me writing this part = :evil: :embarrassed:
Part 17 [FINAL]The streets were quiet and bare, just as Aya had mentioned earlier. She could walk around undisguised without any bother. She found herself walking to nowhere in particular, just reflecting the many thoughts in her head. A light breeze rustled against the track pants she borrowed from Miki. She looked down at herself dressed in Miki's clothes. She could feel Miki's presence in them, her smell, her shape, the warmth of her body. It's as if she took a part of Miki with her. But she has, she realized.
Bits and pieces of last night suddenly flashed into her mind. It happened so fast that she questioned herself whether it really happened at all. It was too real to be a dream though. She could still feel Miki's inner strength overpowering her. Agressive, domineering, and desperate. Aya had never seen this side of Miki before. Of course she hasn't, she has never been with anyone else before. Miki acted as if the world was coming to an end and desperately tried to take everything she could get. There was a deep hungry look in her eyes, Aya remembered, as Miki showed no mercy on her. She didn't even give Aya a chance to give back. Everything was all Miki's, there was no stopping her. Maybe she deserved to be treated roughly like that, Aya thought, after all the things she's done to her. A form of retribution perhaps, yet Aya didn't think Miki's actions were out of anger. She saw that Miki was also very careful, not wanting to hurt her but as if to share her inner pain with her and she felt it. Whatever her intentions were Miki consumed her soul that night. She took everything from her till there was nothing else left to take.
Then the whole thing ended in tears. Whether from pain, happiness, regret, or whatever she never found out. All Aya knew was something big had happened, life changing big. She was now face with where to go from there. When Aya finally snapped out of her thoughts she found herself wandering around somewhere unfamilar. She looked around and couldn't remember where she came from. But to her luck, a lone taxicab in the distance was driving by. She hailed for it.
---
Miki stared wearily at the ceiling. She didn't feel like doing anything today though there was a dance rehearsal scheduled today. She remember the choreographer telling her to call in advance if she couldn't make it. It was still too early to call but she reminded herself to do it later, if she even had the will power to do so. She laid there half clothed in just her bra and pants. Her body suddenly felt so lifeless now, drained of energy.
What now? She thought. She felt cold, yearning for the warmth that fueled her last night, but she's gone now. Last night, she thought, it was more than what she expected but everything she ever wanted. Yet, she couldn't help but feel this lingering guilt and shame inside. Just as those words came into her mind the sky had darkened outside the window. The end of the world is here, Miki thought. She wanted to close her eyes and never wake up again.
What have I done? Those were the first words she whispered to Aya last night hours after. Aya didn't respond for she was asleep. Her back was facing Miki, the moonlight outlining her body. Miki stared at her, watching her back rise and fall with each breath. Her shoulder stuck out, tempting Miki to kiss it but she resisted. She pulled the sheets over them and returned to her side of the bed. She laid back, staring at the endless darkness above that was the ceiling.
"What have I done?" She repeated to herself. "Why did you let me do this to you? I feel like I've ruined something that's so pure and true."
She turned to look at Aya again who was still in deep slumber. She must be exhausted or maybe even traumatized. "Did I make you this way?" She asked the sleeping girl. "Or did you plan for this to happen? Why do you want to be with me now all of a sudden? And right before you leave, even. Were you going to use your tour to forget everything if something went wrong tonight and just pretend that none of this ever happened? Why are you throwing away everything you've worked hard for?"
She felt anger rising up inside her but she shook her head. "God, what am I saying? Of course, you're not. You would never do that. What is wrong with me?" Her voice started to whimper. "I don't know anymore. I'm so confused as hell. I can't figure you out. Do you really love me or just feeling sorry for me?" She started to cry. "I don't deserve to be with someone like you. How can you even think of me as a friend? I've done so much wrong to you. You don't need me."
She panted, trying to catch her breath but the tears kept coming. She buried her face in her pillow to muffle her cries. "You're so beautiful. You don't know how long I've waited for this to happen. I can't stop thinking of you now, but it's hurting me. I'm just so afraid now. What's going to happen now? Will you look at me the same again? Or will I?" She sniffed and her breath became shallow. "If you disappear in the morning, I understand. I deserve it. You must think I'm a monster now for treating you this way."
She moved closer to the sleeping girl and pulled down the sheet slightly, exposing her shoulder again. "I'm sorry..." She kissed her shoulder lightly and covered it again. "Goodbye...Ayachan." She returned to her side and cried the rest of the night.
---
"Miki, why are you so hard on yourself?" Aya whispered.
"Excuse me?" A deep voice answered her.
Aya opened her eyes and realized she was inside the taxicab. She noticed her face was wet with tears as well.
"Oh, nothing. Sorry." She apologized to the driver as she quickly wiped her face. Her mind was filled with Miki's thoughts now. She wasn't asleep as Miki thought. She felt bad having to hear those thoughts she wasn't meant to hear but they were coming straight from Miki's heart. She wanted so much to respond to her, to tell her how she really felt, to wipe away her tears, but inside she was scared too.
"Excuse me." The driver spoke to her again, interrupting her thoughts. "Is this you?" He pointed at an advertisement that was posted inside the cab. It was one of the many ads Aya was pictured in.
She nodded it was her. "Wow, Matsuura Aya riding in my taxi. What are the odds?" The driver was starstrucked. "You're much prettier in person." Aya blushed for she wasn't exactly looking nor feeling her greatest right now but she thanked him. Whether he was complimenting or hitting on her, she didn't even care for her mind was too occupied right now. He continued talking as she tried to act like she was listening. "Blah blah blah...blah blah" His words were oblivious to her ears. "Blah blah blah...You have a good future ahead of you...blah blah...I wish you great success."
She managed to catch the last few sentences.
Future. She thought.
It had slipped her mind but now she wondered what was going to happen now. She wasn't sure anymore. She thanked him again for his kind words, or at least the ones she did hear. She brought her knees up and rested her arms on them. Her cellphone had fallen out of her pocket when she did that. She looked down at it, noticing the charm that was hanging on it, one of those cheesy "Best Friends" things. Of course, this one had special meaning to her, at least she still hoped it did. All she could think of was
her. She imagined Miki must be crying her eyes out in her room right now, she knew that's why she didn't want to look at her. She felt bad for leaving her like that but anyone would've done the same thing in that awkward situation. She was especially not satisfied with the last few words they exchanged and now she wished she hadn't left her. She had the urge to call Miki right now but didn't want to do it with the taxi driver nearby. Instead she typed out a message. She thought of what she should say and began pressing buttons. Finally, with a push of the SEND button, the message has now gone to Miki. She looked out the window now and saw that she was almost to her destination. She hesitated for a moment as she turned to the driver.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry to trouble you..."
---
Miki was awaken by the sound of her cellphone ringing. She rolled over lazily to the nightstand and looked at it. Aya's name scrolled acrossed the screen and she hesitated to look at it at first. She flipped it open and a message appeared.
Miki, it's ok. It simply said.
Puzzled by her message, Miki replied back.
What is? She typed out and sent it back to Aya. A few minutes later she received a reply.
I heard everything last night.Miki's heart stopped as she read the message. She didn't mean for Aya to hear all those gloomy thoughts of hers. She was just rambling off nonsense again. She didn't even know half of the stuff she was saying. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wasn't convinced that Aya was really ok with it. She shook her head.
"No, it's not ok! How can you say it's ok?" She yelled at her phone.
Aya's probably feeling sorry for her again but she didn't want to be pitied anymore. Miki didn't know how to respond back. Her thumb hovered over the keys but nothing was being typed out. She dropped the phone and screamed. Why does she always have to screw things up? She was going crazy now and Aya must think she's crazy as well. She started to cry again, banging her fists against her bed, not knowing what else to do anymore.
She laid there for the next few minutes looking like a complete mess. Her thoughts clashed in her head, deciding what the final outcome of this whole thing should be. She wanted this to end now, it was killing her inside. Aya's probably already at the studio now, she thought. She won't leave till later though, there is still a chance. But what could she possibly say to Aya if she saw her? How could she face her now? On the other hand, if she didn't go she'll probably never see Aya again. Her mind wondered over and over again.
Maybe this is her way of saying goodbye, Miki figured. Maybe she should say hers as well. Miki reached over to where she dropped her phone. She noticed the "Best Friends" charm on her phone and squeezed it tightly in her hand. She finally opened her phone and began to type her message. She double checked it over and over even though it was only two words. She took even longer sending it, hovering her thumb over the SEND button, hesitating to push it. She finally did it after several minutes and dropped her phone again.
As soon as she did that she could've sworn she heard the sound of a phone ringing. She looked at her phone but it wasn't coming from it. It sounded like it was outside of her room and she realized the ring sounded familar to her. She got off her bed and walked cautiously toward the door. She slowly turned the knob, opened the door, and nearly fell backwards. As if it could only happen in a scene of a drama, there stood Aya right before her eyes.
Their eyes met for a moment and then looked away. Aya looked down at her cellphone in her hand, apparently just received Miki's newest message. But before she could open her phone Miki quickly grabbed it out of her hand and tossed it somewhere in the room. She made Aya jump back in fright.
Miki gawked at her, looking confused as ever. She lowered her head, not wanting Aya to see her shameful face.
"What are you still doing here?" She asked, looking at the floor. "How can you say it's ok? You're just throwing everything away if you--"
"You're right." Aya interrupted. "You're right. I did plan for this to happen. And I deliberately set it up to be right before I left for my tour."
Miki could feel her heart sink inside a little. Maybe she was right about her after all.
"But..." That dreaded word popped up again. "But it's not to forget about what happened, but to change myself." Her answer caught Miki by surprise. "I thought I could use it to find my true self, and come back a whole different person. I want to be someone who knows what's important to them. Someone who knows how to care and love. I just wanted to know if my feelings for you are real once and for all. I gave us a chance. And now...and now..."
Aya slowly approached Miki as Miki backed away, trying to keep her distance. The back of her knees touched the bed and she couldn't move any further.
"And now, I can't be without you." She confessed, wrapping her arms around Miki's bare waist and embracing her gently. She leaned her head against her shoulder, her warm breath touching her neck. "I'm not throwing away anything. I'm just starting something new. I wanted to come back brand new, for you. Just forget the old me that always hurt you. I don't want to leave you anymore. I don't want to hurt you anymore."
She moved her face closer and lightly kissed the side of Miki's neck. Her lips then ventured to the side of her jaw, barely outlining it with her kisses. She then finally found her way to Miki's lips but Miki didn't respond back. "Forgive me, Mikichan. I just miss you already." She whispered into her mouth.
As if ignited by a tiny spark, Miki finally responded. She grabbed Aya's shoulders and pushed her away a bit. She forced her tired tear stained eyes to look into Aya's. There's that sincerity and remorse in her eyes again, Miki noticed. It's sparkling so brightly now. She felt her heart ache as she answered,
"No."
A deafening silence came over them. Miki took Aya's hands in hers. "Forgive me, Ayachan." Miki finished before falling to her knees. "I love you so much."
Aya took her up in her arms. Last night started over again, but Aya was sweet, like she always is. Miki surrendered herself completely to her, her body was no longer hers. Aya took care of her. She took her time. Her words whispered into Miki's ear like the wind as she brushes through her hair with the gentlest touch. Her kisses of fire made her body melt inside. She pours her heart out like water, making Miki thirst for more. She's created a love deep enough to drown them both. Sinking or floating, it all felt the same. She's intoxicating. Her lips. Her eyes. Her body. Her touch. There was no fear or shame, just love revealed in its purest form. Every bad feeling and thought Miki ever had was wisked away by her selfless love. It ended in tears again. Their tears flowed together, making rivers on their bodies that washed away all the sadness, pain, and darkness. It's the end of the world. Miki stared into the eyes of heaven whose kiss took her last breath away. She was forgiven. She laid wearily in the arms of her lover.
Can it just stay like this forever?
"I love you too, Miki." Aya whispered as she kissed her forehead.
---
Miki woke up from what seemed like the longest and best sleep she's ever had. So great that she never wanted to wake up. She squinted her eyes open and the silhouette of an angel greeted her. The sunlight haloed around her, outlining her wavy hair. The angel smiled at her and Miki made her lips smile back at her.
"Hi." The angel said sweetly.
"Hi." Miki yawned. She turned to her side and propped her head up with her hand. Aya laid on her stomach next to her, looking at her cellphone. Her back was exposed all the way down to her hips, like smooth sloping hills of undriven snow. She looked like some artist's masterpiece. It was driving Miki crazy. Her wavy siren hair wasn't helping either. With all the awkwardness completely gone now, Miki scooted closer to her. She lightly ran her finger down her spine and then followed it again with her lips. Aya squirmed from her touch but continued about her business.
"
Goodbye, Ayachan." Aya read on her phone. It was the last message Miki had sent her. Miki stopped what she was doing. She took Aya's phone and closed it. She moved up to her now, facing her. The sadness returned to her face.
"Aya, I'm sorry." Miki apologized.
Aya place her finger over Miki's lips. "Shhh, I've forgiven you already."
"But all those things I've said." Miki continued to talk under Aya's finger.
"Shhh, you talk too much." Aya covered her mouth this time.
Miki spat her hand away. "No, really. What's going to happen now? Your career? To us?"
Aya knew this was going to come up sooner or later. She still didn't know the answers herself. She sighed, wondering where she should start. She looked at Miki and took her into her arms. "Miki, knowing you is the greatest thing in my life. I mean it." She started. "As long as I have you in my life, I guess it doesn't matter anymore." She took her phone, pressed several buttons, and deleted the message. "But I know there will be a day when I'll have to let you go."
"Why do you say that?" Miki wondered.
"Because, you're going to leave me and marry a fine man and have all his children." Aya busted out laughing.
"Ehh? No way!" Miki shoved her. "That's not funny."
"Maybe when you're really old or something." Aya smirked as she pulled Miki closer to her. "Even so, no matter what happens, let's always be there for each other. Ok? I can't imagine living my life without you now. Ok?"
Miki nodded her head. "Ok." Aya smiled and stuck out her pinky again. Miki rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on."
"No, you come on." She shook her finger in front of her but Miki ignored her. "Fine." Aya held out something else now, her cellphone. It made a clicking noise.
"Hey! What are you doing?" Miki yelled, blocking her face with her arms. Aya took a picture of her with her phone.
"I just don't want to miss your face while I'm gone." She grinned as she snapped another one of Miki's face.
"Stop that!" She poked at Aya's side and made her squeal. They carried on this poking fight until something struck the back of Miki's mind.
"...while I'm gone." Miki caught the last thing Aya said. "Wait a minute." She turned around and looked at the clock. "Shit! I'm late! We both are. You're so supposed to be on your tour right now. Why are you still doing here?" She sat up but Aya pushed her back down, pressing her nose against hers.
"
Gomen, Miki. I lied to you." She breathed rather seductively into Miki's mouth. "My tour starts tomorrow."
Miki looked into her eyes but they crossed. "And me?"
"I called out for you. Said you had an emergency errand. They said it's ok." She answered. "Do you still love me?" Her lips curled into a smile.
Miki snorted. Aya sounded so cute. "Sneak." She replied as she stole a kiss from her then surprised her with a smack from a pillow. They attacked each other playfully under the covers, bodies against each other, limbs entwined, heat radiating everywhere. "So, what were you going to do today then?" Miki asked, pinning herself against Aya.
"I don't know. Go home. Think about you. I guess." Aya replied, running her hand through Miki's hair. She felt around the bed and found her phone once again. Another click.
"Stop that, you perv!" Miki attacked her once again. They've tired themselves out again.
"Man, I'm so hungry." Aya groaned, having seem like she hadn't eaten in days.
"Again? You wear me out, Aya." Miki teased.
Aya slapped Miki on her shoulder. "Not that, dummy."
"I was just kidding. I am too."
"What are you in the mood for?"
"Hmm, yakiniku?" Miki suggested, a smile beaming on her face.
"You're gonna get fat from eating all that." Aya pinched Miki's stomach though all she grabbed on was lean (sexy) muscle.
"Wanna take a bath before we go?" Miki made another suggestion.
Aya nodded her head as Miki leaned forward to kiss her once more and got up to get it ready. Aya laid there for a moment, taking in every little thing that has happened since this morning, or rather, since last night. Has it only been a day? It seems as if it went on forever. She sat up, wrapped herself with the sheets and went over by the window. She scanned the vast cityscape below. The sky masked its ruggedness with its red rising sun. The rain is gone but Spring is ending soon, she thought sadly. It has been a long and hard journey, but she was able to overcome it. But without
her she couldn't have done it. Things happen for a reason, she believed, even if it does go wrong. In the end it was worth it. As she comtemplated these thoughts in her head, a pair of warm arms held her from behind.
"Don't stand in front of there like that." Miki whispered. "Everyone will see you. Only I can see you like this." She kissed her shoulder.
Aya smiled. She turned around and stared into the face of all that she'll ever need. Though the future still remained uncertain she wanted to take in what she already had right now. She spoke to Miki with her thoughts.
I finally realized, it was always you who embraced me with your undying love. Now I longed to spend every day with you. Looking forward to tomorrow and onwards. When I close my eyes, I want to still see you, your image burning behind my eyelids. Thank you for your love, thank you for making me forget my lonliness. Whatever happens, I will take it in with a smile. I will look on and not turn back. Can we still love like this, 100 years into the future? Will a moment like this come again? Can I love you forever? Will we be able to keep our promises? But for now... "Miki." She whispered, slightly teary-eyed. "Be my secret."
Miki softly sighed as she wiped the tear that fell from Aya's eye. She replied to her with a tight embrace.
"I'll be anything you want me to be." She whispered back.
It seems to be the only choice they have right now. Will there be a day when the whole world can know of their love? Will it be ready for them? It doesn't matter. A milestone has been placed in their path as they ventured out into their own little world now. Aya turned back to the window and scanned over the city again.
This love is a graduation. She thought.
I will wait for a new Spring.THE END.
Thank you all for reading
Topic: Milestone: A Reluctant Idol (complete) (Read 35043 times)