[Tabi] My Real Life Public Journal (Even about what happened today)

[Tabi]

This year my first day of school felt like my last. I was dumb. It felt like I had no friends, until I saw some familar faces. There were my friends, no they were more like aquitances, and I even said once that going to high school "your friends are not your friends anymore" and I was right for most of it. My friends weren't my friends, except Carri, and my only friend until I met Marlly. I met Marlly before and tried to talk to her, but since Im not a talker that was kinda hard. It was someday at the beginning of the year when we both had detetion for being late. We didnt sit near each other but we left around the same time and I wanted to talk to her while we were leaving but I lost my chance. The next couple of days were just whatever, I go to school, I do work, I eat lunch, do work, then go home. Our schedule is: Physics, Geometry, Lunch, Writing, FYS, Mastery Class, Geomerty/Tech, and Literature. Except Wednesday, it is: Literature, Physics, Lunch, Writing, Geo., and FYS; we get out early every Wednesday

[Tabi]

Anyways I lost my touch, like when I first came here, I had a very low grade and brought it up in snap. But I guess last year really messed me up. Last year I had so many problems that my grade was never high, and for the year before that I knocked everyone out-of-the-box with with grade as 100% in about 3 classes. This year was horrible, I was learning 10th grade work in 9th grade, just like 8th I learned 9th, and 7th I learned 8th because I was smart. But just because I dont study and Im one out of 3 with the lowest grade in my class everyone says Im stupid. If Im so stupid then why am I here in this class, why did get my grades up once and I bet I can do it again; this year is not my year. Over the summer I plan on learning Korean, and study some more of my Spanish, then I'll learn how to keep up with Dewi Dewi songs, by learning Indonesian, and I planned on doing this for a long time but never had time to, well actually I've been lazy, with everything including my school work.

[Tabi]

I kept telling myself that I could do better and that I can do the impossible if I just put my mind to it. Of course Im having a hard time proving it because Im still learning a few things still, but Im getting there. I found out today that I got Advance on my 4-sight telling me if Im going to stay in the same class with everyone next year, which I am and Im a little bit happy. Im not excited or anything because Im going to have to learn 11th grade work, but at least I'll still be with everyone I've known for 2 in a half years so far. I mean yeah, my one of my besties left last year, and left me with one, but I have a new bestie this year, and another friend. Marlly's my new bestie, Erica, my new friend. Of course I met other people through Carri, all the new people I met I could never meet until I've Carri. Carri is my sister and my bestie. To tell you the truth I love her more than I love my sister. It sounds mean, and possibly wrong, but I dont love her more than a friend, so dont think that way.

[Tabi]

Well to tell you the truth me being a girl and all kinda makes me wonder about myself and who I like. For instance, in 7th grade it was my first year there and there is a girl named Tina, she was cute, with a perfectly round head, and skinny body, she was also quiet, like me, but she was incredibly smart, kinda like a genius. All through 7th grade all Tina did was stare at me, for 8th she tried to stop herself for staring and she did, I guess she was just concerned about me because I started messing up that year, but this year I've became a little bit closer with her. For those 2 years I've known her, I've never forgotten about her like this. I've been questioning myself for the longest and agree with my cousin I am gay, heck Im gay all the time until my stomach hurts, but maybe thats not what she meant at all. Maybe she meant that Im a lesbian and liked girls, and maybe she's right about that too. I still don't know what I want, Do I like boys or do I like girls?

[Tabi]

I had two crushes on girls and one on a boy named Steven, and the funny thing about it is that all the people I crushed on were Cambodian, but I didnt really care I just liked them. Of there was some of those times when I thought of things I weren't supose to think of but I couldnt help it, and to this very day I'm still crushing on that one person that I made made forget the girl named Tina. I also had a lot of crushes on some of my childhood friends, but I stopped thing about them too as soon as I met my match. Marlly. Marlly my new bestie, my new crush, my lovely match maker, no one would ever know. As much as I want to let all of my feelings go, and just bring out that I go two ways and that I love her more than that, I can't. I can't because I've only met her this year. I can't because I'm scared. I can't because out of Marlly, Carri, Erica, and me, I'm considered the most normal person, and I'm also the oldest out of us four. But I just can't do it.

[Tabi]

This idea just popped in my head just now, I will write this down in a book and give it to her, so she can my feelings in case she doesnt come back, next year, but I don't know if I would ever get over her. She makes me smile and makes me want to come to skool everyday even if she's late and I get bad grades.

[Tabi]

It's the first time I actually failed a Report Period, and I'm back to writing fanfics but I'm not sure who or what to write about right now. So far I've only written two fanfictions and this public journal guide on how's my life been. If anyone has any suggestions that would be helpful. Give me a couple of any SNSD member, or an idea for me to think over and create a story would be nice. Although no one really talks to me on this site and I dont usually talk to people myself (Don't know how to start a conversation). I think that when I say something it goes way over board, when I'm only trying to be funny. Or maybe it's just not funny to Marlly. Qiao, Carri, etc. All find what I say funny and will reply with something that will seem hurtful, but its really funny. Or maybe it's because I knew all those people for a long time and I just met Marlly this year, and it fun for her to say my name. She calls me Tabbeh, Tab-tab, Tabi, and Tabs, and she's very hard to explain.

[Tabi]

I'm choosing to not continue my story Hard to Explain because...well it really is hard to explain. It was orginally call jump after step or something close to that, but it suddenly didnt make any sense even though its coming from my own head. I tried to add more but each time I tried everything slipped and I became confused although I kept reading it over and over again. I wish I could fix it but I cant do that much on my phone, that I am tying this with now. Which is also why my entries seem shorter than most of the other people on here, but its okay. I will continue my 2nd story (What did I do wrong) though. The meaning of the title had to do with and Yulsic problem and Yuri ended up in love with Krystal, but that seem boring to me. So I change the plot of the story and everything, which means that the title doesnt have anything to do with it really. I change it once more so the Title will fit with the story. During Yuri's POV is where this occurs.