AN: Do people still read this? Seriously? Anyone? Because I can drop it like it's hot.
I can already imagine someone looking at me weirdly for saying that.
Anyway, I'm just going to throw this quick because I'm getting tired of revising it over and over and over again. This is frckng MONTHS in the making.
So I had to cut it. Surprise Surprise. Ugh. I had like 22 pages, but I'm posting only 9 pages of what I've written because mostly it's crap. See? 13 pages of nonsense. Effn ell.
I have a severe case of writer's block, FYI. I've apparently reached my limit. But I have been reading tons and tons lately which is probably why I feel restless nowadays. Drawing doesn't help cure my restlessness so...gonna try writing again. Maybe I read too much or whatever. Sorry, babbling
Thanks for reading and commenting and thank youing lol. Though I noticed that he Thank You button changed? I actually prefer the old button. (don't kick me out for saying that
) lol
This is for
Yuki88 who had her beerday a few months ago. Sorry it's not much, but at least I kept my promise...?
Don't stop dreaming my dear songstress. Continue to be awesome
Oh and thank you for translating those awesome blogs of the girls.
Enjoy...or not.
Oh and if you guys can point out if there are new Mariharu fics here that I can read, that'll be awesome. Or if you can tell me they're dead in the fanfic world, that'll be awesome as well.
Thanks!
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Chapter 26: Karma's still a BEACH!
“…uh Miss?”
“What?!” I replied with a growl, gritting my teeth hard as I removed my hand that was covering my heated face. I cursed internally at the very nice timing my glorious, fucked up mind brought up AGAIN for the nth time. Ugh.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the visuals and the remembering, not to mention the warm-fluttering-feels since it makes me smile like an idiot, but remembering that certain memory? That precious memory whilst I’m face to face with an unknown Hybrid lady in a shop looking mightily surprised at my sudden outburst? Damn you head of mine! Damn you! Can you be anymore fucked up?! Seriously?!
“Sorry.” She blinked back her surprise and held out her hands. “It’s just…you look a bit flushed. Are you alright?”
“Head rush.” I simply answered, mumbling as I placed a hand on my forehead, my elbow resting on the countertop of the display case of the store I’m in. “Give me a minute to unrush my head.” I tell Hybrid lady as I held up my free hand.
“Here.” The lady says as she rounds the counter and hands me the stool she was sitting on. “Take a seat and…try to relax. Take deep breaths. Helps to unrush heads…or so I’m told.”
I turned to look at her, then at the stool she just placed beside me.
“Do you want some water too? I don’t know if that helps, but it might.” She added as she placed a hand on my shoulder, her voice a bit husky and low, concern apparent in her hardcore features. It was weird you know. How she actually looks…genuinely worried for me. Me, a stranger.
How…weird.
Hmm? Why do I call the saleslady Hybrid lady you ask?
Mainly because of how she looks. She kinda looks like a thug with a touch of emo or gothic on her; a hybrid. Cornrow hairstyle, thick makeup, went a little overboard with the eyeliner actually which brought about the emo or gothic reference and yeah, feels fitting to call her a hybrid. Surprised the hell out of me the moment we entered the shop. Thankfully she didn’t notice me cringe and that I almost held my hands up in surrender or something when I walked in. She would’ve carved my ass if she’d seen that. Hmm. You know, I’m guessing if she wasn’t working here, the polo shirt that she’s wearing would be replaced with a tank top wherein you’d see her massive tattoos or something. With how she looks, she seemed like the type really.
Hmm? I’m being judgmental and mean here you say? Boo-hoo. Tears. Whatever. Like that’s new. Tch.
I couldn’t help but glance at the hand resting on my shoulder because well, much like what I said earlier, yeah, stranger. Not really into touching strangers, really. She noticed of course, causing her to recoil her hand as she gives me an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Just… I just don’t want you to hurt your pretty ass when you faint on me. I know our floor is all dull and boring, but I’m not sure if you lying on it would make it all better.” She jokes, obviously trying to lighten things up.
Keyword: trying. She may think that she’s doing the lighting up between us, but the silence that soon follows as I raised my eyebrow at her hopefully tells her that I’m not really feeling it. And you know, I don’t want to be all egocentric here or whatever but…it kinda feels like she’s trying to be cute here…
Huh…
“Uh, thanks…” I said a moment later, wearing a small frown as I sat down at the stool she offered. “And no thanks for the water.” I quickly added remembering her offer. She let out a chuckle after that, causing me to look at her strangely.
Again with the weirdness.
“It’s the ‘pretty ass’ thing huh.” She replied as she rounded the counter, resuming her position earlier as she stood across from me, smiling.
I cocked my head to the side, keeping the small from across my face, confused. “What?”
“I weirded you out.” She simply said after letting out another chuckle. “It’s obvious and I’m thinking it’s because of the ‘pretty ass’ comment I just threw out. A bit much?”
Hmmm. You know I wanted to say it’s because of her looks, how she looks like she’s going to pull out a knife on me and mug me, but…now that she mentions it…
“I didn’t notice.” Stating the obvious as I shrugged. Well that and I just don’t care. The latter seems a lot like me so let’s go with that.
“Ego Shattered to Pieces.” She dramatically said to no one, her eyes looking somewhat far away as she slides her held up hand into the air, gesturing as if the words she said magically turns up. Turning to look back at me, she grinned. “That seems like a good book for me to read right now, don’t you think?”
I raised my eyebrow. Okay, final verdict, she’s weird. And did I mention that I think she’s trying to be cute here? Because she totally is and…it’s kinda weirding me out. She seem aware of it as she laughed a little, using the back of her hand to partly cover her lips.
“So a phone to make your friend ‘gay’ as your little sister puts it.” She shook her head before she turned to look at the cellphones in display. “Well, I don’t know if a ‘gay’ phone exists, so maybe buying a rainbow case with any phone would be gayish enough for your friend.”
Yeah, story short, she heard the kid—who’s currently playing loudly with one of the phones in display on my far left because that’s her friends’ phone at school and they play that menopausal flying birds hell bent on destroying some crappy fort all the time—told me to hurry up and buy a phone for my friend to make her gay so we can dig a hole and eat nonstop sweets later. Made the Hybrid lady giggle but I was all meh about it. Though it does amuse me whenever the kid yells out she’s gay out in the street. I’ve been receiving condescending looks from people because of that. Fun times. Heh.
I let out a sigh as I looked back at the cell phones. “She likes pink.” I informed Hybrid lady causing her to look back at me. Or at least I feel that she’s looking at me. Didn’t really turn to look at her as I kept on looking.
“So is it a gay girlfriend or a gay girl friend? The latter has space in between girl and friend by the way.”
I glanced at her, not the least surprise to find her looking at me curiously, suspiciously even. In turn, I raised my eyebrow at her. “And this concerns you because…?”
“I’m interested in the enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions, primarily or exclusively to people of the same sex.” She tells me as if stating the obvious as she wears a playful smile.
“Which in layman’s term, you’re asking me if I’m gay, is that right?”
She giggled. “I’m pretty sure you’re above being a layman, but yeah sure. We can go with Wikipedia or a layman’s term, whichever suits you. I’m just curious.”
“Curiosity means you’re interested.” I pointed out as I tilted my head a little. I gave her a blank stare as I ponder why I hadn’t cut her off since it was obvious she’s trying to initiate the dreaded ‘small talk.’ I hate small talk especially to people whom I don’t know and obviously, hybrid lady here is of those, so…why didn’t I…?
“In other books or wherever, yes it may mean that. But to me it may mean differently, depending on your answer of course.” She nodded her head in approval before adding, “Also, by stating that, you do know that you’re being curious as well right? About my intentions or answer.” with a pointed smile. “Does that mean you’re interested as well then?” She grins then winks. Yup, now it’s confirmed. Hybrid lady got the hots for me. Tch. She’s bold though, I’ll give her that. And underneath the heavy makeup, I can tell that she’s very pretty but…nah. She’s just not…Haruna.
No one is.
“Girlfriend without the space.” I tell her simply ignoring her other questions. She seemed surprised at my answer as her eyes noticeably widened and her grin faltered a bit for a few seconds before a very familiar eat shitting grin made it’s way to her lips.
“Color me a bit surprised, albeit actually expecting that answer.” She tells me in amazement as she nodded.
“No such color.” I deadpanned which…annoyingly made her giggle again. She kinda reminds me of Sayaka now. Also Miichan for that matter for being a flirty freak. Maybe they should meet or something so that they can have a giggling, flirting marathon or something. Really now.
“So…girlfriend…” She trailed before she propped her elbow on the glass and rests her chin on her hand. She eyed me curiously. “…this your first time having a girlfriend?”
That’s it. Cutting her off now. Seriously what’s with the 50 questions?
“Oookkkaaayyy…” I drawled as I stood up. “Didn’t know that buying a phone nowadays would involve a series of questions regarding my
PRIVATE life wherein—just in case you’re hard on hearing and didn’t notice how I emphasize the obvious keyword there —is
PRIVATE and is really none of your business, stranger.” I tell her contemptuously. Harsh? Not really. This small talk is turning into something I don’t want to go to.
Where you ask?
Well I’m thinking she wants to be added on my collection of unwanted crazies. No way it’s going to happen now that I just added a 6 year old to the team. Ugh.
After taking hold of the strap of my bag and slinging it over my shoulder, I was about to take a step away when I felt her hand on my wrist. My eyebrow twitched as I felt her hand lightly squeeze my wrist. Without looking at her she tells me after letting out a sigh, “Hey look, I’m sorry if I was overstepping my grounds. I just…I just really find you interesting.”
This again. I’m fucking tired of this ‘I’m interesting’ shit. Seriously.
“Really?” I raised my eyebrow, my voice a bit louder than usual as irritation washes over me. I pulled my hand from her grasp as I turned to her. “More interesting than say someone looking like
YOU working here?” Now that’s harsh. Even I could admit that. Even I could see that as her apologetic features seem to harden.
She glared at me. “Guess I should’ve turned on my
JAR rather than my gaydar. My mistake.” Her voice that was playful earlier completely changed. Her whole demeanor changed. Mine too because…jar? What’s with turning on a jar? Didn’t know a jar can even be turned on. Wow, inventors nowadays would think of just about anything unnecessary to invent huh.
“Oh FYI,
JAR means Judgmental Asshole Radar which I’m thinking completely defines you.” She added, probably noticing my weirded out face on. Don’t blame me since this is the first time I’m hearing about the JAR thing. Miichan usually keeps me up to date with the latest lingos. I don’t think she ever mentioned this though.
But kinda unimportant huh since the lady is looking mightily dangerous now with the heated glare being aimed at me. She’s probably cursing me to death and well…you know it doesn’t really affect me. A part of me is all meh whatever, don’t really care much for the stranger whose fashion sense is a bit questionable. But then there’s a part of me, that despite how angry she looks, how she looked to be imagining my death by her hands, despite that, wonder why her voice to me sounded…empty while her eyes tells so much. Pain, suffering, sadness, anger, disappointment. It made me wonder if this is how I was earlier with Kazuhiko.
…Was I?
“Do us all a favor and deepen that, will you…”I looked at her retreating back, completely unconcerned of the wound on my wrist. I sat there, unmoving. Despite the heavy rain outside, despite the thunderstorm, I could only hear my heart pounding. Everything else was just…nothing…like I am.
Nothing…like what she said I was…“Do us all a favor and deepen that, will you…”Slowly, I turned my gaze to the shiny object that she dropped near my hand.
“Do us all a favor and deepen that, will you…”
“Do us all a favor and deepen that, will you…”
“Do us all a favor and deepen that, will you…”
“Do us all a favor and dee—”
“SHUT UP!!”---
“…………..h-hey.
HEY!” A voice, yelling. Hands on my shoulders, shaking me. Deep rapid breathing. Hyperventilating. Cold sweat. Heart pounding loudly. Voices around me. Unclear. Hand on my right shoulder, gone. Something brown, blurry.
A…paper bag…?
“—this.” A voice, unfamiliar. Sitting down. Still breathing rapidly. Blinking a few times. Trying to focus. Eyes moved upward. Squinting a little. Hybrid lady near me, looking worriedly at me.
“Yes, that’s it. Comeback to us.” I hear her say. She was smiling a little, comfortingly. I shook my head a little. A sound of a paper moving. Turning to look, the lady held up the paper bag closer to me. “Use this and breathe into it. It’ll help.”
I glanced at it for a moment before mumbling hoarsely, "Placebo effect," lightly slapping her hand away with a frown. "Doesn’t work." I added before noticing that my hand was wrapped in a white handkerchief. Turning it a little, there was a red stain on it. Is that…?
“Yeah…” The Hybrid lady drawled as she began scratching the back of her head looking a bit uncomfortable. “You went a little crazy and shattered the glass display into pieces while you shouted your tonsils out.”
I turned and noticed the little shards of glass on the floor…and I’m sitting on the floor with my back against that display case…with the Hybrid lady crouched down in front of me.
Again…?
“Fuck…” I mumbled to myself as I placed my now stinging hand on my face. Face palm how fucked up I am is necessary during times like these.
“You can say that again.” I hear her say as if reading my thoughts. See, she agrees. I am a fuck up. “That’s going on your bill by the way.” She pointed out. And yet another reason for me to face palm myself. Ugh. Wait…
“Where’s the kid?” I asked as I removed my hand from my face, finally remembering I had an unwanted companion with me. I looked to where she was playing earlier and…nope. No one’s there. Not even the guy she’s with.
The Hybrid positioned herself as she sat beside me on the floor, hugging her legs with the paper bag still in her hands. “I didn’t want to upset her more so I told Daisuke to take her in the back room.” She glanced and nodded in the direction of their back room.
“Thanks.” I let out a sigh of relief before leaning my head back and closing my eyes, hands limp on the floor beside me. I know I don’t care much for the Psychedelic one, but I don’t want to traumatize her or something. That’ll be bad. She might turn into another Miichan that her life and death mission is to latch on to me for the rest of my life…because…
“Do us all a favor and deepen that, will you…”I clenched my wounded hand tight, not caring that it brought about immense pain as I willed myself not to remember those words.
Not again.
Concentrate on your breathing, Mariko.
In and out. Just breathe in and out.
Don’t go back.
You won’t do it again.
Don’t remember.
You’ve come so far.
Think of anything. Something, anything that would make you forget.
Anything…
…Haruna…?
Warmth suddenly covered my hand, causing me to open my eyes in surprise. When had I closed them? I can’t remember. And I’m breathing heavily…cold sweat…shit….shit…shit!
“Hey…are you—“ Words died down from the person beside me as I turned my hand and grabbed hers, intertwining it with mine, gripping hers as tightly as I could. I felt her flinch and I don’t know if it’s because I surprised her or because I was hurting her. I was hurting both of us really, but I was beyond caring. Right now I just need…I need—
"You know…” She suddenly says as she gripped my hand just as hard. I quickly glanced at her, finding her wearing a small smile as she looks at the ceiling.
“…placebo effect sometimes work. What is it that they usually say? Like, ‘when you think it, you can achieve it’ or…something like that. So the paper bag would’ve worked." She tells me causing me to glance at her with a frown. I cocked my head slightly as she shrugged. She then held up the paper bag that she was holding with her free hand, shaking it a bit. "But then it’s entirely different of course if you believe it’s a placebo effect. It counters your positive thinking, don’t you think?" She giggled causing me to frown a little at her.
--a distraction. I needed a distraction. But this distraction is…
“You know what I think your problem is? You crave attention. An attention whore.”My eyebrow twitched in annoyance before I stared at her warily. “Are you trying to be a psychiatrist or something?”
She tilted her head and frowned a little. “No, but now that you mention it…” She held up her free hand and pointed at me. “…you should probably talk to someone about that. And also have someone take a look at your wound. It probably need a few stitches.”
I gave her a blank stare for a moment before I slowly stood up, yanking my hand from her grasp. I pushed myself up off the floor using my wounded hand. Stupid I know. Had to cringe and hiss at that and the Hybrid lady offered to help me, but I told her nicely by slapping her hand once again that I can perfectly take care of myself.
“Hey, easy now. You shou—“
“So how much do I owe you?” I cut her off as I picked up my bag on the floor before turning to look at the damage I created. And cue defeated sigh whilst I stare at the messy display of brand new cellphone that I may have broken. Pieces of glass were among the cellphones on display and…do I even have enough money to buy all that cellphone? I wonder what Haruna would say if I gave her like 10 of these. Probably question if I had gone mental, which I HAVE. Ugh.
“Talking about it helps you know.” She walked behind the counter.
I clenched my jaw tight before replying, “Shutting up and not talking about it works too.”
“That's not healthy at all. I have a friend who has constant panic attacks as well from a traumatic experience he had and—“
I cut her off asking, “Look, I just want to pay whatever I owe you and maybe buy a phone for my girlfriend. I don’t need the ‘let me be your friend’ sympathy crap from a complete stranger that I don’t even care to know, really. I have enough of those already to last a fucking lifetime.” I snarled as I glare at her. She looked at me, stunned.
“Now do you have an amount for me or should I just get out of here? Getting real tired of the small talk here, lady.” Again with the harshness, I know. But I’m beyond caring.
I just…I just really don’t want to remember any of it.
She thankfully sensed this and went all saleslady mode on me, offering me phones that would hopefully suit Haruna’s somewhat girly taste. There were times when I can tell that she wants to drop her the act and talk to me once again in a much friendly manner, especially when she found out that it was Haruna’s first phone ever. She wanted to ask. She was curious, but thankfully she didn’t give in to it, probably thinking that it was best not to get to know me what with me being all Scrooge to her earlier.
After that, did I feel bad, you ask?
At that time, I didn’t. Even knowing that it was my fault that she’s being cold and distant towards me, I didn’t feel bad. I did feel bad when after buying a phone for Haruna and stepping out of the store, I have forgotten about my little companion. Yes, I have forgotten about mini Haruna or the Psychedelic one. Only when the Hybrid lady came out of her shop, running with the little one in tow and calling out to me did I remember that I did have an unwanted companion.
Yes, thank you for saying that my babysitting skills is very exceptional whilst you roll your eyes. Very inspirational. Tch.
Anyway, the kid looked to be a bit angry that I left her, but thankfully the Hybrid one just told her the truth that I was just going out to get her an ice cream and return to surprise her with it. I just went along with it. I don’t want to be all consoling to the kid while she hangs with me till whenever. So yeah, sure, let’s go with surprising her rather than forgetting about her. Can you feel the nonchalant shrug and the meh here?
So I gave a curt nod as thanks to the Hybrid lady after the two shared some whispered words to each other. Surprisingly enough, she replied with a soft smile, losing her cold demeanor earlier as she tells me to take care of myself before turning and walking away. At that time, watching her retreating back, yes I felt a bit remorseful. Especially when the kid took hold of my hand and asked me if we could go to a tea shop and get some tea because…
“…I promise oneechan to drink tea with Shino-chan. Says it’d be good for you.” The kid beamed a smile at me.
I quickly turned to look back at where the Hybrid lady was walking only to find her gone. It was weird you know, but at that time, a sense of familiarity washes over me. Even when I was mean to her, she was still worried for me. Somehow, it made me remember how it was when Haruna was trying to get to know me. Yeah, for some unknown reason…
…Hybrid lady somewhat makes me remember Betty.
TBC------------------------------
NEXT: Gahd 26 chapters and still not the end?!
It's slowly dawning on me how frustrating this fic is. Defo not my fave.
Anyway, part 5 is next which is chap 27.
Topic: [MariHaru] Basket Case - Under Construction (HPOV Chap3 Posted) 7/20 (Read 137774 times)