@Kame: Hmmm, perhaps you are right? Took me long enough but it finally left me alone!
@kRisZ: Yeah, I think it might be fun to do those things in public! Live on the edge!
5 DAYSSSSSSSSS! It took me 5 days to write this shit!
Hopefully, it's good and ppl like it. I tried, I really did!
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Better Days: Part 2Walking, I’m just walking. It gets darker and darker. “I thought you loved me…” her voice rings out. I look around for the source, for her sweet eyes smiling at me. I see nothing. “But you were gonna go away…” she continues, as I frantically scour the emptiness. “Where are you?” I ask. Suddenly, everything lights up and she’s standing before me, all in white. “You were gonna kill yourself and leave me”, she accuses, her kind face hardening with hurt. “No…I could never leave you”, I plead. “You’ll never leave me…” she smirks, “Because I’ll leave you first” With that, she begins to run towards a cliff. “Noooo!” I scream, charging after her. She reaches the edge and turns to face me. “Bye, my love”, she mocks and leaps into the nothingness. I don’t hesitate as I run right after her.
Falling…
Falling… I smacked my arm down onto the mattress hard as my eyes flew open. It was just a dream. Again. The 4th this week. Sweat drenched my body and sheets. I realized that my other hand was gripping my pillow so tight that my knuckles were white. Releasing my fist, I pushed myself up into a sitting position. I also noticed my breathing was heavy, like I had just run a marathon and my heart was pulsing in my chest. “Calm down”, I whispered to myself, “It was just a dream”
I rose from my cotton prison and stretched my arms over my head, yawning sleepily. My peach T-shirt was damp and rubbed uncomfortably against my skin. I pulled it over my head and carelessly threw it on the floor. My heart was still pounding as I entered the bathroom and glanced at myself in the mirror. God, I looked like shit. My skin was extremely pale and sick-looking. My hair was flat and plastered to my neck. Observing myself made me think of her again. It was something she did all the time, peering into the mirror at her own face.
I chuckled weakly. She was taking over my mind, like a drug. Oozing into every crevice and controlling my every thought. I loved her so much yet…… something was gnawing at my heart. Like it was all a lie. Maybe I was only with her because no one would suspect it. We were both romantically linked to our best friends, both by fans and fellow H!P members.
Grimacing at my horrible, cynical thoughts, I stripped and entered the shower. The cold water poured over my curves and tiny goosebumps popped up on my skin. My mind began to wander as I lathered up my hair. I cut my hair to be like her. I mean, I loved my hair long but she always looked so sophisticated with that little bob. The soap caressed my bare skin and was washed away by torrents of rain-like drops.
For the second time in two days, I cried. Though, this time, I was not embarrassed in the slightest. Yet the same questioning feeling was still there? How could I love someone so much and want nothing to do with them at the same time? Why was my heart both welcoming and rejecting this love? It hurt to be away from her but it was painful to be with her. My confused tears mixed with the shower water, both falling steadily.
I shut off the water and wrapped myself in a fluffy white towel. Walking past the mirror, I snuck a peak at my tear-stained face. My eyes were now red-rimmed and shiny, brimming with tears. For some reason, I smiled crookedly at the image, my mouth curling up slightly. It was the perfect image of my soul. Crying and in pain but still able to fool with a common smile. My feet carried me off the slick tiles and to the bookshelf near the balcony door. My right hand shot out and pulled pale green album from the 2nd shelf.
It was your average plastic album, cold in my hands. Opening the cover, I placed my hand over the letter stuck within the protective sheets. It was a love letter she had written me, when I was having a bad week. The pinkish stationary featured hearts and angel wings. I read the note out loud, transferring myself back in time…
Dear Ai-chan,
Heard you were having some trouble with work. Don’t ask who told me cuz you know I’ll never tell. ^__^ You’re too hard on yourself, you know? I noticed that even before we started dating.
RELAX~ Stop stressing about things you have no control over.
I love you no matter how many times you mess up or forget a step or line. You’re perfect just the way you are, mistakes and all. In fact, I like that you make mistakes. Proves you’re not an alien! 
Just wanted to let you know the most important person in the world can screw up without the world ending!
Love, your angel/girlfriend She slipped it into my bag so I couldn’t open it until I got home. The night I read it, I cried tears of joy. Pure joy, without the doubt that currently plagued me. I was so happy to hear that she loved me for me. Previously, I was worried about what she thought of me. Her, being such a big shot, might not like the little, boring me. But my fears were soothed and put to rest forever. I can remember to the feelings of relief and satisfaction, but they’ve left me now. All that’s left is a tiny bit of hope, being suffocated by pain and agony.
I flipped to the last page, closing my eyes before looking at the lone picture. It was us, on our last date. We went to the zoo, like a couple of teenagers. I smiled, recalling how she was afraid of the tigers, who were growling loudly. Gripping my hand, she dragged me away. I had giggled at her actions, but held her in my arms, making sure she was alright. I can feel her body pressing into mine, curves fitting just right. I was not sure if my crying had ever ceased, but now, it was in full swing. Tracing the little caption I wrote with my nail, I whispered the words:
Aya-chan and Ai-chan: ForeverI want to believe, I can believe…
I can return to the better days……
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Sorry the pink is so blinding!
Topic: strawb3rrykream's notebook (Aki Urara - updated 8/17) (Read 166189 times)