Sorry to keep you waiting, guys, I’ve just been very busy with my life.
See, I go to a boarding school and it’s a pretty prestigious one that some of you may have seen newspapers write about (we were mentioned in the movie “Admissions” twice, if I remember correctly). Lately, after watching some of my favorite 1st gen members announce their graduation, I can’t help but feel that it will be the same for me soon.
If I may, going to this school is like joining AKB: It is here that people all band together in a rare community that many lack the privilege of joining. It is also here that we experience a period of fame, that when we return home or appear in public, friends, strangers and families alike, flock to us in admiration, jealousy or curiosity. Above all, it is here that we realize, not only our true potential, but the wonderful people we can meet and lead the world to a brighter future, one smile at a time.
Ultimately, however, it brings us, members of these prestigious organizations, to the last question of what would happen after we leave this group. The unfortunate truth about joining these institutions is that all good things must come to an end. Only after a short period of euphoria and grace does there lie a grim future ahead. Our past and involvement may never change, but after the end of our glory days, how may we act certain of the distant tides? What would happen to the next generation who come after us? Eventually the world will ask, “I know AKB/_______, but who is ______?” And to me, this still causes me to cringe when I ponder on the possibilities by which we may respond….
Thus explains why I now decide to write this from a graduated member’s perspective, as a mere prediction of how it might feel following my graduation.
Well, anyway, enough of my rant: Here comes the second chapter, and some answers to the question in the title.
BUT GUESSS WHAT?
I'm going to be a good AKB Wota and give you a DOUBLE CHAPTER FEATURE~
That's right: Two chapters for the price of one!
Why? Because I actually enjoy writing this ^_^
Anyway, enjoy~!
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Chapter 2
Unbelievably, Itano clasped her cold hands with Ayato’s warm, smooth palm, quite different from the ones she’d always shaken, which were calloused, moist or even sticky.
Thus, after a years worth of waiting, Itano finally shook the hand of a fan of hers. Moreover, it happened at a music store, not in front of a massive crowd of fans. That, in itself, seemed to soothe the graduate's anxious insecurity.
"So," Ayato picked up the conversation again, "seems as if you're looking for strings."
"Yeah, how'd you know?"
"Well, why else would you be looking at the strings?"
Again, Tomochin raised an eyebrow in response to his witty statement. It took the man a full two seconds to realize what he said.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean it that way."
Although, strangely enough, she couldn't help but feel attracted to his blunt honesty. It reminded her of someone...
"Oh no, it's okay. But yeah, I'm looking for some strings."
"For the guitar that Sata gave you?"
Now Itano was truly confused. He was a fan, for sure, but was he a stalker too?
"How did you-"
"I watched your graduation," he explained, finally picking a satisfactory guitar from the shelf and strumming its metallic strings, "the last graduation of AKB I ever watched. Just couldn't take it anymore, you know, watching the greatest of the old generations leave."
For a split second, Itano's solid heat of gold earned the smallest trace of a crack and a twang sent a sharp pain through her chest. To think that even her fans couldn't stand her leaving... Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for her to graduate after all.
"I'm flattered." Itano claimed, watching Ayato place the guitar back to its rightful place.
"Oh, you're welcome." He responded, now shuffling over to the strings she scrutinized and picking one out of the hundreds before them.
"Here," the Ayato proclaimed as he handed Tomomi a set of packed strings, "I used those once before. I don't think you're much of a beginner, mind the reference, but these'll be just right for you. You know how to re-string a guitar right?"
Tomochin only blankly nodded as she carefully accepted her fan's aid.
"Thanks..."
"No problem, Itano-san."
Ayato smiled again and proceeded to flip through assorted set of the newest sheet music to hit the store.
"You can call me Tomochin if you want."
"Uh, no thanks, that'd be impolite."
“Please? I insist.”
Tomochin pouted at Ayato, who stared at her convincing facial expression and finally relented.
"God, and I thought Shinoda-san specialized in Muchaburi."
Itano smiled again and recollected the oldest member of the group at the time. No one knew where she ended up after she left. Granted, word from Takamina suggested that she actually re-applied for AKB and was, subsequently, accepted as a Manager for AKB, working directly under Takamina. To Mariko, it would be the ideal job.
For Itano, it would have meant day after day of jealousy that would ravage at her soul, envying those who stayed and performed.
"Well, she did rub off on me,” Itano retorted, “it’s hard to avoid that kind of influence when you have to spend six years with that same person.”
Ayato momentarily narrowed his eyes and skeptically looked into her brown irises. Seeing as he couldn’t find any trace of doubt in her gaze, he sighed and gave up on his indignant refusal to acquiesce to such a ridiculous demand.
"Okay, Tomochin-san, how's that?"
Itano flashed a thumbs up in response to her fan's compromise, to which he merely smiled and nodded once in acknowledgement
"Anyway..."
"Well, thanks for the whole advice thing for the guitar... I actually don't know too much about it since Sata's been teaching me and well, you know...."
"Oh, no, don't worry. And thank you, it's an honor to finally meet you in person."
Kazama dutifully escorted his idol to the cashier and offered to pay for her. Although, Itano would have none of that, and struggled with him for a good minute or two before he relented to her pleas. Several staff members and other music students around them chuckled at their little engagement and Itano's memories of the staff at AKBingo! quickly resurfaced to haunt her once more.
Finally, after Itano paid for her strings, a group of young girls came sauntering over to her with their Tomochin calendars for a signature. Of course, Itano obliged them, but still felt slightly guilty that only she appeared in the calendar photos and wished that Kasai or Takamina or Atsuko were here with her: Being an independent idol... Well, it got a little lonely, she thought.
Now that she wasn’t affiliated with AKB, Itano often felt left out when she watched those girls perform on Television. Even just seeing their merchandise caused her to cringe in a somewhat painfully nostalgic way. Life just… didn’t involve too much unity, freedom and passion, as every song she’d sung over seven years always dictated. Itano often wondered if she ever really meant what she sang.
Or if AKB was just a lie: A falsely lead life of halcyon, shielded by lies and youthful innocence. What a fool she must have been to not have foreseen that.
But she didn’t have to be alone, would she? Outside of AKB lay a new world for her, a previously unexplored frontier that had many a nightmare and fantasy. Sure, not everything was purely sunshine and rainbow as she used to think. Drawing from the letters Atsuko sent her, there were new people she could meet.
Perhaps, starting with this spikey haired individual to her right.
"Say, Kazama?" She asked as she slowly made her way out the music store with him.
"Yes, Itano-san?"
If anything, Tomochin never felt this nerve-wrecking anxiety that she suffered from now, neither from the multiple flashbacks of her time in AKB nor the many horrible memories of her middle school years and yonder.
She fiddled around with the words in her mouth that she never properly said to someone before: It’d all been in acting that she’d stuttered the sentence that seemed… Almost harmless: Even when she was acting, she couldn’t help but feel as if it wasn’t all feigned.
"M-Mind if I have you number?"
"What for?"
"Oh no, I just want to keep track of my fans and send them messages sometimes," she lied, “you know, for good times sake.”
Itano felt uncertain of whether or not Ayato would buy her excuse. She watched his eyes narrow again and his head tilt to convey the depth of his thoughts. Twiddling with her nervous thumbs, she waited for his answer,
"Oh sure, hold on a sec. Do you have paper and pen?"
"You can just type it in my phone..."
Obeying her command, Ayato quickly, but calmly, tapped his number into her phone and returned the device to its petite owner.
"Thanks! So... I'll see you around?"
Ayato’s smile flipped around to a mild frown as he peered around her to bserve his surroundings.
"We'll see, I'm not going to be here for long, but... We'll see."
“We’ll see, huh..”
On a lighter note though, Ayato backed away from Tomochin and bid his farewell all the while.
"Again, it's been an honor to meet you, Itano-san! Hope to hear from you soon!"
Tomochin smiled and waved at the departing fan she just met and thought of how to proceed.
There was something odd about her encounter with Ayato that sparked a flame of passion within her, a hope and intriguing enigma that somewhat captivated her at the moment. Evidently, he was a fan, but he treated her like any other girl... No fan of hers has ever approached her in such a way.
And now that she was free of the Love-Ban law....
Without hesitation, Itano whipped out her mobile phone again, unsure of how to proceed. But in the end, she managed to type a simple message to Ayato, and hoped to whatever God that seemed to abandon her that he was one of those boys who wouldn't simply charm girls upon first contact and mercilessly disappear.
Maybe we can meet up for some coffee sometime? -Tomo
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After frantically scrambling through the streets, Tomochin finally changed and made her way to Kasai's apartment. She hadn't moved since the day she left AKB, or the day she moved in, as a matter of fact, so it was easy enough for Itano to locate her.
Sporting a blue blouse and white skirt, in addition to brown leather boots, Itano patiently waited, bags of chocolate and other miscellaneous snacks and beverages in her hands, for Kasai to answer the door upon ringing the doorbell. Who came to welcome her in, however, was someone else entirely.
"Itano-san?"
"Takahiro?!"
The estranged member of EXILE stood before her clad in a simple black leather jacket over a white shirt and dark jeans to complement his night attire.
"Ehehe, yup. It's me."
"I didn't know you lived with Kasai-san!"
Takahiro stood astray and slightly bewildered at Itano’s cluelessness.
"She didn't tell you?"
Tomochin rapidly shook her head left and right in confusion (and partial excitement).
"Anyways, come on in, the others have arrived as well. Please, make yourself at home."
When Itano entered through the doorway and took off her boots at the carpet, she could not believe the sight before her. Kasai's apartment had completely changed
Kasai, of course, became the first to welcome Tomochin inside her home, following Takahiro's hospitable gesture.
Dressed in a simple shirt, jeans and fur-coated slippers, Kasai stood before her old companion with a genuine smile that reached from one ear to the next. The same could be said for Tomochin as hazel met dark amber.
"Hey, Tomochin~"
"Hey..."
Embarrassingly enough, following their full year of separation, Itano had completely forgotten Kasai's old nickname.
"You look different," Itano finally mustered, "you look prettier than before..."
"Thanks," Kasai said, twirling around to let her permed hair and ponytail swish around, "same goes for you...”
The worst part about visiting old friends was always the strange gap in their lives, the fact that neither one could relate to the other or share and laugh about everyday incidents. Tomochin felt as if she stood in front of a completely different person with a completely different life from what she once came to recognize. Standing in front of her wasn’t Kasai Tomomi; it was a stranger.
“Man, it really has been a while, hasn't it?"
"Yeah..."
Following the awkward silence between the two, Haruna emerged from the kitchen with a teddy bear apron tied around her wist and an onigiri latched between her mouth, which eventually landed in her manicured hand when she saw the 24 year old Tomochin standing before her.
"Tomochin?!"
Itano switched her gaze from Kasai's sweet smile to Haruna look of excitement and surprise and answered with a shrug and a grin. Although, even that couldn't beat-
"TOMO~~!!!"
Without warning, Oshima Yuuko launched herself from the seat on the floor and into Itano in a full frontal assault. Stronger from Sayaka's training, Itano held Yuuko up and resisted the temptation to fall backwards as a graceful idol would. However, Yuuko's face planted into Tomochin's normal sized breasts, forcing an embarassed squeak out of the latter.
"Yuuko..."
Spontaneously, after seconds of compiling seemingly disjointed pieces of information, it finally hit Itano.
"Wait... You guys are married?"
Everyone stared at her with incredulous looks, Takahiro included.
"Officially?" She added, unsure of her assumption.
"Of course, you airhead!" Yuuko yelled in pride and disbelief "Nyan nyan and I have been married for 10 months now! Where've you been?! On Mars?"
Ironically enough, Itano’s head did fly over to Mars to live an anti-social, pedestrian life. And the fact that it happened a mere 2 months after her graduation did not boost Tomomi's self-confidence at all.
"Ah, around, I guess."
Although, what Haruna asked following her cheeky response struck Itano's conscience as a hammer would a nail.
"But I’m pretty sure it was on the news… Don't you read the news anymore, Tomo?"
Now that she thought about it, Tomochin never really read or watched the news following her leave from AKB. She'd cut herself off from the outside world, almost completely. Even so, no one could know the truth behind her melancholy
Not even her most trusted of friends.
"Well, no. I just kinda work, eat, sleep and take care of some stuff every once in a while. Maybe compose a song or two on the guitar."
"That's sounds like a pretty good lifestyle," Haruna added, "Yuuko, why don't we ever try that?"
The genki girl tilted her head and placed a finger to her chin, as if she attempted to stimulate her cognitive prowess to reach a decision. But of course, she remained as indecisive as her air-head of a partner. Not that Tomochin appeared any better at this point.
"Hmm... I dunno~"
Tomo laughed at the newly discovered couple's antics, maybe that was how it felt like to be in a relationship... Maybe she would try it one day, just as the indefatigable squirrel and the licentious cat so bravely had, but only time would tell.
"Anyway, dinner's almost ready, I'll got get some stuff. Boy, that's a lot of food there Tomochin. D'ya plan on stuffing yourself?"
Itano looked at the bag of food she brought with her. Now that she gave it some thought, her contribution to the party seemed relatively excessive. Even so, it wouldn’t hurt to bring some confections to Kasai’s. She loved eating these things, after all.
"Nah, I just thought we could use some snacks."
Dinner consisted of a simple hot pot that steamed up pretty much the entire living room, until Takahiro turned the ventilation system to its maximum potential. Even then, steam still occasionally clouded their view of the TV, which showed the newest episode to the newest season of Majisuka Gakuen: A show all the ladies recognized as their childhood glory.
After another few minutes of joint eating and laughing, Takahiro started playing a couple games of poker with the girls. It felt odd for Itano to eat beside her former admirer: She and Takahiro had a small fling back in the day… But she’s never spoken to him since.
Similarly, she refused to speak with anyone else, adopting the salty, austere persona that dominated Shimazaki’s complexion during her early years of Senbatsu status. Itano had to admit though, being salty brought a lot of comfort, independence and satisfaction with keeping mostly to herself. If she had to pinpoint one disadvantage, it would only be the sense of loneliness that occasionally haunted her
Returning to the subject of Takahiro, however. The fact that a man, and of all men, Takahiro, lived with Kasai simply baffled her. Even if the two dated, and God forbid they were, she knew Kasai well enough that the latter couldn’t possibly allow a member of the opposite gender so much as touch anything but her hands.
Could it be that the jerk tried to steal her Kasai from her?
Tomochin violently shoved that idea of jealousy from her already tainted mind and shook herself free from the binding shadows that racked her integrity…. By marching over to the fridge
Initially deciding against it, Itano finally shuffled to and arrived at the porcelain white refridgerator to retrieve a can of light beer. She convinced herself that a single, innocuous can would suffice. Yet, as always, she failed to restrain herself as her already mildly sedated peers soon did, following the mindless consumption of alcohol.
Thus, a few snapped cans and a feature-length movie later, Itano felt akin to a lazy puppy that simply refused to budge or twitch: One so lavishly indulged in the confections that lay sprawled across the floor that she only rolled her eyes around to indicate the shift in her attention from one to another.
As for the others, well, they all regressed to a similarly pathetic state. The man Itano once knew betrayed his weak tolerance towards alcohol by passing out shortly after. Yuuko soon regressed into a continuous fit of incessant giggling and Haruna just, stayed as the airhead that she was.
All eyes, however, soon focused on Kasai, who dreamily said “Chiyuu” again as she shifted, almost comfortably, on the stack of pillows that sustained her. One by one, they broke from their trances, save for Takahiro, who still lay unconscious on the floor.
“So… Anything interesting these days, Kasai?”
“Well, not really,” the drunken ball of fluff replied, “released another single, hosted the radio show and went on TV a couple of times. Life’s been significantly quieter since. How about you, Haruna?”
“We visited Guam the other day,” Haruna said, chugging another can of beer all the while, “this silly, cute thing right here got to meet all her former colleagues: They were re-doing one of our old videos, ehehe….”
“Ah, the Ponytail video?”
“No, no, that umm…. Damn it just slipped my mind.”
“It’s the one where we were all in white bikinis,” Yuuko finally mewed, “I remember that day was that time of the month for Nyan Nyan. Remember how you refused to wear white that day?”
Normally, Tomochin postulated, Haruna would quickly silence her partner. But, when under the influence, apparently she just didn’t really care anymore.
“Ha…. Those were the days, Yuuko…”
“Ne, ne~~ Tomo~ What have you done lately?”
Though slightly deterred by the modicum of alcohol in her system, Itano could only manage to recall her eventful day… And the unfortunate boy caught in the midst of her lonely life. Anything prior seemed beyond the grasp of her incapacitated memory yet close enough to barely escape her tenacious mental prowess.
"Well, I met this really cute guy today..."
To everyone’s surprise, Itano mindlessly blurted out and even insinuated her apparent interest in a male individual.
"Oh? Tomochin met a guy?"
“Tell me more! Was he cute?”
Cute? Maybe not so, Itano thought, but he damn well attracted her, being an earnest boy and what not. She knew nothing of him, though, besides his name and the fact that he stayed as a fan of hers since the inception of AKB. But at least hat would suffice for Itano in her currently lethargic state.
"Yeah, he was a fan of mine too~ Although, he was brutally honest with me, like, none of that suck up crap like back at the handshake events."
Yuuko slowly raised her arm, pointed in Itano’s general direction, before doubling over in laughter, attempting to articulate an already incomprehensible statement.
"Haha, I remember that one time when you and Paruru completely saw through that stuff~"
At this point, they were all talking nonsense from the superfluous amounts of food in their stomachs and alcohol in their systems.
A good two hours later, the girls started to sober up a little thanks to intermittent periods of falling asleep and melancholic brooding sessions. Itano simply listened to what her friends had to say and refrained from complaining of her relatively isolated life. Nobody would enjoy hearing stories of her moody ventures from the kitchen to wherever it was she ended up thinking about AKB at.
Soon enough, the time came for them to part ways again, much to their chagrin.
"We should probably go then. I’ve got a photo shoot with Takamina and Acchan and, well, Yuuko could probably use some sleep.”
The younger genki girl pouted at her almost parental, authoritative figure. Tomochin figured that, had Haruna been born a male, they would make a perfect husband and wife.
It'd be nice if everyone from the first generation got together again.
With the departure of the married couple (and the fact that the only “man” still slept flopped over on his stomach), Kasai and Itano were left alone in the house, with a blacked out Takahiro on the floor, of course. Cleaning up the living room around them, Kasai and Itano enjoyed a comforting silence in each other’s company as they tirelessly worked at removing the remnants and traces of their wild night.
There and then, Itano thought she just might have had a chance to rekindle their relationship. Thus, she asked Kasai out for a small walk around the surrounding neighborhood after they were done, to which the 2nd generation member responded in the affirmative.
Besides, Takahiro, as far as Itano knew, did not wake up from alcohol-induced slumbers very easily.
The walk through the nightscape was comfortable. The two fashion queens walked side-by-side, close enough so that they felt each other’s warmth radiate to one another, but far enough such that their hands never brushed against each other like before.
“It’s a beautiful, night chiyuu~”
Itano laughed at her friend’s signature catchphrase that always ached and yanked at her already swelled heart.
“It is. Isn’t it?”
Staring into the glimmering eyes of an angel after averting her attention from the glistening stars, Itano gently smiled at her “Identical Twin” and their odd relationship that came to an abrupt end.
“Remember that one night in Nagoya?”
“Of course, how could I forget…”
“That was when you first told me you loved me… I was so happy that day…”
“I-I’m sure you were… It was a surprise for me too….”
They didn’t talk for another full minute. Itano could feel herself subconsciously urging her hand to drift around and meet Kasai’s. It was a strange feeling for her, almost foreign due to the lack thereof. She remembered the days when their fingers would find each other and instantly intertwine with little to no effort whatsoever. Ah, yes, those days of being young lovers never left Tomochin.
Until, finally, when they were half-way around the block, Itano asked the wrong question.
"Kasai-san?"
"Yeah?"
"Why didn't you tell me that you lived with Takahiro?"
The delay in her partner’s response evoked some suspicion and a degree of mild disturbance to Tomochin’s equanimity.
"Well, because I didn't think it was too important."
Itano stopped mid-way in her footing and slowly turned to face her former lover with a discernable aura of vexation.
"You didn't think it was important?"
Kasai only bashfully nodded.
"You know what happened between us before, right?"
Again, Tomo~mi nodded again and, without even properly ruminating on the potential implications, Itano directly assumed the worse case scenario she feared would be true.
"Oh God,” Itano said, holding an un-manicured hand to her mouth in mistaken revelation, “do you not love me anymore?"
"No! No, no, no, no~ I do love you~"
"Oh my God, you don't!"
"Tomochin, stop! You're over thinking this!"
"You broke your promise..."
“No! No, I didn’t!”
“You said you would wait for me…”
“Tomochin, please, don’t.”
“You lied!”
“Please, I can expla-“
“YOU DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING YOU LIAR!”
Kasai fell silent as a slightly intoxicated Tomochin spilled her words that echoed through the empty streets.
“Tomochin…”
Infuriated from both her alcohol consumption and her ill-conceived revelation, Itano ran away from Kasai, as far as possible from the moron who broke her heart. Yet, while Kasai continued to scream after her, pleading her to return, Tomochin never stopped or looked back.
With tears streaking out her eyes and anguish spilling from her chest, she sprinted away into the night, unsure of where she might go.
Uncertain of what she might be.
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Chapter 3
“Chiyuu~”
“Ah! Tomo~mi~”
“Tomochin!”
“Good morning!”
“Hehe~”
“Did ya sleep well?”
“Nope~ No thanks to you Chiyuu~”
“Oh, shut it! It was your idea!”
“Johto~ Don’t blame Tomo~mi.”
“Na~~”
“Ah~! Stop it tickles~”
“Admit it, you like it!”
“I don’t like it… But I like you~”
“Do you?”
“Yeah, I do, I like everything about you…”
“… I love you, Tomo~mi.”
“I love you too, Tomochin~”
“Always?”
“Always, I promise.”
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When Tomomi woke up from her ephemeral dream, she woke with a slightly groggy headache that ached when she tried to move or sit up. Reluctantly, she gave up trying to move and merely blinked at the ceiling as she attempted to recall the events of the night before.
To no surprise, she couldn’t remember anything. Again, had she not been so stupid and restrained her alcohol consumption, she might have had an easier time today. Sadly, she couldn’t raise her arm or hand to slap her forehead and simply moaned in frustration as she rolled back to her side and curled her blanket around her.
Although something didn't seem quite right: She never used polyester bed sheets.
Feeling the eccentric fabric that covered her place of rest, Itano assessed and dutily noted the differences between the room she spent her nights in and this one that she came to recognize. For starters, the color of the bedroom differed from that of hers. The air was considerably cooler and it smelled like… Strawberry? Itano shook her head and recalled that she never used strawberry scented products. Ever.
After compiling her observations, Itano drew only one conclusion that drove a surge of exhilaration into her chest:
She was in someone else’s home.
A tinge of fear jolted her up and out of the covers as the hugged the nearest wall for safety. Someone soon knocked on the door to signal his or her entry. Attempting to seem calm and collected, Tomochin merely sat on the covers of the bed and waited for a familiar young man, who donned an apron and a cooking mitten, walk in to greet her
"Oh, you're awake."
"A-Ayato?"
Her newly met fan nervously smiled and scratched the rear of his head where his hair curved upwards.
"Ehehe, yeah, that would be me."
Initially vexed, Itano tried to reason with her current circumstances
"How-"
"Did you end up here, you ask?"
Tomochin nodded as she frantically snatched the sheets around her to cover her relatively exposed body.
"Funny story actually," Ayato continued, "I found you crying on the late night bus system when I got on. When I came closer and put a hand on your shoulder, you kind of just collapsed on me. I didn't know where you lived at, so I carried you here. It was better than leaving you on that bus anyways."
Tomochin blushed at her fan's account of how she ended up here. Did she really lose control of herself that night? What did she do? While faint details rung in her mind, the entirety of what happened last night persistently eluded her conscience.
"I have some clothes you can borrow," he said, exiting the room to leave the former AKB member to her privacy, "they belonged to my ex-girlfriend who was, funnily enough, also a fan of yours. So you can imagine how much she wanted to look like you."
Tomochin chuckled at his little anecdote at the end and perused the wardrobe that towered over her from across the room. She carefully pried it open with her delicate, but steady hands, to reveal clothing that closely resembled what her former colleagues would wear. She softly brushed her hand down the fabric of one of the blouses that hung from the closet. Oh, how she missed being young…
“Great, I’m in an apartment of my fans,” she finally remarked with a sigh of relief. Ayato merely smiled though, and didn’t register any audible response besides his final comment before leaving Itano to herself so she could change her clothing.
"Breakfast is almost ready too, if you'd like to come out."
Itano formed an “O” with her mouth and nodded, acknowledging her new found friend’s hospitality and benevolence. Then of course, he was a fan of hers in some way, so perhaps this was to be as expected of him. Truthfully, though, Tomochin really couldn’t tell.
She had to admit, the moment she walked out the room, changed and ready for the day,
“What time is it?” She asked, gracefully consuming the yakiniku on her spoon.
“It’s 11:30 AM, right now,” Ayato replied, checking his chrome coated digital watch, “why do you ask?”
“Damnit,” Itano jolted up and pinned her eyes to the doorway, “I have a photo shoot to go to. I’m late.”
Just before she could pounce from her seat at the table to grab her stuff, Ayato interjected by not only firmly grasping her by the arm as she’d continually dreamed that her man would do, but also standing up and nearly towering over her, saying:
"Itano-san, it's a Sunday, and photo shoots don't usually occur today. I think you were thinking of Monday."
Besides attempting to contain the squeal of romantic delight that lurched in her throat, Itano simultaneously fought off the agonizing headache she had and the urge to lose her temper again. Calmly, she sat down on the chair again and puffed her cheeks upon realizing that Ayato was right: Her photo shoots never happened on Sundays.
Damn alcohol, damn reunions: Damn it all to hell!
After they finished their hastily cooked meal, Itano offered to clean up with Ayato: A formality she used to extend to any and all she enjoyed a simple, though entertaining, meal with. Such an occasion proved rare in recent months, if not in the past year.
Itano spent the next hour exploring Ayato’s house. It was terrifyingly lucid: A large, comfy couch with a plasma television in front, a glass dining table over here and a simple, decorative piece of calligraphy to embellish the immaculate wall of white in the main hall.
Such an apartment, no ordinary person could afford, Itano reduced the possibilities to either a testament of his success or a display of inherited wealth. Given that she knew nothing about her savior, in some ways, she could judge him in neither way.
Curiously enough, however, Itano didn’t notice a single picture of himself or anyone otherwise… Anywhere. At those little nooks and shelves one imagined to house photos of his friends, old or young, rested nothing on a stand or a frame. The empty feeling of the house dragged Itano back to stop and offer a tacit display of compassion towards her once devout fan of AKB.
"I'm going to the supermarket,” Ayato soon announced, picking up his keys, clad in a navy blue polo shirt and grey denims, “anything I can get you, Itano-san?"
"No, I'm fine thanks,” Itano responded with a polite wave of her hand, “I actually think I should head home.”
“Well, where do you live? I’ll take you there.”
As much as Itano wanted her place of abode to remain a secret from her new companion, she felt somewhat attracted to this honest, charming man. Something told her that maybe she should spend more time with him, even if she knew better.
“That would be nice, thank you.”
Much to both of their chagrin, Ayato didn’t exactly own a car. He did own, however, several motorcycles, including a Yokohama motorcycle that Itano remembered riding on the race tracks once before. It’s possible that Ayato might have actually supplied AKB with such a fine craft of machinery, but she gave it the benefit of her doubt.
What stimulated further curiosity and reverence was the fact that Ayato could sense how uncomfortable Itano felt about riding behind a guy on a motorcycle: He simply looked deep into her almost terrified eyes and immediately offered to take her home by bus.
Yet, while Itano was perfectly capable of returning home alone, she insisted that Ayato come with her, to which he agreed without a second thought.
If anyone ever rode the buses in Shibuya, they would notice that nearly every archetype of citizen either stood or sat in the relatively cramped space of the bus: These ranged from the loquacious businessmen to the haphazard teenagers, all of which Itano treasured and valued as a part of her life in the city and couldn’t quite pinpoint which profile Ayato would fit.
Following a good 10 minute ride, Itano lead Ayato, after disembarking with little difficulty, to a metropolitan area that she spent the majority of her time around. He did not refuse her offer to go waltzing around the area to view the bakeries and apparel shops at the street level. She assumed Ayato hadn’t been to this particular part of town for a while.
Well, that was until he said that his ex used to live just a block down.
Itano harrowed over the small, crestfallen expression Ayato donned whence he mentioned that the room she slept in belonged to his previous lover. She felt as if she invaded the sanctimony of his long, if not recently, lost lady. Eventually, she asked him what itched away at her mind since, as they quietly walked, side-by-side, to Tomo’s apartment complex.
"You said these clothes… Belonged your ex?"
Ayato looked at her with eyes of guilt and furrowed brows of frustration.
"Yes."
"So... You guys broke up?"
"No," Ayato murmured with a newly forming frown, "she's just… Not around anymore.”
Itano fell silent with a melancholic aura that emerged once when her close friends graduated from the group. Did his girlfriend die? Did it conceive a void in his soul? Is this how Paruru felt when she left her?
Quite unlike her though, Ayato sorrowfully smiled at the thought of his ex-girlfriend and dreamily sighed as he recounted his philosophy:
“Although, I like to think that she’s some where else where she’s happier now,” he continued in a lighter tone, now slowly walking towards a photo that rested on top the artificial fireplace, “with a better guy and a greater life somewhere out there.”
Tomochin visibly shivered at the thought of the prospects Ayato’s lost partner probably gained. Could the same be said of Kasai? What if that’s true? Was she better off without her love?
“I just like to keep some stuff that reminds me of her around anyways. You know, for good times sake…”
Seeing no other way to respond, Itano murmured and offered her sincere condolences.
“I’m… Sorry to hear that.”
Now Tomochin just felt bad for wearing his Ex’s clothing.
“Oh, don’t be, it’s not your fault. Besides, it was probably for the best of both of us.”
She took comfort in knowing his reconciliation with the harsh reality of the real world. Quite unlike what her old songs used to say, nothing truly ever worked out the way people really want it to. All those bubbly melodies that encouraged people to keep on living, she saw no importance or intention in them anymore.
Itano wondered if those same songs she sang meant anything to Ayato and his ex at the time. Of course, Itano remembered the innumerable couples that passed to and fro the gates of the Don Quixote theatre, a place she once christened her safe haven. Perhaps, among that sea of people that flocked in and out of the entrance, Ayato once stood among them, eyes brimming with hope and holding the hand of his lucky girlfriend.
Perhaps, she might have missed him, or even forgotten they’d even shaken hands before. She just felt ashamed that her futile efforts to inspire their juvenile love were inadequate to keep them together: She’d failed her duty as an idol. No, AKB failed its duty to nurture the true power of affection and care.
Nevertheless, Tomomi arrived at the door of her apartment shortly after and awkwardly silent lift ride. She fumbled around her purse to retrieve her small, yet excessively ornate, key chain and slowly shoved her key into the lock and opened the oak door, revealing her secret abode to the first person besides her parents.
“Wow.”
Ayato stood, gob smacked, at under the doorframe leading to Itano’s apartment. There, she giggled at his humorous expression of shock and awe before inviting him in.
“You can come in if you want,” she said, “it does get a little lonely at times.”
“Wow,” Ayato whispered again, amazed at the stunning décor of Tomomi’s crème themed apartment.
“What?”
“I just…. Can’t believe that I’m in Tomochin’s house, the one that Mariko always spoke of on TV…”
Likewise, Itano couldn’t believe that she’d stayed a night in someone else’s apartment and that she’d let the owner of said house to enter her own. Back in the day, this would most likely have expelled her from the group for reasons of scandalous behaviour. But of course, perhaps this was one of the perks of leaving.
Spontaneously, Itano reasoned that maybe this was why Acchan left… To pursue a life of romance and adventure, something nobody could ever do in AKB. Ever since she turned seventeen, Tomomi herself wanted to marry a loving husband and settle down. Perhaps, this was a sign of things to come?
“Well, as you can see, it obviously isn’t as pretty as she makes it to be,” Tomochin nervously explained, “I haven’t really done any housework lately either, so you’ll have to excuse me…”
“Oh,” Ayato quietly responded as he took several steps in, having taken off his shoes at the doorway. Itano noticed that he’d carefully placed them parallel to each other and to the line of her shoes that spanned the entrance corridor. She laughed to herself and believed it as a cute idiosyncrasy: Tidiness was rarely found in men.
Supervising Ayato’s curious venture through her apartment, Itano followed straight behind him from the living room all the way to the kitchen. As he leaned closer and eyed several strange pieces of home décor, he would let out a low pitched hymn that resonated in Tomo’s ears and made her shiver from harmonious delight: Even though it reminded her of the past.
Yet, curiously enough, Ayato seemed to know his boundaries well and never trespassed or eyed anything or place that was sensitive to Tomomi. Not once did Ayato attempt to go past the bathroom and into the bedrooms that lay beyond either (giving Itano another reason to respect him).
Until, of course, he saw her guitar.
“Oh wow, so that’s Sata’s gift.”
Almost choking on her words and teary from her nostalgia, Itano responded:
“Yes, that’s the one.”
Ayato slowly inched towards the delicate instrument that rested on a black stand, covered with the signatures of every AKB member at the moment she graduated. Written in scintillating silver streaks, messages of encouragement and even empathy etched themselves not only previously onto the stand but also in Ayato’s photographic memory.
Itano could feel the aura of the Tokyo Dome once more as Ayato dropped to one knee in reverence of her grace. The last concert she ever had… The last day she remained a part of something greater than herself… None of that mattered or existed to her anymore, replaced only by a melancholic loneliness that chipped away at her steeled heart.
Suddenly, Ayato stood up turned around and gazed deep into her hazel eyes. He was almost a head taller than Itano, and she needed to lift her head to indulge herself in the comfort of his soft, sympathetic eyes. Itano thought, for the split second of their eye contact, Ayato almost felt sorry for her and frowned at the pain he found lurking behind her brave face. She could swear that she would’ve cried had he looked any longer.
When she heard the bell ring, Itano’s heart temporarily stopped: It probably wasn’t a good idea to be seen with Ayato in her apartment like this. Given the circumstances, nearly no-one besides reporters and columnists alike, would bother to trouble the vogue following her fall from grace
Put simply, everyone knew that she never truly loved to stay, nor to leave.
Keeping the truth hidden in the back of her hands, Itano refreshed her facial expression to a calm, almost sleepy smile, and sauntered over to answer the doorbell. When she turned the crystal knob of her front door, Itano swore her heart skipped two or three beats.
“TOMO~~!”
Oh crap.
“Yuko?”
Again, just as she did the day before, Yuko flung the entirety of her body using both her momentum and inertia to knock Tomochin backwards, who was, in turn, caught by Ayato behind her.
“TOMO~ DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN. NYAN NYAN AND YUUKO WERE SOOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU~ YOU MORON! YOU JERK! YOU IDIOT!”
Watching the nascent photographer cuddle her small frame as a child would their precious comfort blanket, Itano felt her tears welling in the corner of her eyes. Maybe what she’d done was too cruel, she thought, and soon enough, Itano returned her former captain’s affectionate hug by wrapping her arms around the back of the shorter girl.
Ayato, on the other hand, slowly, but silently, slid away from view and prepared to abscond the scene as quickly as he could.
“Anyway, thank God you’re okay! We got a call from Kasai just after we left, and, and we heard that she was crying and and that you left her! Do you know ho-“
Yuuko stopped mid sentence when she finally noticed Ayato, hastily collecting his belongings and fixing the couch in the background. Immediately noticing the inane sensitivity of the subject, Yuuko leaned in towards Itano’s ear and whispered:
“Hey Tomo, who’s that? Is that the guy that you were talking about the other day?”
“No,” Itano lied, trying to shove her old colleague away.
“Oh? So it’s your booyyyffriieennndd?” Yuuko cooed.
Instinctually, Itano wrinkled her nose, scoffed and exclaimed in a defiant tone:
“Of course not!”
“Then why is he in your home… Hmmm?”
Frantically searching for a reasonably plausible explanation, Itano fumbled with her fingers and her words before finally mustering her blatant lie.
“H-he just happened to be a friend of mine who stopped by with some food and gifts.”
“Tomo has new friends? Yuuko wants to meet him!”
Itano couldn’t grab onto the energetic squirrel as she sped down the corridor and mentally cursed herself before desperately yelling at Yuuko to leave her bewildered fan alone.
“No! Yuuko! Stop!”
Unfortunately enough, Yuuko, with a wild smile hanging from her face, halted to a stop right behind Ayato, who did a double take when he turned around to see her.
“Hey~~” Yuuko chided in a sweet and flirtatious voice.
“Hey….” Ayato answered, confusion scibbled across his face.
“I’m Oshima Yuko~ Nice to meet you mister?”
“Kazama,” Ayato responded with a feigned smile that barely covered his nervousness in Yuuko’s presence “Kazama Ayato, nice to meet you Oshima-san.”
“Hey~” Yuuko said, turning back to Tomo while pointing at Ayato, “he’s polite too!”
Vexed and scared, Ayato attempted to tiptoe his way away from the former captain of Team K but couldn’t escape her cursed iron grip.
“Say, what are you doing in Tomo’s apartment?”
Unsure of how to answer, Ayato leaned out and eyed Itano, who simply glared at him and lifted her hands, as if she said “Well? Tell the truth!” Honestly, though, Ayato just wanted to leave at that point.
“We-Well, I-I just thought I’d drop by, you know, to see how she’s doing. I-I’ve rarely seen her since she graduated, s-so…. You know…”
Yuuko then suspiciously eyed Itano again.
“Yuuko, he’s just a friend.”
“Oh, oh, tell me more!”
“Maybe not today, Yuuko,” Itano replied, checking her watch, “Ayato and I have to leave.”
“Fine,” Yuuko pouted and crossed her arms as a child would, “but you promise that you’ll tell me more about him later?”
“I promise, okay? Now we really have to go! Ayato!”
“Yes, Itano-san!”
“D’ya get everything?”
Ayato had a confused glint in his eye but Itano flashed an impression of Sayaka’s “Medusa Stare” and he immediately understood what he had to do.
“Yeah! I’m ready, we’re going to be late!”
“Well that's your fault!”
Mocking a furious temper, Ayato stormed straight out the door and waited for Itano just around the corner where Yuko couldn’t see him. He'd nabbed the lift with the quick press of the metallic button, praying for the salvation that took the form of a cage that moved up and down and kept every outside away from its contents... For a brief respite at least.
Meanwhile, Tomochin finally pried the tenacious grasp of the former center from her slender waist and set Yuuko in front of her as a mother would her reprimand deserving child. Slowly, Itano inched away towards the lift, where, eventually, she stopped with Ayato beside her as Yuuko continued to be a bother to her life.
“But, Tomo~ I’m bored~”
“You can go visit Kiyoto or something: He lives just down the hall, actually. But if you’re really bored… Hey, why aren’t you with Haruna, anyways?”
“Oh…” Yuuko trailed off, “Nyan Nyan had to film a commercial today, and I kinda volunteered to look for you so… Yeah~!”
“Oh,” Tomochin replied in a weak tone of resignation and resentment.
“Well, Yuuko’s gonna go take some photos! Ja ne~~”
Itano didn’t say goodbye or even wave, but merely chuckled and widened her eyes at the fleeting girl as the lift’s doors closed before them. Just after the metal barriers cranked shut, Itano let a heavy sigh escape her chest.
“Damn that was a close call…”
Ayato didn’t say anything, and uncomfortably shuffled around and twiddled his thumbs on the spot. Sensing the awkward aura that dominated the confined space in the lift, Itano revealed something that surprised her.
“I didn’t know you could ad lib so well. How’d you learn to do that?”
“Well, getting caught does help with practice,” Itano noticed a weak cringe that griped Ayato’s once neutral complexion, “I can’t say those went well... But it’s all just experience, I guess.”
Even during the elevator ride down, Ayato snickered in the corner, which raised some doubts in Itano’s mind.
“What’s so funny?” She finally asked.
“So Yuuko really is like that even off of the stage,” Ayato scoffed and chuckled, “and here I thought it was all an act.”
Itano felt relieved that her previously held assumption was wrong.
“Well, you’re right,” Itano chided, “in a way, she does get more excited when she’s on stage.”
“And her eye bags haven’t gotten any better either,” Ayato shrugged.
Itano spilled a quick giggle at his rather peculiar, but hilariously true, observation.
“Now the only other thing I want to see how she reacts to spicy food again,” Ayato cheekily grinned, “hot curry: probably a thousand yen. That face: Priceless.”
Again, Itano couldn’t restrain the fit of laughter that toiled around her stomach.
“You’re funny.”
“Well, I aim to please,” Ayato curtly responded.
Now, they’d arrived at the lobby of Itano’s apartment complex, where Itano intended to part ways with her friend (she didn’t see him as a fan anymore). Although, she finally decided on taking a stroll through the nearby public park with him: It would be an opportunity to learn more about her hybrid of an admirer and acquaintance.
Aside from the request to join her in a walk, Ayato never spoke to her for the duration of their promenade. While they basked in the radiant, vivacious aura around the park, Itano still stayed in the deep regresses of her mind, thinking of Kasai, of all people. Had she abandoned her? Or was it the other way around? Objectively, Itano would never find out.
Come to think of it, Itano never publicly acknowledged her eccentric relationship with Kasai. All the cosmopolitan aspects of her career and professional life deprived her of a true, genuine existence beyond the grand stages, oddly attractive outfits and seductive photos.
Curse that love ban law. Screw AKB for stripping her of her freedom to love
In the end though, while they sat at a cafe shop, Itano had intended to part ways with Ayato. He, however, serendipitously did so in her place.
“It’s been an interesting two days with you, Itano-san.”
Glaring at the adolescent again, Tomochin intimidated Ayato simply by eyeing him for a split second.
“What did I say about calling me that?”
The message of fear seemed well received as Ayato raised his hands in mock surrender and corrected himself immediately, as a student would to someone his senior.
“I mean, Tomochin-san, sorry, sorry.”
“That’s better,” she smiled, patting him gently on a relatively flat spot of his head.
Ayato let a nervous chuckle slip from his mouth, turned his head and looked away, unable to stare straight into his idol’s soft brown eyes.
“Man, I sure am lucky,” he finally said, albeit in a relatively nonchalant tone, “fans would die for an opportunity to meet their idols, let alone spend more than a few hours with them…”
“Maybe it’s fate,” Itano suggested, as she lowered her head to conceal her blush that barely hid behind her makeup.
“Perhaps…” Ayato murmured while he surveyed the busy streets of Tokyo from his comfortable seat under the cool shade.
With another moment of silence, Tomochin fell into a deep train of thought that occupied her, for the most part, while the two squandered their free time in each other’s company.
The estranged man that stood next to her met her a mere 48 hours ago, and now he acted as if he were a friend of hers: A quality one rarely ever finds in admirers. Perhaps Ayato managed to partially place aside her status and fame and treated her as a normal person. Perhaps that was why his presence felt considerably warmer than the fans at handshake events and whatnot.
Thinking back to her glory days, Itano sighed at the unceremonious change in her predicament. What was once a childish, hopeful and chaste existence now hardened and fused with the gruesome realities she fought so hard to ignore even during her time with AKB.
“Well, I should probably head back home. I’ve got some work to do.”
Tomochin suddenly realized: Ever since the two met, neither of them talked much about each other’s working life. It wasn’t that Ayato didn’t know what she did, that much was obvious, but Itano had no idea of Ayato’s occupation. With her curiosity sparked, Itano pressed to ask more of Ayato.
“Oh? What kind?”
“Official documents, papers and what not. It’s all sorts of stuff really, mostly for school though.”
“School?”
Ayato made a nonchalant expression by furrowing his brows and shrugging as he answered.
“Yeah, music school. Why else did you think I was around the store? I’m not one to stalk people...”
The irony was not lost on Itano.
“Well, I wouldn’t imagine you as one.”
Ayato wrinkled his nose in agreement.
“I certainly hope not.”
Although, there was a more pressing matter that plagued Tomochin’s thoughts: If he still went to school….
“Wait, how old are you?”
“23, actually,” he responded, “I turn 24 on Christmas day, though.”
“Wow, music school when you’re 24”
“Hehe… I’m a little bit of a late bloomer, aren’t I?”
“There’s nothing terribly wrong with it...” Itano excused herself, reassuring her male companion that she didn’t think of him any differently… Well, that wasn’t exactly true, she actually thought more highly of him than before after his modest qualification: Earnest men always nagged at her affections.
“Again, I should probably go. I’m not looking forward to that pile of work on my desk, but hey, we all have to work right?”
The fashionista chuckled and wore a wide grin on her round face, “right.”
Neither of them bid their farewells verbally but both knew equally well that they’d tacitly done so already. Itano clasped her hands together in front of her and anxiously swayed from left to right as she watched Ayato disappear into the crowd of people that so quickly and desperately engulfed him, obfuscating him from her view. Leaving a smile for herself, Itano turned around and started walking home.
Later that evening, Itano returned to her apartment after eating a ramen dinner, took off her shoes and slumped onto the long stretch of a sofa that lay bare, in front of the plasma television, waiting for her due presence. She checked her phone and e-mail for messages from her friends, even if she rarely received any these days.
Although, she did manage to find a message from Yuuko: It was a picture of Haruna and herself, eating ice cream just outside the AKB theatre at Don Quixote with a caption reading “Visiting Paruru~~ :3”. Itano heaved a deep sigh and quickly moved her cursor to another curious, unread message.
The peculiar message came from Haruna’s old e-mail address, dating back to the advent of AKB. It proved odd that she would use this account, given that it hadn’t been used since Haruna’s popularity bloom.
“Let’s meet for lunch sometime,” it read, “I haven’t spoken to you in a long time, and it’d be nice to catch up some more, no?”
Smiling, Itano typed in her response and sent it. Without hesitation, she pulled a thin blanket from the drawer and fell right to sleep on her comfy couch. There remained much to do in the following week and she could use all the sleep she could get.
Although, in all honesty, Itano would have liked to have someone to hug instead of a pillow. She just didn’t know who it would be.
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Next Stage Preview
“The Vogue, The Ace, The Model, The Twin Towers… What are we now?”
“You know, we should all get together again some time.”
“Why don’t we start a new group?”
-break-
“You should be careful with Kasai-san. She’s very fragile.”
“But she-“
“Long term promises only stay true in fairytales. It’s time to grow up now.”
-break-
“Ah, that’s right, Itano-san, I’d like you to meet my ex.”
“It’s been a long time, Tomochin.”
“No way…”
To be continued
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Well, there you have it, the double chapter feature…. And a sneak peek! (hope you enjoyed that ^_^)
Quick thing about the pairings:
Yes, this consists of KojiYuu (because I know, in real life, two girls who behave almost EXACTLY as those to do) plus some TomoTomo and some ChinParu (as Shimazaki san christened themselves at a previous handshake event).
But can you guess what pairings come in the next chapter?
I’ll give you a hint for both:
Forecasters depend on machines to predict that tomorrow will be cloudy with a chance of friendship…. Or it could just be too cool for the following days?
No queen falls from the memory of her baroness, her confidant, her lover.
Ja ne~~~
(Oh, and if you have ideas as to how you want the story to play out, feel free to make the suggestions or improvements in your comment)
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Topic: Heartstrings (Guess the pairings?) (Read 5556 times)