kuro-thans so much~ X3
i'm back X3 and its no thanks to brown eyed girls
my friend sent me this song to help her choose it for a dub and i couldnt stop litsening to it..eventualy i couldnt stop litening to it and eventualy this idea came~ X3 so i hope u all like it~
here's the mv link if u all want to see it~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUUfyVc0ERoIt was quite in the usually noisy dressing room that belonged to half of the group that I was sub leader to. Everyone had left but Eri and I, mostly because we were going over what was to be talked about for our next 5 stars, or supposed to be talking about at least. I was fooling around with my new phone while she just chatted away about how her and her two fellow rokkies were planning a trip during our well deserved summer vacation.
I just nodded along with her saying my usual “hms” and “uns” as she went on and on until she got up from the couch and walked over to me by the dresser. I was staring blankly at my cell phone screen as sighed and I fiddled with the charms when my favorite turtle gently poked my forehead with her index finger.
“What’s the matter Gaki-han? It’s not like you to be so quiet.”
I looked up and gave her a small smile as I closed the white device in my hand.
“It’s nothing Kame-han, just thinking is all…”
“It’s about Ai-chan isn’t it?”
I looked away to the reflection of the mirror seeing the door handle to distract me. She was the last person I wanted to think about yet at the same time that’s all I could think about. Just remembering how she acted with the other girls earlier today made my mood go lower. Causing Eri to speak up again.
“Why can’t you just tell her how you feel already Gaki-han? Maybe then she’ll stop this bad habit of hers?”
I looked away from the doorknob and to Eri’s face in the reflection as I mumbled out my defense.
“It’s easier said than done Eri… You and I both know that…”
It’s like I lose my breath when I see her… and my heart aches so much that it’s like I’m calling her out for help to stop it…even though me helping her habit out wouldn’t help anyone in the end. Eri of all people knew that. She knows that I’d have to do more than just tell Ai-chan to stop sleeping with Sayu, Tanakacchi and Jun. Of course to the four of them it was nothing but just friends with benefits but to me it was something more.
Because of all of these constant flings our relationship went on and off. One minute she’d act like I was her whole world and that nothing could break that, but then the next she’d be in one of the changing rooms with one of them doing god knows what. It angered me. It made me want to just ditch her altogether but I just couldn’t.
I just felt like sending her a mayday signal wouldn’t even work not even SOS signal in Morse Code would bring her to save me out of this depression. Time would just keep on going and flowing and she’d continue doing the same old thing not even hearing or seeing the signs I’d be giving her.
----------------------------------------------------------
I looked down at the pink cell phone again clearly sighing as I flopped onto my empty bed. Closing my eyes and brining my left hand to cover half of my face. Yet again you never said much to me today, next to the usual “hi’s” and telling me things to do for the upcoming events. I could tell that you were avoiding me though, and it made me want your attention more. It nurtured the bad behavior I’d promise to stop many times ago but I just couldn’t stop.
Putting the small screen in front of my face as I stared at your name my contact list, I quietly mumbled to myself, pretending you were laying right next to me as you played with the ends of my hair.
“Even if you really don’t want to Risa-chan…..Look at me once…”
I closed my eyes again remembering how I used to be, the shy and silly country girl who could never say anything properly and was called odd by her kohai’s and senpais to this, Morning Musume’s leader and Hello!Project’s number one “player”. I talked to the air again as I smiled to myself.
“Look at me…look at me who used to be bright…. And now I’m changing like this....you can’t say anything can you…..?”
Opening my eyes I smirked and giggled to myself as tears started to form, blurring my vision. I was always a cry baby, that would never change that’s for sure.
“Here I am, Shedding tears like a fool, All day and all night staying in a dark room…”
I giggled some more sensing the slight irony in it all. I’m an idol, yet I’d rather stay at home and play my games than go out with the other girls. I’m not outspoken and loud yet I’m bold enough to sleep with other girls to get your attention. No matter what I say or do, you never knew what my heart’s telling you. Even when one second or minute goes by my heart tightens without you, but I just can’t let go of my needs that you don’t currently give me.
Slowly, I close my eyes as the tears started trickling down my cheeks. I really don’t want it to end like this…me constantly getting my physical needs met just because you won’t emotionally meet mine…or rather you refuse to, but if it does…
“I’m scared of everything….”
I quietly cry out in the still room.
“So rescue me…Please Risa…”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Panting quickly as I leaned on a nearby pillar, I loudly slumped into the empty bench in the quiet train station. Yet again I had to persuade the station manager that I’d left my train card and that I wasn’t a Gal trying to cheat him out and on top of that it started to rain. I mumbled to myself as I hoped that I didn’t miss the last train due to that stupid little argument. The only closest place for me was to go to her place…and that was defiantly the last place I wanted to go. Plugging my headphones into my ears I patiently waited for the train to come.
After 20 minutes of waiting one of the station employees came up to me and tapped me on my shoulder causing me to instantly jump out of the bench I was slowly falling asleep on.
“Miss…the last train won’t come tonight due to the heavy rain… I’m sorry but might have to find a place to stay over for the night.”
‘Just my luck…’I nodded to the employee and eventually started walking down the still escalator, cussing the manager under my breath.
“If it wasn’t for him I’d be home by now….”
I continued walking not really caring if the rain soaked me from head to toe, because I knew that the only place I’d be able to stay for free and have dry clothes would be her place. Eventually I got to her apartment and stood at the white door a minute. Was this really the right thing to do? I mean yeah I’ll just be staying here for the night, but I was still upset at her and I didn’t want to confront her at all…yet at the same time I still came all the way from the station to her apartment. I wiped my wet dripping bangs out of my face as I looked at the door again.
My heart aches when she goes and sleep with other girls, but I still can’t keep myself away from her, but time will just keep going and flowing tic toc without anyone stopping it. I wanted to know if she really heard my previous signs or did she just ignore it. I really needed to know.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After my little crying fit I decided a bath would be the only thing to calm me down…even though it didn’t help much. Coming out of the steamed room I looked at my phone that I’d left on the bed. The pink device was lit up with a new message from Eri. I raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t really like Eri to message me this late at night. Knowing her she’d usually be asleep by now. I stopped drying my hair for a moment and slid up the phone to read the message that she sent.
“Ai-chan, I know that this isn’t the right way to say this but for Gaki-hans sake just talk to her. I don’t know what’s been going on with you two but you guys must clear it out before it gets even worse ok? We all miss our happy leader and sub-leader, Eririn”“Easier said than done Eri.”
I replied back to her with not even a word, just 5 little dots. It was all I could think of to send, knowing that not even Eri could help me get over this with such a simple message.
I gently tossed the phone back onto the bed and resumed drying my hair with the towel I had rested on my shoulder. She only knew less than half of what was going on with me. Being blunt about it wouldn’t help either…You’d just ignore me or say that now wasn’t the time or place to talk about it. There are so many things I couldn’t say before… things I’ll probably never be able to say but I still wanted to say them.
Walking back to the bathroom I looked at myself in the slightly fogged mirror. I leaned over to look at myself better. Puffy red eyes and a slightly swollen face was what reflected back at me, along with a scowl and lifeless eyes. Had this what I really became, just because of that one mistake so long ago? I slightly clutched onto the marble counter, feeling the breakdown coming yet again as I opened my mouth to talk to the person in front of me. It wasn’t me that I was seeing in the reflection anymore but you.
“Please listen to me…”
I bit my lip as I felt it quiver, but I quickly jumped as I heard the door knock. Quickly grabbing the nearest towel dress I could I hurried to the door and opened it to see you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The door quickly swung open and she blinked a few times as she just continued staring at me with those huge brown eyes that I cared for so much in shock. I could tell that I was the last person she’d though she would see at her door. I gently smiled and brought my hand behind my head in slight embarrassment.
“Hey…do you mind if I can stay the night? I missed the last train…”
She quickly nodded and quickly dragged me in as soon as she saw me shiver a little due to the cold and heavy clothes that clung onto my skin.
“Get out of those clothes before you catch a cold and take a hot bath….I’ll bring a change of clothes for you…”
She barely mumbled the command and I did as I was told. When I got out of the bath, I saw an old concert shirt and jersey bottoms that I’d left here so long ago. I gave a small smile to myself and put them on. When I was done changing, I walked out of the room and saw her sitting on the big couch staring blankly at the bright television screen playing the intro movie to her currently favorite game.
I sat next to her, looking at the movie and then to her.
“Thanks for letting me stay over…”
All she did was blink as she loosely held onto the Xbox controller. Remembering Eri’s words from earlier in the day, I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.
“Ai-chan…. “
No reply.
“Ai-chan, look at me.”
“No… you look at me.”
She put the controller next to her, stood up and looked down at me with a unreadable look in her eyes. I’d never seen that look in her before.
“Look at me like this, don’t pretend you don’t understand Risa! I’ve lost everything!”
Her eyes were starting to fill with tears as I just stared at her in shock.
“Y-you acknowledge my heart now, and I’ve confessed it a thousand times! But do you ever accept it? Just because of one stupid mistake that I made?!”
The tears were coming down in full force now. She looked away from me and looked to the floor. I couldn’t think of anything to say…I mean my mind was totally blank and I didn’t know how to react.
“My love signs towards you never seem to get you to notice Risa… Why won’t you accept them?”
She looked up at me, as I finally found the courage to open my mouth.
“I need you to wake up Ai-chan… I just can’t trust you…That one mistake of sleeping with Sayu, turned into doing the same thing with Reina…only to do it again with Jun??And then do it all over again?? What do you want me to do? Just let you come back?! It’s hard to forget something like that!”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I bit my lip hard as I struggled to stop myself from breaking down in front of you. Without you I’m sick with anxiety. I’m nothing without you, you of all people should know that. You looked away from me. I could tell you didn’t want me to see your eyes. I could tell that they were glazed with tears and pain.
Lightning quickly flashed and after a few seconds the thunder rolled right behind as I spoke up.
“….Don’t look away from me… I want you by my side.”
Shivering from the effort of trying to calm myself down, my lips start to tremble as you slowly look up at me with as much pain in your eyes that I couldn’t bare it. I hated seeing you like that… so vulnerable and broken.
“My heart won’t be able to stand another day…If it stops like this….”
‘I’m scared of everything so rescue me…please…’I say that thought to myself as You just stare back at me. My vision blurred up from the constant tears that were coming down. And I quickly wiped them as I started to talk again with a shaky voice.
“I lose my breath and it’s a mayday Risa….. My heart aches and it’s another mayday…..but time again goes tic toc keeps on flowing….Do you hear my signs?”
You took a shaky breath and gulped.
“You fill my heart again Ai-chan…I try and hold my breath to resist you…but If I send you off…I know I’ll crumble without you… Why? Why can’t I just leave you?”
“Please…”
“I lose my breath too…and my heart aches as well Ai…”
You got up from the couch and too two steps towards me. I closed my eyes expecting a slap or any physical pain, but only got a warm embrace instead. My whole body stiffened at the contact. Opening my eyes, I looked to see that you were hugging me, crying in the crook of my neck.
The old feeling of you hugging me slowly brought my arms to wrap around your waist. I rested my chin on the top of your head, taking full opportunity of this moment.
“You’re too much of a good girl…you do know that right?”
I softly mumbled to her as she looked up at me with s small smile. I didn’t need an answer, and you never gave me one. I didn’t really care, as long as you were here with me to give me the love that I needed from you. I needed you. That’s what kept me together. Sayu Jun and Reina would never love me as much as you will. Hopefully all of the love signs I give you will bring you back to me, and I won’t have to be so needy of them anymore I’d be finally able to break the habit…..and not go back like the last times.
Eventually we both stopped shedding tears and decided that it was good for the both of us to go to bed. I took her hand to my room and we both went under the sheets and embraced each other as sleep and exhaustion began to take over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do. I wasn’t sure if coming here and admitting that I really needed her yet didn’t trust her was the best idea, but at this very moment I didn’t think about that. All I needed was her and her alone, and even if time keeps flowing and history repeats itself….then I’ll just take that bullet and go through the pain all over again. That’s all I could do…giving her signs and continue being the good girl that she and everyone knew so well…Even if it hurts me in the end that’s what I’ll be.
----------------------------------------------------------
ok i think this was pretty long no?
please please please tell me what u think^^ i hope it wasnt all over the place ^^;