Unspoken: The Other Responds
For as long as I can remember, I was alone.
Even in a crowded room full of my closest family and friends… I was alone.
Is that strange?
Is it a little odd that I'm unable to completely open up to another person?
There isn't one single person who knows everything about me. There are people who know the beginning, somebody else knows the middle, and yet another person who knows the current.
When you start off with low self confidence...
When you're not really sure whether what you're doing is right or not...
When you think that no matter what you do or say, people simply won't understand...
…You fall faster and faster.
You clam up, put on a pretense that there's nothing bothering you, act like you've never even given a second thought to who you really are... when in reality it’s all you ever think about.
Then I met you and you changed it all. You made me want to change, to grow, to find myself.
And because of that… In the beginning I resented you…
I couldn't comprehend how you could always be so bubbly and optimistic.
I couldn't wrap my head around you wanting to be so near me, wanting to share everything with me.
I thought you were too young and naive to know what you were really doing.
To me, you were living in this happy little bubble that would never pop… I was jealous of that...
It was everything I wished I had… you were everything that I wanted to be…
Before I realised it, you were constantly glued to my side. To be honest - and I think I can admit this now – to be honest…
It scared me.
It scared me that you wanted to be close to me.
It scared me because nobody had ever acted that way towards me.
It scared me... because I didn't know how to deal with your complete trust in me.
I didn't get why you trusted this me... and I still don't...
I wish you could hear everything that's constantly on my mind...
I wish you knew it all...
Because then I wouldn't have to tell you...
I wouldn't have to fumble around, waiting for the right moment that never seemed to come, trying to find the words that would make everything alright.
I think sometimes you wish that too... you give me that troubled look and then quickly replace it with that winning smile of yours... pretending that it doesn't matter...
But it matters a lot… It matters the world to you…
…What we're thinking, what we're feeling...
It's what makes us work...
It's what brings us together...
But at the same time… more than that…
…It's what drives us apart.