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Author Topic: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: ML Final Chapter-Nov 22, 2022]  (Read 33246 times)

Offline jcreww

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #80 on: October 01, 2018, 03:17:07 PM »
 :angry: that jerk...

Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions
« Reply #81 on: March 02, 2019, 07:25:56 AM »
Dear Friends,

Apologies for neglecting this thread for over a year. Happy (belated) new year 2019. And happy lunar new year as well. I am really happy to see more comments and likes, from old and new friends. Thank you :)

@shortcut48: Thank you, Shortcut-san! I did have a good year. Hope you did, too. And many more ahead :) I would not comment on the potential trouble ahead. I guess you just need to wait and read  :P

@Miniju: Happy new year, Miniju-san :) ! Sorry that I was not back for long. Seeing your productive writing encouraged me to resume YonjuJo Yuriannin fic as well. So, please look forward to it.

@Rhythm: Thank you, Rhythm-san :) Guess the last chapter made you happy and angry at the same time  :D Hope the next one will spread some warmth.

@Crisl: Спасибо! Hope you'll keep on reading  XD

@jcreww: Which jerk  :oops: ? Hope this chapter can make you less angry (although, if I can bring myself to write more, the future chapters may be more irritating  :P )


Anyway, I have not been writing fic for a long time. I had to use different English system as well these past couple years. So, my writing style may have changed a bit and you may find more typo in my future fics. Regardless, I hope this short update can bring you some reading joy  :)



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MORNING LIGHT (11)



“You know them?” Yokoyama-sensei asked.


I threw a glanced, shrugged my shoulder, and voiced a, “No,” before pulling her arm to get her walking.

I dared not to look back. I could only hope that I still had some of the acting talents I possessed years ago and walked right into the donburi shop. I hope the actions managed to convince them that they got the wrong person.

The waitress greeted us when the door opened. But, I could not hear what she said. My eardrums were throbbing from the sound of my racing heartbeats. I guessed Yokoyama-sensei must have responded to the greeting because the next thing I knew was we were seated in a rather secluded corner table. She then slid in to sit next to me instead of across me, shielding me from the rest of the world.

I felt a touched on my hand. Yokoyama-sensei is covering mine with hers.


“It’s all right. They didn’t follow us in.”

Right at that moment, I realized that I had been squeezing her arm tightly.

“I-I’m sorry,” I said as I let go of her arms.

But, even then, my hand was still shaking. It also felt stiff and looked pale from the lack of blood.

“Is-is your arm all right? I’m sorry I-“

“It’s all right,” she cut me off while taking my hand in hers and started rubbing it gently. “I am all right. Are you?”


I looked up and saw the kind smile on her face. No. I am not all right. I am not. I wanted to cry. I could feel an urge to break down right then and there. But, I did not want to make a scene. I did not want to make things worse.


“We can leave, you know,” she said. “You don’t have to force yourself to eat here. I can drive you home.”


My tears started to fell. Once again, she seemed to be reading my mind. I felt that I am understood. I felt accepted. I felt like it is all right to be my broken self… How can someone be this kind?

She pulled out a handkerchief like she always did. She used it to wipe my tears.

When the waitress came with the meals she might have ordered as we were seated, she apologized and asked for them to be wrapped as a take away. She then asked if I felt all right to stand up and leave. When I nodded, she took my hand and walked ahead. She paid for the meal, took the food, and opened the door. She looked around for a bit, trying to make sure that those people were not there anymore, before guiding me to my car.

She led me to the passenger side of the car and asked me to unlock it. She then walked around to the driver side and got in. She asked for the key and started the car. But, even before drove away, she still took some time to ask me:


“Is it all right if we go to your house now?”


We drove in silence. But, whenever I looked her way, she made sure to glance back and show me her kind smile even though I never returned it with mine.

When we arrived at my apartment building, she asked if I felt all right to leave the car. She then opened the door for me and took my hand, guiding me to enter the building until we reached my unit door. She then asked me to open the door and guided me in. She took hers and my shoes off, brought me into my room, and tucked me in bed.


Even in my non-functioning state, I did not feel alone until she said, “Take some rest, okay? I will stay for a while. I will just be outside the door. You can call me if you need anything.”


No.

No, no, no.

I do not want to be alone.

Please… don’t leave me alone!


I grabbed the back of her shirt as she turned away. She stopped and turned back. Our eyes met, and she stayed silent for a while.


“Let me just turned the lights off,” she finally said.


I let her go.

She went to the light switch and flipped it off. She then went to the window and closed the curtain, blocking the early evening city lights away.
In the dark, I could feel the bed shifted as she climbed in from the other side. I turned to face her, and I felt her arms reaching out and engulfed me in a warm embrace.


Please.

Please be here until the morning comes.









To be continued...



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Offline wmxmy

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: March 2, 2019]
« Reply #82 on: March 02, 2019, 07:54:39 AM »
 :panic:  :panic:  :panic:  :welcome BACK !!!

 :deco:  :deco:  :deco:  :panic: :panic:  :panic:
Best day ever.
やらずに後悔, やって後悔

Offline Yuina

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  • Sayanee, Yuko, Yuzuzu, Kyonko and others
Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: March 2, 2019]
« Reply #83 on: March 04, 2019, 01:46:20 AM »
UWAAAAAA
Saikou desu !

I really love your fic autor-san !
You got me into Yuiparu :inlove:
Yuihan is so kind in this fic. I also love how is Paru~ I Hope she will be fine in the end :panic:

I'll be waiting for an another update !
More Sayamilky, Kojiyuu and Yuiparu !

Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: March 1, 2022]
« Reply #84 on: February 28, 2022, 08:39:18 PM »
Dear Friends,

It's been three years. I have no excuse. Life happens. The last three years have been very challenging. Hope everyone are well and keep on surviving.

@wmxmy: Glad that I made your day :)

@Yuina: Arigatou. You may not be waiting anymore after three years. But, I do hope you find this new chapter one day :)



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MORNING LIGHT (12)


I woke up a few times that night.

I did not dream, but I felt anxious, not wanting to wake up to an empty bed, an empty house, with a haunting past as my only company. The warmth that I found whenever I woke up reminded me of the kind soul that had turned herself into a human blanket, shielding me from the rest of the world.

I could tell that Yokoyama-san was trying to stay awake for a while. The first few times I woke up and stirred, she immediately checked on me, asking if I was all right. Somewhere around midnight, she fell asleep, but she never let me go. Even now, as the morning light sneaked past the small gap between the closed curtains, her right arm was draped around my waist, keeping me close as her little spoon.

Yokoyama-san.

Why was it that, whenever I felt lost, I always turned to you? Why was it that you were always there and  responded kindly even after what I put you through?

I turned around to face her. My movements woke her up.

“Ohayou…,” she said while trying to open her eyes fully.

She retreated her arm to get her phone out of her pants pocket. I missed that arm already.

“It’s already 9?” she groaned, looking at the clock on her phone. “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

I shook my head, hoping that she knew that I did not mind. I wanted her to be there.

She started to move away, but my hand immediately found one end of her shirt, stopping her movement.

She looked at me with questions in her eyes. I could not say a thing. I had no right to stop her from leaving.

“Do you want me to stay?” she asked.

I nodded, but could not bring myself to voice it.

She smiled her kind smile and covered the hand that was holding onto her shirt with her own.

“Then, I will stay. It’s all right. It’s Saturday. I have no appointment with anyone. I just need to use your bathroom. Probably also use your kitchen to prepare some breakfast after that. Is that all right?”

Again, I nodded. I remember that we had not had any dinner the night before. The take away food was probably left somewhere on the kitchen table. She must be starving.

“...Sorry,” I said, finally finding my voice.

She smiled again, tucking a strand of hair out of my face, and looking straight to my eyes as she said, “There is no reason to apologize, Shimazaki-san.”

She patted my head gently a couple times, put a light kiss on my forehead, fixed the blanket to cover me properly, then went out of the room.

As I touched the place that she kissed, I wondered what we were.

What do you think you are?

I thought we were friends. She was kind and caring. But, friends would not embrace each other all night, would they?

What do you want to be?

I do not know. I had never thought about starting anything with anyone. Not after everything that happened ten years ago. I never wanted to drag anyone into my mess.

But, she is already in your mess.

True. But, continuing this way would not be fair for her. I felt like I was taking advantage of her kindness all over again.

Well, she does not seem to mind.

Still not a reason to drag her deeper into this.

I got up and moved away from the bed, not wanting to have any more debate with my voice of conscience. I walked out of the room to find Yokoyama-san frying some eggs in the kitchen. Light smoke was coming out of the rice cooker, signaling that steamed rice would be ready soon. Two small bowls of miso soup were already on the table.

When she saw me, Yokoyama-san smiled and said, “I hope you like rice and eggs in the morning. I’m not much of a cook.”

The aftermath of yesterday’s encounter with a ghost from my past was still lingering, and I did not know what to think about all this. I still did not know what we were, what we should call this parent-teacher friendship that felt far more intimate than it should be. But, seeing Yokoyama-san in my kitchen, trying to take care of me, made me smile. It made me feel loved. And whatever this relationship might be, I felt like I wanted more of it.

We had a nice breakfast. Although I was mostly silent, she filled the air with light talks. She waited until we finished our breakfast to ask the big question.

“Is it all right if we talk about what happened yesterday? You can say no if you don’t feel comfortable.”

I shook my head a little.

I did not feel comfortable. I would probably never feel comfortable talking about it. But, I knew that I owed her an explanation.

“It is all right…,” I said.

She reached for my hand from across the table and gave it a light squeeze.

“The man from yesterday… Is he Hikaru’s father?”

Long silence. Recalling him, I could feel my hands start to tremble. She gave another squeeze of support. I nodded.

“Could you describe how you felt when you saw him?”

I never really thought about it before. I was used to immediately changing TV channels or quickly moving away from anything that could remind me of him, not wanting to give any chance for the feelings to overwhelm if I could.

“Startled… Rage... Frustration... Fear..,” I tried to identify. “But, mostly rage and overwhelming fear.”

Yokoyama-san nodded in understanding.

“What was it that you feared?”

Again, it took me a while to search for the words.

“To be recognized. To be questioned about the past ten years. To be trapped into a media circus when the words got out...”

“And the biggest one?”

“To get Hikaru taken away from me.”

I could feel tears falling down as I voiced those words. I could not lose Hikaru. I would lose my life.

“That was what I thought,” Yokoyama-san said as she moved to wipe my tears with her fingers.

“Shimazaki-san,” she said after a while, “I may never fully understand how you feel because I never experienced what you have faced in your life. It may also not be the best timing for me to say this. I may cross a boundary here, but I think I need to say it.”

“I don't know if you have known this or not but, with the Family Law in Japan, any children born from unmarried parents will be under the sole custody and responsibility of the mother. No one can legally take Hikaru from you.”

I looked up to her face, not knowing about that before.

“But,” I could feel my chest tightened, anticipating a catch. “At the same time, parental child abduction may not be recognized as a criminal offense. So, your fear is still valid. If one day the father found out about Hikaru and took him, as long as he could prove that he was the father, Japan’s legal system may not be able to order him to bring Hikaru back to you.”

I tried to process her words in my mind carefully. Fear tightened his grip on my throat.

“What should…what should I do?” I asked.

She gave my hand another squeeze before continuing with, “I don’t exactly know either. But, it seems like if it is possible to arrange a written agreement with the father, it can be used so that he can never contest your custody rights or take Hikaru without your permission. I have a friend who is a lawyer. She will be able to explain this to you in more detail. I can make a call and ask if she can help if this is something you want to do.”

My hope rose as I listened to her explanation. But, my hesitation also grew, fearing what the arrangement would entail.

“Shimazaki-san,” Yokoyama-san gave my hand another squeeze, “You don’t have to decide now. It’s a big decision and the process won’t be easy. Arranging a written agreement means you may need to see him, be in the same room with him, and disclose about Hikaru’s existence to him. And we don’t know what his reaction will be. So, I just want you to know that you have this option and think about it. Take it into consideration, and make a decision only when you are ready, okay?”

I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but concerns and compassion. I squeezed her hand back, trying to let her know that I understand her good intention.

“Arigatou…,” I said, trying to form a smile.

I knew that I was not ready. I was not strong enough for all that. I might never be ready or strong enough.

But, that day, I have had my resolve.







To be continued...



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Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: ML Ch.13-March 9, 2022]
« Reply #85 on: March 09, 2022, 04:48:20 PM »
Dear Friends,

Thank you for reading the previous chapter. Extra thanks to those leaving thank you. You know who you are and I am very grateful :)

It's coming to an end. Not this chapter. Probably the next.


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MORNING LIGHT (13)



The past one and a half years was a blur.

It was very challenging and time seemed to drag itself slowly when I was living through it all. But, now that it has come to this point, it felt like everything happened in a blink.

One and a half years ago, Yui-san–yes, somewhere along the way, we started to address each other by our first names–suggested that I took some legal measures to ensure that no one could take Hikaru’s custody from me. I took her suggestion, but things did not get better. On the contrary, it got worse. I got worse.

About a month after I accidentally met the man, after all my summer collections were released, I told Yui-san that I would like to try making all the legal arrangements. She then contacted her lawyer friend, Oya-sensei, and set up a meeting for us. As I sat through the meeting where Oya-sensei explained what the process of making the arrangements would be like, my mind went wild with all the possibilities. I told Oya-sensei that I needed more time to think.

As I arrived home, my mind had not stopped conjuring images. It ran all the possible scenarios, but mostly the bad and the worst. It simulated all the possible reactions that the man would have, and it terrified me. I spiraled to more depressive episodes. Whenever I got better, I thought about proceeding with the legal arrangements. But, before I could make any single call, my mind came up with the images of that man and his possible reactions, and I froze. Then, the depressive episode started all over again. I had to put a pause on all work plans to design and produce any new collections and what not for at least six months. Work was the last thing on my mind as I could not even take care of myself.

But, things usually get worse before they get better. That saying was true for my situation.

During my series of depressive episodes, Yui-san did not ask or push me to move forward with the legal arrangements. She just came over, almost every day, to make sure that Hikaru and I were taken care of.

“I’m tired…,” I finally said one evening when I could find my voice. “I’m tired of feeling afraid… I’m tired of being like this… Why can’t I live a normal, happy life just like everyone else?”

I crumpled into a sobbing mess in her arms for the nth time.

“Are you ready to get some professional help?” was the only question she asked.

Yui-san had offered to find me a new psychiatrist and therapist. Someone who could do home visits. I did not know exactly how she did it, but she got in contact with Miss Itano to get her updated about my condition and get professional advice from Doctor Jay, my previous psychiatrist. But, I was not ready to respond then.

That evening, when she asked, I finally nodded. She took care of everything.

I was in therapy for three months before I started getting better. Not completely recovered, but functioning. The goal was to make sure that I feel in control enough and strong enough to go through with making the legal arrangements for Hikaru’s custody. Deep in my heart, I just felt that things would get better once I could get it done. No legal document would be able to protect us from all possibilities, but it would aid us in continuing our life.

At one point, as advised by Nakamura-sensei, my current doctor, I took Hikaru to see a child psychologist and family counselor. Gradually, we discussed the existence of his father and the legal arrangements that I was aiming to get for his custody. We gave him time to process it at his own pace. I told him that, if he wants to overturn the decision in the future and sees his father, he could. I would not hold him back or prevent him from seeing his other parent, no matter how much it would break my heart.

“No,” he said in one of our counseling sessions. “I don’t need him. I just need you, Mom. I want you to get better.”

I said that he might change his mind in the future. He shook his head.

“I have been happy living with you. I just want you to be happy, too.”

I remembered crying, saying sorry and thank you multiple times after he said that. He cried, too. As we hugged, I felt that he saved me all over again.

One and a half years was the total time that we needed to move from the donburi shop incident to today. I had had to meet the man in person, be in the same room a few times for the legal arrangements to be made. He was with his lawyer and I was with mine.

At the beginning, he had entertained the idea of getting to be in Hikaru’s life. I almost spat to his face. After all this time, he had the nerve to talk about seeing Hikaru, making it public, and being a real father. I threw up and could not keep my food down for a few days after that meeting.

Fortunately, after a couple more meetings, Oya-sensei managed to convince him and his lawyer that it would not be good for his career. While the revelation might put his face on the front pages of the mainstream media for a couple weeks, tabloids would dig deeper into the story, into the scandal of me leaving the country eleven years prior. They would put two and two together and reveal that he had been abandoning his son and the mother for the last eleven years. His popularity would take a nosedive as young housewives and mothers, the majority of his current fans demographic, would sympathize more with my situation.

It was sickening to see how, after more than a decade, he was still the selfish narcissist that he was. Upon hearing his lawyer confirming that possibility, he did a 180 on his position. But, at least, for once, that side of him gave me an advantage. He agreed on signing the documents as long as it contained clauses that stated I would never make his identity public or sue him for any child support.

As if I would ever want to do that.

His lawyer insisted on rechecking the documents in detail once more before we submitted them to the Family Court. Today is the day we were supposed to receive the documents back, stamped and sealed by the court.

“Are you ready?” Oya-sensei asked with a wide grin on her face.

We were sitting in the client reception area of her law firm. I sat on one of the leather sofas, in between. Hikaru and Yui-san. She sat on the other sofa, right across from us, with a small coffee table in the middle, where a big brown envelope was lying around.

Upon my nod, she took the brown envelope with two hands and held it out for me to take. I could feel my hands trembling as I took the envelope from her. After slowly opening the flap of the envelope, I took a bundle of documents out. Seeing all the stamped signatures and seals, I could not hold my tears back.

“Congratulations, Shimazaki-san,” Oya-sensei said happily, “From now on, you don’t need to worry about any custody battle anymore. Hikaru will always be with you until he reaches twenty and decides otherwise.”

Hikaru hugged me tight as he said, “No. I will never leave my mom.”

I hugged him back tightly, still could not stop my tears from falling. When I felt a light stroke on my back, I looked up to see Yui-san. She just smiled. Her eyes were bright, full of emotions and unshed tears.

“You did it, Haruka-san,” she said softly. “Congratulations.”

I nodded and closed my eyes.

After all these years, this time, I could probably start to be happy.







To be continued...



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Offline Haruko

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: ML Ch.13-March 9, 2022]
« Reply #86 on: April 07, 2022, 08:11:15 AM »
Yes!! Finally Haruka is free!! Now she could date a certain person... If she wants of course. Waiting for the next chapter

Offline DeNight

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Re: DeNight's YuiParu Delusions [Chapter Update: ML Final Chapter-Nov 22, 2022]
« Reply #87 on: November 22, 2022, 03:50:47 PM »
Dear Friends,

Thank you for reading the previous chapter. Extra thanks to Haruko for leaving a comment. Making sure that Haruka is safe and ready to date the certain person has always been the intention all this long :)

Apologies that I will not be able to share her experience in details. I've been dragging this story for too long, for too many years. I'm just here to give myself a closure.

Thank you for following along all these years. For me, writing has always been an experience and a lesson all in itself. Your silent reading, thanks, and comments made it a lot more interesting.

Here it is, the last chapter.



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MORNING LIGHT (14)



It was a joyful night.

We ordered some food and had a nice dinner at home to celebrate the finalization of the legal arrangements. My parents, Yui-san, and Oya-sensei were joining us. We had long conversations before they called it a night. Hikaru was helping with the dishes before he went to bed. It was already a few minutes after midnight when Yui-san and I finished all the cleaning up.

“Here,” I offered her a cup of hot green tea.

“Arigatou,” she smiled as she took the clay cup from my hands.

We were standing next to the glass sliding door that led to my small balcony, looking outside to the dark night. The street had been deserted. Some lights in the surrounding apartment buildings were still on, giving hints that their residences were also still awake.

The weather had gotten colder by the day. But, no snow in Tokyo so far.

“So, have you told Itano-san?” She started the conversation.

I nodded, “I sent some text to let her know this afternoon.”

“How did she respond?”

I unlocked my phone and showed her a short video of Itano-san looking ecstatic, congratulating me for finishing the long battle. Yui-san chuckled.

“So, what’s next?” she asked.

I put my cup on the living room table and sat on the sofa before answering. She followed and sat next to me.

“I have had a discussion with Oya-sensei on drawing up a will.”

She looked alarmed at the mention of the legal document.

I smiled. “It’s nothing bad. I do not plan to die anytime soon. We just cannot predict the future so I want to make sure that, if anything happens to me before Hikaru turns twenty, the custody will be transferred to my parents.”

She smiled. “You have wonderful parents.”

“They are,” I smiled back. “Took them a while to process and accept everything but, once they did, they gave it their all.”

She nodded in agreement and took another sip of her tea.

“Are you still planning to move?” She asked after a long silence.

I took a deep breath and leaned back on the sofa before answering. “Yes. He has my current address, or, at least, can get his lawyer to get it, because of all the legal proceedings. I don’t want to risk anything if he ever changes his mind again.”

She nodded in understanding before continuing with, “Would it be far from here?”

“Not too far,” I answered. “I want Hikaru to be able to spend time with his grandparents whenever he wants. So, probably Kanagawa Prefecture like Itano-san always suggested, or somewhere else of similar distance.”

She smiled a little without looking at me before saying, “When?”

“Soon after Hikaru’s elementary school graduation. It will probably help ease the transition. He will need to part with some friends regardless as they go to different junior highs.”

“So soon…,” she responded while looking down at the cup in her hands.

I studied her face. The face that had become more and more familiar in the last one and a half years. I could tell that her gaze looked sad. But, I still could not read her mind.

“What about you?” I asked.

“What about me?”

“Yes. What’s next?”

She laughed, but the mirth did not reach her eyes.

“There’s no ‘next’ for me, Haruka-san. I will just continue my day as usual, continue teaching, seeing which cute faces will end up in my homeroom class next year. Same old, same old… Probably just get a cat when I feel ready.”

She is such a bad liar. While there were some truths in her words, it would not be the same.

She had been helping us so much in the past one and a half years. She always came here immediately after she finished all her work at the school. She stayed until late, either helping us around the house or just sitting to talk and keep me company, only going home to sleep, then repeating it all over again the next day. On days when she did not have to teach, she would stay over, sleeping on the sofa after spending the day with Hikaru and I. When I was at my lowest, she would hug and let me cry until I fell asleep, then leave my room to sleep on the sofa again. She would leave the bedroom door open as she went to the living room so I could easily find her when I woke up, preventing me from feeling alone.

We had been a big part of her life as much as she had been ours. Continuing her daily routines without us would not be a “same old, same old.”

I sighed. Anyone who had witnessed the way she treated Hikaru and I might have assumed that we have been dating all this time. It would be my first guess, too, if I saw anyone else in this situation. But, no.

I realized many months ago that I had never found the thoughts of being intimate with her to be repulsive. On the contrary, sometimes, I found myself wondering. Desire rose. Curiosity lingered. I just did not have anything to confirm how I felt.

All this time, there was nothing except some hugs and a few kisses on the forehead whenever I was deep in my mess. Our relationship was still as gray as a cloudy day. Our lines remained blurred. Everything stayed platonic and, sometimes, even formal. Like the way she never dropped the honorifics even when she called me by my first name.

I was also not in the capacity to do anything about it. I was not in the capacity to think about it. Heck. Sometimes, I was not in any capacity to think at all. But, now it’s different. Once we move, I do not need to worry about anything anymore. I would be able to focus just on my life and Hikaru’s. And I want her to continue being a part of that life.

“Why don’t you just move and live with us?” I blurted out the words without thinking.

It seemed to catch her off guard as she snapped her head to look my way. Looking into each other’s eyes, it turned into some kind of a staring contest. I might have just blurted the question, but I did not regret voicing it.

After a while, she shook her head, smiling. “It’s not something you can say lightly to a friend, Haruka-san.”

Was it really just friendship that we had?

“All right,” she continued, slapping her thighs softly. “I think it’s also time for me to head out.”

I reached out and held her right hand as she got up.

“It’s late. Just stay here for the night,” I suggested.

She looked down at me and smiled. “It’s true. But, I kind of miss sleeping on a proper bed.”

“You can sleep on my bed.”

Another staring contest in silence.

“Haruka-san…,” she started.

“Please.” I left no room for argument.

I rose up from the sofa and gave her hand a tug. She did not move, just stood where she was, staring. Was it disbelief in her eyes? Worries? Fear? Whatever it was, I wanted to make it disappear.

If there’s anyone that I could trust with my life at that time, it was her. I wanted to let her know that she could do the same. The more I thought about it, the more difficult it felt to just let her go. If she walked out the door that night, I would not know if I would ever see her again. Knowing her, she might try to put some distance between us to make it easier to say goodbye.

But, you don’t want any goodbye.

No, I don’t.

I gave her hand another tug and kept on walking towards my bedroom. Slowly, she finally followed.

In the room, I led her to sit on the side of the bed. I sat next to her. She looked down on our joined hands. I squeezed her hand firmer and called her name, urging her to look at me.

“You’ve done so much for me and Hikaru, and I can’t thank you enough for that. So, this will sound selfish, but I don’t want you to leave.”

There was silence before she let out a nervous laugh, “I can still come back tomorrow, Haruka-san. It’s not like I live so far away from here.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” My words were met with more silence.

“I cannot, and I will not, force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I will respect your decision even if it’s not what I want. So just…” I lost my courage somewhere along the sentence and looked down. “...Just let me be selfish one more time...”

I put my hand on her cheek, followed by my lips on hers. The kiss was chaste. It was almost like a butterfly just landed for a brief second before flying away. But, as it left, a million other butterflies broke free in my stomach.

I did not want any regret. I wanted her to know how I felt. I needed to know how she felt. I needed to know that I am not alone in this feeling.

The next thing I felt was Yui-san lips on my forehead. There’s no lust. No desire. Every touch that followed in silence was a promise without words.

As we lay down, all that filled my mind was Yui. All the names that escaped my lips were Yui’s.

It’s been a long time coming, something that I had pictured countless times in my mind before, not knowing how it would really feel when it happened. Not knowing how it would change us.

Pleasure was not a destination. It’s a companion, flowing steadily as we explore the feelings that had been abandoned for years. Different from all those many years ago, I did not stay to escape. I stayed to finally find home in her embrace.

When my name escaped her lips, without any honorifics, I hugged her tight, wanting to let her know that I would also be her home if she let me.

She opened her eyes after all the tension was released. She searched mine and I could see worries coming back, along with a sense of panic.

“Yui,” I said softly as I touched the side of her face. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

I could feel the sobs that came after. As much as she tried not making any sounds, her body could not hide the fact that she was crying. She was shaking while covering her eyes with one arm.

I moved and laid my head on her upper chest, hugging her tightly from the side.

“I’m sorry to ever hurt you. I love you.”

Her body shook harder upon hearing my words. I hugged her tighter.

Nothing really mattered anymore. The night had told me so. Whether she would move to Kanagawa with me and Hikaru or not, it did not matter anymore. The feelings she let out through her touch had told me that everything will be alright. We would make it work, no matter what her decision would be.

We stayed in each other’s arms until sleep claimed us in a gentle wave. As my eyes slowly closed, I heard her voice, whispering softly as she buried her face into my hair.

“I love you, too.”

The whisper turned all the midnight darkness of my life into the morning light.



END



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« Last Edit: November 23, 2022, 10:05:05 AM by DeNight »

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