I'm back with more. Ready to hit this one. Since "[t]he message exceeds the maximum allowed length (20000 characters)," I'll post it in two chunks. They're one chapter.
Chapter 18
After we finish our meal, we part ways for a few hours. I go back to my apartment and change into more casual clothes.
I call up a travel agent and work my magic. It's very last minute, but I get myself a plane ticket to Sapporo for the day after tomorrow. It'll be waiting for me at Haneda Airport. Heart heavy, I write it down in my agenda book. Not that I’m going to forget something like that.
I then call Tsuyoshi up. He sounds relieved to hear from me.
"Are you at work?"
"Yes. I was just about to pack up for the day."
I put on my sweetest voice.
"Could you do me a huge favour?"
"Um, of course."
I explain that I need to get into Miki's office and look for some important papers. He informs me that the police are still searching through Miki's things, but that they're not around at the moment.
"They've got the place taped off, though. Standard 'do no enter' stuff."
I stay silent for a moment to emphasise my reluctance to back off.
"Most people are gone by nine," he suggests helpfully. "At least in the offices on this floor. There are the usual few who pull all-nighters downstairs in the studios."
"Tsuyoshi-kun, do you think you could get me into Miki's office?"
He's quiet, and when I'm positive he's going to say no, he speaks up.
"Can you be here at ten-thirty tonight?"
We make arrangements to meet, and I hang up with a thanks. After that, I call Shibata and tell her about my plan with Tsuyoshi.
"Be careful. It could get tricky," she warns me.
I assure her I'll be all right.
"Oh, and Miki's apartment. What time do you want to go tonight?"
"Well..." she drawls reluctantly. "Are you really sure you want to do that?"
"Positive."
I've been aching to go over there. I haven't been in so long, it seems. Not since before my otherworldly ordeal in Hokkaido. Maybe if I go, it'll feel like Miki's still alive...
"Then as late as possible. Two or three if we can."
I think about a plan.
"The last train will leave us there around one-fifteen. We can hang out at a nearby diner until two-thirty or so. Then we'll move in. Most people are usually asleep by then."
She doesn't say anything.
"I'll see you at the station tonight, then," I say, filling in the silence.
"Right."
Our conversation ends there, and I feel uneasy.
I attempt to calm myself down by taking a bath, but I don't feel at all good as I sit in the warm water and let my thoughts run wild.
When I get out of the bathtub, I want to go into my room to find Miki there reading or listening to music. I want all of this horror to be a dream or a joke.
I want it so desperately as my mind wanders through the memories.
"Stop that."
"Stop what?"
"Poking me."
"I'm not poking you."
"Yes you are. Stop it."
"Make me.
"Fine!"
Miki tackles me and I take a deep breath before my head goes under the water. I claw at her and pull her down with me. I burst through the surface of the water and take a deep breath, laughing so hard to see Miki struggling. She makes it back up for air, sputtering and looking like a pissed off drowned cat, her hair plastered against her head.
"Are you trying to kill me?!"
I laugh in her face and poke her again.
"No."
She growls at me but doesn't fight back. She knows I've won for now. We are, after all, in public. A very private public, but still, anybody could walk in at any moment. We finally did make it to Hakone after our first failed attempt.
I sit back against the natural rock wall of the onsen, my whole body submerged in the warm water, and I tug her over to sit beside me. She does so with a lot of grumbling and reluctance.
"Listen to that," I say, closing my eyes and leaning back.
She listens but then makes an unsure sound at the back of her throat.
"I don't hear it. What?"
"Exactly," I say with a smile, my eyes still closed. "Nothing. Peace and quiet."
Her hand finds mine under the water and holds onto it. I can sense her settle against the wall.
"I like," she mumbles.
I open my eyes and see that's she's copying me, her head leaned against the wall, eyes closed. I commit the image to memory, and then go back to my head-rested, eyes-closed position.
I live for these moments.
I fall asleep in the bath and I wake up when I slip in and start to drown. I cough and get out, getting dressed as quickly as I can. It's almost time to go to U-Con.
At ten-thirty, I arrive in front of the U-Con building. Waiting like he promised, there is Tsuyoshi. He's still dressed in his work clothes.
"You haven't gone home yet?" I ask in surprise.
He nods.
"I stuck around. It wasn't worth the bother to leave."
"I'm sorry..."
"It's okay," he smiles. "My parents aren't great conversationalists at the dinner table, so I didn't miss much."
He leads me through the front door.
"Um, shouldn't we go through the back?" I ask worriedly, looking around for anyone watching.
He raises an eyebrow.
"You watch too many movies."
We ride the elevator up and arrive at the fifth floor. The place seems deserted, and half the lights are turned off.
"Everyone on this floor has gone home. We've got the place to ourselves provided nobody from the fourth floor comes here to borrow something."
Okay, then. Let's not waste any time."
I take out two pairs of gloves and hand one to Tsuyoshi.
"Just in case," I say to his questioning look.
We put the gloves on and move into Miki's office, ducking under the tape the police have put up.
The inside of her office looks like someone gutted a fish, rearranged all the internal organs incorrectly, and stuffed them back in the fish's belly. Boxes of her things litter the floor, her desk has been moved off to the side, papers piled up on it, and her chair is non-existent.
I round the desk and go straight to the bottom drawer. I pull at it and am satisfied when it slides open easily. The police have broken the lock. I know this because Miki mentioned in her after-death package that she kept the bag she wanted me to have in the bottom drawer.
I kneel down to get a closer look. The bottom drawer is fairly empty. There are some folders, some loose papers, a few trivial knick knacks that I never knew she had, and a coffee cup given to her by her mother on her twenty-third birthday. The oddest present she ever received from her mother, she had told me.
I reach for the folders and papers right away and put them on the desk.
"Found it?" Tsuyoshi asks from across the room, no doubt giving me some distance out of respect and privacy.
"I'm not sure," I mumble, picking up the first paper.
It's nothing important. Or at least it used to be important. It's just a bill. Now she doesn't have to pay bills anymore...
"I'll go wait for you out at my desk, okay?" Tsuyoshi says, pointing outside.
I look up, nod, and then return my attention to the paper in front of me.
I grit my teeth and move on to the next paper.
The other loose papers are all her latest bills. Cell phone, internet, electricity, gas. I know that she takes them to work with her the day after receiving them because she doesn't like to look at them when she gets home after a long day. She prefers to end her day on a good note, and I couldn't agree with her way of thinking more.
Inside the first folder are notes from meetings at U-Con. I skim through them quickly, but they all mention names of co-workers or information about various things going on within the company.
Inside the second folder is one piece of paper. On the paper, there's a list of items. I read through them and realise that it's a "to do" list. But a little more elaborate than that. She has some of her goals written on it. At the very bottom, she's written "take over the world," and I sigh because she never got the chance to try.
I look in the drawer again, but there are no papers left. I put everything back the way I found it and then quickly search the other drawers. Nothing. I look through the papers on top of her desk. Nothing. Unless I'm missing some sort of coded detail, there's nothing here from her meetings at the café.
Once I finish, I step back outside and see Tsuyoshi sitting at his desk, half asleep. I call out to him quietly so that I don't scare him by suddenly appearing by his side, and he gets up.
"Any luck?" he asks hopefully.
I shake my head.
"Sorry to have made you stay here for nothing," I say glumly.
"No, don't be sorry. It's for a good cause."
He smiles at me brilliantly, and I wonder if he has a girlfriend. A nice guy like him could make just about anyone happy. He could probably even make me hap-.
No.
I shut that thought out of my head before it can take further shape. What I need right now are friends to help me through this, not some sort of replacement Miki. Nobody can replace her. She's non-replaceable.
I know for a fact that the desperation I'm feeling is because I'm just that - desperate. Desperate for her to be alive again and pushing myself onto other people to help me lose myself and forget that this terrible thing is happening. I've done it at least once before. Thrown myself at someone because of Miki. It's the same as drowning one's sorrows in alcohol, but I really don't like drinking enough to do that.
I smile back, and we head out and take the train together part of the way home.
When Tsuyoshi gets off at his station, I feel a little lost again. There's nothing at Miki's office that suggests any meetings have been taking place outside of U-Con. There must be something at her apartment. If Shibata and I do a thorough search tonight, we can discover whatever it is.
A few hours later, I board the last train that will get me to Miki's station. It's late and I feel unsafe. There are murderers out there. I know for a fact that they exist. Whoever they are, they know who I am. I'm positive.
I'm glad to see Shibata waiting at the east exit. I feel a little safer to know that someone's got my back.
When I greet her, she seems distracted. I try to talk to her about what we're about to do, but she's unresponsive, giving me the bare minimum of acknowledgement.
We sit down at the window seat of a Gusto diner and order hot coffee. I watch her as we sip quietly and I think I can see what's going on. I get it.
"Are you with me?" I ask into our silence.
"What?" she asks, looking genuinely startled.
"Are you with me or not? I need you, but if you're not going to give me one hundred per cent, then you can forget about it."
She looks at me with a look of concentration. I realise my words are a little sudden, perhaps ambiguous, but I trust her to be smart enough to catch what I mean.
"Yes, I'm with you. I'm just worried."
"Worried about what?" I demand.
She lets herself frown, looking angry with me, something I haven't seen in a while.
"Aya-chan, I don't like what you're doing. You're going down some sort of weird path that I understand, but don't approve of. You've become wild."
"What are you talking about? You're doing the same thing. You're taking all these steps with me," I snap back.
"No!" she interrupts me loudly and then lowers her voice. "Lying to the police and sneaking around behind their backs? Involving some poor nineteen year old boy to help you do your dirty work? Wanting to stalk these men Miki was having meetings with because you think they might have killed her? Who are you, Aya?"
I stare back at her, my mind in a rage.
I thought she was my friend. I thought she promised to stand by me and help me out. Is she going to back out now?
"This is me, Shibata. This is me when my life has been ruined, ripped to shreds by murder. If you were in my position and you lost Miki, you'd be doing the same thing," I whisper harshly.
"Yeah, and if you were in my position, you'd be doing the same thing as I am - trying to talk some sense into you."
That silences me. I try to think.
"Listen," she says, her voice softening. "I just want to make sure you're going to be okay. I'm with you every step of the way because I want to be there for you. I just want you to promise me that you won't get so lost down this path of vengeance that you'll do something stupid to hurt yourself or your life."
I take a calming breath and remind myself that Shibata is still my friend. She might be paranoid that I'm going off my rocker, but I'll prove to her that I'm not. I'm perfectly fine. Depressed as hell, but not about to jump off a bridge or wash a bottle of painkillers down with a bottle of whiskey. I have a mission, and nothing will stop me from accomplishing it.
"I'm doing this to find her killers and make them face justice. I'm not going to hurt myself," I tell her calmly.
She nods, but I still feel like there's something lacking. I let it drop, though, because at least I've secured her on my side. That's what I need. Maybe in time she'll understand that this is the only way to go about doing what I have to do.
We continue to sip coffee in silence. She nods off and falls asleep, but I can't. I'm wide awake from the caffeine and anticipation. My drugs.
Topic: What Needed to be Done (Read 64188 times)