Innocence (Fourth Gen Love)

[Mikan]

Coming back to a long comment on your chapter is always encoraging. I thought you would like it.

Length doesnt matter.

I dont actually know how long 1500 words is. It just sounded decent. Maybe 1000 is good. Or maybe a 2 part special.

Wow! Christmas is coming up soon. Authors should do a christmas special. Oh, its almost christmas time in Doki Doki, I could post it on the real christmas day, how cool. It would be interesting to see how many people give up that 'family day' to lurk in JPHIP.

Short but important. That is how I sum up this chapter. Im having a bout of "I hate KagoTsuji-itious" ...Im so sorry...because of my illness its making it hard to appreciate them as characters. Throwing Mari in the mix did dilute it though

[len.chan]

You're not too fast Mikan? There's still a few months untill Christmas XDXD
well, about the fic, i love Ishiyoshi an silly Rika looking around to find if there was someone watching them it was hilarious
and yay! i raise a hand for that special filled-with-cookies chapter!

[rndmnwierd]

It's like the end of November in this fic. I'm trying not to be too confusing since I'm using release dates as my timeline. And not just Momusu singles either. The most annoying thing is remembering how old they are. I feel like I'm making Nono and Aibon too mature. Or too loud. And they all seem a little too familiar with each other and the other members. Maybe it's just me...

Mikan: You're right about the long comments, it's really refreshing, although I love the little comments too. Like the ones I write OMG I love it Keep writing more!!1!1!

Len: You could use a few more cookies yourself *hint* *hint* I will get to work as soon as I've had some sleep...

I'll probably write up the chapter, edit it, then put the unedited version on LiveJournal or something. I'll post a link. Night all.

[MyDearYossi]

So sweet!:heart:  I loved that Ishiyoshi moment, againXD

[ChiruChaCha]

I haven't checked this up for a while but I read all the new chapters yesterday and it was all awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww(sweetness squeak xD)
Btw, the drug thing wasn't true or how is that? xD

[rndmnwierd]

Ishiyoshi goodness, they're fun to write.

Btw, the drug thing wasn't true or how is that? xD

...Maybe. I dunno.

[Parhelion69]

Great fanfic!!! I'm new here so while browsing the forums I found this fanfic section (which I overlooked before) and gave it a try, this is the third one I peeked... But I was immediately hooked! I read everything in one pass and now I want more!!!!

BTW, are you studying literature or are you a pro writer? you're really good, even better than works from books that you can actually buy!

Capturing the girls personalities and emotions is not an easy task, you're showing us that you can do it nicely...

I love the ishiyoshi parts mostly, the part about the photo's viewing (and hence the boyfriend explanation) and the vip room part being my favorites till now. I could literally listen to the moaning part...  (but the funny thing is that I misread that paragraph and pictured Rika's moan )

Also I wanna point out, that maybe you use the "older girl" or "younger girl" comparatives a bit too much, I don't know much about literature, so maybe it's allright, but since I read everything in one pass I couldn't help to notice that. But again, maybe it's just me, since in my native language (spanish) repeating something too much, is usually avoided.

Anyway, great work and I can't wait for more parts! (specially the christmas special!! ishiyoshi goodness!!!!)

And bring some more maki action!! :evil:

[lil_hamz]

“So, how long have you two been together?”

Yossui stuttered, “Um, well…We, ah….” she trailed off with a blush.

“Six months.” Rika answered cheerfully, over her shock.

Rika handled that.... well calmly. She is one composed girl.

What you don’t know can’t hurt you. Right?

I'm assuming they didn't get Friday-ed?

Wow! Christmas is coming up soon. Authors should do a christmas special.

YAY a doki2 Xmas special! The perfect Xmas Gift

[rndmnwierd]

Great fanfic!!! I'm new here so while browsing the forums I found this fanfic section (which I overlooked before) and gave it a try, this is the third one I peeked... But I was immediately hooked! I read everything in one pass and now I want more!!!!

BTW, are you studying literature or are you a pro writer? you're really good, even better than works from books that you can actually buy!

Capturing the girls personalities and emotions is not an easy task, you're showing us that you can do it nicely...

I love the ishiyoshi parts mostly, the part about the photo's viewing (and hence the boyfriend explanation) and the vip room part being my favorites till now. I could literally listen to the moaning part...  (but the funny thing is that I misread that paragraph and pictured Rika's moan )

Also I wanna point out, that maybe you use the "older girl" or "younger girl" comparatives a bit too much, I don't know much about literature, so maybe it's allright, but since I read everything in one pass I couldn't help to notice that. But again, maybe it's just me, since in my native language (spanish) repeating something too much, is usually avoided.

Anyway, great work and I can't wait for more parts! (specially the christmas special!! ishiyoshi goodness!!!!)

And bring some more maki action!! :evil:

Welcome to Fanfic Heaven! It's always good to see new faces around these parts. I'm glad you like my story, I work hard on it.

Wow, actually I'm not professional at all, I'm flattered that you'd ask. I've never even taken a creative writing course, I can't stand being bogged down with prompt type assignments.

I try to get into the girls' heads as much as possible. They say write what you know and I'm pretty good with people, so...

I'm starting to get the hang of Ishiyoshi now, so I'm becoming more comfortable writing them together. Most of my ideas just come to me spontaneously, so sometimes they're actually full of plot. Other times it's just fluff.

And yes, I realize that I use older/younger girl thing too much. I'll try and fix that, but I just don't like using names twice in a row. 'Rika did this. Rika then went and did this.' It just bugs me. Or maybe I should get an editor...

Yeah, I'm still thinking up the Christmas-ness. It'll be a few posts before I get to it, so I've got time.

Thanks for the praise and I'll see about the Maki requests. I swear I'm going to work her in somehow!

Rika handled that.... well calmly.  She is one composed girl.

I thought it would be a nice change.

I'm assuming they didn't get Friday-ed?

Not yet. Maybe just not. Hmm, you've given me ideas now...

[rndmnwierd]

And since I'm here, I'll put this up!



“So it was this big!” Hitomi spread her arms apart as far as they would go, laughing along with Maki and Yaguchi. She saw Rika walk by, dressed as Charmy, attached to an annoyed Nakazawa’s arm. She waved as she passed, but turned right back to her conversation without stopping for a hug.

Yossui didn’t realize she was staring until Mari poked her in the side. “Don’t feel bad. Yuu-chan’s got that effect on women. Steals girlfriend right out from under people!” she made an exaggerated motion and a ‘zip!’ sound.

The younger girl shoved her mentor lightly, trying not to let jealousy take over her thoughts. She noticed Maki looking at her in concern and glanced away, still a bit nervous around her idol.

Yaguchi spotted Kaori at a distance, and took off after her, screaming all the way. The other two ignored her, mostly used to it by now. Catching her eye again, Maki started walking slowly away, obviously telling Yossui to follow her.

They were silent for a minute, walking down an unused hallway, until Maki spoke up, “You know, having relationships among members is dangerous.”

Hitomi just nodded, sensing there was more.

“Do you love her?”

Another nod.

“I’ll vouch for you.”

Hitomi started to nod, but then turned with a ‘huh!?’ “Vouch? You mean…?”

“We’re all born in the same year. That makes us close and we should stick together.” Yossui didn’t quite get the logic of that statement, but she wasn’t about to turn down an ally.

“I’ll do the same for you.” Her response earned her a heartfelt smile and Hitomi felt her heart flutter, reminded of her childish crush.

Someone suddenly wrapped their arms around her from behind and squeezed lightly, “I’m done bugging Nakazawa for today!”

“Only you would be silly enough to provoke that woman’s wrath.” Maki said, toning her smile down a little.

Hitomi tried to look over her shoulder at her girlfriend, but was unsuccessful. She felt a giggle against her back, “But it’s so much fun! And she always has something entertaining to say!”

“Well, I’ll be off. Things to do you know.” Maki winked at Yossui, walking deliberately away and the older girl got a wicked thought.

“Wanna go make out in one of the empty rooms?”

She heard another giggle and the hands on her waist slid upwards slowly.


---It's been a while, huh?

[MyDearYossi]

“Wanna go make out in one of the empty rooms?”

 Waiting for what you will write about this:D

[bluekinoko]

YES YES YES~!! OH YES!!

*clears throat*

I mean - this is a very beautiful story. I love popping in and reading up on the latest chapters This is one of the stories in my top 5

[lil_hamz]

“We’re all born in the same year. That makes us close and we should stick together.”

That means you should all go make out in one of the empty rooms.

[rndmnwierd]

Hmm, this one may be a smite bit controversial. But oh well...




“Good night!”

Blowing a puff of air through her bangs, Nono bolted the door shut behind her mentor. It figures that Kaori and Yossui would invade their privacy the first night they were in Saipan. Turning, she leaned against it and locked eyes with Aibon, who was standing across the room. After an intrusion like that, there was only one thing to do.

“Bath time?”

“Bath time.”

It didn’t seem to take long for the steamy water to fill the tub and for the two to slip into the relaxing pool. It was just big enough to fit both comfortably and they played and slashed and washed together, like normal little girls. After a while, they calmed down and leaned back against their respective sides of the tub in silence.

Nono was almost asleep when she heard a sigh from Aibon. Opening her eyes, she noticed the girl looking at her funny, “What?”

“You’re so much smaller than me. I’m getting fat.” She patted her belly, splashing water over the side of the tub.

“Smaller isn’t better.” Nono glared jealously at her girlfriend’s chest, looking down at her own and then back again. She had a sudden idea and motioned the younger girl closer.

After giving another funny look, Aibon complied, turning around at Nono’s insistence and sitting with her back pressed to the older girl’s front. Tsuji shifted around behind her and sat up as straight as she could, looking over Aibon’s shoulder.

“What are you doing?” The younger sounded a bit unsure, glancing at her girlfriend from the corner of her eyes.

“Sit up straight.” was the response. Nono rested her throat on Aibon’s shoulder, looking straight down her front, “Wow. So this is what it’s like.”

“What what is like?” The younger girl was just confused now, holding perfectly still.

“What it’s like to have boobs.” Nono said cheerily, seeing Aibon’s ears turn red. She giggled at the look on her face. “I bet, in a few years, you won’t even be able to see your belly button!” Then she turned melancholy, “They’re so much bigger than mine.” She sighed heavily, feeling her girlfriend shiver.

Glancing at her in concern, the older girl wrapped her arms around Aibon, “What’s the matter?”

Holding her breath, Aibon could only say, “Do that again.”

Catching on surprisingly quick, Nono, after giving her one more glance, took a deep breath and sighed, again feeling a shiver pass through the younger girl’s body. She realized now that it was pleasure and blew another stream of air downwards.

Suddenly, Aibon sank under the water with a squeal and the moment was broken. Nono laughed at the frantic bubbles above her girlfriend’s head, guessing that she was screaming, and reached down to pull her head above the surface, “C’mon. Let’s get ready for bed.”

After drying themselves off, and having a short but vicious towel war, they dressed and climbed into one of the beds together. Snuggling closely together, the two talked until they fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning.


----I keep forgetting they're just kids.... Did you think about sex at all when you were thirteen? Or was that just me?

[Tanachan]

*raises hand* And keep the W and YoRi hotness coming! ^^

[Parhelion69]

Great posts!! Keep 'em coming!!! Loved the bath part(things are getting hotter.... )

BTW Rika was younger than now, maybe not as tight, but maybe cuter...
Just like this:



Isn't she tasty??

[stefy]

hmmm 13 yr olds.... no sex.. lol it was all about running all over the place... man i wanna be 13 again

[MyDearYossi]

^I wanna also be innocent child again...

But talking about this fic: Looks like everything is fine again between Nono and Aibon.  Good, I could never think them apartXD

[whirlywindz]

Just read all the chapters and W couple is soooo cute~
Looking forward to the next chapter.

[rndmnwierd]

My internet is down on my comp, so it may be a while before I post any more chapters. At least I have time to write now...
Oh and welcome whirlywindz! I'm diggin' your name.