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Author Topic: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom: the beginning of Darkness  (Read 28392 times)

Offline hackata48

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The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom: the beginning of Darkness
« on: July 27, 2015, 08:37:42 AM »
Greetings to you loyal retainers of the House of Eadwulf.

As I decree as your king are the writing of the Adventures of my son, Sakura Miyawaki of Kagoshima, Wulfgar 'the Tower' Bjornsson, Osgar Daguth and Ulrich 'Young Wolf' Langobard and all of there friends.

May you enjoy and be inspired by this epic story.

-From High King Gewis Eadwulf of Gimael.


 :welcome


http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/978407/1
« Last Edit: June 11, 2016, 07:47:46 PM by hackata48 »
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline Centernezumi

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Hi author san!!
The fic is good and i wish you could post it here in jphip...
also, can you pm me your Asianfanfics username?
Also,Hello new member!!:jphip:,
Centernezumi (ianalvarez)

Offline hackata48

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My Asian Fanfic name is the same as my Jphp and Instagram and Steam (Hack-ata-48)
I'm not really comfortable with the controls of JpHp when I write my stories. I'm actually writing the next chapter right now and should be done within the week. I will post link to new chapter when its ready. And call me Hack or Rain
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph)
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2015, 01:21:57 PM »
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/978407/6/ NEW CHAPTER UP! HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT

"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline noel nguyen

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2015, 02:17:52 PM »
Who is main couples in your fic ?

Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2015, 04:04:38 PM »
Rainoric (OC) x Sakura Miyawaki (friendship to romance) I'm also pairing my other OC's also have a friendship pairing with the AKB girls in the story plus Paruru's little brother
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Online MaYukiIsLife

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2015, 04:45:06 PM »
Are you gonna add anymore AKB members into it? Oh and I was the one who commented :)

Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2015, 06:07:52 PM »
not really, my Creative writing teacher says I could confuse my readers if I introduce to much characters. But I will reference other members as I write the story. And I'm gonna have to do some editing. I have noticed some errors in my story that needs to be changed
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline kuro_808

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2015, 04:34:16 AM »
^ Definitely editing is good

I do have some suggestions...

First off, chapters I find so far have too many POV's overall, they should be split (I was caught by that many times and was further corrected because readers are confused easily most of the time with POV changes)

Secondly, I'm against an OC in fan fiction.  It gives off a weird vibe because the interaction between two worlds isn't the type of reading and from the first chapter, it already starts from the OC POV.  It's either create an OC in its own universe or the OC is a being in the idol's world.  (My preference)

Get a proofreader is definite in your case just for confirmation.

Overall the writing is okay.  However, chapter setup is messy to comprehend the attention of everyone. :)
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Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2015, 08:44:01 AM »
So when you mean "split it" you mean just have 2 POV's that switch occasionally?
I think I can get a friend in school to profread for me. TY
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline kuro_808

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2015, 04:47:08 PM »
Switch every other chapter per se

Switching within a chapter is torture for readers like me trying to figure out everything.  Developing a story has to be a story within itself.  Each chapter even in little details has to reveal something to the reader.  You can't give too much or not give them anything at all :nervous

Honestly, as a reader I would have not read it passed the first paragraph because of the instant theme and the fact that it didn't start off with the fandom itself :thumbdown:

I hope you don't feel discouraged by my words but the best thing is to consider what's the best path overall
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Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #11 on: July 31, 2015, 02:10:22 AM »
My teacher says i need to eat criticism whether you like it or not.
Im writing this story to tune up my creative writing which I have classes on.
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline kuro_808

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #12 on: July 31, 2015, 02:32:11 AM »
My teacher says i need to eat criticism whether you like it or not.
Im writing this story to tune up my creative writing which I have classes on.


That's the thing to get yourself going :hip smile:

The worst thing is really none at all because it doesn't say anything what's really the issue at hand :nervous

Right now because from my POV you are only at the surface and the best thing is to read others to see how they write and see how they display their works.

Suggested authors (if interested)

kevinwkl
katekyohit
Yuki88
lezperv
Seigus
LoyalFlutist

These authors are the better ones with updated stories (within so many months on here)

sakura_drop has her own site which you can drop by mainly through http://akblasphemy48.com/

I think many things you have heard through your teacher about writing in general but fan fiction is a different monster and the best way is to get yourself accustomed and the work from there :)
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Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2015, 01:17:37 PM »
I have an extremely dumb but somehow briliant idea for a character in my story but I want to ask you guys, would you like to see a 'Living' Hachiko the dog Statue?
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Online MaYukiIsLife

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2015, 01:24:19 PM »
I don't mind, as long as you can develop that character through the chapter/story.

Offline Cometerz48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #15 on: August 03, 2015, 05:41:17 PM »
Hello, this is my first time commenting this fic. I've been watching though  :hip smile:

To me personally the theme of the story is alright. I don't mind OC as long as you can collaborate it well with the 48G members that you have in mind (you know.. Since you're posting in an AKB Fanfiction thread). As Kurosawa said, the POV switches kinda confuse me as a reader. Especially with the small details on the main chara which I understand it is an OC and starts the story with his own POV.

My hopes for further developement of this story are maybe for you to give us readers the image of what the main character actually like mentally. Is he totally barbaric? Does he kill so easily like his friends? How does he feel when he kills? Does he honestly have feelings or he's just the same as everybody as to do things in the name of glory? What makes this main character differ from others of his kind?

Secondly, as I said before I hope that you would start bringing up the correlation between the main chara and the member you have in mind. Because personally the first two chapters was rather dull as to there is no interactions yet between the two, I guess I'm a kind of impatient readers. :oops:

Crazy idea is normal as long as again, it can go with the theme and the fact that you are posting in a certain idol group fanfiction thread.

Cheers, I hope you keep developing this story and posts well~ as I also need too.


Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #16 on: August 03, 2015, 05:54:45 PM »
Thanks for the words, i will keep that in mind as I write the story. I may start planning out some action scenes. And maybe Sakura can get some use of that action movie training put into practice.
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline kuro_808

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #17 on: August 03, 2015, 08:30:41 PM »
Character wise you can add whoever, it doesn't matter too much unless it is relevant to the story :nervous
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Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Glorious Triumph
« Reply #18 on: August 07, 2015, 04:47:12 PM »
No Update for this week, since im gonna be attending an Anime Convention this weekend. But my next chapter (Sakura in Gimael) is almost done. and I took heed of your advice of adding some scenes involving some acts of barbarism and a very dramatic Sakura-Rainoric interaction.

BTW follow my instagram https://instagram.com/hackata48/ and check out my Paruru MLG meme. And a photo of me at NMB48 theater.(which you have to scroll abit to see)
TY for your support so far in my little project.

 8)
*smashes francisca to the table*
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

Offline hackata48

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Re: The Barbarian's Cherry Blossom (New Chap: Sakura in Gimael)
« Reply #19 on: August 11, 2015, 09:36:40 AM »
New chapter up!
It took me up awhile to think up some scenes of Rainoric being a typical Barbarian. So Dont be surprised of any trauma he may inflict in this chapter and the next.
Plus a very tense Sakura- Rainoric interaction is added to (Not familiar with writing a dramatic scene so please send feedback

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/978407/7/the-barbarian-s-cherry-blossom-crossover-fantasy-friendship-romance-scifi-akb48-miyawakisakuraPS
Thanks for the Support Ultimate Locksmith.

« Last Edit: August 12, 2015, 10:44:01 AM by hackata48 »
"WHERES THE FIGHTING AT?!?"

"SPACE MARINES! ATTACK!"

Author of the Barbarian's Cherry Blossom AKB48/Endless Legend fic
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39549.0

Knight and Chapter Master of Starmarie
http://forum.jphip.com/index.php?topic=39562.0

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