Hi again~ well, I have this fic written for valentines day but at the last moment, I decided not to put it since I am not sure if this one is good enough.. as you can see, i posted the other one instead.. hahah.. however, since I haven't written anything for anyone here, i convinced myself to share this.. @mae - haha.. am i really a sweet writer?
@Haruko - thank you! everyone here writes awesome OSs!
@Tam_atsu - yes.. nyannyan making a move!! wild~!!
@kurosawa87 - yuko~ flying because of nyannyan!
@haruhi16 - thank you great author haru!
i hope you'll still support me after reading this boring piece of mine~ haha~
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- WHO KNOWS -
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sometimes I wonder how these people meet and come to know each other, how they soon learned that the hand they’re holding is the one that they want to hold for the rest of their lives. Finding them walking hand-in-hand with happy faces tells me that they found love. What is it anyway? Hearing them tell one another ‘I love you’ all the time makes me wonder how deep they meant saying those words. Isn’t that the feelings that bear so much emotion accompanies words that’d be so hard to tell? I wish I knew how it feels like… to be told with those words sincerely. How it really feels like to be in that situation… to be in love.
“Gome ne~ Have you been waiting for long?” she almost startled me.
Interrupting my train of thoughts about things I wish I have the slightest idea about, good timing. This person who’s been here beside me for who-knows-when taught me to be thankful for everyday, reminding me how blessed I am having her. Not lucky, but blessed.
I felt a warm hand enveloped mine. It was so gentle and comforting, giving me a secured feeling within this cold weather. As my eyes rolled to the sides to take a glimpse of her, those set of squirrel teeth flashed brightly. I am always so lost for words.
“Unnn~” I shook my head to let her know I just arrived though the truth is, I’m waiting here for almost half an hour. I just don’t feel like saying that I’ve been waiting.
“It’s been so long since we went out together.” She uttered truth as we begin walking.
“Y-yeah.” I tightened my grasp on her hand in which she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s probably gotten used to the coldness of my hands.
Those couples strolling around caught my attention once more. What was I thinking earlier again? Y-yeah, about love. I was just thinking, how will I know if I am in love? I glanced on the person beside me for the second time and felt a sudden rush of blood gushing through my cheeks. There were no other feelings, I can just… smile.
“How about we eat here?” she asked dragging me gently to the window of the said shop to check out the menu.
Her head turned to me to meet my eyes. Everything is like on slow motion as I watch her cute face flash a smile on me, making my tongue tied for that little reason.
“Nyannyan? Are you okay?” there appears frown on her forehead.
“Ah! Yes. Let’s!”
There goes my speechless self again. I don’t really know why but with her, everything seems to be so magical. When she looks at me, I feel like the whole of me is going to melt from the gaze of those eyes. And when she smiles, my insides are like jumping crazily within the little space they have, some even feels like coming out.
“You really are the spacey princess.” She giggled as she led me to sit on a chair.
“Sorry.”
“What were you thinking anyway this time?” Yuuchan asked casually as she scanned the menu. “Ramen.” She whispered.
“Just… stuffs.”
“Stuffs eh?” Her lower lip sticks out and nods like she understands that I don’t want to share it. “So what are you having?” she continued with a grin.
“Are you having ramen?” I asked and was answered by a silent nod. “I’ll have what you’ll be having.”
“Eh…Nyannyan’s just too lazy to browse on the menu~”
“Haha! Maybe I am.”
It’s not true though. It’s just that, my eyes although focused with the menu can only reflect you on my mind. I mean, I see food but my head is definitely all about you, especially now that you’re with me. Maybe because it’s been so long and I missed you. I missed us being this way.
“Two special ramen please… And…Cold water?” She verified with her eyes on mine. It was big and cute. I just agreed with a smile.
Who would’ve known that I’m still shy all around you? We’ve been on shoots a lot, even with just our bikinis on but still it felt like I want to see more of you and know you deeper. Being friends with you for years doesn’t even ease the longing I have for you when a day passes by without the sight of you. And I wonder why I felt that. Maybe I am…
“Two special ramen!” the waiter put down two big bowls in front of us along with two glasses of water with floating ice cubes. “Enjoy your meal ladies.” And then he left.
Now it’s just me and her again accompanied by two bowls of ramen and cold water. I watch her dig in.
“Eh~ why are you not eating?” she asked surprised. “That’s what you get from being too lazy to look on the menu. Geez~”
She put down her chopsticks and lifts her bowl, placing it inches beside mine. Her body rose as she carefully stood up and sat beside me. Then the next thing I know is that she’s grinning at me.
“You can’t concentrate when I’m in front of you. I’ll sit here instead.” She giggled teasing me.
I love it though. Somehow, she knows me, what I feel. I’m thankful but at the same time… worried. Who wouldn’t be?
I replied with a smile and started to chow down the now cooling ramen. I can see her watching as I little by little take down the food we ordered. It was such an incomprehensible feeling of security and embarrassment but it somehow felt okay. Who knows how long we’ll be able to stay like this. Who knows how long things like this could be this comforting.
“It’s so cold, ne~”
“Hai… so cold.”
“Yes! So cold and you’re dressed like that!” she pointed at my clothes down to my skirt. “At least wear something that’ll keep you warm Nyannyan~ Geez~”
I can’t help but giggle over her declaration of concern on the way I dress. It’s casually cute. “Haaaai~ I’ll wear something long next time.” And gave her a wink.
“Good. I don’t want you getting sick because of the way you dress. Wear something appropriate for the weather next time okay?” she replied and lifts the ramen bowl to her mouth to finish what’s left.
“Haaaii~~” I replied childishly.
Yuuchan’s always like that, taking care of me as if I was a helpless child. It’s not like I don’t want it, I actually love it. Her looking after me and reminding me of what and what not to do is really something sweet. She’s never that too remindful too which makes it enough for me to feel not suffocated. I love how balanced everything were. I love how we are now.
“Finish your food. Then we’ll go somewhere…”
My eyes widen a little from what I heard. Knowing her, she’ll probably bring me to the park where we used to spend the night chatting. So I hurried up the food and finished eating. I saw her smile at me as she watches me do everything.
I was right. Now we’re here sitting at the park without minding the cold that is slowly creeping in our bodies. She removed her jacket and covered my exposed legs while looking worriedly at me. Her palms slipped to cup my cheeks to have it warmed.
“I’m not letting you freeze to death when you’re with me.” She chuckled before sitting next to me.
“Ne, Yuuchan…” I paused and hesitated.
“Hmm?”
“How will you know … if you’re in-love?” I see her smile as she focused her eyes onto the ground like she was reminiscing something precious and happy.
“You wouldn’t even have a clue that you are…”
I pouted a reply. “Then how come people tell that they found love?”
She shrugged her shoulders with her who-knows-look flashing on me. Then I heard her sigh as I watch her shoulders relax from it. “Sometimes you’ll just realize you already are when it’s nearly over… or when everything starts to be painful.”
My forehead cringe a frown. “So no one knows it right away huh? I see.”
“But…” I noticed sparks in her eyes like there was someone she has on mind. “I believe that it is something that is really hard to explain, a feeling that can’t be expressed by mere words.”
I didn’t reply a word as I try to look over my past. Have I been there?
“It’s like mixed feelings of fear, sadness, and joy.” She continued.
“…someone on your mind?” I asked as casual as I can.
She just smiled at me and gave me a pinch on my cheek. “You’re still so cute!”
“Itai~ Itai~ Yuuchaaann~” I reacted pulling my face away from her sadistic hands. “…but seriously?! Anyone?”
“Haha~ really cute~” she continued giggling. “I have one~”
“Ehh? “ I looked away and beamed. “So how does love feel for you?” She sat back beside me and crossed her arms over her chest, must be cold without her jacket on.
“It was an unexplainable feeling in which all I can do is smile, making your tongue tied for every little things that person does… that when your eyes meet, it feels like the whole of me is going to melt.”
That sounds… familiar.
“There was this feeling of longing that creeps in each moment that I am not with that person. It’s really funny since you can feel the desire to be with that person more even if it still not that long since you’ve parted. It feels crazy to be honest.”
“Wow.” I murmured and stared on the jacket that is keeping my lap warm. It was that same feeling. “You two… together?”
I saw her eyes smiled sadly along with dimpled grin flash the ground. “Sadly, no.” Her eyes met mine for a second and returned her stare back to the same spot. “But I’m happy the way we are now.”
“Sadly… but happy?” I chuckled. “You’re confusing.”
Did I just say confusing? I, myself is not that foreign to that said feeling. I know that really well. It was because of that worrisome feeling towards the happiness that at any moment may seem to go away because of the unknown bond that you shared with that person. Am I right Yuuchan? That bond that you wish you knew what it was, so you won’t be thinking negatively of the future.
“I know right. It’s that confusing feeling.” She sighed and stood up to distance herself a little. “…but I’ll take each opportunity we have together any day… no matter how uncertain our future may be.”
That was deep, but I somehow seem to understand.
I stare at her back that is facing me. That back that’s always in front of me when she drags me along, back that is always in front of me that is so strong. Yuuchan. It’s the same feeling.
“Back then, I wish I have an idea if the feeling is really mutual.”
“Back then? You don’t want to know it now?”
“Knowing everything is not always good. There are things that are still better left unknown... better be left clueless.” Her head tilts up to gaze at the stars. “…sometimes it’s better to just go with the flow and enjoy each moment. Things do change after all.”
“So that is love for you?” I asked as I absorb her words that is inviting my curiosity to explore more about what I really feel. After all, her words perfectly describe mine… especially when I’m with her. If that is how it is, then maybe I am already in love.
“I guess…” she replied facing me with a grin. “How about Nyannyan? Ever felt in love?”
I gave her a silent stare which lasted for more than a second. Gluing my eyes onto her blissful face as I held the giggly feeling I have inside allows me to not blurt what’s on my mind out and think calmly of what to reply.
“I felt all those you’ve mentioned towards someone… If that is love, then maybe I am…”
“Eh? Does he know?” she asked curiously with her eyebrows slanting a question.
“Nope.” I smiled and notice her pout.
Just like her, maybe I’m also scared of what will happen if I’d let her know. Choosing to keep everything to myself and make the most out of it as long as time permits is the road I’ve preferred to take. Yes, it may not bring me certainty of lifetime happiness, but even just a week worth of bliss makes me thankful enough for going through this wonderful feeling. Pain is surely just lying ahead of the road waiting to engulf me but I don’t care anymore.
I stood up and reached her pouting face to be cupped within these palms. Her warmed cheeks turned red and goes great with her glittering eyes. The face of the person whom I first felt love will always be yours, Yuuchan. What will happen to us from here on? …who knows?
--
-
.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AUTHOR’S NOTES
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess this is the most random story I have written. This isn’t even sound like a story, ne? Just some random talking and monologue~ I don’t know what feeling this short has brought anyone who read this but still, thank you so much for reading this one. Haha~