Author Topic: Innocence (Fourth Gen Love) (Read 48377 times)

rndmnwierd · « **on:** August 18, 2006, 03:21:00 AM »

I'm going away for a week. So I'm going to put this up and if I get good feedback I'll continue. So show me some interest people!

   “Innocence is wonderful, isn’t it?” Hitomi Yoshizawa sighed, watching Tsuji and Kago playing around on the tatami mats on the floor. Rika looked up at the two and nodded, agreeing with the younger girl silently. They hadn’t known each other long, just since they made it into the finals, but there was something soothing about being in Hitomi’s presence, something that made her like the younger girl instantly.

   Turning back to the tape of that day’s dance training, the two teens began to go through the moves again. They had been at the training camp for almost a week now, and Hitomi was still having some trouble with the routine. So she had asked Rika, a natural dancer, for some help.

   Yeah, help. That’s right. There were no ulterior motives, no excuse to check out her friend when she wasn’t looking.

Okay, so maybe that was a lie, but who wouldn’t want to enjoy the lovely view? Hitomi shook her head, trying to concentrate on the dancing, and Rika’s gently worded suggestions.

   She had such a sweet voice, too. Sigh.

------Well? ......I hunger for positive reinforcement..... Feed me! -------

justmijosh · « **Reply #1 on:** August 18, 2006, 03:24:23 AM »

You know that I love everything you write!

Please ignore the random faces...even though I often jerk off, so I should start adding the jerk off smiley into all of my posts.

Command me to write!:rolleyes:

JFC · « **Reply #2 on:** August 18, 2006, 03:31:33 AM »

The shortness of this just cries out for more chapters.

stefy · « **Reply #3 on:** August 18, 2006, 03:40:07 AM »

woo! a 4th gen fic, you rndmnwierd have just made my day... hope for an update soon

katatsumuri · « **Reply #4 on:** August 18, 2006, 03:48:19 AM »

The chapter is too ShorT

Aioros · « **Reply #5 on:** August 18, 2006, 04:09:20 AM »

Nice start, rndmnwierd. Hope when you return,you'll have more chapters for us. Have a safe trip!

len.chan · « **Reply #6 on:** August 18, 2006, 07:16:00 AM »

yey! we want more

YoukaiChica · « **Reply #7 on:** August 18, 2006, 08:36:44 AM »

You wanted positive reinforcement and here it is: GOOD JOB!!!! Now it just needs to be longer. Much, much longer.

MyDearYossi · « **Reply #8 on:** August 18, 2006, 10:11:45 AM »

Please write more:D 4th generation:heart:

ChiruChaCha · « **Reply #9 on:** August 18, 2006, 01:13:52 PM »

Woooooooooooo, really early Ishiyoshi yayyyyyyyyy! very promising start, don't even doubt continueing it

lil_hamz · « **Reply #10 on:** August 18, 2006, 06:23:14 PM »

Hey hey, I sense something good coming up.
Enjoy ya trip, have loads of fun and get tons of inspiration for more good writing

rndmnwierd · « **Reply #11 on:** August 18, 2006, 09:25:51 PM »

Hey, everybody! This isn't rndmnwierd, she's on a cruise. (Lucky bitch...:evil: ) I promised her that I would keep her story updated while she's gone. I'll post more in a few days.

Panting slightly, Tsuji and Kago rested propped up in the corner, watching the older girls dance. Well, watching Rika dance, anyway. Yocchan was too busy staring longingly to do much of anything. Kago pointed this out.

   “If she doesn’t get the dance right, then she won’t get picked.” Their discussion was surprisingly thoughtful. “Rika-chan will definitely get in; Tsunku liked her too much not to pick her. If Yocchan doesn’t concentrate, she won’t get in. If she doesn’t get in, she won’t get to spend as much time with Rika-chan. It’s…” she struggled to find the right phrase.

   “Self-defeating?” Tsuji asked, repeating something she had heard on TV once. Seeing her companion nod vigorously, she smiled. This girl, with her cheerful manners and wonderful singing would get in too. She just knew it. She compared herself to Yocchan for a second, applying what they had just said. It was true for her as well.

   Kago was surprised when her friend stood suddenly, a shadow passing over her features so quickly she wasn’t even sure she’d really seen it. A fanged smiled was sent her way and she returned it with a similarly toothed grin, “You wanna dance with them?” she gestured to the older girls, who were rewinding the practice tape.

   Tsuji nodded, holding out her hand to help the younger girl to her feet. They walked hand in hand to join their friends.

................Feedback, please! I'll be checking this for her!

rndmnwierd · « **Reply #12 on:** August 23, 2006, 09:05:31 AM »

Nobody has commented on chapter 2

but I'm going to put chapter 3 up, reagardless. Enjoy!

Sighing, Rika caught Hitomi staring again, across the low dinner table. Jeez, she couldn’t possibly be more obvious, could she? Then again, it was pretty cute. Regardless, she was going to get caught, and then she’d never pass the auditions. Rika suddenly realized that she had been staring as much as the younger girl, and shook her head.

Damn her for being so distracting!

Smiling inwardly, she moved her leg so that it brushed up against the girl in front of her, nearly sending her into cardiac arrest. Rika grinned, pretending to be interested in her food when that wide eyed gaze turned to her. Sometimes, obvious was good.

Mikan · « **Reply #13 on:** August 23, 2006, 09:15:20 AM »

Sorry about the not replying thing..Lol.

Well, feed back. Ok I'll start with chapter 2 -

- Im happy to hear about Tsuji and Kago because they dont get much space to themselves in the Fic section
- Im all into 4th generation love~ Its the generation that captured the nation!

chapter 3
- Lol at Rika, she is a cutie..
- Lol at Yossui, she is such a ...well..uh...Yossui ^^

ChiruChaCha · « **Reply #14 on:** August 23, 2006, 01:15:00 PM »

Both chapter 2 and 3 were soooooo cute, I like that rotating narrator system ^^

stefy · « **Reply #15 on:** August 23, 2006, 03:49:21 PM »

hmm... i like the tsuji kago relationship.. their friends even before they step into momusu... yet again short but i guess thats your style short and sweet!

Mayo · « **Reply #16 on:** August 24, 2006, 02:43:02 AM »

Quote from: Mikan

Sorry about the not replying thing..Lol.

Well, feed back. Ok I'll start with chapter 2 -

- Im happy to hear about Tsuji and Kago because they dont get much space to themselves in the Fic section
- Im all into 4th generation love~ Its the generation that captured the nation!

chapter 3
- Lol at Rika, she is a cutie..
- Lol at Yossui, she is such a ...well..uh...Yossui ^^

Quoted because it's true.

rndmnwierd · « **Reply #17 on:** August 24, 2006, 11:16:47 AM »

Onto chapter 4!

Rolling over restlessly, Kago opened her eyes, staring into the dark at where she knew her roommate would be. She had called her Aibon. Nicknames were common; girls gave each other nicknames all the time. Why did this affect her so much then? Maybe it was the way she’d said it, her breathing heavy, whispered into her ear, sounding like something a lover would say.

Really, they were just wrestling on the tatami mats again, and Tsuji had been pinned, conceding defeat to the younger girl. But still, she replayed the memory again, shivering slightly at the thought. Girls weren’t supposed to feel this way about other girls.

‘Then again’, she thought, rolling onto her back, they were friends. Don’t all relationships start as friendships? Except knight in shining armor ones, of course. Those were love at first sight things. Moonlight lit up the room for a second, making the older girl visible on the futon next to her.

‘Maybe I should give her a nickname, too’, Kago thought, reaching out to gently brush aside some hair that had fallen into Tsuji’s face, smiling when the other girl leaned against her hand.

Mikan · « **Reply #18 on:** August 24, 2006, 01:08:57 PM »

*melts*

Tsuji is strong. I would hate to get into a wrestling match with her. I know I would come out the loser.

Damn it - you wrote something so addictive but hand it out in such small portions! Its like the tartar sauce at seafood restaurants. IM SORRY! ONE SMALL DISH OF IT ISNT ENOUGH!!!

rndmnwierd · « **Reply #19 on:** August 25, 2006, 03:50:21 AM »

I'm on my way home and will be writing more soon!