if it was alcohol’s fault… but she was a bit impatient about it… more than she actually wanted to be. CHAPTER 21: Takamina comes back to reality when Acchan is already gone. Since she was drunk, she can’t remember what had happened when they were alone, including her fight, which makes her very nervous. When they get the chance to talk together, Takamina invites Acchan so she can proves her she really cares about them and that Acchan really knows her. Acchan accepts. Takamina was really worried about them breaking apart, but she was reassured to know that they didn’t break up at her birthday. When the manager subject comes though, Acchan only answers that Hiroko cannot be her manager anymore.
Takamina was about to bow forever at Acchan for not breaking up with her right now. She had been the most stupid person ever and she would sure find a way to be forgiven. Seriously… there was no way she would forgive herself, but she hoped she could bring a better tomorrow for them.
“Acchan… Whatever I did… I’m sorry.” Takamina apologized, feeling really bad about it.
“It’s alright… you weren’t yourself.” Acchan said. “You weren’t yourself at all…”
Takamina wasn’t sure to understand what she meant, but she didn’t add anything else, knowing they would probably talk about it more when they would be in private.
“I… I’ve been really stupid.” Takamina repeated. “I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to have this kind of fight with you… I… I’m bad with words. I just want you to know that I don’t want you to leave me alone. Whatever I might say…”
Acchan seemed touched by the mini speech, but said nothing. Sure, Takamina was being really nice right now, trying to make things clearer… but there must be a part of truth in what she had told her yesterday, right? The part about her involving Kenji in everything… whatever Takamina’s excuse would be, she couldn’t help feeling guilty about it. It was her entire fault if Takamina was still thinking about her past. First because her manager was Hiroko Sato… and second because she had brought him back. All she did… was not good at all for Takamina. There must be part of truth… Takamina must have been angry at her someday…
“Are you free tomorrow night?” Takamina asked.
Acchan nodded.
“Can you come at my place? I want us to talk…” Takamina finished. “I want… to prove you that… you know Minami.”
The actress flinched, not really getting how Takamina could prove her something like this. But the singer knew that tomorrow night, she would tell everything, without a single exception, to Acchan. She didn’t want to take any chance of loosing her. Tomorrow… she would tell her everything… and hoped that she could finally be free from her AKB image.
“I will.” Acchan just said
Takamina frowned, knowing there was still something troubling her. But she knew that… only Acchan could decide of the way this problem will end. If Acchan thought she didn’t know her better after tomorrow… then she would not know what else to do. There was not really a way to prove her that she knew the real Minami… so she had to hope. Hope that Acchan would forgive her for whatever she had done.
“I…” Takamina looked at the time, soon understanding that she only had a few minutes left before her radio show. “I… What did I do?”
She really wanted to know… how far she had been.
“I will tell you tomorrow… “ Acchan answered, looking in her eyes. “I don’t want to bother you with this since it is a really important day for you.”
She was about to leave, like this, without a word, proving to Takamina that Acchan was probably more hurt than what she had told her.
Guilt could ruin a life.
“Acchan… you’re angry at me?” Takamina asked.
“No… I’m angry at myself…” Acchan whispered. “I’m angry at myself… because I can’t surpass this detail… and it has become a huge problem for us.”
Time was missing. Takamina felt bad for not being able to comfort her better right now, but she had to know. CHAPTER 22: Though Takamina is working a lot, she still has on mind she must not forget Acchan’s importance in her life if she doesn’t want to lose her. The confrontation before Acchan and Takamina finally happens, and the singer decides to tell her everything about her life, about her past and her feelings toward her. She even starts calling her “Atsuko”, so she can feel she truly knows her. In the end, they fight a little. Acchan feels bad for bringing back Kenji in Takamina’s life, and feels like she can’t date her because of this. Takamina then tells her they can start again, as Minami and Atsuko. This is the end of their nicknames in the story. We learn that Hiroko tried to kill Kenji and that they are both in the hospital.
“There came a time when you left the group.” Takamina finally said after having resumed the evolution of their relationship. “I never told you…. But I didn’t want you to leave us. I know you might not like the comparison, but it was like loosing for the second time my closest friend, like I had with Hiroko. I didn’t want you to leave… because I was selfish. I knew it was for your dream…. But somehow I couldn’t just imagine me staying in the group without you. And it was painful to watch you out from AKB48. It was painful to see you in interview without the group around you… without me by your side. It was hard to keep talking about you after you had left, trying to pretend we were all happy when in fact I just wanted to look at the camera and beg you to come back. I know you might think I’m overreacting… but I think I was just dying to not loose our friendship.”
“Friendship…” Acchan murmured before Takamina continued.
“I’ve… been chasing you without knowing it. I’ve been doing my best… because I wanted to reach you. You were walking so far in front of me… I was just there, trying to catch you without even seeing you. You can’t imagine how happy I was when we met for the first time after your graduation. I was… like the happiest person living. I was just… looking for you. And then… I knew it was not normal. I knew the way I was acting was unusual.”
She stopped, unsure of how she should say the rest.
“I denied it.” Takamina said. “I denied it with all my heart. I can tell you honestly that I was thinking about it 24/24 hours. I could not get this though out from my head and it freaked me out. I was picturing crazy scenarios in my head… trying to forget about it, trying to convince myself that I was not feeling this way, that everything I was living was false and not happening for real… I was scared. I was scared… of myself. Each thing I had thought until now… would be gone if I admitted my feelings, that was what I thought. So to me, it couldn’t be real. Even though I knew how you felt toward me, I didn’t want to believe it. It took me a very long time to realize that… love can’t just go away this way.”
Acchan didn’t answer. She had nothing to say anyway. Was it really what had been on Takamina’s mind for so much time? How long exactly? How much torture had her friend endured?
“I made you suffered because of this.” She said, apologizing. “I know it must have been really hard for you to see me this way… I was giving you hopes… hopes that I was erasing right away. I was giving you your love back sometimes… not always. I was not… acting like I was really in love with you, not all the time at least. I feel stupid now that I think about it. When you’re in love with someone, you can’t just show it half of the time. You can’t just decided you will love this person today and tomorrow just go back to the friends status, it doesn’t work this way. But that’s what I did. I… was playing with you. I was making you believing something I was still unsure about, especially with Hiroko’s sudden come back.”
Acchan knew where this conversation was heading to. It was different from the first time they had talked about this subject. It was different… because now, there were not jokes or allusions to anything funny. Right now… Takamina was talking to her with the most serious one she could have. She was not turning around, not trying o avoid the subject, not pretending they had something else to do… she was just doing her best to be honest.
“Hiroko… was like the spark I needed to see you in a different way. I don’t know how to explain it, but when I was seeing her by your side, when I thought about what had happened with her when I was young… I just didn’t want her to stay with you. I wanted to… keep you with me, even if we were both busy to death. It took me a long time to realize it was not just one of these meanness feelings that disappear a few days after. It had been long enough… to make you having doubts.”
“Doubts?” Acchan finally asked.
“Yes, doubts.” Takamina said, turning to her. “When I had heard you talking about your feelings… I can remember well, there was no hesitation in your voice, just sadness, like if you regretted falling in love with me…”
That was true. Acchan knew it. She knew she would have erased these feelings way before if she could have. She knew she would have done that… just to avoid having problems like they were right now. And Takamina knew it too.
“I didn’t want you to have doubts… but that what happened. I waited too long. I wanted to make this sadness tone disappear… but I also was scared that waiting too long might be a bad thing for your feelings. I was right. I don’t know what exactly was wrong with me. I wish I could have done something else… Now you have doubts. You don’t think… You don’t love me the same way already…”
“That’s…” Acchan started before being interrupted by her friends.
“I want to know what happened in the bathroom before I continue.”
Acchan hesitated. She was hoping they could have forgotten about it, but it seemed that life would never get easier. She wanted to answer something like “nothing important” and just talk about something else… but she knew she had to say the truth, judging by Takamina’s look.
“I… see.” Takamina answered when her friend was done.
“It wasn’t your fault!” Acchan immediately added. “I mean, you weren’t yourself, I told you. You were drunk… you had the right to be angry at me… I mean you had a great excuse. Now that I know Kenji’s past, I know you were right to yell at me… And what happened after belongs to the past now. We haven’t done anything and-”
“Stop it.” Takamina said. “Stop finding me lame excuses. I hurt you, right? I did.” CHAPTER 23: Chapter talking about Hiroko and Kenji. Hiroko dies. Minami finds out that she was the one sending the mysterious text at her birthday. Her gift was nothing less than taking revenge. Minami is speechless in front of this sudden death. Her feelings are mixed as she doesn’t know if she should hate or love this woman. In the end, she kisses Acchan in front of Hiroko’s grave, proving her they can be together despite society’s norms.
It didn’t take her long to immediately notice something was wrong. The hallway was not empty anymore. There was a group of doctor/nurses talking together, writing some notes. Minami was nowhere to be seen. Atsuko swallowed with difficulty, hoping it wasn’t what she had in mind. Already emotionally instable, she didn’t want to let her feelings explode too. She wanted to stay calm, but just the fact that her girlfriend was not there was enough to drive her crazy.
It was that, being in love.
She slowly walked toward the group of person. They stopped talking as she went nearer. The doctor whispered something and left, soon followed by the others. It didn’t look very professional, but they knew they had to leave. The actress, getting nervous, went in front of the door of Hiroko’s bedroom and suddenly stopped breathing. She was expecting blood, more machines, a constant “bip”, some nurses… anything that would be a sign of life!
The room was entirely empty except for the bed… and Minami, standing in front of it.
Atsuko was by her side in a second. The singer was just looking at the floor. The emptiness of the piece was kind of scary. It was just… nothing. There was nothing left. Hiroko was gone. Even if they were both in the room, it seemed like if life itself had left the place. Atsuko already understood the whole thing. While she was by Kenji’s side… her second manager, the one who had wanted to bring her to the top more than anyone else… had left this world. But the actress knew, by staring at the girl she loved, that it wasn’t only the manager who had just died. It was also Minami’s old friend, even though recently they looked more like enemies than anything else.
Minami had known the good side of Hiroko while Atsuko hadn’t. And Atsuko had known the good side of Kenji, unlike Minami. One of them had just died… Even with death around them, the two girls were still connected, in a special way.
Dying… is something that cannot be explained.
Atsuko opened her mouth many times to speak, but gave up. There was nothing she could say. She couldn’t understand how troubled Minami must feel right now, tearing between hatred and friendship, between sadness and relieve. She couldn’t really understand how it felt to hate someone when in fact she was supposed to love this person. True, Minami was supposed to hate her. But reality was not like this. Reality was never like we wanted.
Atsuko slowly took her girlfriend’s hand, aware it was the only thing she could do to make her remember that… they were alive. Minami needed this contact to realize that death wasn’t everywhere. Right now, staring at this empty bed, remembering her past, imagining her future… it wasn’t the best thing to do. First, they had to get out of here. More than anything, they had to get out of this bedroom, and eventually of this hospital. In a way, leaving would help them to calm down and take time to fully understand…
The actress knew it in a way… Hiroko had wanted to kill Kenji, it was possible, but if it was really like that, then she must have wanted to kill herself too. It was logically impossible Hiroko didn’t know about Kenji trying to protect himself. She must have known that she was risking her life by doing whatever she did to him. She must have been aware of the consequences… or else she wouldn’t be there right now. She wouldn’t be dead right now… A part of Hiroko wanted to kill herself by elimination Minami’s old enemy.
As they slowly walked outside the room, Atsuko could easily feel that her girlfriend was sobbing. From sadness or something else, she didn’t know it, but Minami was sobbing. And Atsuko was sure that, if only she could see her face clearly, she would see salt water on her cheeks. She, too, wanted to cry. She was sad about it… she was in front of the most incomprehensible thing ever… but she couldn’t cry. She had lost someone she was working with, someone who had tried to ruin the chances of her and Minami being together… someone who had threatened her most of the time… but also someone she was thankful to because of Minami’s past. She couldn’t cry, but she was sad.
Warm air caressed their faces as they finally went outside. They had not said anything. Their hands were not holding each other anymore. They had decided they would hide their relationship to the world, but Atsuko could feel that Minami wanted to hold her hand right now, even if they were in the middle of a wave of people. She did so, and it was enough to make Minami say something for the first time since they had left the hospital.
“S-Stop it… It’s a secret, remember?” She said shyly.
“People will think we’re only close friends… but to me you’re more than that.” Atsuko just answered, not releasing her hand.
Minami didn’t answer, but didn’t remove her hand. She liked to feel Atsuko was just there, by her side. She was not alone. She had… never been alone.
They walked together for a while. Minami just wanted to go back home and sleep… but she endured her tiredness just because she didn’t want to leave Atsuko yet. In fact, she didn’t want to leave her for the rest of her life, but she knew it was impossible. She had to get this scene out of her head… the one in which she heard many voices… all talking about how everything was done now… that Hiroko had no chances to survive anymore.
They arrived at Atsuko’s house, the point from where they had rushed toward the hospital a few hours ago. It was the time they knew they had to separate. They had spent a lot of time together, but death or not, they had work tomorrow, and they knew they both needed to sleep.
“Stay here for the night.” Atsuko suddenly said. “You don’t want to stay alone today… and I don’t want too.”
“Are you sure I won’t-”
“It’s not like we’re only friends now… You can stay as long as you want, my mother won’t mind. And today… I don’t want you to stay alone.”
Minami looked at her thankfully. They walked inside together. They didn’t say anything as they both bathe, Minami before Atsuko since the actress knew how shy her friend was. Usually, she would have teased her, but today was not the right time. There was no time for joking or make fun of her. They didn’t say anything as they quickly ate something before going to sleep. They didn’t say anything as they laid side by side, embracing slightly each other. They both stared at each other. They didn’t want to do anything tonight. They weren’t in the mood to do anything anyway… They could only looked in the other’s eyes… and thank the other to have been together all the time. It is only when they were both falling asleep that Minami murmured something… something she had in mind since they went to the hospital.
“I’ve never liked Hiroko’s way to resolve a problem… but this time, I can’t help being thankful… even if it’s stupid from me…”
Even Atsuko couldn’t answer anything to this… CHAPTER 24: Media are talking about Hiroko’s death, rumouring whether or not Atsuko & Minami are linked to this. They both try to keep they private life as much as they can, protecting each other. The tape she had brought with her to keep Hiroko’s words is still with her, showing who is truly responsible for everything. It shows that Atsuko had never been responsible for anything, that Hiroko had been threatening her the entire time. However, Atsuko doesn’t want the world to know about. She’d rather fight against her haters by herself. The tape would only bring more drama. In the end, they decided that, to make people forget about Hiroko, they have to bring them another new: They announce that they are officially dating.
The actress just frowned at her and didn’t answer anything. Truly, she didn’t care that much about it. She couldn’t really blame her friend wanting to have news from the others, but just because she was cruel, she would wait for more apologizes. Yes, the actress was, once again, making fun of her, though a part of her mind was really a bit upset.
“I’m really sorry!” Minami repeated, feeling really bad, thinking she had just been the stupidest person living. “I’m truly sorry about it! I didn’t mean to do that… Ah… I will do anything to ask forgiveness so don’t be angry…”
She then bowed to her girlfriend, still holding her hand carefully, just to make sure she would not leave her. Ignoring Atsuko, what was she thinking about?! She had been really nice with her so far, and all she could do to thank her was to ignore her? Minami felt like she had the word “STUPID” stamped on her forehead.
“It’s fine.” Atsuko smiled. “Wait… anything?”
“Well, as long as it’s possible…” Minami precised, knowing very well what “anything” meant to the actress.
Atsuko smirked, looking like a predator wondering how to capture her prey, but didn’t say anything wrong, knowing where the limits were.
“It’s fine then… because I don’t think what I want is possible right now.” She said. “I just thought you looked like you were having a better time talking at the phone with Yuko…”
“That’s not true!” Minami reassured her, squeezing her hand. “I’m really having the best times when I’m with you…”
“Then… What was the place you two were talking about?”
“This? A great restaurant I wanted to show you! The food is totally awesome! Do you mind… going with me right now?”
The question was so useless that Atsuko burst in laughs, kissing quickly her girlfriend on the cheek.
“Of course I don’t mind! We have plenty of time!”
They smiled and started walking out of the park. They were still holding hands, even though they knew everyone could see them. They didn’t want their hands to be separated so that even if they didn’t talk directly to each other while they walked, they could still feel the other’s presence. They both knew they mostly looked like close friends. Nobody would really think about them as a couple, so they didn’t care. There were many people glaring at Atsuko while they crossed Shibuya. Some were murmuring things, others were wondering how she could walk like nothing had happened, others were taking pictures… in any case, they all had seen her, and even Minami started to feel bad.
People stared at them for a long time. Minami was kind of upset against them not being able to ignore them. They were just normal people when they weren’t working. They were just like them… Just because they were famous didn’t mean they were superstar… they weren’t superheroes… They were humans, humans that could make mistakes. It wasn’t their fault if Kenji was in this situation, it wasn’t their fault if Hiroko had done this… They were only humans. Humans couldn’t stop those kinds of situations, no matter how much they would want it. Humans weren’t invincible against pain and sorrow… they didn’t have the power to stop those tragedies… but they were sure emotionally affected when they felt a lot of people didn’t like them.
“Is… is everything fine?” Minami asked as they were out of the view of most of the haters.
Atsuko nodded. She was hurt by this situation too, couldn’t they understand that?! She was hurt about the fact that everyone was thinking she was related to this! She was hurt because… if she could, she would bring everything like before, but she couldn’t. She was powerless in front of this situation, but she was the one attacked by stupid rumours. Even Minami couldn’t do anything to help her about this. But her girlfriend’s support was really appreciated.
“Don’t listen to them…” Minami continued. “Give them time until they realized you have nothing to do about it. You know how it is… they will soon forget about it.”
“I know… but even if you say that, I just don’t get it. I’m trying to avoid it, but everyone just keeps coming back to this subject. It’s… annoying.”
“I’ll support you.” The singer finished. “I’ll support you, no matter what they say. Media always exaggerate the truth… I don’t care what they will do, in a few weeks, nobody will talk about it anymore. Until then, just ignore them…”
“It’s… hard to ignore them.” She sighed.
“There are people loving you… just care about them, not the others. If ever you care about the haters, it’s because you want to prove them they’re wrong to hate you. If you just care about them and think at all they say, you won’t be able to move on in your career. Think about people… supporting and loving you.”
Atsuko smiled and nodded. Minami was right, she shouldn’t bother about this. Instead, she should just live positively with people she loved… Yes, starting today, with Minami, nothing could be bad. She had heard Kenji was still the hospital. He was slowly getting better, but still, he was stuck in his bed for a very long time. All she knew about it was because of the newspapers. She would never see him again… she didn’t want to betray her girlfriend. To her, Kenji had done something horrible in the past, and she felt that, as Minami’s most precious person in the world, she couldn’t forgive him.
“Then, I’ll only think about you.” She whispered softly as they started talking joyfully together, ignoring the glances people was giving them.
“T-The restaurant’s over there…” Minami said, blushing. CHAPTER 25: Drama about the whole thing. The girls confirm it whenever they go. They are ready to confront the world about it. Reactions are really mixed. Some fans agree with it while others would rather ignore it. Japan is known for ignoring this situation, but it is obviously time to change. And soon, the ultimate subject shows up: sex. Though Minami is not ready and they end up pretending their sudden moment of “desire” was only a joke. Then, there is a short confrontation between Acchan and her mom, but in the end, the mother accepts her daughter the way she is. Kenji is condemned to spend the rest of his life in the hospital, because he was hurt badly and needs services 12 hours per day. He also can’t eat by himself. The new of them being together slowly fade away as another one shows up: Oshima Yuko’s graduation. In fact, life just keeps going on. The chapter, and story, ends on Minami and Atsuko talking together… and eventually the last sentence shows they will go farther in their relationship <3
“Minami!” Atsuko screamed, surprising her girlfriend from behind, something she had done many times.
The singer laughed. They had seen each other two days ago, yet Atsuko was acting like they had not met since three months. Thinking about it, she still couldn’t believe they had once spent one year without seeing each other… If ever it happened right now, she wouldn’t survive. Though this time was special… Atsuko was acting like this… but they were already together since a few hours, wasting time together at Minami’s house.
“Hey, take care!” The singer said as she received some popcorn on the head.
They were spending the night watching movies. They had done this a few time, sleepover… Whenever they both had free times, they were hanging out. And wherever they can, they were spending the night together… not to do dirty things, just to have great time. And even if Atsuko wanted it… Minami had been clear about it many times, so there was no need to force things.
“Sorry!” Atsuko laughed, though spreading more popcorn around them as she sat by her girlfriend’s side.
Minami sighed. Luckily her mother wasn’t home… but she had to make sure to clean up a little before she came back. She had promised the house wouldn’t be on fire or anything. Her mother was gone for three days for an important meeting for her job. Well, the house wasn’t on fire… but it was not the ideal place to invite others. Atsuko didn’t seem to care about it. All she wanted was to see her girlfriend.
“I’m just really happy with you!”
The singer could perfectly understood what Atsuko meant by this. She felt better than during her whole life. She knew there was nothing bad in her life right now. She knew Atsuko was never going to leave her, and this only thought was enough to make all her negatives thoughts go away. It happened for her to think about Hiroko too. She had kept the recorder and the tape with her, throwing everything else related to her old friend away. The tape would be the only material proof she would keep of Hiroko’s existence… because she didn’t want to keep anything else. She felt like she should only concentrate on her current life and her current love.
“I will always be happy with you by my side.” Minami smiled. “You don’t need to repeat it…”
Atsuko quickly ate a piece of popcorn that had fallen, kissing Minami’s neck at the same time, making her becoming slightly pink…
“I know, but I want to say it. You know, we might not reach tomorrow… maybe there will be a huge earthquake or something… so I’d rather say it as much as possible to make sure you understand.”
Minami smirked at Atsuko’s tragedy. Love was strong enough to surpass death. Nothing was going to happen to them. She would make sure to protect her everyday, every second spent together.
“How it’s going with your agencies thing?” Minami asked, still anxious about Atsuko’s future.
“Fine… There’s one I really want to be accepted in… but I don’t think they will accept. They really care about scandals and all… so I think my chances are over already, even if they said they would think about it.” The actress sighed.
She knew wherever she would go, this scandal would follow her too, just like a dark shadow.
“It will be fine… I trust you.”
True, she trusted her as a friend, as her lover and as an actress. She knew she wouldn’t hesitate to help her, no matter what the consequences would be. She knew she could tell her anything and that she would not repeat it to anyone without her permission… She knew Atsuko was strong to do anything she wanted… and that she could easily prove them she had surpassed this scandal. She felt really blessed to be with her. There were so many good looking guys, so many hot girls, so maybe people much better than her… but their close relationship had won over everything.
“I’m sure they will be happy to accept you…” Minami reassured her, really believing in her words.
“Yeah… you’re probably right…”
Minami smiled and put her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Starting the movie, they just sighed, knowing they would probably only think about how they felt good together right now instead of really listening to the story. Lost in their thoughts…
The movie ended before they even realized it. Minami had fallen asleep on her girlfriend’s laps, and Atsuko was only looking at her. She was just staring at her sleeping angel, just listening to her regular breath… playing her slightly with her hair… smelling her sweet scent… She could have stayed like this forever. Even with the music playing from the television, even with some random clip playing, there was no way she would ever look away.
She suddenly heard a storm outside. Rain was falling at an incredible speed, making her looking through the window for a few seconds. When she glanced back at Minami, she had her eyes opened and was smiling.
“How dare you look at something else instead of me?” The small girl smirked.
“I’m sorry!” Atsuko immediately apologized, smiling. “The rain was much more interesting.”
“Of course!” Minami said, rolling her eyes.
Atsuko, still smiling, played with Minami’s hair lovely, nodding.
“You should look at the rain someday… but not when I’m sleeping, alright?”
“So you can do it, but not me?” Minami laughed.
“You perfectly understood!” Atsuko answered, clapping her hands when she suddenly received a mail from someone.
Answering her cell phone, she read the mail under Minami’s interrogative look. A bright smile appeared in her face as she said:
“I’m accepted… I’m really… accepted in this agency! They only said I need to be careful in my life with the media… but it’s fine!”
“Really?!” Minami smiled. “See? I told you so!”
Now, everything could only get better, right? And even if something bad was ever going to happen again, Minami would be there to help her. As long as they were together, it was going to be fine. As long as hope was still there… it was fine. Minami thought about her next single… sooner or later, she would find the best idea ever… Someday, people from everywhere would not only recognize her as an ex AKB member, but only as a singer.
“I’m so happy… I just can’t realize it… I can’t realize that… everything is done with the scandal… Everything was so fast… Everything was so hard…”
Atsuko was repeating the same thing again as Minami was just looking at her, smiling. She knew how hard it was to think that all the problems were over. She knew the feeling about starting again, in a better way. She knew how Atsuko felt about forgetting the daily hell they had lived a month ago… Sometimes, you feel like you’re wrong to hope… but in the end, you realize it’s really the end… and then, you can’t believe it’s true.
“I told you so…” Minami whispered, interrupted by Atsuko’s lips on hers.
Still lying on Atsuko’s laps, Minami shivered. It may not be the best position to share a kiss, but it tasted the same… it tasted great, passion, happiness, sweetness, love.
“Thank you for supporting me when I’m panicking.” Atsuko smiled cutely.
“N-No problem…” Minami shyly answered.
The singer was becoming redder as she thought about one time they had been together, alone. It had been at Atsuko’s home, and her mother was gone somewhere with some friends. They had almost gone farther… but she had stopped her girlfriend right before just a second.... And before Minami could have said anything, Atsuko had only apologized, promising she wouldn’t do something she didn’t want. It had been three weeks ago. Since then, Atsuko had never even tried to do anything… and during this time, Minami’s fear had slowly disappeared… and her own desire had slowly increased.
“I’ll be there for you… always.” Minami whispered, closing her eyes.
She might looked like she was going to fall asleep soon, but Atsuko knew her very well to know she was asking for another kiss. She thought her girlfriend was so cute that she couldn’t refuse her anything, and kissed her again slowly, just to make it longer and deeper. She wasn’t really aware of it, but her hands were already slowly caressing Minami’s body… everywhere, like she wanted to feel each centimetre of her skin touching hers. When Atsuko stopped, she already knew she must stop now or else she would not be able to control herself. When they kissed… there was no way to explain her feeling. Her love was being multiplied by a hundred, her heart was burning from excitement… and she was just totally loosing her mind.
“S-Sorry…” She murmured, knowing she had probably being too fast.
She didn’t want to scare her girlfriend… She didn’t want to do anything wrong… But when Minami opened her eyes… Atsuko was totally captive by her look. Because deep in her eyes... there was something new. Something she had never seen before… Something she could resume with a simple sentence… Something she wanted to see since a very long time… something stronger than everything else…
“I’m ready…”The end??? No...I know you guys don't want to re-read everything xD That's why I took like... 3hours of my time to create this summary
PFFF. So long my computer's slow now -.-' Hope you will enjoy the sequel guys ^_^ This fanfic is far to be dead because I consider it as one of my greatest English creating ever
Oh yeah... anyone having suggestions for the next story line, request or even hatred letter to me (LOL) can send them by PM ^^
Oh yeah, btw, I’m going to Paris from January 11 to January 22, so I might not be able to update in those days. However, I will be able to write, so it should be fine for when I come back ^^ And… yeah… I’m going to stalk all Japanese shops LOL
And… Well, enjoy holidays !
Topic: Pink Vitriol (AtsuMina - COMPLETED) + Sequel - CHAPTER 4 (3/10/2012) (Read 123459 times)