Wow, I certainly have been gone a good long time from this place. Heh.
Been busy in a new place, but yeah, figured that I should poke my head in here to show that I didn't suddenly drop off the face of the earth.
Did anyone miss me?
And yes, I come with fic.
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One Half of my Heart"Gaki-san!" A familiar voice called out to her from behind.
Ignoring the instinctive urge to stop and turn to acknowledge the call, said Niigaki Risa set her shoulders stubbornly and stomped briskly over to the elevator. If she could get into it fast enough, she wouldn't have to deal with
her. At least, not on a personal level, for the next few hours.
"Gaki-san! Wait!" A tinge of exasperation entering that voice now, bordering on irritation. Risa walked more quickly, now only a few meters away from the relative sanctuary of the elevator. Behind her the footsteps following her quickened, not quite running but definitely moving at a rapid pace, and almost gaining on her.
Biting her lip, Risa wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to that person right now, even though a part of her wanted to stop and ask the multitude of questions that had been burning within her since the previous day. To just find out the why, what and how of the situation, give her the chance to explain herself, clear things up...
The problem was just whether Risa wanted to listen at all. She was sick and tired of chasing that loose thread of yarn dangled her way, always just out of reach and leading her on to chase, trip, and fall flat on her face, in that order. And then getting up to chase it some more. Rinse and repeat.
Frankly speaking, it was getting extremely exhausting. There were limits to her patience too, no matter how much she lo-liked her Ai-chan.
Screeching to an abrupt halt at the lobby, Risa jabbed impatiently at the call button, and was rewarded with a 'ding' as those accursed doors opened too darn slowly for her liking today. Scooting in the moment the gap was wide enough, she half-whirled around to access the elevator panel, attacking it with an almost frenzied desperation to get the doors to close again.
Unfortunately for her, by nature of design, the doors had to open fully, wait a moment, before responding to any attempts to get them to close again. Thus it was with a mixture of frustration and dread as she got a very good view of one very ticked off Takahashi Ai striding over like the wrath of god was upon her.
Normally, the sight of Ai-chan being pissed off, especially at her, was something that made Risa feel uncomfortable and even just a little frightened. This time, however, a kind of righteous indignation welled up in the normally even-tempered 5th generation member, her jaw working soundlessly as her molars ground together, and her fist clenched tightly in on itself.
Yet, despite her indignation, she found herself unable to look in the face of that anger for long, her eyes averting instinctively downwards, allowing her fringe to fall forward to shade most of her face from scrutiny, the only evidence of her own displeasure being that aura of high tension evident through her rigid muscles, and the unconscious frown that she had been wearing the whole day ever since she woke up...or well, since the night before, since she sure as hell didn't get a good night's sleep at all.
As the doors of the elevator thankfully began its painfully slow move to cut off that laser-like glare coming from her tiny best friend, Risa leaned her head against the wall of the elevator, letting her body sag slightly to rest against the same wall, eyes half closing as her lips whispered a silent prayer or evocation, she wasn't sure. Mostly, she was just hoping that Ai didn't catch up with her immediately, but yet...
She wasn't sure if she minded being caught.
Just...I don't want to deal with an argument...not right now... Withdrawing her hand from the elevator panel, she pressed the heel to the center of her forehead, rubbing in a vaguely circular headache to forestall the impending headache she could just sense waiting to pounce on her. The mostly mute protests of her brain simply made an annoying buzz within her mind, discomfiting vibrations that threatened to crack her skull apart. No, she was definitely not up for confrontations of any kind right now.
Just as she was thinking that she would be safe from the predations of her erstwhile best friend (for now, her mind corrected wryly), a blur rocketed through the narrowing gap between the closing doors, plowing straight into her from the sheer momentum of the movement. Reflexively, Risa caught the person who had so unceremoniously slammed into her, even as her own shoulder was slammed into the wall from the motion, making her wince as she stumbled back into far corner of the elevator, the weight of the slight figure in her arms having caught her off balance to begin with.
"Ow..." Both girls moaned in unison, as if on some unseen cue. Risa blinked at the person she was holding.
Oh, crap.Despite herself though, the first thing that escaped her lips completely instinctive.
"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"
It was just...right, somehow. To ask that, even though, Risa reminded herself, she was upset with Ai for a very good reason. No matter how angry she was or still is, she still cared deeply for the older woman, and perhaps it was the depth of which she cared that caused the hurt to go still deeper this time.
That's right, I'm supposed to be angry. Angry. Not nice. ANGRY. She reminded herself quite sternly, and ignoring her own instincts this time, gently but firmly removed Ai's hands from her shoulders and pushed away from the older girl, shifting sideways along the back wall of the confined space of the elevator to put some distance between them. Her eyes remained firmly averted from Ai's face, knowing that her resolve might crumble if she looked too long into those eyes.
Yet, even without looking, she could sense the raw tear and gash of rejection hovering between them at the artificial creation of distance. She didn't need to look at Ai to feel the betrayal emanating from the other woman, as if the very act of moving away was some great sin in itself.
Shrinking in slightly on herself, Risa turned her shoulder away from the other occupant of the little metal cage they were within, using her back as a shield against that penetrating gaze that was even now boring holes into the area between her shoulder blades.
The atmosphere, to put it lightly, was suffocating. Never had a ride from the first to the fifth floor ever felt so long. It was as if her perception of time had somehow ground to a near halt, leaving her hyperaware of every motion and sound in the vicinity. She even fancied that she could hear not only her own breathing, but the sound of Ai's as well.
So...even...controlled... Risa remembered how Ai always fell back on breathing exercises to regulate her own emotions and to keep her composure. The fact that she remembered this didn't really sit well with her. If Ai had to do that, did that not mean that she was struggling to keep her emotions in check? Risa had a sudden sense of foreboding, and her eyes flicked nervously up to glance at the indicator.
3rd floor...god...too slow...If she couldn't wait to get into the elevator earlier, she certainly couldn't wait to get off it now. Outwardly, she maintained her stony silence, not wanting to betray her own unease by speaking or making any other movements. The ominous silence of the equally mute Ai behind her chilled her, since she was sure that Ai
did have something to say to her, and each passing moment only served to heighten the sick feeling boiling in the recesses of her throat.
"Where were you yesterday?" The question came all too calmly, too evenly, too
ordinary, in the way it was delivered. Yet, it was also completely flat in tone, displeasure clearly tainting the words, but restrained in anger, as if Ai was giving Risa a chance to explain herself before turning on the flames. The words cut through the thick layer of tension blanketing the pair, allowing Risa to breathe again, even as her chest tightened painfully, her own anger remembered more vividly now.
Seeing that Risa didn't answer immediately, Ai went on.
"I waited for you, but you never showed up. And I couldn't get to you on your phone. What happened, Gaki-san?"
The barest hint of exasperation, tinged with resignation and laced with rebuke and an acute sense of disappointment. That was how Ai always got to her, Risa reflected in a strangely detached way, as if her consciousness was splitting three ways: her anger, her instinctive urge to apologize, and the "her" beyond those two. That voice, so effective an instrument on stage, could be just as deadly in conveying displeasure in everyday speech. The younger girl didn't even have to turn around to see it, the voice alone did well enough to indicate what Ai meant.
Yet, those seemingly reasonable words only served to feed that icy rage gathering within the younger, the accusatory recrimination implicit in Ai's question evoking an automatic defensive reaction from Risa, who believed herself to be the injured party in this case. Her response, when it did come, was uncharacteristically snippy, bordering on a raw, raspy vituperation she rarely, if ever, displayed.
"I could ask the same of you, Ai-
chan." Coldly, bitterly, injured and lashing out. It was not pleased, did not have reason to be pleased, and did not expect to please. Even then, Risa could not find any satisfaction at the mild wave of shock she felt coming from Ai, experiencing neither pleasure nor vindication at the success of her counter. Her mind could not stop replaying what she saw before, of where Ai had been after missing their date entirely, near the end of the day...
The rush of bodies moving in a barely synchronized mass, shifting and snaking in an undefined manner across platforms and in and out of the station, heading for their respective destinations. Blending into this sea of humanity was not too difficult, especially when one was of average height, well, less than average height.
The random babble of her companion was a pleasant distraction, and she listened a bit half-heartedly, slightly cheered that the turtle girl was taking the trouble to keep her company and attempt to entertain her, but her mind, and more importantly, her heart, was elsewhere.
Currently wondering why her best friend stood her up on their...date? Was it a date? Perhaps. It certainly was important to her. She cherished their time together, now that it was even rarer as their schedules mysteriously (or not) filled up with all sorts of activities. She missed simply hanging out with her best friend, rambling about completely divergent topics and just keeping in contact, physical or otherwise. It was reassuring, somehow.
She had tried calling her earlier, while still waiting at the meeting place, but all she got was a busy line. She would have tried again, but her cellphone battery spontanenously decided to die on her then, leaving her effectively cut off. Had Kame not come along not long after and offered to keep her company, Risa was not sure if she would really have just stood there the entire day to wait for Ai-chan to show up.
She might have, because she was just that pathetic.
Boredly scanning the windows of the next train that had just pulled in (causing that fresh deluge of human population onto the platform earlier), Risa's thoughts were still effectively on her Ai-chan when she saw it. Or rather, them.
Risa had always prided herself on having good eyes, so there was no denying it. Especially since it was Ai-chan. She would still have recognized her even in the dark of the night while wearing shades. The train wasn't all that packed either, so she had a direct line of vision to see it. There was no doubt about it.
Involuntarily, her grip on her bag tightened ever so slightly, her eyebrows knitting together into a scowl under the cover of the peak of her cap, pulled low over her face as some kind of partial disguise while going out. Her jaw snapped shut, teeth clenching together almost painfully as she registered the sight before her.
You didn't come...because you were with Sayu? Her heart thumped hard against her chest, once, twice, heavily and wrenching deep within, as if someone had stuck a knife in and dug around in there for a bit. It was not a pleasant feeling.
An acute sense of something akin to betrayal welled up in her, and it left a bitterly sour taste in her mouth. It probably didn't help that Ai was leaning on Michishige, apparently having dozed off some time prior. Definitely not helping that that damnable ichiban kawaii demon was looking so adoringly at the sleeping girl lying half on her, and Risa found herself almost shaking with rage palpable as one Michishige Sayumi tenderly brushed aside a lock of hair from Ai's sleeping face, placing a soft kiss on the unaware Ai's cheek...
The train started moving again with a jerk, pulling Risa back to her senses as it roared away out of the station, but the image remained burned in like an indelible mark on her visual memory, edged in flaming detail and resounding with an acute pain aching somewhere deep within her soul, of betrayal, abandonment and loss.
"Are you alright, Gaki-san?" The turtle, as always, was just so nice. So...reliably there.
"I'm...just...fine..." A bit strained, perhaps, but she made some effort to smile at her dork of a friend, and was rewarded with a blinding grin and a comforting hand on her arm. Smiling wanly to herself, Risa looked down at her feet, falling as silent prey to her thoughts.
At least...goofy friends like Kame won't ever break your heart..."I don't know what you mean.
You never showed up at the meeting place, and I waited for you!" Ai was on the defensive now, having moved closer, close enough that Risa could feel the familiar heat between them whenever they were this close together. For whatever reason, they still did not face each other, Risa not wanting or daring to turn around for fear that her own reaction would have been too extreme, while Ai wasn't even sure why she didn't approach Gaki-san face on either. The pair were caught in a tangled web far more complex that either of them had ever envisioned, and were too occupied with their own private issues to even notice that they were thus entrapped.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Risa replied shortly, her own defensive barrier having snapped into place and was thus automatically rejecting anything that seemed even to remotely challenge her position that she was right to be upset. Never mind that this was Ai-chan, the person she would willingly do almost anything for. Not even for her...or simply
because of her this time, Risa could not, would not, back down.
Not when you've already hurt me this much...no more, this is the last time... So her bitterness was telling her, even though a softer part of her begged for reconciliation, to forgive and forget like she always did, to hear the sometimes nonsensical explanations and give in to whatever she said anyway. Because this was Ai-chan, because that girl, that woman, was special to her and nothing could ever compare.
"Gaki-san, I never saw you. Are you sure you were in the right place?" Ai was not giving up, but then again, she had not counted on the mountain she had to scale in order to even crack her Gaki-san's resolve this time. Risa watched the indicator agonizingly jump to 5, the little 'ding' indicating that they had reached their stop.
"I went exactly where your message said to. If anything went wrong, it was with
you, not me." Risa said flatly, her voice trembling ever so slightly with the volcanic anger ready to erupt underneath that seemingly composed facade. Her words came out harsher than she liked as a result, but it was too late to retract them anyhow.
She did not turn around to see Ai recoil visibly from the shock of the backlash, did not want to see, did not want to care, because it was too painful to look at someone who kept leaving her behind instead of being with her, advancing together as a unit.
What happened to us? Now it's just you and me, separate and not whole together.
Never say that I left you behind, Ai-chan. Because you upped and left me first.The doors slid open far more quickly than it seemed to before, and Risa took that first step out, not quite hastily, more than heavily, and never once looking back. If anyone deserved that, Ai did, just this once. That was what Risa believed, even though it still pained her to take that step. Nevertheless, her own anger burned away all doubt, and was only reinforced by the nearly incriminating silence raging behind her.
Because, this time, Risa had finally had enough.
I can't play this game with you anymore.========================================
Lalalala~
-melts back into shadows-
Topic: Estrea's Sandbox [6/4 - Treat] (Read 203807 times)