@sweeety: i love making people squirm
j/k... ...
...
@gloopip: thanks for translating that... ... i'm still waiting for someone to get back home so... maybe tomorrow? ... hmm... NAH!...
btw, i'm using the new set... thanks!
@maverickpanda: thanks! OfT: your fic is awesome... OnT: i love you...
@takagakifan: thanks for that inspirational clip... it really is
I've decided between the two things people have clamored for in this fic (so far): Conserve water or YoMiki past... i was leaning towards one early on but some unexpected things happened early this afternoon and these things made me decide which between the two... also, apologies if this update is a bit off... this particular update is really solely an unwinding thing for me... unexpected things really stress me out... i just realized i can't write flashbacks right... so i didn't employ that...
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Him? “Ka-chan… …?”
“… Last night...” Rika leaned her head on Hitomi’s. Some of her tears rolled off her face and landed on Hitomi’s scalp. “when we were in bed… I kept on telling myself that it was you kissing me… and you were doing it because you love me…” Rika kissed Hitomi’s ear again. The kisses forced blood up Hitomi’s face and ears.
Hitomi held the arms that dangled from her shoulder and planted a kiss on each. “You don’t have to keep on reminding yourself that… you know that I love you…” Hitomi gazed at one of the dandelions. It was beautiful and attractive. It looked simple for a flower but flowers themselves were really a pretty complicated things in their own.
Rika reached for Hitomi’s hand and squeezed it hard. “But I do… because if I stop telling myself that… I see him… I feel him… and I don’t want to see or feel him… when I’m with you…” Rika closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling.
“Ka-chan…”
“I trusted him and gave him respect but he… …" Rika was almost choking in her sobs "… make me forget, To-chan…”
Hitomi pulled away from Rika. “Rika… it’s not that simple…”
“You haven’t called me that since we became ‘we’” Rika was taken aback by Hitomi’s reaction. Hitomi was surprised herself.
Hitomi looked down at the floor. “This is a serious matter…” Some petals have fallen on the carpet. Although it was a pretty sight, it was also hard to clean up. “I thought you aren’t ready…” Hitomi stalled.
“I thought you wanted this… I thought you wanted me…”
“… I do… and no one in this world would want you as much as I do... but… not now… not like this… … I don’t want to make mistakes… not again…”
Again? Rika wanted to ask but felt it was inappropriate. Instead she gave Hitomi an inquiring look and hoped Hitomi would get the message.
“I know it’s not your intention but… I’m not comfortable… being used like that…” Hitomi took Rika’s hand, kissed her ring and rested the hand on her lap.
“…Gomen~…”
“It’s alright… I understand… especially after seeing him in person… It must have really shaken you up a bit…” Hitomi took a deep breath and gave an awkward laugh. “If we had met under these same circumstances five years ago, we would be busy in bed right now...” She looked a t Rika in the eye. “I would use you and would let you use me… … That was me… back then…”
Rika imagined that she would feel uneasy hearing about these things but to her surprise, she was quite relieved that Hitomi opened herself a bit more. She kept silent as she listened carefully to Hitomi.
“ … You must know you won’t be my first time… …” Hitomi kept her eyes away from Rika. She was not ashamed of her past but she wasn’t proud of it either. “Fujimoto and I… we were together… a long time ago…”
“Ayaka and Mai already told me that…”
“They must’ve told you that it was pretty much like an arranged marriage for us, huh?”
“… Yeah… somewhere along those lines…”
“She was my first girlfriend… she was my first everything…” Hitomi gave Rika a glance before standing up and walking to the window. “And I really thought we were meant to be together. “Of course, I’m talking in hindsight here… Back then, I didn’t think of things this way but let’s just say Ayaka and Mai straightened me out a bit…”
The sky was clear and the moon and stars were shining bright. The brightness penetrated the smog that rose above the city. They were like beacons in a foggy horizon at sea.
“… I thought that I loved her… but really… I used her…”
Rika stayed on the couch. She just watched her prince illuminated by the moonlight.
“I used her to spite my father… that was all I thought of while we were together, how can I wreck him using my relationship with her… Even at points when I felt that I really loved her… my aims were clear… and she knew that… she knew only that…” Hitomi leaned against the glass window. “She didn’t know how I longed to be with her when I had to be overseas for a week or how much I wanted to see her… or how much I got hurt when she went out with Aya behind my back… All she knew was that she served a purpose in my ‘grand plan’… and she hated me for that… … she fell in love with someone else… someone better… You know who?”
“Matsuura-san?”
“Matsuura Aya… that girl is a case… Hitomi looked at her reflection on the glass as she laughed. “ before leaving me for Ayaya… Miki said early on in our relationship, she loved me… She loved me so much that she let me use her… I used her so much that she didn’t feel my love anymore… She didn’t feel my love even when I offered it to her on a silver platter… My love didn’t matter to her anymore… Her love didn’t matter to me anymore… What mattered was that I could use her…” Hitomi took a long pause as she silently walked back to the couch, back to Rika. “Baby… I don’t want that to happen to us…”
Hitomi knelt down in front of Rika. “What happened to you… with them… with him… No matter how bad it is, it’s already a part of your memory… I don’t think anything I do could make you forget… You understand?”
Rika just nodded. There was nothing more to say.
“I don’t want to wake up one morning thinking that all I am to you is a remedy to your pain. Although I want to be that, I don’t want to be JUST that. I want to be everything to you… Because that’s what you are to me… When we do make love someday… I want it to be about us… not just me wanting to do it… not just you wanting to forget about what had happened… I want it to be about what we have and what we want for the future… I want it to be a way for us to know each other more… better… deeper…”
“… I’m sorry, To-chan…”
“I’m not the type to be saying this to anyone… but… … I think you’re the one... and I want to be a part of you… but only when you want to be a part of me too… when you feel that you really are ready to take that step forward…”
“… Wait for me?” Rika tilted her head to the side, resting it on Hitomi’s.
“Sure… no matter how long it takes… but definitely not tonight…” Hitomi grinned. “We have a meeting tomorrow morning… I can’t face the board and my brothers tomorrow exhausted from late-night activity… Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day for both of us…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~CHARMY PREVAILS!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Topic: Runaway from the Past (Read 377039 times)