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Author Topic: R I V E R (MaYuki - COMPLETED) + Extra chapters (06/07/2013)  (Read 56541 times)

Offline Majijo.Soul

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Re: [Complete] R I V E R – Extra IV - B – (9/13/12)
« Reply #320 on: December 03, 2012, 09:05:49 PM »
It's good to hear from you again! I thought you got bored or died because of idols or something :panic:

I'm really glad to hear that you really liked the Twin Towers in this chapter. I wasn't too sure what to do with their characterizations 'cause I didn't know them enough when I wrote this fic, so I just went with my intuition on their personalities. It's good to know that you like the dynamic I gave them here :twothumbs
I used to have a SaeYaka RIVER one-shot idea floating around, but it got scrapped because of a lack of inspiration, interest, and time, but we'll see if it decides to come back :nervous

Anyways, I don't think Private Derupu ever stood a chance against our lovely gay bees (I still can't believe I wrote that and it's been so long :banghead:). They're all just too skilled and under Takamina's leadership, there's no losing.
Unfortunately, like you said, management really likes piling on duties to specific members. WMidgets seem really tired to me lately :( Here's to supporting them and the burden they carry! If they ever want a personal attendant for free, I'm here!

Back on track, thanks again for writing such a detailed comment! I'm sincerely very grateful for the effort you're putting into this. It's always a great reassurance to know someone is picking up on all the things going on, especially in faster moving settings with so many characters. It seems none of the OTPs and their antics missed your eye :lol:
Thank you once more for this! :twothumbs

And... just don't question Maritroll's badassery.

Again, I'm sorry for the long absence. I've been very busy lately, but hopefully I'll post my next chapter review soon.  8)

Your first comment made me laugh so hard.  :lol:  Also, I'm really glad that hearing from me makes you happy.

All the members have very unique personalities, but both of the Twin Towers are especially great. I love it how each team has a pair with a perfect dynamic (Atsumina and Mayuki as well as Saeyaka).   :heart:   I will be unbelievably happy to read a Saeyaka RIVER one-shot. I don't know what your original idea was, but maybe you should make it Super-woman Sayaka trying to train a younger cadet Sae to be less clumsy. After much frustration Sayaka finally gives up on a lost cause, but then Sae manages to truly impress her captain.  XD 

The idol world is an unfair one.  :(  All fans can do is love and support them (in the case of foreign fans, from afar!).

Thank you for the compliment. This fanfic is too good for someone not to review it in depth.   :twothumbs

By the way, if each character had an emoticon...

Maritroll:  8)2
Yuuchan:  :grin:
Harunyan:  Somewhere between :catglare: and  :cathappy:
« Last Edit: December 03, 2012, 10:35:51 PM by Majijo.Soul »

Offline Majijo.Soul

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Re: [Complete] R I V E R – Extra IV - B – (9/13/12)
« Reply #321 on: December 04, 2012, 05:37:46 PM »
Chapter 5 (Where the real hardcore action begins!)

You've had some great chapter beginnings, but chapter 5 was undoubtedly the most memorable to me the first time I read this fic. You incorporated the RIVER lyrics perfectly into the dialogue. And I also love how adhere to the PV scenes, like the epic river crossing that is the song's focal point, but give it a more personal touch with the lively personalities of each girl.  :twothumbs

Seeing how the soldiers act under duress is interesting, but you always manage to put a cute little comment for each pairing (like Mayu clinging on Yuki, the way Kasai calls Itano 'Tomochin', and how Kojiharu worries for Yuuchan). Crossing the river is clearly a much greater challenge for the WMidgets, both of whom probably aren't tall enough to ride some roller coasters.  :lol:  Their poor ace, extrodinary as she is, may also not be up to the challenge. IRL Acchan said that she was scared of swimming after almost drowning once. Again, it's very interesting how you mirror actual personalities of the members but add special traits to make them seem more like soldiers. Also, all three Captains are really serious in these scenes. I can imagine their stony 'maji' expressions, especially Sayaka.

So it's the fault of Colonel Bitchzilla that the helicopter spotted our Gay Bees? A coincidence? I think not!  :angry:

This chapter shows some facets to your characters we haven't seen yet. For one, even the 'ever-composed' Mari-troll panics slightly. Secondly, the my-paced Harunyan unexpectedly stands up to put the Colonel in her place. I agree with Yuuchan: “Go Nyan-nyan!”  :twothumbs

These next few scenes have some intense action, and they also have the first time a character gets hurt. Some people were probably unhappy that their beloved characters got hurt, but I think it's rather more realistic than having AKB team come out completely unscathed. But the suddenness of Erena's near-fatal injury is a bit shocking. The blood flowing through the river makes for evocative imagery.

Another striking moment was when Takamina finally decided to retreat, and the Major and First Lieutenant Acchan called each other by their official designations. I would have also liked you to describe how they were staring at each other – and if Minami actually saw what Acchan was planning as she looked into the eyes of her ace. Atsuko must have done a great job hiding it if her midget didn't realize until it was too late!

Acchan going to finish the impossible mission by herself was really admirable. So far you had shown what excellent teamwork she had with Takamina, but nothing to indicate why the team considered her their top member. This really proved once and for all that Maeda Atsuko is the ace of of AKB48.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2012, 03:33:41 PM by Majijo.Soul »

Offline Divine Vengeance

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Re: [Complete] R I V E R – Extra IV - B – (9/13/12)
« Reply #322 on: December 05, 2012, 05:13:45 AM »
What's a RIVER fic without the song's lyrics showing up somewhere? XD And you definitely need a badass river crossing attempt :lol:

Once again, I'm really glad that you're picking up on all the little things like interactions between our soldiers. It's really a blessing to know that you're not missing all the little OTP things I snuck in XD I also like how you picked up that fact about Acchan vs water that I took from reality.
Overall, my goal in writing AU fics is to keep the basic cores of characters/people while seeing how the different setting would change them and their interactions with each other, which is why we get to see details from reality reflected in our idols while having some slight adjustments and twists here and there more befitting of RIVER :twothumbs

The ultimate goal of this chapter was to show that shiz was going down, so your reaction to poor Erepyon, everyone's increased panic/tension/stress, and the Major-Ace duo's change in attitude is well noted.
Regarding the latter's eye contact, Takamina probably anticipated that Acchan would want to do something to salvage the situation but hoped that the ace would obey her strict order. Too bad someone's future wife is more stubborn than the major :rofl: With that said, Takamina might have been able to see more during that staredown, but you don't exactly get to have an eye-argument when you have a bleeding comrade and the threat of returning choppers :nervous

Thank you once more for your insight and lengthy review. I really appreciate the effort and thought you have put into this, and I look forward to the next review! :twothumbs
If you're busy, no pressure at all XD

P.S. I apologize if I made little to no sense in this reply. As of right now, I am absolutely braindead and dying of exhaustion so my coherence is even more lacking than usual :bleed eyes:
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Offline risa_ai

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Re: [Complete] R I V E R – Extra IV - B – (9/13/12)
« Reply #323 on: December 07, 2012, 10:39:06 AM »
Okay. I snuck in, read the fic, escaped, came back, read the fic again, AND HERE I AM GOOD MORNING.
I just wanna say that this fic is an Ubber-duper-crazylicious-perfecto-atsumina-kojiyuu-and-other-akb-parings-filled-fic. xD I really enjoyed all the Atsumina moments. :3 so... WRITE MORE?  :ptam-wub: :ptam-wub:
All my OTP feels after reading this... :ptam-hbk: :ptam-hbk:

Offline Divine Vengeance

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Re: R I V E R – SSA Log #9 – Stupid Maxwell's Demon
« Reply #324 on: July 06, 2013, 08:28:05 AM »
Not!A/N: So... guess what we have today? It’s been a while since anything from RIVER has updated, but we have a new installment in store. Funnily enough, this log is being posted exactly a year after the previous one. This is written by one of my beta readers, Titi, who is the lovely writer of Hallucination. I hope you enjoy!

Stupid Sexy Acchan and Stupid Maxwell’s Demon

SSA Log #9 – Entered 7/5/13 by Titi

A/N: Hi.

--<>--

It was a hot day. Summer had climbed the stairs of ascendency and engulfed all areas under its dominance in torpor, cloaking the azure, cloudless sky with visibly swaying heat. Bearing the relentless, brilliant rays of the sun, the outline of Akiba Base transformed to a wavy distortion, seeming ready to float into the firmament any moment. One could elucidate it as an illusion of the desert, though, despite there being no land of sand in the vicinity.

On days such as this, even the roof of the building could not manage to deliver a rescue to the personnel working in this heat. Unfortunate incidents were guaranteed to happen, such as—

“Major Takahashi!” At the mention of her name, a person of modest height turned on her heels. She, being relieved of her duty, was making her way to the so-called “common room,” namely so for the reason that there being no other use for a certain large room. Her ribbon now lay neatly in her right hand, as it was unbearable to have extra weight on her head with this temperature.

Takahashi Minami looked at Matsui Rena, both of whom had equally flushed faces and equally drenched clothing. “Yes, 2nd Lieutenant Matsui?”

After a moment of hesitation and fidgeting, Rena proposed her intention. “Major Takahashi, may I…” she paused, licked her bottom lip, and continued with a discerned worry, “may I request permission to leave duty?” Furrowing her brows, she added, “For an hour?”

The short major raised her eyebrow. “And for what reason?”

“2nd Lieutenant Matsui Jurina hasn’t perspired for the past hour. I believe it is a case of heatstroke.”

“Ah,” Minami made a simple noise of recognition, pondered about it for several seconds, and smiled. “Permission granted. You’ll escort her to the infirmary, I take it?”

“Yes, thank you,” Rena gave her a smile of her own in appreciation.

“Before you go, though, call someone on duty to take over your post. Also, don’t make her drink too much water. Let her drink something like tea.”

She grinned as Rena, who was already on her way down the hall, shouted another “thank you”, and resumed her short walk to said ‘common room’. As she rounded a corner, voices mixed in an unrecognizable din reached her ears, and she shook her head and mumbled, “Who has the energy to talk so loudly in this kind of weather?”

Arriving at her destination, Minami grabbed the doorknob, turned, and pulled the door, creating a gap through which cold air from the other side escaped and the voices went on a crescendo. Another smile made its way to her face as she entered the room, closing the door behind her, glad to avoid the heat.

Her target was the colossal sofa dwelling in the center of the room, where some of her friends occupied. Her eyes scanned the ‘paradise’ while her feet carried her to the target. At the far end was Yokoyama Yui, sitting on a rather comfortable chair and reading a book. Several other chairs decorated the room. Next to her, in the corner stood a bookshelf, replete with books on technology, dotted here and there with some comic books. “Who brought mangas in here again?” Minami groaned. In another corner was the air conditioner, breathing blasts of chilly air throughout the room.

In the middle was the aforementioned sofa, on which sat Shinoda Mariko and Minegishi Minami, who were obviously watching the thin LCD monitor lying in front of the wall. Beside them were Oshima Yuko and Watanabe Mayu, their eyes glued to the screen, their hands smashing some small objects, occasionally yelling and jerking their bodies to the motions on the screens. From their hands, small black cables protruded and led to the black box before the TV. There was some space left on the sofa.

Kojima Haruna was sitting on a wooden chair near the sofa, between the sofa and the entrance, with her back facing the door. A PSP had her focus. Yuko would occasionally cuss, followed by Haruna’s “Language, Yuuchan!” Mayu would shriek when her character was attacked by whatever thing which was her enemy, and the two audiences continued cheering. Another object, however, caught Minami’s attention more than the source of noise. An Xbox lay a few feet behind Haruna. “Who did this!?” Minami growled.

Everyone here was off-duty. As Minami approached the sofa, a soft click sounded from the door, and she turned to find Maeda Atsuko entering, which prompted a smile from the midget. Atsuko smiled back and walked over to stand by her side. Minami decided against sitting on the sofa, seeing there was only enough space for one. She deemed it better to stand with Atsuko.

The taller girl pulled at the collar of her shirt and began fanning herself using it. She was trying to dry the sweats, which drenched her uniform in a darker hue. Hair clung to her face in a manner that made Minami aware of the scorching temperature despite being in a cool room. Drops of clear, transparent liquid slowly crawled along Atsuko’s well-defined face, travelling down her neck and hiding behind the collar. Dabbing her nose with the sleeve of her uniform, Atsuko’s eyes met Minami’s.

Minami nervously smiled at Atsuko and, reproaching herself for being caught staring, averted her eyes. She felt Atsuko move in closer and slightly lean on her shoulder.

“Ah hah! Take this! Kamehameha! The power of fantasy!” Yuko shouted as she jumped up slightly from her seat, pushing the controller down for further emphasis of said “power of fantasy.”

Mayu raised her voice to match that of Yuko. “There is no such thing as the ‘power of fantasy’! There’s no other explanation to Goku’s power than Maxwell’s Demon!” As she finished her line, both hers and Yuko’s characters died, eliciting a cry of dismay from Yuko, who tossed the controller to Mayu and leaned back against the soft surface of her seat.

“I give up!” Yuko whined, rubbed her eyes, and proceeded to move closer to Haruna. “Nyan-nyan, what are you playing~”

“What is this ‘Maxwell’s Demon’ you speak of?” Yui lowered her book and directed her attention at Mayu now.

“You definitely took it from another one of your physics books, didn’t you?” Miichan grinned.

“Don’t make Yukirin mad with your physics talk, or else she’ll incinerate them books of yours.” Mariko snickered as Mayu gave a painful moan at her statement and continued, “Let’s see…” She put an index finger on her chin and pretended to be in deep pensiveness. “Last time she burned two of your books on hand grenades. Yup, this time she’ll burn the rest.”

“Boo!” Mayu pouted.

“So are you gonna explain? Or are you gonna leave us in the dark?” Yuko asked from her position of having her head on Haruna’s laps, with the lower half of her body still on the sofa and most of the upper half hanging in the air.

“Ah hah! So you’re interested! Good, Professor Watanabe shall teach it to you!” This brought a chuckle out of Minami, who was directly behind Mayu, which made the younger girl jump to her feet. When she realized it was the major, she sighed and threw Minami an accusing glare.

“I didn’t mean to. I mean, I didn’t know you were that much of a scaredy-cat,” Minami said as she smirked. She turned toward Atsuko, who quietly giggled, and at times like this remembered the uniform was---or at least the shirts were—almost see-through.

“Ya-hoy!” Miichan half yelled with a smirk. “Or was it ‘Yay-hoy’?” she asked and half yelled again at ‘Yay-hoy.’

Mayu mumbled a “boo” and quickly brightened once again as she moved on to the topic that recently caught her interest. As the team’s cyborg and an explosives maniac, her frequent love for physics was inevitable and understandable.

“Well, there’s this thing called the Second Law of Thermodynamics, which basically says that heat flows naturally from an object at a higher temperature to an object at a lower temperature, quoted physics for dummies. It has more, but we’re not physics maniacs, so I’ll leave it there. You get it?”

At everyone’s nod, Mayu carried on. “Well, there is this guy whose name is Maxwell. He proposed this hypothesis where this Second Law could be violated—”

“Violated! Woot!” Yuko cheered, interrupting Mayu, and earned a smack to the head from Haruna.
 
Mayu grinned at Yuko and slapped her palm against Yuko’s. “Anyway, in an isolated environment, like a room separated from the universe, the Second Law will occur. It’s mostly impossible. But say we split the room in two with a door in-between, guarded by a being—the demon—that can follow the motion of individual molecules moving in the room. Now suppose that this demon allows faster molecules to pass to one side, and slower molecules to the other, he will, without exerting energy, raise the temperature of one side and lower that of the other.

This decreases entropy and thus will generate energy.” Seeing that most eyes had gone blank, Mayu explained, “Entropy is a measure of disorder, and energy must be invested to reverse it. For example, Yuko has to untangle her earphones whenever she takes them out of her pocket, which requires energy. So, because the demon doesn’t need to use energy, entropy is defeated, and this generates energy. Like I said, it’s proven impossible.”

She paused and took a breath. “And that’s why I told you Goku must have used the power of Maxwell’s Demon! ‘Cause Kamehameha’s a blast of heat and energy!”

“Hey! No fair! It’s totally the power of fantasy!” Yuko complained.

“No! Maxwell’s Demon!”

“No! Fantasy!”

“No! Maxwell!”

“No! Fantasy!”

“No! Demon!”

“Who says Goku’s a demon?”

“I do!”

The girls continued their bickering, causing others to shake their heads. “Remind me how old are they again?” Minami sighed.

“Love-struck teenagers,” replied Miichan as she and Mariko bet on who would prevail over the silly argument. “Ice cream.”

“I’ll give you my signature if I lose,” Mariko smirked.

“Deal’s over, yo dawg!”

“How about one of Mariko-sama’s fantabulous sunglasses?”

“I said deal’s over, man!”

“Oy, no betting in the military,” Minami jokingly scolded. Then she looked at Atsuko and asked, “What’s wrong?” Her partner was unusually quiet.

“Hmm…” she hummed and after a while answered in a quite naïve manner. “I wish that demon were real.”

“Hah?” Minami thought her eyes must look like those of a dead fish, in fact, like Kashiwagi Yuki’s eyes whenever the latter put on her reaction queen’s face.

Atsuko nodded and asserted her previous statement by another hum. She now faced Minami, who suddenly noticed the unfastened button on her partner’s collar button and her slender neck that moved in vibration with each word. “I want that demon. It can open that ‘door’ so that the hot air will go outside and the cold air will stay in the base.”

“Uh, Acchan, I, uh…” Minami trailed off, gulped as if thirsty, and scratched her cheek, which felt flushed under her fingers. “I don’t… uh, think it works that way.”

“But certainly someone looks like she needs to cool off her head,” Yui announced her presence, which unfortunately had been rather dim due to her silence, and grinned as her target of teasing snapped her head to glare at her.

“True! True! So true!” Miichan and Mariko nodded sagely. Another “So much truth!” could be heard amidst the still bickering girls’ shouts.

“What! You guys—” About to rant on how she would never be or do this and that, the short major stopped in her track as she felt something trickle down her nostril. Quickly sniffing and pushing her index finger against her nostril, Minami could tell from the others’ faces that she was rather late in her attempt and wiped her nose with her other hand, which came away with a red streak on it. “Damn.”

“Yo~ You think Takamina’s demon opened the door to let all the blood to her head, while her feet are cold? She has too much blood running to her head for what~ever reason, it looks like~” Yuko teased.

“No, no, her demon opened the door to let her hormones out~~” Mayu sang.

“Her demon?” Miichan mused, “Oh, you mean her manhood? Oh my gosh, you’re so manly, Takamina!” Atsuko ssexy beasted at Miichan’s statement, furrowing her eyebrows in a comical way and scrunching up her nose.

“Then don’t you think Acchan is the demon? I mean,” Mariko smirked, nudged Minami, “I mean, she’s why you’re opening up your hormones dam,” and laughed.

“You guys, give her a break!” Haruna finally looked up from her PSP-meditation and fended off a certain midget who kept singing “Nyan-nyan~.” “It’s fine, you know? It’s understandable, because her heart has a man’s thing.”

“No! That is not fine! I do not have a man’s thing in my heart! Absolutely not!” Her cheeks flushed further with the teasing.

“You don’t have to be shy; we understand,” Yuko said, which drew a laugh from everyone.

Said manly person pouted and mumbled to herself. “Stupid sexy Acchan. Screw her! Screw stupid sexy Acchan! Stupid sexy Acchan and stupid sexy collar. Stupid sexy neck.”

While she immersed herself in her rant of a list of “stupid sexy” things, Atsuko smiled sweetly and reassured her, “Don’t worry, I don’t mind if your hormones run amok.”

“No! I said that is not fine!” As the room was filled with laughter once more, the poor girl grimaced and grumbled. “Stupid what's-his-name's demon!"

--<>--
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Offline Divine Vengeance

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #325 on: August 01, 2013, 09:08:56 AM »
R I V E R

Extra II ­– B
(Posted 8/1/13)

Warning: Mild language and violence ahead.

A/N: This takes place several years before the events in R I V E R.

Shoutout to my wonderful penpal (keyboardpal?) over here at jphip. I hope you know who you are! :P

--<>--

[REDACTED]

--<>--

A/N: Also, just a quick note: I might stop updating, especially here, since readership is nearly gone.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2016, 06:22:59 AM by Divine Vengeance »
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Offline sakura_drop_

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #326 on: August 01, 2013, 02:37:56 PM »
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! I'll start a campaign!!! I'll throw a tantrum!!!! The raging club or society!!!! Divine-san!!!!!

I did not comment but it dun mean I dun love your fic!!!!!!

I....am so like you, realizing the forum is nothing like it was before and that the readers dun appreciate the writers' hard work at all!!!!

You are my god of fanfics together with the one who is already gone!!!

I am already baffled by her leaving but if you leave too...

AAAAHHHHH, iyada~!!!!!!

 :tantrum: :tantrum: :tantrum: :tantrum: :tantrum: :tantrum: :tantrum: :tantrum: :on blackhole: :on blackhole: :on blackhole: :on blackhole: :on blackhole: :on blackhole: :on blackhole: :on blackhole: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye: :on cloudeye:
"人間みんな変態だから" - 古川愛李, SKE48 新高柳チームKII 「シアターの女神」千秋楽公演, 2014.04.18 <"Because all people are perverts." - Furukawa Airi, SKE48 New Takayanagi Team KII [Theater no Megami] Last Stage, 2014.04.18>

My Blog: J-Pop and K-Pop Abode   The list of my fics in JPH!P: My fics   My fics can be found here also: AKBlasphemy48   Let's have fun here: Acchan48   My home and family: United Nations Society of Adorkable Writers



My KamiOshis: Yuuko-sama, Rena-sama  Oshimen: Yuihime Other favorites: Mirukii, Juri-tan, Ripopo

Offline miayaka

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #327 on: August 01, 2013, 07:02:29 PM »
I miss yuuchan's language :v
mayuki chemistry brushing each other :heart:

Quote
“Hetare– I mean Cadet Sashihara at your service!” her partner declared, imitating the salute.

 :lol:


Offline kahem

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #328 on: August 02, 2013, 12:27:09 AM »
Hehe Mayuki is so cute~

Offline Seigus

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #329 on: August 02, 2013, 02:06:28 PM »
My dear friend, you did it! I thought the Love Stoned update (which I haven't had a chance to review) was it but you surprised me with this RIVER MaYuki Extra! It's been nearly two years since the idea of this was suggested (yes, I went through the previous pages of this thread to find it and in the process, I greedily reread the old extras) and it's finally become a reality. Patience does pay off XD Anyway, this latest MaYuki came at the most appropriate time. It was the light at the end of the tunnel, the comforting warmth of a lover's embrace, the surprise tissue pack in your pocket when the toilet paper has run out... Alright, the last one was a bit of a joke but you get my drift. Yesterday was a horrible day for me; the worst in recent years to be exact. I wasn't expecting anything to chase the storm away but along came your update and I found myself genuinely laughing and smiling for the first time since waking up. I'm not exaggerating. Your update was like Chicken Soup for the Soul. And for that, let me express my deepest gratitude to you.

Anyways, enough of my personal issues. Let's get this review started.

As always, you don't disappoint and you remind me why I love the RIVER-verse so much. The characters - even if they are just the supporting cast - are an entertaining bunch with their distinct personalities. It was great seeing the clumsy hetare cadet Sashihara and the calm and all-knowing Yokoyama again. Heck, it was awesome to hear the soldiers grumbling about Public Enemy No.1 Eguchi too. We all need a bitch to hate on :lol: The brief mention of the Akimoto-Miyazawa duo brought back fond memories of that air duct training incident. Seriously, Sae is not made for stealth.

Quote
“It’s just… She knows how to push buttons that other people don’t even know exist,” she sighed.

A very NSFW mental image crossed my mind the moment I read that line. I mean, I'm not sure about buttons but Mayuyu does have an innate talent of handling a certain superior's "doorknobs" :rofl:

During the mission, I can't help but squeal internally at the duo's dynamics which give hints of what their future relationship in the main RIVER story will be like. Mayuyu, despite being the skilled bomb-loving cyborg is prone to fear and little panic outbursts, just like the time they had to cross the deep river in that suicide mission. Good thing there's the Great Kashiwagi for her to rely on. It was really kind of Yukirin to offer Mayuyu assurance in times of need instead of rebuking her for showing her weak side.

One thing I like about your writing is your choice of words to deliver humour and wit that pack a punch without going into too much details. Here are some examples that stand out to me.

Quote
“There are some trees out there,” she informed as she quickly began packing up her equipment. “We can aim for them instead of the concrete.”
Quote
She subconsciously gulped as she judged the distance between a lucky landing and utter doom.
Quote
Mayu made a literal leap of faith.

And Mayuyu thanking the god of rear ends... I see what you did there 8) I also got a huge laugh when Yukirin said her first words after the jump, admitting how crazy her idea was. Not so brave now, are we? :lol:

Then the wild old lady appears! :rofl: :rofl: It was totally random but somehow fit the already ridiculous situation they were in. The First Lieutenant has her little cyborg to thank for being alert while she was busy fussing over herself and being a reaction queen... although the Corporal becomes a complete klutz in her presence. But hey, on the bright side, that Beckham-worthy kick gave Yukirin a chance to lay claim to the younger soldier! I wonder what the old woman had to say to that XD

Quote
A certain lieutenant closed her eyes and clenched her jaw in patience as she lay on the dirt. She exhaled very slowly as she waited for the now-familiar weight above her to move.

This sentence made me giggle like the hopeless MaYuki shipper I am. Seems like Yukirin has long gotten use to the feeling of Mayuyu pressed against her. As much as she appears to be annoyed by the accidental skinship, her subconscious mind has already accepted it and boy, I would even say she enjoys it. The last scene in the dorm room is just so darn sweet. Yukirin choosing to swallow all sarcastic remarks and showing her gentle side to Mayuyu was... :wub: :wub: Oh look! She even held the door open for Mayuyu! :inlove:

Thank you so much for this MaYuki extra. I really, really love it and it makes me long for more RIVER MaYuki from you (or any MaYuki for that matter) because you sure know how to stir my OTP feels. I have already read this five times and I swear that number will go up again very soon. All the dark clouds in my head have already cleared by the time I'm done typing this review. You sure you didn't put a happy spell in your writing? I'm certainly looking forward to more works from you - be it RIVER, Love Stoned or any Irrelevant Stories. Nothing makes my day better than seeing an update from you :twothumbs

Oh, and if you ever stop updating here, you can bet that I'll be hounding you like a vengeful spirit :P

Offline Chanaline

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #330 on: August 03, 2013, 11:18:09 AM »
Waaaaaay I'm so happy that you update it!!!! It was really fun! Mayuki are really weird :lol:

You make all the character very interesting! You should continue :thumbsup

Thank you for the update :)
Mayuki = Cutest couple



Married?!-Mayuki fanfic (maybe it will have another pair)

Offline risa_ai

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #331 on: August 03, 2013, 01:33:49 PM »
DON'T YOU DARE DISAPPEAR I WILL HAUNT YOU DOWN IF YOU DO ;-; It's not like you don't know how much I love you anyway



MaYuki goodness just makes me sit in a dark corner and  ;) ;) ;) ;)
But then. Why is Mayu such a cyborg.


And that Kojiyuu moment at the end I saw it. xD

Offline LoyalFlutist

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #332 on: August 04, 2013, 05:58:02 AM »
Wow! An update! From this series! :shocked: I hope I'm not imagining things, LOL. :panic: One of the few series that had actually gotten me introduced into the world of fan fictions for the 48 Group universe~ Finally received an update! :deco:

I remember reading your work actually not from this forum page but rather on Tumblr from last year. I would always be waiting and waiting for an update as a silent stalker-Er, I meant, as a silent reader, haha. :yep: So now I finally have the chance to comment~ Not to mention that this is considered the first comment ever from me on your series, RIVER.

So, with the update of Extra II - B, I see that both Mayu and Yuki as ever are lively when they're together. Whether they are fighting, arguing or even just talking to each other, the two girls never seem to be ever so quiet. :rofl: And I see that they've got quite a rough situation at hand when they're under fire within the building. Thankfully though they manage to get out of the situation... With some landing feat they've accomplished. (Partially thanks to the "gods of rear end" also. XD) Then when they were exchanging with the civilians, I found it extremely amusing with Mayu's internal thoughts towards Yuki's statement about the girl being her "girlfriend" instead of "sister." Not to mention Yuko probing into their relationship and talking quite a lot about signs of them being in love and such. The squirrel's reaction at the end of the Extra chapter is hilarious, haha. That Yuko~ XD

I'm glad to be able to comment on your work and read another amazing update from you! I hope you stay (and if you leave, I'll be joining the mini hunting squad to chase after you) and thanks for the update on this series, RIVER! :deco:

"Perhaps this is what it means to be bound by sin. To spin in the same circle, looking for where the sin lies, and at some point losing sight of the way out."
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Offline rhin12

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #333 on: August 17, 2013, 06:44:08 AM »
Wow! An update  :shocked and it's MaYuki time!  :inlove: more please~  XD

Hope you won't stop updating, Divine Vengeance-san  :bow:  :bow:  :bow:

Offline Sae Chan

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #334 on: October 21, 2014, 03:13:45 PM »
Cool story please do a SaeYaka extra
Kami Oshi:


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Offline rightsaver143

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #335 on: June 28, 2016, 10:37:03 PM »
Why are some ofthe chapters redacted?! :angry: :smhid :thumbdown: :banghead: :banghead: :angry:

Offline skylarkdragonstar

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Re: R I V E R – Extra II – B – [MaYuki] – (8/1/13)
« Reply #336 on: November 03, 2016, 10:10:39 PM »
Eh?! Why can't I read the chapters?!? What's going on?!? NOOOOO!!!  :OMG:

Author-san, please please PLEEEEAASE fix this! I wanna read these chapters over and over again.  :pleeease:

Offline stevenlun

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Re: [Complete] R I V E R – Extra III – [KojiYuu/MaYuki] – (12/1/11)
« Reply #337 on: April 03, 2017, 02:13:46 AM »
why can't I read the chapter  :cry:

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