Dated August 3rd. So you can guess how a certain someone stole characterisation from me when you check dates. >_> XDDD
Oh and there were some edits from the original posted on my LJ and at renairev. So yeah.
I can never leave a script alone when reposting it anywhere.
; My urge to improve on what I already have is too strong.
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Ebony DuskOne wonders, if it had always been the same.
Staring out of the window, watching the sky painted a canopy of colors, shifting sunset at once the same and yet so very different in its crimson strains. Dusk, it seemed, would soon approach, or so the last gasp of brilliant, rich iridescence of the heavens heralded.
Strange how the last dance, the last frame of time, before the velvet cloak of night settled, would be so vibrant, so alive, so unlike what was to come.
Such was the scattered, quiet thoughts of one Takahashi Ai as she gazed silently out of a nearby window, one of few in the studio. It had been a long day, their jobs demanding of both time and energy, and it was now late. Or getting late, since it was technically still day. For did the sun not still hang in the air, however low it may be sinking soon?
Yes, evening was near, and their work was done. Staff scurried around, busy with their own tasks, anxious, perhaps, to get back to family, who knew? The other girls were also lingering around the area, either in groups, or singly. Like her. Standing alone, paused in motion, gazing as if in a trance out of the window at the dusky hues in the sky outside.
The other girls. Her colleagues, possibly friends, or the closest thing to it in the job. They didn't really have much of a social life outside of work anyway. She liked them, more or less. Got along with them too, outside of the occasional disagreements that were bound to crop up from time to time. You couldn't expect to have completely peaceful and uneventful relations in a group of girls. A large group of girls. Nature, if nothing else, would see to a crabby attitude from one person or another during certain times.
And she was leader now. Ai affirmed the fact to herself inwardly. She hadn't really been too thrilled about being handed the responsibility this early, or rather, have it be thrust on her out of the blue. She had known it would come in due time, just not how and why it had the way it did. Still, it was not something she could change, but only to try and work to the best of her ability, as she had always done.
She had had her own doubts about her own leadership ability too. She didn't exactly have the most commanding presence around, nor was she extremely outspoken, at least not enough to draw all that much attention. If she had not been one of the lead singers, she would most likely have been easily forgotten by the audience, since there was nothing else about her that stood out prominently. And considering the huge shoes the former leader had just vacated (no, Miki didn't count), it was pretty much a huge thing to live up to. She didn't have the same amount of charisma that Yoshizawa-san had. The only thing she could do was what she had always done. Do everything to the best of her ability and hope that everyone else followed her example.
The other girls were all clustered in their little groups. The new Chinese girls tended to stick close to each other, not surprising, since they did share a common native language. Those two were currently mingling with a couple of the others, which was somewhat amusing to watch since Reina and Risa were trying to speak slowly in order not to confuse the foreign girls, with Eri looking on quietly. The group was soon joined by Sayumi, Koharu tagging along with her, and the seven of them appeared to be talking about something or other. Probably about dinner, Ai surmised. It was the logical subject at this point in time. Food, along with weather and work, were the safe topics to talk about among them.
Aika was not with them, and was instead chatting enthusiastically with some of the staff members. Ai made a mental note of that. The youngest girl of the group didn't seem to bond as well to the rest of them, and while Yossi had been around to include her in everything, things had been smoothed over. But now that their former leader had graduated from the group, the rest of the girls hadn't really bothered with her, and Aika herself seemed to sense the atmosphere well enough, and started spending more time with the staff instead of with the other girls. That wasn't really a very good sign, but Ai wasn't exactly sure how to remedy it. It wasn't like she was exactly a social butterfly to begin with, and she certainly didn't have the kind of socialising energy that the more outgoing Yossi had.
It hadn't occurred to her immediately, but she too was standing alone. A belated realisation, perhaps. Apart from the other girls, even from the staff. It was habit by now to keep to herself, consciously or not. She responded normally when spoken to, but she didn't really make much of a first move otherwise. In the eyes of some she must have appeared infuriatingly passive, but her colleagues had come to understand that if they ever wanted a word or were simply up for some company, all they had to do was walk up to her and ask.
Ai didn't really have a best friend in the group. No, not really. Or not anymore. Who knew? She was on friendly terms with everyone, but she was not specifically close to anyone. When Yossi had been around, she was the big sister Ai looked up to. Hell, while Miki wasn't close to her per se, they did get along pretty well, the notorious groping demon finding it amusing to surprise her during practice and actual performances alike. It was a comfortable and almost expected routine, an inside joke of sorts.
Those two were gone now. Things would never be the same. Or it never was to begin with. Her apparent "best friend" on screen? Risa, or Gaki-san, as she habitually addressed the younger. They were hardly as close off-screen than on. Not that they were all that close onscreen nowadays either. Gaki-san spent more time with Eri now, or rather, more time with the Rokkies in general.
Was she jealous? Ai wasn't sure what to think. As members of the same generation after Kon-chan and Mako-chan had left the group, Ai thought that they would be a bit closer, at least, logically speaking. But they had drifted apart. Or were never that close in the first place.
Were they? Had they been? At one point, Ai had felt a connection, but now she wasn't sure. Had it ever been there, or had it just been her imagination? Or maybe it really didn't matter, since now Gaki-san was not there, not by her, not anything more than just a friend, a colleague. Nothing more, nothing less.
A strange note of wistfulness rose within her. Why did she not have a best friend? Eri was close to Sayu. Koharu and Sayu got along well, Sayu being Koharu's mentor after all. Reina drifted around a lot, but could chat with just about everyone. Gaki-san, well, Gaki-san hung out with the Rokkies. Aika was not with the other girls, but was friendly with staff. What did she have? What did Takahashi Ai have?
Nothing. She stood alone. It would not be difficult to walk over and chat with the rest, had she wanted to. But she didn't know what she wanted. She enjoyed being on her own as much as being able to converse with other people. She felt distant to the rest, not certain if it was by choice or something more. She knew the girls did not reject her presence, but they didn't seek out her company as actively either. And she could not find it in herself to approach them without something solid to discuss, such as work or something similar.
Ai knew that even as all these thoughts ran through her head, her impassive expression had not budged in the slightest. She did not scowl and look threatening as some others of the Project would and could have, nor did she look unreasoningly cheerful. There was literally no expression on her face, unless you counted the distant look in her eyes as something. Not a single shred of what she was contemplating crossed her countenance. Whether or not that contributed to her isolation she could not know, and she wasn't all that eager to find out either.
There was a flood, nay, a barrage of thoughts in her mind now. Why was she alone like this?
Not alone, a part of her insisted. Why, she could just stride over and join in the conversation about going out for dinner together with the rest right now...
...and then what? Ai froze up inside. She was honest with herself. If she felt lonely and in need of someone to talk to, who would she call? Who
could she call? Family members? That was the only option that popped up. Not friends. None of the other girls. She wasn't close to them, not like that. In fact, she was more than likely to curl up quietly in her room and endure the feeling if by some chance her family members were too busy to talk, rather than call up one of the other girls.
This was her life. Takahashi Ai loved her work, but there was no other outlet for her emotions. A boyfriend was out of the question considering the rules, and even the option of having close friends seemed so close yet so far away at the same time. If there was a time she wanted to scream and cry at the same time (barring haunted houses), it was now. But she didn't. How could she?
A raven flew past the window, the long shadow of it brushing briefly across her form, drawing her gaze almost involuntarily. The sun was setting, casting ever elongating shadows over everything in its path. Said raven from before had settled down to roost on a low white wall further from the building, a wall she knew to be white only from memory, since right now it looked to be painted a dusky orange and grey by the fading light of a dying sun.
The beady black eyes of the bird seemed unnaturally sharp and alert, even in the distance, and its feathers looked glossy in the orange light, as if oiled and polished to perfection. Ai felt strangely captivated by the bird, especially when it turned its head and appeared to look directly at her, staring through the window panes.
Bird and human stared silently at each other. Ai knew that it wasn't possible that the bird could be staring at her. There was no logical reason for it to do so. Still burning with the myriad questions seething within her, her own dilemmas making her behave a little irrationally.
Perhaps mouthing "do you know?" silently, as if in question to the raven outside, could be a sign of failing sanity on Ai's part, but she chose not to think about it too closely. There were so many doubts, so many things that troubled her, and in lieu of being unable to express them to other people, she had chosen to ask it of something that could not possibly answer or even understand her.
To her surprise, the bird seemed to stare even more intensely back (or was it just her imagination?) and cawed loudly. It could barely be heard above traffic noises and other city bustle, but Ai heard it nevertheless. A response? Surely not. Her imagination must have been getting the better of her...
And yet, and yet...
She couldn't resist the impulse, whispering, under her breath, as if in confession.
"I don't want to be alone."The raven cawed again. The same sound. Almost like an answer. Maybe she really was going nuts. Yet she couldn't help the next murmur that crossed her lips either.
"Will I ever find someone?"Yet another caw. Ai bit her lip, her eyes moistening unconsciously as she turned suddenly away from the window, grabbing her bag and moving rapidly towards the door, her already scrambled emotions in further turmoil. Her passing barely got any reaction from anyone else, though some of the girls did look up as she passed by. Ai didn't stop to hear, or even greet them. She couldn't deal with anything now. Not now.
Outside, the same raven cawed again, a strangely echoing and mournful sound. If one listened as closely, you could almost hear an answer. An answer that one could almost interpret as...
Nevermore...======================================
I was listening to Kremlin Dusk by Utada Hikaru and wrote it like that. -shrug- The raven part was mostly symbolic, sorry if it doesn't make sense. I find it quite interesting that many of my short stories can be taken as within the same continuity. So Layers, 21 and even Waltz can be considered to be in the same timeline/continuity. Interesting jigsaw puzzle I have for Aichan.
Comment freely! XDD