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Author Topic: Keichan Ichi BANG! Random Update: How to be a Tsundere 101 (Kojiyuu 27/4/2015)  (Read 51006 times)

Offline Megumi

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! Uncertainty (Riku X Yuko)
« Reply #80 on: December 23, 2011, 10:31:54 PM »
Thank you Keichan!

That was a great Christmas gift to us when you update a romantic fic about Yuko&Riku.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you!

Arígatou!  :kneelbow:
Have tumblr have twitter. Just ask ^^

Offline immortal_K

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! Uncertainty (Riku X Yuko)
« Reply #81 on: December 23, 2011, 11:25:15 PM »
Merry Christmas to you too  :P

I read all sorts of pairings =D, and yes I do read yuko/riku. Thanks for the nice read, but next time
you need to make it longer keke.

Anyways sure, I'll wait for you to move into my basement "soon" ROFL

Offline Keichan ^_^

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #82 on: February 16, 2012, 04:45:30 AM »
 :mon cweepy: Hello my dear Pervs,

I would like to announce that this will be my final update on JPHIP. I have a few reasons for this.

1. I don't have time anymore.
2. I got things going on in my personal life.
3. There are enough authors to satisfy your cravings.
4. I am unmotivated and over the AKBness.
5. I'm sick of plagiarism of fanfics, I found my on-going fics and one-shots on other sites under other peoples names and all they did was change the names of the characters or the title of the fanfic. So in order to prevent this I have decided to terminate the two on-going fics on JPHIP. I know I have left most of my readers annoyed or pissed off but please understand where I am coming from. If I do decide to update I shall do it privately and PM individuals who notify me that they want to be PMed. However, that is no guarantee I will update due to reasons stated above.

A quick reply,
@Sydney W: Thank you for reading my fics. It's been awesome getting your responses for my fanfics.
@khryz0421: Yes it is real I did update but I'm sorry I won't update after this one.
@Flean: Haha christmas miracle it was! I hope you get well soon as you are sick! Keep writing!
@CrimsonGrxy: Thank you I try hard to make my fanfics flow smoothly. I hope you enjoy this fic as well!
@haruhi16: Hahaha I'm glad you like it enough to consider it a xmas present! um... let's pretend this is a new year's present?
@Haruko: Hahaha I hope you guys appreciate this fanfic as well!
@luckymmsg: hehehe glad that people love it when there OTP are xmas presents in the form of fanfics!
@kahem: LOL!!! do you prefer action scenes filled with blood and gore?
@Megumi: No prob! Christmas is always a time to celebrate!
@Kirachan: I am still moving into your basement!!!!! and I think this is a bit longer than the last fic I wrote!
@Bouchan: Thank you for posting in my other threads as I hate thread bumping!
@FoFchan, Immochan, BFF, Yadong, Candle and Sorachan: Thank you for being my motivation to start writing fanfics!
@moderators:  Thank you for not deleting any of my fics xD
@ThankYou Givers: Thank you for everything!!!
@My dearests readers: I am again sorry for this. I hope you enjoy this fic though. I have put in a lot of thought into it.

Anyway, all I can say is that this fic is different to other fics you may have read. I put a bit of thought into the layout, structure and plot and I hope that I don't find it plagiarized some where on here or another site cos most likely I'll crack a shit...

Anywho, I present to you a intelligent comedy,

How to be a hentai 101.

Some people are scared of being called a hentai. But the truth is hentai actually stands for Having Emotional Needs Towards Attractive Individuals (H.E.N.T.A.I). So no one should be scared to show how much they are emotionally deprived and in need of acceptance from beautiful individuals who neglect their love. Hence, I wrote a bible called How to be a Hentai 101 to help deprived individuals, like myself the infamous Oshima Yuko, gain love from such unique godly individuals who seem to possess such beautiful globes of glory. It’s split into 5 chapters.

1.   Deprivation
2.   Finding the Globes of Glory
3.   Skinship (Some kind innocent necessary sexualised hugging I present)
4.   A.B.U.S.E (A Badly Understood Sexual Enigma)
5.   Acceptance

Chapter One: Deprivation

Deprivation is basically the first step that all individuals tend to feel when they develop into a HENTAI. Basically it is an unknown urge to have something that you are deprived of. In this case it is being deprived of having emotional contact with attractive individuals. When did I realise this? Basically back when I was a young troubled childhood actress.

Although I had a loving family, a great career, talents beyond my years, and too much money for a typical child to spend I still felt emptiness. I felt alone more than I felt satisfied with my life. Now it isn’t the stereotypical life of a depressed egotistical bitch of an actress. As you can tell even now I possess some child like characteristics that make me easily approachable and happy-go-lucky. I was loved by many and hated by hardly any. My dimples attracted multiple eras of men and women who loved to pinch my chubby baby fat cheeks. That was when I noticed that although they loved me, it was not the type of love I was after.

One day I finally found what I had been missing. It was around the time I hit puberty. I was in class learning about how the body physically develops during puberty and although I was learning about naked people growing hair in places we shouldn’t have and the mystical powers females like myself possess. Yes, it is an amazing ability to bleed for 5 days straight every month and still survive. I also learnt something else. Boys can be read easily, when they are horny they basically salute their third arm. Whereas girls just seem to high beam individuals with their nipples and wet themselves. Of course at an early age I considered this absolutely disgusting. 

However, I finally found out that boys are useful in some way. They are willing to sacrifice their all to steal pornography. And in the same sense they are stupid enough to hide it in the same place, under their bed or in the bottom draw. The first time I came in contact with the holy sperm bible was when I was 14 years old. I was at the snow with my family and we were staying in a rented out house and I ended up getting the room which was owned by the son. The room was cleaned out and basically empty. However as I was changing the bed sheets the winter edition of Playboy dropped out from under the mattress. I was amazed and unconsciously I was drooling. It was the first time I had seen something so…. Glorious. Now the faces weren’t that attractive but anyone would have wanted to own such well developed globes. It was then that I finally understood what I was missing in life. I was deprived, deprived of such wonderful sets of globes. It was a monstrosity that I found out so late into my life. 

Chapter Two: Finding the Globes of Glory

After such a life changing experience I finally began my quest in life to find the globes of glory. And a long and hard journey it was. I did multiple things and experienced many disappointments to reach where I am. In a place filled with all types of globes. AKB48… it was amazing to be surrounded by over 200 pairs of globes. Not all globes are that magnificent though… some don’t even have globes but their personality makes up for what they lack. Anyway back to my story...
Life is not easy mainly as a young lady hitting puberty and finding out about such special things. My quest began when I joined a girl group that didn’t last as long as I had expected. Doll’s Vox was the name of the short lived idol group. It wasn’t a bad group… I guess it was just that the talent there wasn’t as good as it was expected to be and also during the time we were competing with idol groups such as Morning Musume. AKB48 started auditions around the same time but I was too busy chilling out with the globes I had surrounding me to even know about AKB48. The only reason I found out about AKB48 was purely because during my time in recording studios I bumped into someone in the toilet’s from AKB48. And this is one of the real reason’s I auditioned for Team K.

That day I bumped into my twin. Takahashi Minami was her name. I had finally found someone around the same height as me and I was overly excited. Why I remember her so well is because she gave me a gift that I will remember for life. She gave me the chance to meet the most perfect globes of glory in the world. Her name was Kojima Haruna. She had barged into the toilet to find Takamina and in the process had fallen on top of me. It was the first time that I had felt my face being consumed by such softness, such round pureness, such perfection. I was to say the least, in heaven.

From that awkward meeting onwards I pursued the path of Idols You Can Meet. And boy was I happy that paying a fee could get me into a show to see my dearest Nyan Nyan. I however felt that paying not only did damage to my wallet but also made me feel like I was paying my Nyan Nyan’s services like a prostitute. Therefore I made a decision and left Doll’s Vox and auditioned to be in Team K. I trained extremely hard. I knew that I couldn’t let this chance go by, and in the process I will try harder and get my Nyan Nyan’s attention and consume her heart with my love.

Once I made it into Team K I discovered that although I definitely got a lot of attention it was hardly what I wanted. That’s because I was further away from my Nyan Nyan. We had different training times and performance times. My heart was aching despite the smile on my face when I performed. That is because I knew someone else was watching her globes without my permission. Someone was trying to take them from me. Is that what happens every time some discovers a priceless treasure? Someone will always be there to take it…

Chapter Three: Skinship (Some kind innocent necessary sexualised hugging I present)

Everyone always wants to know “What is Skinship?” Well basically it is some kind, innocent, necessary sexualised hugging I present to my loved ones. But of course there is different types of skinship. I can hug someone for a casual grope, but for Nyan Nyan its all out of pure love. She was never accepting of such love though. The first time I had a chance to give her a good amount of skinship she seemed traumatised. It was during the shooting for “Aitakatta” and let’s say she never wanted to say “Aitakatta” to me again for awhile. I was in my zone and she was there and it all made sense. See the target, hit the target. Who knew the target knew how to hit you back.

Every time I had a chance I provided her with my utmost amount of affectionate skinship. My favourite time was in the bath house. I saw EVERYTHING! I was basically drooling enough to fill up the hot spring with my saliva. I didn’t care that Mariko and Acchan were trying hard to drag Takamina into the hot spring at all. They are more of the small boob group and it seems that they enjoy looking at each other’s boobs to compare size and feel better about themselves. Takamina is smart enough to hide hers as she doesn’t have much. I prefer to stay with Miichan and Nyan Nyan. They are just bigger and better. I have to say I got pretty good boobs for my miniature size. Back then I wish Nyan Nyan would just grope mine like everyone else. Then maybe it would be easier for her to accept me into her life. She would say “OMG they are like perfectly paired with mine” but no, that never happened. Instead I spent my time being depressed and sitting down feeling as though my boobs were unwanted by the goddess of all boobs.

I was not worthy… But I knew I had to change this. And I knew I could with some help. I therefore pledged my allegiance to the master of appreciative Skinship. Her name was Meetan, but to me she was my sensei. We became close during the filming of Baby, Baby, Baby. And baby did we get to see everyone’s assets that recording. Dry bikini, wet bikini, small bikini, big bikini, the world of bikinis! That day I learnt different techniques of groping and the best style seemed to be photo taking groping. Not only do you make it seem playful and kiss them, BUT the bonus part is that usually the other girl smiles for the picture and you quickly grope them and have photographic evidence of your success to show the world. Meetan was truly the best sensei ever. We ended up going to a café afterwards to share photos to each other. However, that day when I attempted to grab Nyan Nyan she somehow had a sixth sense and ran off to be with Mariko and Oshima Mai… How can she be close to Oshima Mai and not THE OSHIMA YUKO?!?!?!

Well, of course that never stopped me. It made me try harder. The thing was despite my increasing popularity Nyan Nyan hardly ever paid attention to me. We starred in AKBingo together and every time we were at other music events I tried to be close to her but it never happened. She never gave me the opportunity to be that close to her. However, I tried multiple ways to seduce her, party invitations, shopping dates, dinner and lunch dates, I played my bass guitar and acoustic guitar to seduce her, I even dressed in cute outfits to try and gain her attention. In the end I finally became closer to her. How this happened? I used my resources appropriately. My fellow developing perv Miichan and my first acquaintance Takamina was closely tied to Nyan Nyan. I always spoke about food and invited them and they always brought Acchan, Tomochin, Mariko most importantly Nyan Nyan. Each time they did… I brought my groping hands. However… There is always a consequence to skinship when it comes to Nyan Nyan.

Chapter Four: A.B.U.S.E (A Badly Understood Sexual Enigma)

As I said before my skinship towards her continued but like Newton’s Law III says “For every action there is an equal and opposite action”. This equal and opposite action I learnt was being clawed, slapped, hit, pinched, and knocked over in full force. Most people would call it Abuse if they didn’t know what I did to deserve it… Nyan Nyan would call it Self Defence. But why call it that if in reality she really wanted me to do that to her! I think A.B.U.S.E is that best name for it. It stands for A Badly Understood Sexual Enigma. And I can easily say that it is the truth in it all. Number One, she wanted it, how I know this? She always stands close enough to me to tempt me to touch them. Number Two, God made them for a reason, it’s not every day an Asian girl gets something that lovely and perfect. Number Three, I’m the perfect height for her, I move forward to hug her and basically my head fits perfectly in between the globes of glory.

Anyway as I continued to give her skinship she continued to give me abuse. It was like we were meant to be. Isn’t it said that opposites attract? And in addition the fans seemed to enjoy it more than we did. Even the fans made a note that Nyan Nyan was just playing hard to get and damn right she was.

I always tried to snuggle into her. I even remember once I had to pretend to cry… however once she felt my drool running down her cleavage she instantly pushed me away and slaughtered me with her handbag. Another time she was playing her Nintendo DS. Actually it worked out quite well. I slid in between her back and the chair and could lean against her. I bet she felt good with my boobs pressed against her back. She was trying to ignore the awesome feeling though. Pretending to concentrate on her game, all I had to do was touch her arm and she was swooning for my love! Basically all I can say is that her hitting me was definitely a badly understood sexual enigma. Most think that she is defending herself but if you interpret it properly it was her way of showing affection towards me. All I had to do was continue doing what I was doing until she confesses her love to me.

Chapter Five: Acceptance

Acceptance is a hard thing for everyone. It was a hard thing for Nyan Nyan to accept me. But it was also hard for me to accept the fact that I had been accepted. I am quite sure that I almost had a heart attack! How it all happened?

Well as I said before it required a lot of groping and sexualised behaviour which would easily be censored by the individuals who are classifying and rating this book. Hence, to keep my idol image I was asked to not speak too much about details of our current relationship. All I can really say is that it happened around the time I won the senbatsu election against Acchan.

Nowadays I look back and see that our love took a lot of time to blossom. It took a lot of time for us to realise how we felt for each other. Media attention nearly ruined my love life as it seemed as though being an actress always seemed to make the media want to create gossip about my love life. Being of accused of dating my co-star was horrible. This is because during this time Nyan Nyan hardly spoke to me until it was cleared up that I was not interested in Eiji Wentz. It was good because that was when I realised that she was indeed in love with me and denying it. She basically told the media that I would not like anyone but her and it was true, she is and always will be my one and only true love.

 This is not to say that Nyan Nyan was only after me due to my popularity at the time. Not at all. She actually began showing me some forms of affection even at the previous election when I came second. She kept telling me to try harder and I did. She was never worried about her own ranking that much despite the media trying to portray that all AKB members though about was the ranking they got. Yes, it meant a lot in the sense that it told us who we were to be working with in the future but overall all we cared about was that we were close to the ones we loved. I was happy every time Nyan Nyan was elected into the senbatsu. But who wouldn’t elect her! I remember I voted for her various times as well. I needed to keep her close to me.

I remember that I was disappointed when Aki-P made up the Jankenpon election. I felt as though Nyan Nyan was getting further away from me at the time. The reason why I was disappointed was because this was right after I won the Senbatsu and Heavy Rotation was made. Basically heavy rotation was a MV made that depicted my dream come true. The only thing that wasn’t realistic was that I kissed Acchan and not my Nyan Nyan. But that kiss created something special. It created jealousy in my Nyan Nyan. She was quite jealous and seemed to want to stay close to me at the same time she wanted to stay away from me. She started to get close to Mariko and this made me jealous. But it’s okay because it made as have an emotional argument.

It began when Nyan Nyan invited me over for dinner and half way through dinner Acchan messaged me. Nyan Nyan asked me who messaged and when I said it was Acchan she went ape shit and threw a plate at me demanding to know if we were dating. When I told her we weren’t she continued to scream like a crazy cat saying I was lying to her and playing with her feelings. Then she asked me what I wanted and grabbed my hands and placed them on her globes of glory. Like a hammer hits a nail, a bullet pierces its target, an arrow cuts through the apple, electricity sparks up the engine. I was alive and well. I remember it was the most unforgettable memory. I can say if I ever get Alzheimer’s in the future I hope that my memories of that moment and my memories of Nyan Nyan are never forgotten. Right at that moment my natural instinct took hold of me and I skinshipped like I never skinshipped before. One could say I hail-damaged Nyan Nyan’s face with kisses and tornadoed off her clothes before making her body rain nonstop, her BLEEP gush like a waterfall and made her breath heavily like the cool breeze of the ocean. That night was a night that we never forgot. The funny thing was when I woke up the next morning with my head in between the globes of glory I actually read Acchan’s message properly.

It seems as though Takamina was as jealous as Nyan Nyan. However to our disappointment the little captain didn’t blow up like Nyan Nyan and Acchan didn’t get as much physical affection as I did. Instead the captain shyly confessed and they shared no more than an intimate kiss. However, that was considered normal I guess, the girl can’t even show her flat chest let alone skinship the crap out of a much perverted Acchan. Once Nyan Nyan woke up we just lay there and spoke sweet words into each other’s ears before we continued our work schedule.

When Jankenpon election came up we realised that the possibility of being together was minimal. Mainly when I was knocked out in the first round. Our schedules clashed and I was scared of losing her to the desperate young girls who seemed to fancy her globes as much as I did. However, she would message me and constantly reassure me that it was going to be okay. I was okay with that because we secretly stayed at each other’s house. Her dog was in love with me and I use to take it for walks when Nyan Nyan was busy with her schedule.

Nowadays we just live life the way we want. We are both busy but we found a way to balance our busy schedules. As for my hentainess? Well let’s just saying I am no longer a Hentai. I am no longer Having Emotional Needs Towards Attractive Individuals. You might call me a liar when you see me on television being the typical pervert but if you haven’t noticed I no longer need to fill the void in my life anymore. I have found the love of my life and we are happily together. Of course I still have fun kissing and hugging other girls but Nyan Nyan and I share a more fierce and loving physical relationship that neither of us would give anyone else but each other. All I do know is that Nyan Nyan is releasing her novel How to be a Tsundere 101. It wasn’t until I read her draft introduction that I found out that there is a deeper meaning to Tsundere. It actually stands for Teaching Sexually Unsuitable Needy Drooling Eccentric Rapists Etiquette. It made me angry to know that some pervert has been pestering my Nyan Nyan. My Nyan Nyan didn’t let me read the rest of the book because she said she did not want me to get hurt and told me that the individual in her book is now no longer existent in her life. I’m happy that the perverted bastard has left my Nyan Nyan alone.

Anyway, my overall conclusion is that love is real and that it’s not a bad thing to be a Hentai or be called a hentai. This is because once you find what you are looking for and you are accepted for who you are you will realise that it was all worth it in the end. Therefore, just be a hentai! You’ve been deprived for too long, so find that pair of globes and skinship them even though you may cop some abuse and wait to be accepted. Please note that it doesn’t work for everyone! Basically you have to learn to hand groping technique from Meetan Sensei and it seems as though she only accepts chicks with good sized boobs who are as sexually perverted as she is! Anyway hope that helps you all with your love lives! As for now I must continue to spend the rest of my life enjoying the satisfaction that my Hentainess has brought me. I wish you all the best and hope that your love life blossoms like my own.

Your Dearest and Most Perverted One and Only Great Squirrel,

Oshima Yuko


Therefore, I am sincerely sorry to my readers but this is what I think it comes down too. I am sure you all follow other authors who will continue to satisfy your needs. I now pronounce the Pervja Ninja Keichan ^_^ officially stripped of her fanfic ninjitsu! This doesn't mean I'm never posting or replying to anyone so feel free to pester me on here or our author hangout JPERVS ^_^ on facebook.

Love you all dearly!

Keichan ^_^

Offline Haruko

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #83 on: February 16, 2012, 08:27:05 AM »

It was a wonderful fanfic thanx a lot.. you have a exactly idea like me about how their relationship is...

I respectful a lot you idea for leave of writing fics.. i only hope see you in this forum often that you can.. not posting but maybe just support akb`s fanfic.

if you write another you can send me please!!

I wish the best for you..

Thanx for all the wonderful moments that you gave us with your fics

Offline kahem

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #84 on: February 16, 2012, 05:23:55 PM »
Yeah action scene is great but not gore lol
I think after this fic I could become a hentai xD
Too bad that is your last fic but if you continue, could you pm me?

Offline hara

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #85 on: February 16, 2012, 07:06:55 PM »
nice storyyyyy ~    :twothumbs

waiting for another update story~    :cow:

Offline sakura_drop_

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #86 on: February 16, 2012, 07:44:44 PM »
Loved it.  :wub: :wub:

We will miss your fics.  :cry: :cry:

Update some time again, if you feel like, okay?  :rock:
"人間みんな変態だから" - 古川愛李, SKE48 新高柳チームKII 「シアターの女神」千秋楽公演, 2014.04.18 <"Because all people are perverts." - Furukawa Airi, SKE48 New Takayanagi Team KII [Theater no Megami] Last Stage, 2014.04.18>

My Blog: J-Pop and K-Pop Abode   The list of my fics in JPH!P: My fics   Let's have fun here: Acchan48   My home and family: United Nations Society of Adorkable Writers

My KamiOshis: Yuuko-sama, Rena-sama  Oshimen: Yuihime Other favorites: Mirukii, Juri-tan, Ripopo

Offline haruhi16

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #87 on: February 17, 2012, 02:59:05 AM »
I really had fun reading this, it's like i'm reading Yuko's diary in real life! Hahahaha! My oshi is so cool! <3333 Thanks for the update Keichan! <33

Offline Popsicle

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #88 on: February 17, 2012, 03:57:34 AM »
Dang ! Shame your not writing anymore, your fanfics are really good ! :cry:
Please hang in there, and if you do ever write fics again please pm i will be delighted to read them ~  :thumbup
Which is probably never but still. XD

How to be a hentai 101 was hilarious !
It was written so well that ..
It made me think. Maybe yuko did join AKB48 to get Haruna ~ :lol:

What a great last fic you present us before you stop writing. :twothumbs
And lastly.. Good luck for the future ! And if you do feel like writing please do! XD

Offline FoF

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Re: Keichan Ichi BANG! My Final Fiction: How to be a Hentai 101 (Oshima Yuko)
« Reply #89 on: February 27, 2012, 03:19:28 PM »
This is such a wonderful read. Seriously. It was hilarious. Your acronyms are just  :lol:
It really felt like Yuko was writing her diary or something. Glad that she found her Globes of Glory.  :lol:
Shame you're not writing anymore.  :(
Though, honestly I do understand where you're coming from. I'm nearing it as well.  :nervous
I'm pretty sure I've experienced all 4 reasons you pointed out. I haven't checked for the 5th reason really. Maybe I should. :nervous
Anyway, if ever you write something, even if it's not akb...let me know okay?  ;)
Again, thank you for the awesome read.  :bow: :bow: :bow:

Offline Keichan ^_^

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Hey Jpervs,

I've been out of action for a few years.... 3years haha. However, I'm currently in Japan and I guess I have a lot of time on my hands as I'm backpacking around. Anyway, I had a friend who asked my to update a follow-up story to my previous one-shot. Hope you enjoy this.

How to be a Tsundere 101.

Recently a lot of people have been calling me a Tsundere. Tsundere is basically a term for some who is initially cold or hostile towards someone else but eventually becomes warm and affectionate to them. I guess you could say that people interpret words to mean different things. To me, Tsundere actually stands for Teaching Sexually Unsuitable Needy Drooling Eccentric Rapists Etiquette. There are perverts, and then there are rapists. However, there’s another category that is in between that not many people know of. This category is called “Squirrel”.

The reason I wrote this book is to help other people deal with people in the Squirrel category. As someone who has the utmost experience dealing with Squirrel’s I thought it would helpful if I wrote a short book about it. I need people to understand that the important thing about people in the Squirrel category is that they can change. Sometimes you actually feel drawn to people in this particular category. Why? Well first off they are quite attractive and cute. Secondly, they will go at all lengths to seduce you. Thirdly, they never give up. Fourthly, they are actually extremely kind hearted and do sweet things for you. And lastly, the only problem with them is that they are absolute hentai’s. What people don’t know is that the only people who have the power to change them if Tsundere’s. I would easily admit that I, Haruna Kojima, is a Tsundere to the one and only Oshima “Squirrel” Yuko. I am sure that most of you have seen how perverted she can be. The way she tries to touch my boobs, tries to get close and intimate with me, the way she sings to me and chases me around whilst drooling all over the ground. Well yes, that was her for ages and then I put my foot down and she slowly changed.

How did she change? What triggered the change? I’ll let you know in the following five chapters.

1.   Under Attack
2.   M.U.R.D.E.R (Making Unsuitable Rapists Disabled Each Rub-down)
3.   D.A.N.S.O (Discontinue Any Nosebleed Scenario Opportunities)
4.   I.G.N.O.R.E (Ignore Groping, Never Overreact, Reaching Etiquette)
5.   Acceptance

Chapter One: Under Attack

The first chapter covers the initial attack. I would like to say that it is equivalent of a bird shitting on you when you’re graciously strolling under the tree. It is basically the same. Even the “SPLAT” noise. However instead of bird poop it’s a sticky little hand that slaps into your boob. There is a belief that once a squirrel sees an acorn they spring into action. The reality is the when the acorn is my breasts and the squirrel is Oshima Yuko you have to be prepared to fight endlessly against the little scratching paws of this animal.

The first attack came from nowhere. We had been told that the new members of Team K had been selected and we had to begin training with them for the upcoming MV. That day I was with Takamina and Miichan when suddenly this little hand came out of nowhere and grabbed onto my boob. My reaction… how would I describe this… I’m going to make an assumption that you all watch anime. If not then I would think of any scenes where a guy accidentally touches a girls breasts, or in this case deliberately grabs onto it like their life depended on it. My reaction was that twitching eye thing where I have a clenched fist and my mouth and eye are twitching so much that I thought I was having an epileptic fit. I think Miichan laughed and Takamina said something along the lines of “is that my long lost perverted twin Yuko?”. To cut the story short I ended screaming and slapping the monsters face until she was left passed out on the ground. I casually walked away as Takamina and Miichan kept poking the corpse. For some reason I felt as though I had seen the girl before. Maybe the girl did know Takamina.

Chapter Two: M.U.R.D.E.R (Making Unsuitable Rapists Disabled Each Rub-down)

M.U.R.D.E.R basically means to bash the crap out of the pervert each time they touch you. I had to do this once we started working together. Thought that she would have learnt her lesson, however I was strong. This was a skilled pervert. The attacks accord every time we worked together. It would happen everywhere. EVERYWHERE!!! Walking out of the toilet. Changing costumes. Eating lunch, filming an MV. Waiting for the bus. Walking to the konbini for onigiri. It was like a never ending nightmare.  I was well-prepared for whatever was to happen. There was once where I even used pepper spray on her. It was a tough life.

I knew the only way I could possibly survive would be if I took care of the situation myself. I had to make sure that each blow she took was enough to paralyse her temporarily. And that’s what I did. I knew a lot about how she would attack me. I even found ways to escape her. For example, one day I jumped into the dirty costume box and paid the dry cleaner to push me out to his van and drive me to the bus station. You might think that it is a bit extreme but trust me it was worth it. The hardest part was the filming of “Baby, Baby, Baby”. Imagine a perverted squirrel trying to smoother herself between your breasts… all day long. She even tried to get tips off Meetan. I could’ve killed that woman in a heart beat. Perverts working together she said. She even kept trying to take photos afterwards. Sigh… I knew that I needed a way out of there.

Suddenly I was offered the chance of a lifetime… 3 months of peacefulness…

Chapter Three: D.A.N.S.O (Discontinue Any Nosebleed Scenario Opportunities)

This was the best thing that happened to me. A chance to star in Mendol. After a few traumatic days of being near Yuko I was asked to go with Takamina and Michan to speak to the producers. We were told that we would be making a sub unit called No Sleeves and at the same time we were going to be acting in a J-Drama called Mendol. We were told that we would be dressing as men as well. I knew that this was my chance. Like Asahi in Mendol I took up the offer immediately. I was going to dress like a man for a few months and kill off all sexual attraction Yuko had for my boobs. I was to be Mr DANSO, Riku.

The filming was a great time to escape. Although rumour has it that Yuko was crying the entire time I was away and complaining to other people that my “globes of glory were going to be violated by an imposter”. Well then… I guess that as long as it wasn’t her it would be ok. However, after filming a few scenes of the show I realised that the guys were quite perverted as well. One day things will change… Actually I think the only thing that has changed is my feelings for Yuko.

How did things change? Well I guess it is simple. When someone annoys you everyday and suddenly disappears you begin to think about them. In addition to that Yuko had asked Acchan for my number and began messaging me everyday. This continued even though I never replied. Messages were simple yet sweet. Every morning I woke up to a message that read “Good morning goddess, today is going to be a warm day. Eat breakfast and work hard. I miss you xx”. At first I found it creepy but it began to seem cute. Sometimes she would send pictures of herself holding random toys and acting all cute. It was a different side of the pervert I don’t think I would ever see. Then I realised that maybe I could change her. Maybe I can make her into a sensible girlfriend instead of a massive pervert. So I formed a plan. I wasn’t going to react to her groping, I was going to ignore her until she knows that she has to act a different way towards me.

Chapter Four: I.G.N.O.R.E (Ignore Groping, Never Overreact, Reaching Etiquette)

Step Four: Ignore. That’s what I did when filming ended for Mendol. I went back to the theatre and I was extremely surprised when I arrived and Yuko ran up to me bearing flowers and a homemade bento box. She kept trying to set me down and feed me. However I continued my plan. I ignored her and went to talk to Acchan and Mariko instead. Afterwards I made sure I didn’t react to her skinship. There was a day that I was playing on my Nintendo DS and she sat behind me and constantly tried to get my attention. However, I ignored her advances the entire time.

Over the period of about two years I tried to stay strong. Although she had changed heaps I knew I had to make sure she worked as hard as she could to be with me. You may call me evil. However, she was persistent and over the course of the two years I did respond well to cute mannerisms. She had always felt the need to act like a girlfriend when we went out for lunch or dinner with the girls. She would want to sit next to me or help me wipe my hands clean. She was a proper gentle woman. There were times where I felt my heart beating for her. It was usually very simple things. Mainly when I used to pretend I was asleep and she would sneakily kiss my cheek thinking I was asleep. I knew that there would be a time that I would have to let her into my life properly. The thing was that I had to find the perfect timing for this. It meant that I couldn’t just be like “you’re cool, let’s date”. Luckily for me Yuko got the centre for the senbatsu election. This was a perfect opportunity for me. I knew that there would be a raunchy MV… Heavy Rotation.

Chapter Five: Acceptance

Acceptance is the key, usually it happens after a massive jealousy blow up when the pervert may be starting to divert their attention to other victims. However, in reality you know that they are not the slightest bit interested in the other victim. What does this mean? I’ll give you my personal experience as an example. During Heavy Rotation Yuko and Acchan shared a kiss. Do I care? Not really. Why? Because I knew Yuko only liked me. How did I react? Like a jealous bitch. Why? Because when Yuko thought I was jealous she would show her true feelings and admit that she would only get with me and no one else. Hence, she would know not to flirt with others and that she doesn’t need to rape and grope me indecently anymore. As the saying goes “It’s not rape if you like it”. However, the other part people forget to add is “but if you don’t like it, it’s rape, so just swing the baseball bat and make sure the baby maker is forever disabled”.

The bad thing was that the Jankenpon election happened soon after. However, I noticed that Yuko was working harder than ever before. I also noticed that she got angry when I hung out with Mariko heaps. Therefore I made sure that Mariko was in with the plan. You know what she was the best partner in crime. She would post so many pictures of us online. This made Yuko jealous. The end to the plan was close. All I need was her to give me a reason to go off at her. In addition, a way to test her feelings for me. The opportunity arose when Acchan spoke to me about making Takamina jealous. I had the perfect plan. I asked Acchan to try and get close to Yuko and make Takamina jealous. I then invited Yuko over for dinner. Then I asked Acchan to message Yuko that night. Luckily Acchan followed through with the plan after Takamina confessed her feelings to Acchan. I had a reason to accuse Yuko of being a player and next thing I know there’s a squirrel stuck on my face. The sexual tension finally blew up and we’ve been together since.

Anyway, that’s my story. There are ways to tame the squirrels in this world. Hopefully this guide can help you!

Your dearest Tsundere,

Haruna Kojima

Offline kuro_black29

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thanks for the update kei san~
Live in the land of mist..nahh just kidding..
Live in the land of Wmatsui and Mayuki...
World of fantasy..World of Lalaland~

            (っ´▽`)っWmatsui~Mayuki ♡ (。’∀’。)

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Offline JoeYee

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Aha.. Kojiyuu.. (´∀`)♡
Thank you for continuing this fic! *Bows 90 degreea
Mainly Kojiyuu shipper! But I also enjoy Atsumina, Wmatsui, Mayuki, Marimii, Tomotomo, Yuiparu, Sayamilky.
Well basically the mainstream pairings. :33

Humans and Robots (Kojiyuu + Others) [COMPLETED]

Love Within The Club (Kojiyuu)

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Offline Haruko

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