No sad or tragic or angst-y endings this time. Since this will be a Christmas oneshot (or two), the ending will be a good one. Maybe a lot of drama in it, but the ending remains a good ending
I hope you enjoy this special oneshot or two, and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter!
http://twitter.com/AryaMachdi—
Dear Christmas (1 of 2)
"No offense Yuko, but you look a lot more shittier than yesterday."
I can tell she was just being sarcastic due to the tense atmosphere around me, but I couldn’t blame her. I had been looking much worse than usual, maybe the term ‘shittier’ suits it best. The feeling of something was missing never left my chest for a few days now, and it had been distracting me in almost every activity I attend. Preferably in dance practice.
While everyone was too busy correcting their moves whilst checking on others to see if they were doing the same as everyone else, I was busy thinking of how miserable I am and the fact that she had been ignoring me before and after the separation, isn’t helping me with the ‘moving on’ phase.
I sighed, and rubbed my eyes in both exhaustion and frustration. “I know you’re trying to cheer me up Miichan, but could you cut your stupid sarcasm for just a day? The last thing I need is to feel more and more miserable.”
Miichan was obviously offended by my cold attitude, though I wasn’t sure if she was pretending to be offended or not. All I knew was I wasn’t in the mood to joke around. My chest was feeling heavy as always, even though there wasn’t a thing that can make my chest feel heavy.
"Sorry, I didn’t know your mood hasn’t lighten yet," Miichan stated the obvious as I nearly rolled my eyes in annoyance. I saw her pondered over something, and then smiling afterwards. "Is it okay if I kiss you? Just so that you could feel better?"
I thought it wouldn’t hurt to try since Miichan always have the sweetest kisses even from her boyish appearance with that short hair of hers, so I gave her a small sad smile and nodded my head lightly. Miichan seemed excited, because she quickly scooted much closer to me and gave me a long yet soft kiss on the cheek. Making me blush a little.
"There, how about now?" She asked me with her eyes that were so innocent, I didn’t even know she could be this cute and less sarcastic. I smiled a little, ruffling her hair a little roughly.
"Thanks. That helped me a little," I smirked, my finger started to brush the end of Miichan’s lips. "But next time, kiss me on the lips. Okay?"
Now it was her turn to blush in embarrassment. See, the tip to embarrass her was throwing back what she did to you and say something out of her league. She might be surprised at your words, which was a fun sight to see when she’s being embarrassed.
I chuckled slightly, and patted her back gently. “You should go back to practice. The kenkyuusei’s might be looking for you right now.”
Miichan frowned, looking as if she doesn’t want to go just yet. But duty calls, and the importance of dance practice was one of things she had to force down her throat in order to stay in AKB. She stood up, gives me a warm smile and told me that we’ll talk again later, which I nodded in agreement. Then, she walked out of the room.
I sighed, my eyes looking down on my shoes. I’m back to feeling lonely again, even though there were members everywhere around the room.
Out of nowhere, I get the sense that someone was watching me from afar. I looked up, and to my surprise, my eyes instantly caught onto Haruna. But just as our eyes met, she looked away and started to find someone else to talk to.
It was weird. Everything was weird. And all I wanted is the weirdness to end.
-
"Jurina!"
"Ah, Kojima-san! What is it?" I saw one of the aces of SKE walking towards the person whom called her over.
"Let’s take dinner together! And afterwards, we could take a picture for my Instagram," Haruna asked, her eyes looking at the young girl with high expectations.
"I want to, but I promised Rena-chan to go with her somewhere. Maybe another time, Kojima-san," Jurina said in disappointment. Secretly, I wished that Jurina won’t accept her offer. But as long as I knew Haruna, she won’t give ‘no’ as an asnwer.
"Oh come on, please…" Haruna pouted, her hands grabbing the younger girl’s arm. And another thing I knew about her, was her pouting. A lot of people could not handle her adorable pout. Except people like Mayu, who never showed any emotions or just isn’t that gullible.
Jurina sighed in defeat, or I guess she did, and smiled while nodding her head in agreement. “Okay, Kojima-san, I’ll go.”
I imagined Haruna doing a weird victory dance afterwards, even though all she did was smiled widely and wrapped her arm around Jurina’s waist as they started to walk in another direction, not even a single glance towards me, the witness. By now, I would be lying if I wasn’t hurt, or jealous, or maybe a combination of both.
It was like a nagging feeling in my chest. Something that slowly brings my mood down into a level where I just want to hide from everything and cry. As if there wasn’t anyone in the world that can help me with this pain. And I need their help. I need someone’s help to get me out of this pool of despair.
Why would you do this to me, Nyan Nyan? Did your ‘I love you’s mean anything at all? Did my kisses and embraces give you any warmth at all? Was my love not worth it?
I have questions that are needed to be answered. I want her to answer them.
"Yuko-chan!"
Looking up slowly from the floor underneath my feet, my eyes caught upon my oshiri sister slash closest friend. I looked at her in confusion, because normally she would’ve gone home by now with Yukirin to accompany her. But I didn’t hesitate to smile back at her when she flash me hers.
Once she sat sat beside me after she grabbed the nearest chair since there were numerous of them here in the dressing room, she looked at me with worry. Something that was new from the cyborg girl. “Why haven’t you gone home yet?”
I frowned, unconciously shrugging my shoulders. “I don’t know.”
Mayu looked at me with a serious expression, her body posture towards me with her hand laying on top of mine. “You don’t know, or you know but you can’t explain it to me?”
There was this bubbly emotion trying to erupt from my chest, which I knew it was frustration. I gripped my head, trying to keep myself from screaming and instead, groaning. Thank fucking God no one was in the room here with us.
"I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with me. Every day, whenever I wake up in the morning, I feel all the happiness and motivation inside me is being suck out of my body. Every time I come to practice, I always feel like I’m being some kind of outcast and just want to hide from everybody. And every goddamn time I come back home, I kept imprisoning myself in my room, crying myself to sleep while I keep hearing these fucking whispers in the walls. It’s like as if the God Almighty doesn’t want me to fucking live anymore!"
I stood up from my seat, the anger inside of me was at its peak as I looked at every object around the room. Then my foot unconsciously started to kick one of the chairs, my eyes staring at the four-legged object as it made a loud impact on the wall.
I breathed heavily then before, my heart beating faster like a freight train. My hands balled into a fist, feeling the blood in my veins escalate. The anger inside subsided. The room fell silent, only my heavy breathing was the only sound left.
As I felt Mayu wrapping her arms around my waist, feeling the warmth of her body against mine, I loose my balance and slowly started to sunk onto the floor. The heavy feeling was still in my chest, trying to get out.
But once I couldn’t hold my tears any longer, I felt the weight drifting away.
I sobbed like I never sob before. My cries echoed throughout the room, making it sound a lot more painful to hear for outsiders. But now, I didn’t care anymore. It’s too much for me to handle. I need to break down someday. After weeks that felt like a living hell, it’s relieving to just cry and cry as loud as you can. At least, I have someone by my side. If I was alone, I could’ve done much worse things.
"I missed her, Mayu. I missed her so much," I said in betweeb sobs. "Now she’s been treating me like shit…"
I felt Mayu’s embrace tightened. She hasn’t a word until now.
"I know, Yuko. Please hold on a little while longer, okay? Don’t… don’t do anything crazy, please…"
Her voice was innocent and soft, something that I had never heard and seen before from my friend. But it made feel reassured a bit, thought I couldn’t reply her since I was to busy crying my eyes out. My warm tears started to fall onto the cold floor.
In this moment, I only have Mayu to help me.
Someone to help me from having further thoughts of ending my own goddamn life.
-
It was December 24th.
Everyone was busy being all excited and cheery as they buy gifts for their friends, familyy and loved ones while I was busy feeling miserable and grumpy as I waited for my order in one of the coffee shops in Akihabara. Like any lonely person would do in Christmas Eve. Well, many hours before that time.
Staying at home with no heating system when the temperature’s below 10 degrees celcius wasn’t a good idea, so I decided to go out and look for someplace that gives free warm air conditioning. That’s how I ended up in this cafe that was filled by not too many people but still has a decent heating system and a cozy atmosphere for a freezing winter.
Plus, the waitresses’ looked very pretty. And so nice as well. I wished I could take one of them home with me.
"Here’s your hot cafe latte, Oshima-san."
I looked at the desk, and saw one of the waitress putting on the finishing touches on my drink which was the foamy cream on top. I think it was called whipcream, but I might be wrong so I’ll call it ‘foamy cream’ for now on.
Smiling warmly at the kind girl, whose name was ‘Sashihito Tamika’ from the nametag on her uniform, I gently grabbed the drink in my hand. “Thank you.”
As I was about to leave the counter, I heard the girl behind me calling my name. “Ano,Oshima-san.”
I turned around, looking at her questionably. “Yes. Is there something wrong?”
"A-ano…" She stuttered nervously. "May I have your autograph? I’m a big fan of you in AKB, and I never got to attend any handshake events lately since I’ve been so busy and money is tight this year so…"
I giggled, smiling warmly at her. “Of course you can. Um, do you have a napkin?” She nodded her head, looking at a shelf full of utensils and giving me a napkin after she found it. I asked her for a pen, which she gladly gave it to me, and I wrote a small autograph.
"Thank you for making the drink! Stay cute~ ^^ - Yuko."
I gave it to her, and when she read the small message on the napkin, her cheeks instantly turned red. She looked fairly cute, to be honest. I giggled at her reaction, forgetting that I have my phone in my pocket.
"Thank you so much, Oshima-san! I will treasure this for the rest of my life!" Tamika said excitedly, squealing in delight.
"You’re welcome. I hope I’ll see you again, Tami-chan," I said, winking at her playfully before I went and go to find an empty seat near the window. But I knew that she would be blushing again without even looking.
It wasn’t hard to find a seat bear the window, since the cafe isn’t full. As I found a perfect spot for me to sit, I plopped myself down onto the soft red chair and sighed. I found a good spot to sit, too.
The view from the outside was better than I expected. I got a view from the people walking by, business man and woman alike, workers, employees, even teenagers with their group of friends laughing and having a great time with each other. Most of them wear thick clothes due to the cold, though some were bearable and are used to the freezing air of December. It was a busy day for people in Tokyo. Especially since tomorrow’s the holiday all people have been waiting for.
It was nice that Takamina told Aki-P to have a day off for most of the members in AKB, and probably SKE and NMB as well. We were all very exhausted from the current dance practice we have for an upcoming Christmas performance the next day. So, we didn’t hesitate to enjoy and relax for a day of no stress and work.
I’m beggining to feel relaxed myself. I sipped my hot cafe latte, and moaning softly at how good it was. I might come here everyday for this winter, and maybe the next as well.
I looked up from my seat, looking around the cafe which was half full from the ongoing customers that were walking in every now and then.
Until my eyes laid upon one person who was ordering a drink from the counter up front. My eyes widened. I wasn’t looking at the wrong person, I’m not blurry eyed. It’s her. No way…
No fucking way…
The Gods are not yet done seeing me suffer.
"Haruna?"
Topic: [Machdi-san's FanFics]: Goodbye, My Lover (WMatsui) (Read 45505 times)