Sleepover ( KumiYuri { ONGOING } )

[FAndoM48]

I dunno what to do with this for now... o 3 o
I'll put this here while I think of how to continue it. e - e
Hope you enjoy reading, and I'm always so happy to find fellow KumiYuri shippers~ ( ^ω^ )

Gray clouds decorated the sky as it rained down mercilessly.

 Amidst the pouring rain, on the grounds of a certain park clouded with mist, alone, a figure stood. Her pale blue hoodie already darkened from the rain water it had absorbed. This didn't seem to bother the girl, though. She stared into the collection of trees in the near distance, dazed and lost in thought as raindrops came in contact with her figure.

A flash of lightning.

"Yuria!" cried a voice that pierced through the sound of the heavy rain with a loud shout.

 She turned around and saw another figure a couple of steps behind her, chest rapidly rising and falling, continuing to shout with full force, "What the hell are you doing here?!" She squinted at the newly-arrived person, processing who it was.

"Kumi?" she mumbled.

 She walked closer and closer, until they were merely inches away.

"Yuria," the latter sighed, her voice now clear, "What are you doing here? I've been looking for you!"

Her eyes widened. "Me?" she asked, "Why me?"

 The latter pressed her finger against her lips to keep her quiet and fumbled for the phone in her shorts' pocket. She furiously dialed a number and waited until the other line picked up.

"Hello, Nishishi? I found her. In the park about a few meters from there," she spoke every after few seconds, "Pick us up? Good." The conversation ended in a hurry.

The girl wanted to question whatever just happened in front of her eyes, but decided to remain silent.

 A few minutes later, a yellow taxi drove up to the sidewalk of the small park, and the short-haired girl dragged her all the way there, where they were pushed into the car by someone who seems like a boy, with an umbrella, at first.

Soaking wet in the back seat, the two girls panted, while the girl with the man-like face rode in the passenger seat.

No words were spoken until they arrived in front of an apartment. They got off the taxi, the man-faced girl lagging behind to pay fares. They walked into the apartment, entered the elevator, got off, and walked across the corridor to the farthest door. On it, a golden plate was bolted, engraved in it 'Room 508' in large letters and numbers, and under that text was another, engraved in medium letters, the word 'Yagami'. The moment they entered, there were huge huffs and sighs of relief that escaped the mouths of the worried people gathered near the door.

[kuro808]

I'm going to be open about this since I do like KumiYuri

First, I like your writing but spacing is just as important as writing out a good story.  It isn't great looking at a group of text unless it is a textbook.  So please space it out and use others like Minamiyuki to learn spacing.

Secondly, As important as writing, please do read the others to fix up the writing.  There were many parts I found unnecessary in here although being quite decent.

Third, If you need proofreading help, don't hesitate to ask me or others.

Finally, I like the fact that you are a KumiYuri person (not my OTP but really who is my OTP)  In essence, I know there's room for improvement and don't take this personally, it is good to have someone to see what you can do to improve.

[FAndoM48]

I'm quite concious about my problems with spacing, and never thought about it that much until now.

Thanks for all the advice, I'll take note of them.

KumiYuri is just plain adorable, and I fell in love with them the minute I read my first fanfic about them. Anyway,,,
It's true, it's better to have someone there to tell you about the things you can still improve. Thanks. :3