Hi guys...
it's okay if you don't wanna read this...I mean if you want to know the ending then read on but it's a two shot for a reason...I didn't want to post it before but I thought this might be a good time considering WMatsui lately (or rather the lack of)...Please don't kill me I just wanted to try out this genre...Wow so many comments that's so nice~

I love comments! And I guess a lot of people like WMatsui haha
@Minami-chan: You'll have to read to find out
@Haruko: Haha I guess that means I did a good job?
@buciq: Ah sorry I didn't make that real clear at first

Thanks! I saw a poem like that before and decided to put it in a fic, and I tried to write it as if she was really in that situation and it's first person so lots of thought
@iminlovewithakb: Um read to find out? Oh and I saw your comment on an old story of mine so thanks for that too

Glad you liked it~
@purnamazaki: Haha thanks
@yocelin17: Here's the answer to that and thanks for waitin~
@junchan: Haha the message huh? Um angst...ah I don't really like it either but...

Thanks for reading anyways though, glad it's an exception
@key17: Sorry? Haha...

But do explode on me if you want, I want to hear your guys' reactions

Alright since Misaki so kindly sent me this link for me to cry about lol, I'm adding it in here for some background music when ya read this.
Upside Down (WMatsui)Part IIWe talked a lot. It was like nothing else mattered. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t spoken for years already. It didn’t matter because it was like it didn’t even happen. We were back to our childhood, best friends that shared everything with each other.
There was only me, and her—in this room that felt separated from the entire outside world.
I ignored everything else. There was only Jurina in my eyes for those few hours. Those few hours that felt like an eternity and a few seconds at the same time. I couldn’t hear the buzzing of the lights anymore. The IV on her wrist disappeared. Her slightly hollower than healthy cheeks filled in. Even the gown that was too big on her turned into something else. The room was all white but somehow I saw all the colors of the rainbow.
Just for those few hours.
We laughed, conversed about everything that had happened right from the beginning—or at least as much as we could remember. I’d say something, then Jurina would go, “Oh! And remember when you...”
It was fun. We shared everything again, about our lives and thoughts, caught up on what happened when we weren’t in each other’s lives anymore.
She asked when I had even started cussing, briefly reminding me that I used to be the shy innocent type. I told her it probably started about when we got into high school, and she just remarked with this terribly pained, regretful expression. “I guess I missed that...I missed a lot huh.”
Her eyes told me that it wasn’t just those things that she missed, she missed me. And I missed her, more than I ever admitted to myself.
We tried lightening the mood after that, sticking to more jokes and easy topics. Like it was just some sleepover two normal teenage girls were having.
Jurina was so lively, just like the energetic kid I always knew. We talked about random things, things that didn’t even make any sense and laughed at the most unfunny comments the other made. We must’ve seemed high to anyone who could’ve walked in during our conversation, but it didn’t matter. And you know how at sleepovers, things tend to get pretty intense and personal?
Maybe it was because we knew that it would all come to an end soon, but we even talked about our deepest thoughts and feelings - ones that we had never said out loud before and didn’t even know existed until we spoke them.
I almost forgot.
But then Jurina started getting tired and it felt like reality came back to bite us in the rear. I just smiled, trying to keep it from looking painful, and told her we should go to sleep.
There was still one more thing I wanted to tell her though - something that I should’ve told her a long time ago. But she was tired, and it’d be selfish of me to keep her up any longer.
So I let her curl into my side, arms wrapping snugly around each other and drifting off into a peaceful sleep.
There’s still tomorrow after all.
I’ll tell her tomorrow. First thing in the morning when I get the chance.
---
“Rena-chan...” Jurina’s whisper woke me up.
“Hmm?” I suddenly remembered where I was – curled up in a hospital bed with Jurina. The lights were off so I could just barely make out the outline of her face. It seemed like dawn hadn’t even broken yet. “What’s wrong, Jurina?”
“I feel cold...”
My chest tightened and I tried to ignore it, just wrapping my arms around her as she snuggled closer. It was the best I could do.
“Just let me cuddle with you...just a little longer...”
I nodded, rubbing her arm reassuringly and she did feel cold to the touch. Her breathing was shallow too, but it didn’t really register until later - that she was really leaving for good. Her body felt so tiny in my arms and I’ve never seen her like this. Jurina was always bigger and stronger than me, but now her frame felt even skinnier than mine.
“Nee Rena...” Her use of my name without the honorific kind of startled me out of my thoughts. She never did that unless she was absolutely serious. Her voice was quiet, barely a whisper as she spoke. “...I’m sorry for everything I did...I regret it all...”
I sighed, “Jurina? Shouldn’t you rest?”
“I can’t rest until...I finish saying what I want to tell you...”
Then I couldn’t bring myself to stop her.
“...I found out about my illness when I was in middle school...The symptoms didn’t really register until later though...I wanted to tell you, I really did. But...I was scared.” Jurina seemed sleepy, her eyelids drooping as she took a shaky breath. “...So I pushed you away...and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
“Jurina...please, just rest. You don’t have to apologize.”
But she continued, her voice light and somewhat musing. “I just...didn’t want you to get too attached to me...”
Too late for that.
“The little crybaby Rena that always depended on me to save her from the bullies~”
“I already forgave you, okay? Or really I don’t think I was ever mad at you in the first place—” I choked up a bit then, my emotions got the best of me and I unintentionally made little whimpering sounds. Pathetic, I know.
“There there...It’ll be alright...Everything will be just fine, Rena-chan...Don’t cry~”
I could hear the shakiness in her voice, like
she was trying not to cry.
But Jurina just hugged me even closer and patted my head lightly. Here she was, trying to console me. And I was just being selfish. I had blocked her out, just to save myself from being hurt when she really needed me, so I don’t deserve her now.
Jurina always was the strong one, the happy one, the one who always protected me. She did this all for me. And what did I do? Let her suffer alone – that’s what I did.
God I’m so angry with myself.
“Stop it Jurina, just stop...” My eyes watered until my vision was so blurry I couldn’t even see her. “Stop trying to make light of the situation. You’re always so optimistic. It’s not funny.”
“Hehe sorry~ But one of us has to be the positive one...You’re always so negative Rena-chan~” She smiled up at me.
My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I took in every feature of her face. Jurina had aged drastically, her face tired and her eyes had lost some of their mirth. She was pale, so pale, like a ghost in the darkness, and I almost looked away unable to bear it.
“So try to smile more, Rena-chan. For me.” Jurina smiled weakly, “Eat a crapton of melon pans and...never stop fangirling over anime. Because...that’s the Rena-chan I know and love. Don’t let anybody get you down. I’ll be watching so I can haunt them for you if they do~”
I nodded again, wanting to laugh at her cruel humor but my throat was constricted so it’d just come out as a rasp. But if it was this hard for me, how hard was it on her? Jurina always tried so hard. And for all this time, I didn’t know, I didn’t realize.
How much strength did it take just for her to keep talking? How much pain was she in? I never knew. I still don’t know.
But I should’ve known. I used to know her better than anyone, and I knew that she always liked to fight battles by herself just like this. But I was blinded by my own pain and selfishness so I didn’t see it. Guess Jurina’s not as big of a mystery as I thought.
We had talked a lot last night, but I still had more to say. Maybe they weren’t important things but I just wanted to spend more time with her, laugh about meaningless things, go out to eat together, just anything, anything at all.
If only I had realized this sooner.
“J-Jurina...Please...
please don’t go...” I cried, letting the tears fall and burying my face in her shoulder. I couldn’t help but plea. But it was way too late. And there was nothing else I could do but plea.
Keep smiling? Be happy? Without her? That’s too hard. I’m not strong, not like her. I can’t. I can’t accept this.
“You’ll be fine...I promise.”
I couldn’t speak.
“You have to try...Rena...I know you can do it.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
“I love you, Rena.” She said it. My eyes widened in shock as she smiled at me one last time, a tiny bit of spirit returning to her eyes. “I love you...more than anything...I’m so sorry for the way I treated you.”
Holding back my sobs and taking a shaky breath, I tried again. I tried to smile back, eyes brimming with tears. “You beat me to it.”
Jurina giggled quietly, eyes already half closed. “Sorry~ I know you’re trying your best.”
I tighted my arms, hugging her hard and pressing our bodies close, trying to get even closer. Maybe if I did that, it wouldn’t be so painful.
“Rena, you’ll be okay. Trust me, you are strong, a lot stronger than me... So just...please. When I’m gone, I want you to keep going.” Jurina sighed and laid her head down on my shoulder permanently, her hand falling to her side and that steady heartbeat gradually faded away, just like her constant presence in my life.
This is breaking my heart.
But I know I can’t be so negative all the time. I know at least that much. And now I know what I
can do.
I have to move on.
It’s my turn to be strong for her.
Maybe it’s too late to get what I want, but I can at least give her what she wants.
I cup her cheek – it’s ice cold – and her eyelids flutter as I lean in, sealing our lips in a sweet kiss. It isn’t long, but it’s lasting, and I’m not saying goodbye. I will see her again someday, maybe not soon, but someday.
“...I love you, Jurina. I always have.” I smile, having always been taught to smile when people leave, because that’s the last thing they’ll remember you by. And I want Jurina to know that I’ll be okay without her.
I will keep on living even if it hurts, so she doesn’t have to worry.
So I say it again with more confidence. I want her to know how much I really mean it, because I really do. “I love you.”
Her eyes close then, but her smile grows ever so slightly and she looks so peaceful, so tranquil, like she has no regrets now. “I know...and hearing you say it...makes me...so happy.”
And with that...she left.
---
Jurina always had the ability to change my life drastically. The day she told me that she hated me and to leave her alone – it was the absolute worst day of my life. Everything took a 360 degree turn and I thought I’d never be the same again, and I wasn’t.
It was my lowest point, or so I thought.
I always thought that it couldn’t get any worse when your childhood/best friend that you loved said she hated you and then got out of your life. Ultimately though, she was still there, just out of my reach. But boy did I have that wrong.
Now she really is out of reach.
I always had the chance before, the opportunity to stretch my arm out just a little farther, and I would’ve been able to catch her...but I didn’t. And now I can’t. She’s gone. Forever.
So now I know - the real meaning of having everything turned
upside down.