CHAPTER 17
When Rena arrived in Nagoya a little while later and stepped out of the Nozomi, she grew more than concerned when she checked her phone again, and Jurina still hadn’t replied to her message or even tried to call her back. While moving towards the taxi line she decided to take advantage of the fact she was not on the train anymore to call her again, startled when it didn’t even ring a single time, but fell directly on the voicemail.
Even if the younger girl had been busy all morning, she surely had time to check her messages during pauses. She always did. A little voice inside her head was telling her this unusual lack of response couldn’t be a good sign. It was the middle of the afternoon; the possibility that Jurina had not heard of the pictures by now was very low. Could it be the reason why she has shut her phone? To not be bothered with unsolicited phone calls?
It only took half an hour for Rena to reach her apartment, and she leaned her back against the front door once she was safely inside. She let her gaze wander around her apartment mind-absently, its peacefulness a sharp contrast with her own restlessness. Since she left Osaka, the knot in her stomach had simply refused to leave her. After a little while, she removed her coat and her shoes, before deciding to empty her suitcase.
Rena waited patiently for Jurina to get back to her, but her name never flashed on her Smartphone once. As the hours passed, she considered finding out about the group’s current location, in order to meet Jurina after one of her jobs. However, she brushed away the thought quite fast, realizing it wouldn’t be very wise to be seen together in public after the recent release of the controversial pictures. It would only add fuel to the fire.
At 8 PM, and with still no news from her girlfriend, Rena knew she couldn’t stay idle anymore. Given that she systematically fell on Jurina’s voicemail each time she tried to reach her, she realized she had to find another way to get in touch with her. One name came swiftly to her mind when she searched who could possibly be aware of SKE’s ace whereabouts, and she grabbed her phone to send a short text to Akane. Somehow, she had a good feeling the latter would provide her with the information she needed.
Her instinct didn’t betray her. Only a few minutes passed before she heard her phone beeping, and she gave her undivided attention to the text she had received from Jurina’s friend.
Hi, Rena. Jurina is staying at my place tonight.
Rena processed the revelation. It definitely wasn’t the first time Jurina had a sleepover at Akane’s place – she had done it plenty of times in the past – but Rena was conscious it couldn’t be a mere coincidence for Jurina to choose to sleep at her friend’s apartment that evening in particular. Now, no doubt was possible; Jurina was definitely aware of the article.
Rena swallowed back a lump in her throat, fearing her girlfriend was not in a good emotional state right now. More than anything, she was relieved she was not going through this difficult time alone, but had her trusted friend Akane by her side right now. However, now that she had discovered Jurina’s specific location, she categorically refused to let another hour pass without seeing her.
“R-Rena?” Churi blurted out in surprise when she rang at Akane’s apartment a little while later, and the latter opened the door. “Jurina told me you were shooting a movie in Osaka. I had no idea you were back in Nagoya…”
Ah yes, that’s right, Rena realized when she noted Akane’s very confused expression. When she sent Jurina the short message asking to call her back, she still hadn’t taken such decision yet. And after that, she unfortunately never managed to reach the other girl. “Hi Akane,” Rena inclined her head slightly, now feeling slightly guilty for not announcing her arrival beforehand. “I’m sorry for coming uninvited, but… can I see Jurina?”
“Of course,” Akane nodded and opened the door wider, taking a step aside. “Come in.”
Rena’s eyes wandered briefly around the apartment she was discovering for the first time. Even though she had never visited the other SKE member before, Jurina had one day communicated Akane’s address, and she was thankful for the fact their apartments were not very far from each other. However, she didn’t take time to really study the place in detail. Unfortunately, she wasn’t here for a friendly visit, but was in search of a certain someone who didn’t appear to be present right now. Intrigued, she focused her attention back on Akane. “I’m sorry but… where is Jurina?”
“Ah.” Akane turned around slightly, motioning a door a bit further away on the left. “She’s resting in my bedroom. But before you go and see her, I have to warn you. She’s not… well.”
Akane’s statement was not that surprising considering the circumstances, but her concern nevertheless grew a notch at her words. Now, she really dreaded what she was going to discover behind that door. How badly had Jurina reacted to the news?
“Thank you for being here for her,” Rena said in all honesty, putting her fears momentarily at the back of her head to show her gratitude towards her host.
“Jurina is my friend.” The other girl shook her head lightly. “I will always be present whenever she needs me.”
A smile moved to Rena’s lips, her words only serving in reinforcing what she already knew regarding Akane’s personality. When it came to Jurina, she was truly a trusted and dedicated friend. Without her consent, her eyes soon flickered over to the shut door behind Akane’s shoulder, and she didn’t wait any longer when Akane invited her to go and see Jurina.
Tentatively, she opened the bedroom door slowly, her feet pausing on the floor when she stepped inside, and her eyes needed a few seconds to adjust to the obscurity greeting her. Apart from the light of a small bedside lamp table, the room was plunged into darkness. Once she was able to discern things better around her, her attention got drawn to a form laying on the bed. For an instant, the older Matsui wondered if the younger girl hadn’t fallen asleep, considering she was completely still underneath the blanket.
Wishing to assess it for herself she walked towards the bed carefully, her predictions ending up being all wrong when the mattress started shifting at the sound of her approach, and two eyes glanced back at her in incredulity. “R-Rena? What… what are you doing in Nagoya?”
The older Matsui took a seat on the side of the bed but didn’t reply straight away, her heart sinking at the painful view offered to her. Despite the partial darkness, she could distinguish easily her girlfriend’s puffy eyes through the dim light, evident proof that those last few hours had definitely not been easy on the member’s emotional state. How long had she been crying? Had her good friend Akane been here to comfort her or had she stubbornly tried to remain strong and hidden her tears from others?
When Jurina straightened up on the bed Rena didn’t think twice, and pulled her into a hug. The embrace was returned immediately, and Rena didn’t miss the feeling of Jurina’s fingers clutching the back of her vest.
“I left Osaka as soon as I heard the news. I had to see you,” Rena explained, caressing her back gently. “Didn’t you get my message? Why did you shut your phone all day?”
“I…” Jurina’s voice was small and hesitant when it sounded against her ear, “When I listened to your message, I was still very busy with work. I was going to call you back later once I would have more free time, but then I heard about the article and I was completely… I couldn’t even…”
“I understand,” Rena interrupted her gently when the other girl was beginning to have difficulty formulating coherent sentences. It was not hard to guess the younger girl was probably reliving the moment as she was speaking, and Rena couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to keep doing her job with a smile on her face after the terrible news.
“I-I can’t believe this is happening,” Jurina spoke up after a little while, and the tremble in her voice taught her the younger girl was evidently still in a very fragile emotional state. “W-Why us? Why now?”
Rena tightened her hold when she could sense the other girl was letting her emotions out, and now on the verge of tears. More than anything, she wanted to reassure her that everything was going to be alright, but she couldn’t bring herself to give her false hopes. Not only didn’t she have answers to those questions, she wasn’t naïve enough to believe there wouldn’t be consequences after the release of the article.
“We have no other choice but to wait…” Rena confessed painfully, not liking one bit being so powerless. Unfortunately, it was completely out of their hands, and it was still too soon to know the impact the article was going to have on both their careers.
“What if they ask me to graduate?” Jurina’s voice suddenly pitched up in despair.
Jurina’s question didn’t come from left field: she knew it was one of her deepest fears. Jurina loved SKE with all of her heart; she had given so much to the group since its creation in 2008. If their producer came to such a drastic decision, there was no doubt it would devastate her completely. Having the ace of SKE forced to graduate prematurely due to scandal reasons would also evidently tarnish the group’s image, and fragilize its situation even more. If such a thing happened, Jurina would never forgive herself.
Rena was no fortune teller; she had no idea what decision management would take in the light of the recent compromising pictures. However, even though Jurina’s fears were legitimate, her pragmatic side was telling her management wouldn’t go to such length as asking Jurina to leave. Of course, this article was not a small issue you could sweep under the carpet discreetly. However, one thing was certain: as leading figure, Jurina was essential to SKE. Losing her right now would be a real blow, and maybe even sign the end of the group’s existence.
Was management really ready to take such a huge risk?
Rena disentangled herself from her girlfriend’s embrace, reading her dismay when they looked into each other’s eyes. Reaching for her hand she laced their fingers together, trying to sound as reassuring as possible when she replied. “I don’t know what decision our producer will take, but I don’t think they will ask you to graduate. I really don’t.”
Jurina shook her head in disagreement. “How can you be so optimistic… Did you see the pictures? They won’t ignore them.”
“No, they won’t…” Rena admitted, the truth impossible to deny. “But this is business and they can’t afford to let you go.”
Rena felt Jurina’s fingers slipping away from her grasp, and she watched her in concern when the latter averted her gaze. By her desperate look, she knew she had unfortunately failed to convince her. Right now, Jurina was too scared of being expelled from the group to contemplate any other positive outcome. But could she really blame her for that?
“This… this is all my fault,” Jurina’s voice quivered. “If I hadn’t kissed you… none of this would have happened.”
“Jurina…” Rena shook her head, catching her hand and giving it a light squeeze when she noticed tears forming in her eyes. “Don’t say that. You’re not responsible.”
“Of course I am,” came Jurina’s stubborn reply, glancing back at her at once. “I was stupid and put us both in danger. What if you’re forced to change agency because of me? What if it affects your acting career? What if-”
“Please stop,” Rena cut her off, refusing to hear any longer her girlfriend putting all the blame on herself. Extending her arm, she brushed away the tears now sliding down her cheeks, her voice full of determination when she continued. “I’m calling my agent tomorrow to refuse the role in Osaka. If Grick doesn’t want me anymore, I’m sure she won’t wait very long to inform me about it. If that’s the case, then I’ll just have to find another agency.”
“You’re not doing the shooting?!” Jurina stared back at her in shock. “Don’t do that, Rena. If you refuse that role-”
Rena pressed a finger against her lips hurriedly. “I know there may be consequences on my career because of the pictures, but it’s not something I have any control over. Whatever the consequences may be, I will deal with them. But there’s one thing I won’t change my mind about: I’m not letting you deal with this situation alone. We’ve been together for two years, and I love you. You are more important than a simple job.”
Jurina’s lips were not very cooperative when she leaned forward to kiss her, and it was easy to guess the younger girl didn’t approve of her decision. To be honest, she half expected her to insist when she pulled away, but the latter had a somewhat resigned look on her face when their eyes met. “You can be so stubborn sometimes.”
The affirmation made Rena smile. “Look who’s talking. Jurina Matsui, the most stubborn person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”
A smile inadvertently fell on Jurina’s lips and she pulled the older girl towards her, capturing her lips into a tender kiss. “I love you too, Rena. I love you so much…”
Rena tangled her fingers in Jurina’s hair when the latter leaned her head against her shoulder and they remained in that position for a while, relishing quietly the presence of the other. As the minutes passed, Rena could tell the younger girl had calmed down considerably, and she came to believe maybe consequences wouldn’t be so bad after all.
A few girls had been involved in scandals these last years, and management seemed more and more lenient over the years when dealing with those tricky cases. Rena believed it strongly when she previously claimed they wouldn’t ask Jurina to graduate. Not only was she the figurehead of SKE, there was no denying she was also one of the members the producer liked the most.
Noise coming from the kitchen suddenly caught Rena’s attention, reminding her of Akane’s presence in the apartment, and of the late hour. “Have you eaten yet?”
“No…” Jurina’s admission didn’t really surprise her. “I haven’t been able to eat a single thing since…”
Rena pulled away and stood up from the bed, giving her hand a light tug. “Let’s go and eat something.”
At first, her offer was met with resistance as the younger girl simply didn’t bulge from the bed, until a second more firm pulling of her hand managed to do the trick, and Jurina followed her quite reluctantly outside the bedroom.
The following day, it was almost noon when Rena decided to finally call her agent back. Until now, she had ignored deliberately the message the older woman had left on her voicemail, deciding it was fundamental to meet and have a talk with Jurina before anything else. After dinner, she had left Jurina behind at Akane’s apartment, both agreeing it wouldn’t be wise for the younger girl to come back with her to her place.
When Rena took a seat on the sofa and grabbed her phone, she decided to carefully review one last time in her head what she was going to announce her agent, before making the call.
“Hello, Rena,” the familiar voice sounded a few seconds later on the other side of the line.
“Have you arrived well in Nagoya?”“Yes, yesterday afternoon,” the young actress replied, noting her interlocutor’s calm and polite tone. Under other circumstances, she wouldn’t have think anything of it but today, it caught her slightly off guard. If she didn’t know any better, she could easily think her agent was still completely in the dark, and the news of the article had not reached her yet. “I was calling to inform you I’m not going to sign the contract. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.”
There was no reply, and the older Matsui held her breath in anticipation, unsure how the older woman was going to receive the news. Until now, she had always supported her decisions, even when she unexpectedly told her she wanted to stay in Nagoya for a few months at the end of the shooting of
Destiny.
But this was an unforeseen situation: never had she changed her mind at the last minute, just before the signing of a contract. Rena was a decisive person: once her mind was made, she never moved backwards. Much as it certainly didn’t please her to backtrack in such an unprofessional way, she didn’t see any other option.
“I spoke on the phone with the director earlier on,” her agent said at last.
“He reaffirmed his deep wish to have you as leading actress of his movie. I really think you should accept the role.”Rena processed the piece of information, reading behind the lines easily. Indirectly, her agent was informing her that - even though the director was definitely aware of the article - he was choosing not to pay attention to the rumors. A part of her definitely felt bad for letting him down, especially when he was still relying on her so much.
However, much as mulled it over in her head, she couldn’t think of any alternative. Of course, she could always visit Jurina on the week-end, as both cities were only one hour away by train. Much as it definitely was a possibility, she quickly brushed it away. Once she would have signed the contract, there would be no turning back. If something serious happened to Jurina while she was away, she would be bind by her contract and completely stuck in Osaka.
To be honest, it wasn’t the sole reason why she was refusing the role. Since the article got released, she had difficulty focusing on anything else. Given the fact the shooting was supposed to start at the end of the week, she seriously feared she would have a hard time doing her job properly when her mind was not at it.
The director had picked her because he had admired her work on
Destiny. As a result, she owed him exactly the same: a flawless performance. No middle ground was conceivable and even less acceptable. If she was incapable to give her everything in that role, then another actress had to replace her.
“I’m truly sorry…” Rena acknowledged her agent’s attempt to make her change her mind, and couldn’t hold it against her. After all, she was doing exactly the job required from an agent: guide their clients, and make sure they took the best decisions when it came to their professional career. “I will call the director in person to apologize.”
“I just don’t want you to regret it later. The agency is supporting you no matter what, but… as your agent, I wouldn’t advise you to stay in Nagoya right now. I know Jurina and you are close, but I think it would be best to put some distance with her. At least, until things have settled down a little.”Close.Rena didn’t know what to think when her agent used that very neutral word to describe her relationship with the other girl. Oh no, she definitely never told her agent they were both romantically involved. That was a piece of information she had carefully kept to herself all this time, firmly convinced her private life was no one’s business. In fact, the younger girl had very rarely been a subject of topic these last years, except on a professional level when they were supposed to do a job together.
Did her agent believe the conclusions drawn by the article, and supported by the compromising pictures? Or did she, like a certain part of her fanbase, disregard them as ridiculous rumors? The older Matsui had not a clue, but she had no intention of asking. Nevertheless, one piece of information surely didn’t escape her keen hearing. Despite the article, it appeared her agency had decided to keep on supporting her.
She had been mentally prepared to change agency if needed, and the knowledge she wouldn’t have to go through such trouble relieved her. Somehow, this positive outcome made her hope the article might not have too many repercussions on her actress career after all.
“I’m really thankful for your guidance,” Rena replied in all honesty. Until now, her agent had always given her sound advice, and she was definitely grateful for that. For nothing in the world, she would want to replace her. But in that case in particular, she had no choice but to go against her wishes. “I was truly looking forward to working with Matsumoto-san, but I have to decline that role.”
After those last words, Rena didn’t hear her agent insisting again. Whether she agreed with her final decision or not the older woman kept her thoughts to herself carefully, and they hang up a few seconds later. Rena let out a small sigh in relief, glad the matter was finally over. It had not been an easy announcement to make, but she was convinced it was the right thing to do.
While she was resting on the sofa Rena started feeling the effects of her very short night, and she had to blink a few times to try hard to stay awake. No, she had not slept a lot the previous night…
After placing her phone on the coffee table, she laid down, deciding to take a small nap. Staring mind-absently at the ceiling of her living room, it didn’t take long before her thoughts drifted to Jurina and - as her eyelids closed progressively – hoped deep down she would also soon receive reassuring news.
It was the sound of her phone beeping that woke her up. Given the fact she was still feeling terribly sleepy when she opened her eyes tentatively, she figured she mustn’t have slept a lot. A fact that got confirmed when she realized it was still broad daylight, and the time on the clock in her living room indicated it was the beginning of the afternoon.
Once her eyes got accustomed to the light better, she extended her arm towards the table to reach for her phone, a little frustrated by the unwilling disturbance. Why didn’t she mute the sound on her phone earlier on? She was sleeping so well. All negative thoughts vanished when she realized it was a text from Jurina, and she straightened up on the sofa to read it.
When she read the three little words written in her message, her heart stopped.
They suspended me.
TO BE CONTINUED