It was the same fine afternoon as always. The scenery of the sun's going down would never bore me out as I sat down on the grass field near the small river. I was alone as always with headphones plugged both into my ears, playing some classical music I've always loved.
Watching the beautiful view in front of me reminded me of some old time where I used to be happy. Happy with her.
- - - - - - - - - -
"Mayuyu~ shall we go to the newly opened cafe? I heard the cafe is as good as the ones in the city!" My classmate called, trying to be nice with me. But I couldn't do what they were asking me to. I would miss my usual routine of being alone in the field.
I slightly shook my head, "I can't go, sorry. You should just go with Miyazawa-san, Yukirin." I told her and she frowned, "Why would you always reject my offer, Mayuyu? Don't tell me you have a secret boyfriend?" She smiled sheepishly as she elbowed me in a playful manner. I shrugged my shoulder, putting my backpack on, "Maybe?" I muttered as I walked away, leaving Yuki like an idiot, trying to call my name over and over again.
I walked out of the school building towards my secret place. I was greeted by some of the uncles who had done doing their jobs and I politely greeted them back. I finally reached the place and was surprised when I saw a girl sitting on my favourite place.
I wanted to tell her that the place she was sitting at was mine, but I retreated the thought as I saw a tear trickling down on her left cheek. I decided to just sit at another place and plugged my earphone.
As I was sketching the scenery of the sun, the girl suddenly approached me and sat down beside me. She looked at my sketching and I honestly felt pretty much uncomfortable. She then clapped her hands, "Beautiful! You have a great talent in drawing!" She praised and I turned red from the embarrassment. "Nee, are you from Matsuoka Girls' High?" She asked as she laid down on her back, putting her arms behind her head and stared at the orange coloured sky.
I nodded as a response, still focusing on my sketchbook. She seemed surprised, maybe because I could hear her despite I was having my earphone on both ears. I pulled out my left earphone and turned to look at her, "I didn't turn on the music so I was able to hear you." I muttered and suddenly a huge grin came over on her face.
"I see! By the way, why did you come here?" She asked another question as she sat up. I shrugged my shoulder and turned my attention to my drawing once again, moving my pencil as I spoke, "I always come here after school for no reason... I guess I just like it here because it's peaceful." I was surprised at myself for somehow reacting to her question as I had always be known as a cold cyborg who would never answer a question from anyone except my closest friends.
She nodded her head, a sign of understanding. "What's your name?" I asked and she smiled widely once again, "My name is Matsui Jurina! From Sakura Girls' Junior High! I'm already on my third grade though... Nee, what's your name?"
"My name is Watanabe Mayu, a second grade." I introduced myself and she offered a hand, "Nice to meet you then, Mayu-san!" I raised an eyebrow, "Are we already close that you can freely call my first name?" It sounded cold but I was just honestly telling what's on my mind. However, the smile on her face didn't falter a bit, "We'll be close anyway! And if you feel uncomfortable, you can call me Jurina too!" Her postive energy was overflowing and I hesitantly reached my hand to touch her hand. It was somehow cold but my hand fit it perfectly, "Then I guess nice to meet you too, Matsui-san."
She pouted hearing how I called her name, "You can call me Jurina, you know!" She insisted but I shook my head, "No, I'm fine enough with Matsui-san." She sighed in defeat and I mentally giggled seeing her funny yet cute expression.
We spent the whole time together until the sun completely set and I excused myself to go home. When I stood up, she held my hand, a twinge of happiness on her eyes, "You'll come again, right?" She asked with a voice full of hope and I reluctantly nodded. She then let go of my hand and waved happily as she herself went to a different direction.
And that was how I kept on meeting her for about 3 months. We would somehow meet everyday after school and she'd always be the first one to show up. At first I suspected that she ditched school but she told me that junior high usually goes home faster than high school. Even though I didn't believe it fully, I decided not to press further into the topic as Jurina seemed reluctant to talk about it.
Our interests were totally different. She likes sports and I hate it. She doesn't like to study and is not good at it while I've gotten myself good grades. We were really different but somehow, talking to her made myself feeling at total ease. She'd always try to tell a joke but she totally failed because it wasn't funny. I appreciated on how she tried, though.
I slowly opened up to her, telling that I was called a cyborg because I was cold (and she laughed so hard, agreeing to the nickname almost immediately which somehow annoyed me) and wouldn't consider what other people were feeling (She didn't agree to this one, saying that I was a considerate person, resulting with my blushing face but I wouldn't show it to her). She definitely had her effects on me.
It was another day when she was telling me about someone she considered as her big sister because of the same surname and she was kind. Excitement was shown in both of her brown eyes and for some unknown reason, it kind of irritated me. Though I continued to hear on her blabbering.
"Mayu nee-chan?" The familiar voice that called my name managed to stop Jurina from talking. I looked at where the source of the voice came and saw that it was my little sister who called me. She was with an ikemen who oddly wore a skirt. Drag queen? Uhuh, maybe.
"So this is where you hang out after school, huh?" She asked and I just nodded. "You spend your time here alone? You should find yourself a partner rather than spending time alone like an idiot, nee-chan!" She instructed and I raised an eyebrow, "I'm not alone though! I have my companion here." I retorted, referring to Jurina. Miyuki then had a confused expression, "Then where is your so called company?"
I turned to look at my side and Jurina had disappeared. I sighed mentally, great timing to go, Jurina. "She was here but I think she had left." I said as I picked up my bag and walked over to where Miyuki and her friend were, readying myself to go home as Jurina was already nowhere to be seen. Miyuki smiled, "Then let's go home together! Oh and this is Yamamoto Sayaka-chan! My girlfriend!" She finally introduced the ikemen as we walked and the ikemen actually was a girl.
Miyuki's girlfriend blushed and smiled a little, "Ah, my name is Yamamoto Sayaka, nice to meet you Watanabe-san." She introduced herself and I merely nodded. I was feeling upset because Jurina left without telling me. Unknown to me, Sayaka looked over her shoulder, looked at the place that I was on earlier. A knowing look was on her face.
- - - - - - - - - -
On the next day, I quickly walked to our place with great intention in mind; which is to lecture that puppy like girl because she left me yesterday. I had almost reached the place and I kept on walking until I saw Jurina there but she wasn't alone. There was someone with her and that someone looked familiar. It was Sayaka.
I didn't like what I was seeing and I hurriedly made my way there. Both of them were surprised when I suddenly sat on between them. Jurina chuckled and Sayaka only smiled.
"What were you two talking about?" I asked and I could see Jurina's eyes turned sad but she tried to cover them with a fake smile. Sayaka stared at her for a while before getting up and dusting her skirt. "I'll go now then, Watanabe-san. And Jurina, please reconsider my offer." She spoke up and what she said left me really curious on what she and Jurina were talking about. And somehow, it disturbed me to hear her call Jurina with her first name.
When she went away, I turned to face Jurina, "What offer?" I asked right to the point. Jurina stared at me for a moment, "She asked me to date her." She said with all seriousness in her voice. "You can't accept that!" Without thinking, I blurted it out.
Jurina once again stared for a while before she broke into a fit of laughter. She laughed so hard that she clutched her stomach. "And why can't I? Are you perhaps jealous, Mayu-chan?" She teased with a cheeky smile plastered on her lips. I turned red instantly. But I denied her accusations, "N-no way! You can't because Yamamoto-san is my sister's girlfriend!" I desperately reasoned and Jurina laughed yet again.
"I was hoping you'd say you were jealous, though." She smiled and my face couldn't get any redder. I pushed her face away and plugged in my earphone, pretending to listen music as I tried to surpress the quick beating of my stupid heart. Her laugh echoed once again.
I was too busy calming my heart but I could hear how her laughter sounded so wrong. Like it was forced. I thought it was only my imagination when I looked at her and saw her smiling like always. Because of it, I paid no mind.
"Anyway! Why did you leave early yesterday?! And I was about to introduce you to Milky... You left me and I became a freaking third wheel..." I muttered quietly and as I thought Jurina's smile couldn't get wider but it did, anyway. She giggled and patted the my head lightly, "Sorry for making you feel like a third wheel... I suddenly remembered an order from my mom, which is shopping for groceries... And then I ran away panicking cuz' mom is scary." She shrugged her shoulder and laid down on the grass field, putting both of her arms behind her head.
She kept that position and I took out my sketchbook and started drawing. Silence evolved the atmosphere. Neither one of us talked. But the silence was comfortable, not the awkward one. We stayed like that for a few minutes until she spoke up, "Nee, Mayu-chan... What will you do if... If I suddenly disappear?" She asked, hesitance evident in her tone. I glanced at her for a brief moment before turning my attention back at my drawing. "Then I'll just scold you again." I replied, moving my pencil again and again. She sat up and held my hand, stopping me from drawing. I raised an eyebrow at her and her eyes held such a pained expression. "If I suddenly disappear and... Not coming back? Would you... Try to find me?"
I pulled my hand away from her grip and continued what I was doing. "You're such a pain in the butt, Matsui. I would waste my time searching for you." I answered rather harshly and from the corner of my eyes, I saw a deep hurtful look plastered on her face. She let out a dry laugh before slumping down on her back once again, "As expected of the cyborg... You're so cold, Mayu-chan!"
I kept silent and still moved my hand continously. We didn't talk anymore until the sun sets and she went away without even bidding a goodbye yet again. Jurina was really acting weird. Though I shrugged my shoulder, not wanting to think about it any further.
- - - - - - - - - -
On the next day, I came to the place as usual and found myself being surprised of not seeing Jurina there. I surprisingly came earlier than her. I didn't think about it any deeper and sat down on my spot. I put on my earphone and took out my gaming console. I brought the console because I wanted Jurina to play it with me but I guess it could be done later because she hadn't come yet.
Time passed quickly when I kept on playing my game and I finished it. I looked at my watch and realized that I've been alone for almost an hour. Jurina was really late. I then took out my manga to kill time because I was super bored without anyone to talk to.
In the end, Jurina never came and I was alone the entire time until sunset. I tidied up my things before standing up, readying myself to go home. Oddly enough, I felt empty and lonely at that time.
- - - - - - - - - -
From then on, Jurina never came again. I was alone like how I wanted it to be before but I realized that my so called alone time there felt so boring now. I realized I needed a companion... Jurina's companion.
It had been almost a month since she never showed up. Though I always came there without fail, I had never ever seen her face again. Deep down in my heart, I honestly missed her... I missed her very much.
I was staring off at the view in front of me until a figure sat down beside me. I was thrilled, thinking it was Jurina only to replace the feeling with disappointment upon seeing the face of Sayaka.
She smiled knowingly seeing my facial expression but I could care less because I was just too disappointed. I wanted to see Jurina so much. The ikemen girl took a seat beside me and averted her gaze on to the sky. We didn't talk for about ten minutes until she suddenly spoke.
"Jurina was my childhood friend." She started and she successfully caught my attention. I turned to look at her. "She was a very energetic girl. Our tastes matched so well and we were the best of friends. I went to the same elementary school with her and had the same classes until we graduated. We then went on to the same junior high, which is Sakura All-girls Junior High. I thought we wouldn't get separated; not at all..." She paused, a sob escaped her mouth and I was shocked to see tears were streaming down on her cheeks. "But... She got into an accident... A motorcycle hit her and she fell off the bridge over there," She ponted the bridge, which crossed the river. "And she fell on to the river..." She finished.
"What are you talking about... How could you be in the same classes as her... She's a junior high student... You're.. The same grade as me..." I muttered in disbelief. No way. Sayaka looked at me and shook her head, "No. I did get the same classes as her... Our age is the same.." She replied and I laughed dryly, "So you're saying.. Matsui failed to graduate two times?" I paused, a cold sweat ran through from my forehead, "I get it.. She can be such an idiot sometimes... That must be it." I laughed loudly but it felt so wrong. My head was spinning and my chest felt heavy.
Sayaka held my shoulder and looked straight to my eyes, "I know you're smart and you already knew what I was talking about, Watanabe-san..." Her hoarse voice and swollen red eyes scared me. No! I didn't know anything! I totally had no idea what she was talking about! I kept on denying it but my chest felt heavier and tears threatened to fall. I pushed Sayaka away, "No, Yamamoto-san. I don't understand what you're talking about." I denied. I covered my ears, trying to block out any noise.
I trembled in fear. No. I did not know anything. I absolutely had no idea. Nothing. A hand touched my shoulder. I flinched, turned to see who it was and as if on cue, my tears I had held, fell so much that I couldn't stop it. It was the person I longed to see for that past month. The face I missed so much.
She seemed saddened to see the tears on my face. She reached to wipe it but stopped midway when I flinched. She let out a smile that looked so sad. "Mayu-chan... Don't act like you don't know..." She started and more tears fell down. "No! No! I don't know! It's not an act!" I shouted as I shook my head vigorously.
She suddenly hugged me and I melted away in her embrace. I sobbed out loud in her chest as she patted my head comfortingly. "You're a smart girl Mayu-chan... I know you already had an idea from long way ago.. You suspected me but you didn't push through it... For that, I want to thank you." She said as I felt her body trembled too.
A sniff was heard from her as she tightened her hug on me, "I'm already... Dead, Mayu-chan. I died when I fell into the river. I couldn't swim to save myself because my leg got injured. The motorcyclist ran away and no one was there. I ran out of breath and died. My body got discovered the next day... I kept on lingering here, in this world because I couldn't accept my own death... I felt that it was unfair. I died too fast when I hadn't even finished my junior high school year. And I hadn't even talked to the girl who was always alone here... A girl who always wore her earphone, a sketchbook in her hand... A girl I had been admiring for almost a year.." She was clearly crying and I was even worse. I felt like I was out of breath.
"On the day of my accident, she didn't come and she didn't come on the next day either. And just like that I died. I wandered here for almost two years. I thought I would be just a lonely spirit without anyone to talk to until one day, when like usual, I approached the girl like I always did. Praising her talent on drawing. I never got any response and I thought I couldn't be seen. When I suddenly asked if that girl attended Matsuoka Girls' High, I hadn't expected a nod but she did give me that." She said and all of that scene flashed through my head.
She then clapped her hands, "Beautiful! You have a great talent in drawing!"
"Nee, are you from Matsuoka Girls' High?"I choked on my tears as I held her body closer, afraid if I let her go, she'd disappear. "After that we kept on chatting. We'd always meet without avail. I opened up about myself and she slowly did too, even though she still calls me Matsui. A great improvent though, because she stopped using honorifics. We had fun. But I know after all, I don't belong here. My place isn't here. I gotta move on but I can't. I want to be with her. I want to stay with her. I selfishly tried to hold on. I wanted to ignore where I stand. But eventually, good things come to its end. I couldn't stay with her after all." She pulled away and from then on I could see her endless tears. But despite her tears, a smile graced her lips. "I'm sorry, Mayu.. If only I was brave enough back before I died..." She sobbed, "Things wouldn't be like this..." She cried and I cried along. It hurt. It hurt so much that I thought I could die just from all the emotional pain.
She placed her hands on my cheek and caressed them gently. She wiped my tears away and kissed my forehead. Her lips lasted for a while before she pulled away. "I love you." She whispered on my ears and my chest squeezed painfully. Her hands gradually started to disappear and I desperately tried to hold on to her. "I love you too, idiot! Don't go away when I finally told you my feelings!" I shouted as I couldn't hold those hands anymore. "Don't leave me, J-Jurina... I love you..." I yelled desperately as her smile widened, "Another... Great... No, the best improvement... You finally... Called my name... I love you Mayu..." As her figure finally disappeared, I cried my heart out. I called her name over and over again. It hurt like hell. I loved her so much and that was why it pained me so much.
Sayaka who was watching all along came over as she hugged me with tears on her eyes too. We both cried until I felt myself loosing conciousness.
- - - - - - - - - -
I woke up the next day on my bed. I was still wearing my school uniform. Miyuki told me that Sayaka brought me home and I could sense a lot of jealousy from her tone. Must be nice to be with the one who you love. I skipped school that day. I had no energy. I spent the day just staring off into nothingness until I saw the usual time where I go to our place.
My feet unconciously left the house and went to the meeting place. My heart squeezed painfully once again when I didn't see the familiar figure there. I walked slowly and sat down. Her presence was still there. I could still feel it. It felt just like yesterday when I first met her. When she first touched my hand and when she called my name. It still felt so brand new that I couldn't belive she wouldn't show up, telling me her bad puns and jokes. She wouldn't be there to hear my stories, she wouldn't be there to watch me drawing, she wouldn't be there to share my earphone and hear my classical music together, she wouldn't be whining about me still calling her by her family name. She wouldn't do all that because she was gone already. She wouldn't show up no matter how many times I call out her name that she longed to hear so much.
My tears fell again as I hugged my knees closer to me. It felt so unreal. She was with me just yesterday. She hugged me yesterday. She told me she loved me yesterday. She kissed my forehead yesterday. And she... Disappeared yesterday.
- - - - - - - - - -
Years passed by and I finally got my own job. I've been keeping myself busy to distract me from thinking about her. Though it didn't really succeeded, I managed to stop myself from going to the place which held so many memories. It had been 8 years already.
Miyuki and Sayaka planned to get married next month. Sayaka had told me where Jurina's final resting place was but I couldn't go there as I was not ready. I didn't think I would ever be ready. I would just be a mess if I go there and I don't want Jurina to worry.
But when I woke up on one Saturday morning. I suddenly felt the urge to go to her grave. Maybe because I heard Jurina calling my name in my dream. I readied myself and went out. I bought a flower on my way there. As I stood in front of her grave, I kneeled down and prayed. I prayed that she'd be fine there.
"Hey... Sorry for not visiting you.. I was afraid... I was afraid that I wouldn't let you go and you wouldn't rest in peace... 8 years had passed by... I never once visited our secret place because like I said, I was afraid. There are too many memories there and I think I can't hold my tears if I go there." I chuckled lightly. "You know... I finally got a job as an editor in some magazine... I enjoyed my work... My payment is good enough to support me and have I told you that I moved to Tokyo? Well, I moved there right after I graduated high school. I went there with a hope of forgetting you but as I thought, you really can't be forgotten so easily." I sighed. "I miss you... I miss you every single day... I'm always thinking about you and even if I keep myself busy, I still can't forget you. You're too cruel, Jurina... Why did you have to leave?" A teardrop had fallen again, "I don't care wether you're a ghost or not. I just want you to stay with me." I whispered. A gentle breeze went through me and I smiled, "Heh, are you apologizing now?" Once again, a breeze came and I laughed lightly, "I'll accept this apology for now... Just so you know, I miss you and I still love you." I then stood up. I heard a faint sound in my ear and I felt blissful.
"I love you too."I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe, I bowed in front of her grave with a smile on my face. I'm ready to let go but I won't forget you, Jurina. Farewell, I hope I'll be able to stay with you in the after life.
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A/N: hellooo! Been a long time since i last updated huh? Lol i was super busy with school! Assignments everywhere i could barely breathe
Anyway, enjoy!!
Topic: Love Collection; Fourth Collection: WMatsui [Your Back] Part two (Read 6536 times)