Yay! Managed to update before Friday
ENJOY!
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Chapter 2, “lies” Could silence be suffocating? Because that’s how Minami felt at the moment. She wanted to look up at Atsuko, to see the girls’ expression, but even if she did, what would she do? All it took was that one thought in between their conversation to bring back all of Minami’s worries to the surface. If she couldn’t even resolve what was going on in her head, what could she possibly say to Atsuko?
Fix it. Just fix it somehow! She mentally scolded herself.
Minami heard Atsuko’s chair shuffle from under the table and the actress stood, preparing to leave. That snapped her out of her thoughts; she looked up and saw the pained expression on the actresses’ face, an expression she never wanted to be the cause of. ”Wait!?” She’d reached out to grab the younger girl’s wrist before she could retreat.
Atsuko calmly but coldly looked to the girl who had stood up from her seat and grabbed her wrist, “if you didn’t want to live with me, you should’ve just said so. I wasn’t forcing you to say yes, and I wouldn’t want you to do something you don’t want.” Atsuko was also confused. She didn’t know whether to be angry or sad or disappointed. Maybe all?
Why bring this up now, just as we moved in. How long do you think I waited for an answer? Do you know how much it hurts that you weren’t even the one to say “yes” to the offer? Atsuko thought.
Minami saw the tears threatening to fall from the actresses face and could feel she was trying to pull away, most likely refusing to show tears. “Wait Atsuko, please” she gently said, though still panicking. Atsuko stopped struggling and waited.
“I’m sorry okay. I...I should’ve told you about Yuko accepting the offer for me without my prior knowledge. I should’ve been honest...It’s just that...” .
..I was happy. That Yuko did for me what I couldn’t. So happy that I forgot the whole reason for avoiding giving you an answer. “It's just not a good idea... I wasn’t really thinking”
No! That’s not what I wanted to say...was it? It’s for the best right? This is what she’d been trying to summon up the courage to do.
Atsuko, realizing the girl was having an inner turmoil with herself, pulled her hand free of Minami’s.
Wasn’t thinking?! “Minami, do you want to live with me or not. It’s a simple question that requires a simple answer” Atsuko tried to remain calm, but her sadness was slowly building into frustration and anger.
“I...its complicated” the older girl murmured.
“It’s really not. Yes, or no?” The actress retorted.
Minami was on the verge of asking for time to think about it, but she knew how selfish that’d sound, especially after already making the former ace wait for so long. Besides, she already had her answer didn’t she, one she thought about for a long time? She summoned all her strength to look Atsuko in the eyes, and said, “No.”
A loud smack rang out as Atsuko’s hand connected to the side of Minami’s face. The older girl didn’t know how to react. She’d never been slapped by Atsuko, though she admits she deserved it. Seeing the hurt, anger and tears in Atsuko’s eyes made Minami want to hit herself too. “I don’t know what game you’re playing at, but you could’ve just told me that before we actually moved in” the younger girl wiped at her tears and attempted to collect herself. “If you hated the thought of moving in with me that much, you should’ve just said something.”
To Atsuko’s comment, Minami instantly replied. “I’m sorry. I know I’m an idiot, and I deserved that slap, and I know I just caused trouble by having us move in, but...But I don’t hate you Atsuko! You know I don’t!” Minami was almost becoming frantic; she couldn’t stand the thought of having the younger girl think she hated her.
After a moment of silence, Atsuko answered, “I know. You just hate the idea of living with me...it’s fine; we’ll figure something out about the living arrangements and then pretend this never happened, okay” She gave a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes, but she was trying, and that killed Minami. Atsuko walked over to a desk and picked up a collar, then walked over to her dog. “I need to take Cocoa for a walk. Can you please clean up the dining table?”
“Uh yah, of course. Be careful,” Minami said as the other girl nodded and wore her coat, put on her shoes and left through the front door with her dog in tow.
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As soon as the door closed shut, Minami sank to the floor, and all the tears she’d been holding back poured out. She began to slightly sob uncontrollably, furiously wiping away the tears that kept flowing regardless.
“What...what’s wrong with me?” she choked out in between sobs. She felt like she really screwed things up. She was to blame for this. Her inability to put her feelings into words, to express them, her inability to resolve her troubling thoughts, to speak the truth. She’d caused this. Atsuko had said,
it was okay, that they could pretend none of this happened. But Minami knew she’d somehow put a strain on their relationship.
Yes, I can’t stand the thought of having her think I hated her...But I can’t stand it even more if she hated me... Minami felt Nyaa chan meow and climb on her lap, and then jump on her shoulder. The cat began licking away the girls’ tears. Minami tried to get her crying under control, and gently petted the cat. “It’s my punishment Nyaa chan, for thinking things would stay the same if I just ignored it. It’s my punishment for feeling the way I feel about and around her. I really am an idiot aren’t I?” she confessed to her cat, which meowed in response. “I’ll pretend that was a ‘no’” The leader lifted herself off the floor and collected all the plates began washing them as she drifted back into thought.
It was for the best right? For Atsuko’s sake. So why can’t I let go of these selfish feelings. What do I do from here? She’ll be oaky without me, but without her...I’ll be lost. Maybe...I hate this...I hate feeling like this.Minami shook her head as though that would clear all her thoughts and worries.
No, this is the right decision. It doesn’t matter how I feel. I need to focus on my responsibilities, on AKB, and I have to let Atsuko focus on her dream. I’m doing the right thing, I’m doing the right thing, I’m doing the right thing. She repeated in a mantra, hoping to convince herself.
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Atsuko was sitting on a bench in a small park watching Cocoa chase around some birds. She didn’t want to be mad at Minami, she was sure the older girl had her reasons, but it was still no excuse for what she’d done. All Atsuko ever wanted was for the singer to be honest with her, that’s all they ever asked of each other. They were supposed to shoulder each others burdens, and yet Minami seemed to be unconsciously pulling away for reasons Atsuko didn’t understand.
She wanted to be with AKBs leader, was that so wrong? She wasn’t forcing Minami to say ‘yes’ was she? It hurt when the girl said she didn’t want to live with her, and Atsuko is trying her best not to be a angered. That’s why she took this walk, to cool off before she did or said something she’d regret. She’d do her best to let things go back to normal between them, because she didn’t want to burden the little leader, who already had so much on her plate. At the same time though, she knew things couldn’t go back to the way they were.
The actress let out a sigh. “You really are an idiot Minami, but I don’t want to hate you, though I may start to hate you for making me feel like this...Who am I kidding...” she stood up and stretched, walking slowly over to her dog. She’s made her choice,
I won’t push her. What’s done is done, no reason to keep worrying about it. Then again, Atsuko couldn’t help but slightly worry.
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Yuko was at a team K practice in the AKB theatre. Everyone was taking a quick break and the captain and ace was conversing with Kitarie. Sayaka walked over to them and held out Yuko’s cellphone. “It kept ringing when I went to the change room and figured it may be important so brought it up. It’s okay as long as you put it away before we resume” Sayaka smiled.
“Thanks,” Yuko said as she excused herself from Rie and opened her phone. She saw she had a text message Atsuko, and when she opened it, she was surprised by the contents inside.
Hey Yuko, I know you’re at practice, sorry.
I hope you didn’t already give up my room
To someone else! I’ll be moving back in if
That’s okay with you. Please call me when
You can so we can work things out. – Atsuko.
“What?” Yuko said disbelieving. Huh. Hold on, what’s happening. Atsuko just moved in with Takamina. What the hell could’ve possibly happened in not even a matter of a full day living together? Yuko saw there was still time before practice, so she quickly went off to a corner and dialled a number.
“Hello” a voice on the other end answered.
“Mariko, hey! Are you busy?’
“No, not until later this evening, Team A has the theatre booked after you guys”
“Has Takamina contacted you by any chance?” she decided to ask.
“Minami? No, why? Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so...” Yuko told Mariko what Atsuko had texted her.
“...Maybe they just got into a little quarrel, you know how those two are, and I’d be surprised if they didn’t clash from time to time.”
“Mariko, she texted ‘moving back in’ not ‘staying over.’”
“...Okay. I’ll try to find out what’s going on when I see Minami later today. What are you going to do?”
“Hide until everything blows over”
“Yuko...” Mariko sounded disapproving.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Well I can’t exactly say no to Atsuko if she wants to move back in, but I’ll talk to her and see what’s up.”
“Okay, good luck”
“You too”
They both hung up, and Yuko returned to the stage.
Honestly, what are those two doing? ---------------------------------
Topic: Leaders Responsibility to take Blame (AtsuMina) - COMPLETED (Read 26502 times)