Man, I got away from fanfics for a while and I somehow forgot about this. Maybe it's because for a time I thought you weren't going to write any more... Who knows. Anyway.
I really believe you may be my favorite H!P fanfic writer. I praised you quite a bit when you first started this story, and what you've written since hasn't changed that one bit. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's your style, maybe it's the little nuances you put in every little scene, many of which I don't think any of us even catch onto (except maybe ChrNo with his exquisitely detailed replies
, maybe it's your characters, maybe it's everything. All I know is, the effect your writing evokes is incredibly unique and outstanding.
At first I was a little confused by your style, then as it went on things began to get clearer and you established the color-coded girls. I also came to the realization at one point (the movie theater scene and what comes after) that you were writing it in chronological order... not in order of the events, but in order of when each character wrote their diary entry. Taken like that, it gave an impression of detailing, at times, many different viewpoints of the same event. That reminded me of a type of storytelling in Japanese cinema actually - for example, even though the movie was quite different, I just watched Ju-on 2 the other night, and it and its prequel were told in a similar way - you'd have one character's viewpoint, and their story was told, and then you'd have a vignette of another character's viewpoint whom the first ran into at some point during her story. I like that style. It flows very well to me. Later on in your story you seem to get away from the style at the beginning, focusing more on the couple instead of each character. I don't think we've even seen the other girls aside from Maasa in several chapters. Maybe that's what you're doing - just telling each girl's story - and when it's over it's over? If so that's almost too bad, because you've developed them so much, there's so much potential in what else they can do. On the other hand, the way it is now, it just keeps me guessing what they're doing while all this is going on.
I mean, some still seemed to have fairly committed agendas concerning Mr. Pretty Boy...
The nuances add so much to the story. It makes it seem real in a rather unreal situation. The boy walks past a manga store every day after school... he either just glances through the window or actually goes inside to see what's new... occasionally he runs into some other characters (I take it this is a rather rich neighborhood? Pretty Boy seems pretty established as being fairly well-off, and I could imagine the girls being the same, and they all seem to be around here...
Lastly, to the characters. The protagonist is just incredible. Not that he's necessarily an incredible guy - though everyone involved in the story seems to think he is - but what he is. He's a young boy. He's not experienced a whole lot. He's very innocent (I have a feeling young Risako may truly corrupt him at some point... she's done quite a bit already even). He's in general very deliberate in what he does and says. This makes him almost seem slow sometimes, but he's just making sure he has things straight. He's a thinker. However, the times when he doesn't think... add a very nice flair to his character. He reminds me of some of the better people I know. Maybe it's no surprise all the girls love him. I wonder what's going to happen when these girls he's holding up to such a pedastal do something unbefitting of his rose-colored glasses he seems like he's now decided to shed. Maasa already went too far and almost got bitten. And she's the only one aside from Risako she's seen lately.
Speaking of things that may happen... I wonder if there was some slight foreshadowing in "Questions and Answers":
“How old were they?”
“I don’t know exactly but it looks like they were around thirty.”
“Does Risako-chan know about this?
“Yes”
“What did she say?”
“She told me to ignore what people are saying about her. But I don’t know if I can actually do it.”
“Risako-chan’s really lucky to have someone like you who can stand up for her. But I advise that you listen to what she said. You don’t know what might happen if there were more of them, those men.”
Why do I get the feeling that the more he dates Risako the more chance people will find out about him and the more chance... unfortunate things may come to him. I suppose we'll wait and see. Also, I wonder if the girls will return. Will Captain take advantage of a time when him and Risako are having problems? His reaction to her "hand incident" seemed rather odd. Will Megumi meet him in the manga store again and create sparks? Some of the best relationships begin with people who "don't like" each other at first... He did think there was something missing while in the store once... That said, I'm still cheering for Risako. Unless she gets naughty... I have a feeling there's potential in her for it, and it might be what causes chaos to break out. For all Maasa and even the others crossing a line, I'm not sure what he'd do if
she did.
Sorry for the elaboration, but as I was saying before, it's worth it.
Keep up the good work.
Topic: Too Young: Seasonz (Read 52616 times)