I did the unthinkable and updated twice a day. While continuing my long fic
Where My Heart is, I decided to take a break and wrote this based on one of my favourite songs from w-inds. san
KIREIDA (Saeyaka)
If I compared myself to you rationally, we're entirely polar opposites...
Describing it in terms of numbers, we're as different as "6" and "9", right?"Hey, nice to meet you, new joiner!" I patted on your back gently and smiled my brightest smile.
You looked at me with a blank face.
"Hi..." you muttered and stood up from your seat. "Akimoto Sayaka." Extending your hand out confidently, it was me in turn, who cannot disguise my shyness with a happy face. You were so beautiful.
"Mi...Miyazawa Sae desuuuuuuu!" I bowed eagerly and continued babbling to stop my heart from jumping out. "I...we're having lunch over there, would you like to join?"
"It's okay, I will continue with my practice." You smiled curtly and turned away.
Did I...did I scare you off?
But then, you stopped as if you have left something, and turned back to tell me, "I will need a lot of help from you to catch up with all the dances, Sae-san...So I'm glad you came up to say hi." You hesitated because you weren't used to saying warm words like that. Maybe, at that time, you've already seen through the sunshine facade that I put up to hide my true, weak self? And yet, you were so gentle as you always were, and reached out to me.
You were so quiet but confidence exudes from the way you walk. You didn't need to say a lot, but we naturally started following you.
I look at all the empty instant noodles, and realised suddenly that I'm all by myself in the emptied apartment..."Ostukaresama!" The dance teacher clapped his hands and signalled the end of another gruesome day of practice. It was longer than usual because our troupe was suddenly asked to perform in one more song for a band's concert tomorrow. We were all young and unknown that time, and every opportunity counted, so we took up what other dance schools did not dare to do, and practiced till midnight to learn all the choreography.
Everyone was dragging on their feet to pack up their things, but you casually wiped the sweat beads off your face with your soaked t-shirt and started looping the dolphin move in front of the mirror again.
"Sayaka!" I could call you by name now after my relentless pursue to be your friend.
"Sae, ostukaresama deshita!" You smiled and stopped your moves. "I will practice a bit more on my own."
"The studio's air-conditioning is cut off already, you better go home or you'll suffocate soon!" I wrapped a towel on her head and pushed her to sit down.
"Well..." She sighed as her body slides down onto the lacquered dance floor. "To tell you the truth, I missed the last train back to Nerima already..."
"You live in Nerima!?"
"It's affordable you see..."
"Come on!" I pulled her up and grabbed her bag. "Stay at my place tonight." I didn't know where this urge came from, but I took the lead and didn't turn around all the way till we reached our apartment. I turned my key and unlocked the door, taking her inside as I finally looked at her face. She was blushing.
I gave her a key the day after, and without spelling out specifically, she gradually moved in.
The picture we took together at Ueno Park that spring is lying beside my crumpled notes. Many times, I wanted to tear it apart, but I can't do it...you were so beautiful."WOAAHH!" You took the acceptance letter from my hand and exclaimed even louder than my own squeals. "Congratulations! You did it! You got in to the Sakae Gorgeous Musical tour!"
It was the first major break in my career. Not only would I dance in the play, I also got lines for a role that have solo numbers. It was a fantastic opportunity. By then, Sayaka herself were already landing jobs here and there, so the stall in my own career, especially when I was technically her senior at dance school, started to make me uncomfortable. Actually, there was something else too. We live together as roommates, and we're just a little bit more than friends...but I couldn't bring myself to tell you at that time. I was so self-loathing and insecure.
"Now Sae...you know what that means." You locked my shoulders with her arms and looked deep into my eyes. I felt myself holding my breath.
"Treat me out for a nice lunch!!!" You jumped up like a child and started dancing like a monkey.
So here we were, after a huge food orgy at the all-you-can eat place, trying to walk away our calories in the park.
"Ne..." you nudged me. "Let's go to the boat pond..."
"EHHHH" The thought of rolling a boat actually tired me to death already.
"Come on... I am not going to let you go on tour with a belly. Exercise your ass out!" She's lecturing but her face is lit like a child who's already eagerly picking out which boat to rent.
And then I couldn't remember how, but we're right in the middle when we saw all other boats occupied by couples. You stare around and started shifting uncomfortably, letting out a small laugh as she saw a couple beside us smooch.
"My idea of a boat ride wasn't..."
"Hey~~ are you saying that it's not romantic to ride with me!" I laugh and tried to reach across to smack her head. However, I was struck into silence by her glistening eyes. The sun was setting to our left and though there's some shadow casted on the other side of her chiseled face, she looked perfect to me, with her velvety, gold-lit hair, and eyes that seemed to speak, "Go for it!" to me.
I leaned further forward and landed my lips on hers. And the rest? Well the rest is...
A lot of things did not go as a planned, silly me...but things that are done cannot be undone. I flicked the photo we took as a couple aside but my eyes landed on the letters you sent me. I start making paper planes out of them."Sae..." You sat down beside me casually, as my eyes were still trained on the TV set with some unimportant baseball match going on.
"Em?" I didn't really answer and sipped my beer.
"I...I got an offer today."
"Well good for you." I look back at her and smiled warmly. However, she didn't look happy at all.
"The offer is, is one year long. It's going to be in Venice."
"In where?!" I turned my whole body away from the television to face her. The crowd just cheered at the exact right moment, seemingly mocking my situation.
"It's an offer with a national level dance group that will spend their year in Europe. I...I can't resist that."
"Sayaka...I, I can see how great it is," I tried to be happy for her, but I can't. "Is there no way to accomplish your dream here, at home?"
"Sae, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity...besides, it is dancing, the thing that we are passionate about most."
This felt like a nasty stab on my chest.
"Do you mean to say that I am wrong to pick up a job in stage directing? I did this for us, for you!" I stood up with tears that I was trying to fight back. I was always the baby to her. The immature little sister in her eyes. I had enough of that. "Have you ever considered that maybe I am not talented as you are, maybe I am more suitable planning and designing stage sets? Did you ever stand by my side when I chose that path?"
"Sae...you misunderstood what I meant..." You furrowed your eyebrows and grimaced, like an adult trying to explain something simple to a child.
"No I understand it perfectly fine. You want me to stand by your decision, right? Well, there you have it. Go to Paris, or whatever, I am 'okay' with it." I smiled mockingly and sat back down, back facing hers.
"Sae...I just want you to know that I love you and I'll always support you in whatever path you take...so please, support me in mine too."
I never turned back around that night. And how I wished I did.
It may seem like a small fight, but things often crumble into pieces because no one thinks that a tiny fracture will mean anything. So I lety ou leave. I sent you off at the airport with my brightest smile. The smile that caught your eye in the beginning. We wrote letters to each other. However, it was evident that the sparks we had together when we're sweating our souls off in a cramped studio were dying.
You were standing on world class stages. I remembered how you described the view where the lights from the audience's glow sticks were so tiny and dense that you felt you're embraced by the stars in the galaxy. I could almost see how spectacular it was in your excited scribbles, almost...
I wrote back about my recent production where the stage lighting could hit on audiences even at the far end of the city hall auditoriums we toured around. It was a fantastic experimental production where the oval shaped walkway extended and allowed impromptu participation of everyone, making the play we stage unique every time. I craved this interaction. This local, unique experience. But as I finished off my letter and sealed it, I wondered whether you get it or not. Would you be able to almost "see" it?
I flew the paper planes off. Fly! Fly away as far as you can! But it landed right at the end of the pathetic one bedroom apartment door, literally meters away from me. Maybe it's time to move out. I turned on the TV and rewinded an old VHS tape which emits screeching noises, protesting that it's reaching its limits. I will watch the "Game of Death" for another time."Sae..." You picked up a small suitcase I packed for you, with all the little possessions you somehow left with me when you flew off to Venice.
"I'm sorry it had to end like this." I looked down and escaped your gaze.
"It doesn't have to." you said. "Look, I'm back for good. We can try this...One more time."
"It's...okay Sayaka!" I laugh nervously and spread a smile. "We will always be friends." You leaned in gave me a hug.
"Sae...you always run away. That's perhaps why we aren't meant to be..." She sighed and let go of me, while I cowardly stayed silent.
Yes, you were right. I can't help it, this personality of mine...you know? I look at our picture together again. Lalala lalala lalala lala it's all right. I can hum a sad song and think about you. Of course, I can't bring myself to tear our picture apart.
You were so beautiful.
Sayaka...
I utter your name mixed with a sigh
Yappari, you are
So beautiful.
Topic: Kireida (Saeyaka OS) - COMPLETED (Read 2592 times)